瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

What kind of parents drag their kids away
什么样的父母才会把孩子拽出家门
for the entire week of spring break?
浪费春假里一整周的大好时光
I'm missing Mike Triscuit's drug party.
我要错过Mike Triscuit的嗑药派对了
Look at this. He's already watching "Euphoria" to pregame.
你看看 他们放《亢奋》已经放到前戏了
Pregame. Game. Video game.
前戏 游戏 电子游戏
Yes, yes, drugs and video games. Poor babies.
是 是 毒品和电子游戏 可怜的小屁孩们
What you need is to level up with a bong rip of nature.
你们需要的 是猛抽一口大自然来提升品味
Trust me, this is good for you.
相信我 这对你们有好处
Can someone just kill me?
干脆来个人杀了我吧
Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything.
好姥爷Rick 你啥都能杀死
No, he can't, Summer. We're roughing it.
不 他不能 Summer 我们正体验艰苦生活呢
And that means no sci-fi bullshit.
意味着禁止使用那些科幻破烂玩意
Isn't that right, Rick? Uhhuh.
是不是这样啊 Rick 嗯哼
Rick, was that a scifi phone call? Shut up, Jerry.
Rick 那是个科幻来电吗 闭嘴吧 Jerry
Damn it, I didn't think she had this number.
该死 我以为她没这个号♥码
Why are you building a Faraday box to block out the signal?
你为什么要造个法拉第笼来屏蔽信♥号♥♥
Oh, my God, Grandpa's ghosting someone.
喔天哪 姥爷在跟某人玩失踪
I'm not ghosting. Hey! Give it back, Summer!
我没有在玩失踪 嘿 还给我 Summer
"Rick. Please answer me.
“Rick 请回复我
I'm pregnant"?!
我怀孕了”
Oh, my God, Grandpa, you fuck boi.
我的天 姥爷 你这个渣男
I'm not a fuck boi Summer!
我不是渣男 Summer
There's no way those kids are mine.
那些小孩绝不可能是我的
Wow. At least we know why Rick actually came on the trip --
哇哦 起码我们知道了为什么Rick要来这次旅行
to avoid his fuck-guy problems.
因为他要逃避约炮约出的问题
Why would this person lie? I don't know, honey.
这个人为什么要说谎 我不知道 宝贝
She's addicted to what the Rick did.
她对我的辉煌事迹很着迷
You know, it's -- it's -- it's a tale as old as my huge dynamite penis.
你知道 这 这故事已经和我那根非同凡响的巨棒一样老了
Can we turn the radio on?
可以打开收音机了吗
I am not letting you abandon those kids like you abandoned me. Oh, my God!
我不会放任你抛弃那些孩子的 就像你当年抛弃我那样 哦 我的天
We're going to see this baby mama right now!
我们现在就去见孩子他妈
What, like, literally now?
什么 你是说字面意义上的现在吗
Yes, now! That's an order.
对 就现在 这是命令
No!
不要
This is exactly what I was talking about!
我刚就说别整科幻那一套
Rick, I hope you realize the tubing permit
Rick 希望你知道 我们订的滑水项目
was nonrefundable! Relax, Jerry, we'll be in and out in a minute,
是不能退票的 放心 Jerry 我们去去就回
and then you can get right back to your dumb vacation
然后你立刻就可以继续你的傻♥逼♥之旅
with a family that doesn't need you.
和根本不需要你的家人们一起去
Kind of expected someone to defend me,
还指望有谁能给我帮个腔呢
but, sure, okay.
不过 好吧 没事
Hello, Gaia. Hold on.
喂 盖亚 等下
Let me just adjust my Seismic-to-English translator.
让我先调整下地震语到英语的翻译器
Rick. You came.
Rick 你来了
WWhere is she? You're looking at her.
她 她在哪 你正看着她呢啊
I-I-I-I don't understand.
我 我不明白
Isn't it obvious, Morty?
还不够明显吗 Morty
I fucked a planet.
我♥操♥了个行星
So, what, you just go around knocking up planets now?
所以 你现在已经开始四处乱搞行星了吗
I-I-Is that what you do when I'm at school?
这 这就是我上学的时候你去干的事吗
I'm a scientist, Morty. I try things.
我是个科学家 Morty 什么都要尝试
Sex with a living planet? Big step for mankind.
和有生命的行星做♥爱♥ 这可是人类的一大步
Yeah, we finally broke the deadbeat dad barrier.
好的 我们终于冲破了混账家长的下限
Ah, where the magic happened. Gross.
奇迹发生之处 恶心
Hey, uh, Gaia, baby, Big Daddy Rick is here.
嘿 盖亚 宝贝 你Rick老爹来啦
What's the problem? Children.
找我什么事呀 孩子
Birth cycle. Now.
分娩流程 现在
Okay, gettin' right into it.
好吧 直奔主题啊
I am! I am! Jesus Christ!
是我 是我 我的天哪
I am! I am! I am!
是我 是我 是我
Dad, do something! Make it stop! You think I know how to stop this?
爸 做点什么啊 快让它停下来 你以为我会懂怎么停下这个吗
I thought she was gonna shit an egg.
我还以为她会拉个蛋什么的
Cool vacation, guys.
假期可真酷啊 伙计们
So happy I got to see the human geyser instead of micro-dosing with my friends.
真开心我能欣赏到人体喷泉 而不是和朋友们一起微微嗑药
More coming. Kids. Need father.
要来更多了 孩子 需要父亲
Yeah, um, Baby Quakes, how big is your orbit again?
好哦 小震震 话说你的轨道有多大来着
I mean, not to say you get around, but, um...
我的意思不是说你会沿着轨道乱搞 只是
Are you kidding me? Look at them!
你在逗我吗 看看他们啊
They look just like you.
和你长得也太像了
Yeah, and snakes look like dildos, Beth.
是吗 蛇还长得像假阳♥具♥呢 Beth
What's your point? They do?
你想表达什么 像吗
The fact is even if they were mine,
事实是 就算他们是我的孩子
which they're not, the best parent is evolution.
当然他们并不是 进化仍然是最好的父母
They'll probably develop harder skin or maybe even webbed arms.
他们很可能会皮肤变硬 甚至长出蹼臂
Man, that'd be cool, huh? Flying squirrel people?
天呐 那多酷啊 飞翔的松鼠人
Yeah, Dad, that approach worked out great for me.
是啊 爸爸 你这套自然养育法对我出了奇效呢
Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me.
Beth 我知道这看上去很糟 但相信我
This is life in the galaxy, okay?
这就是银河系里的生活 好吗
It's totally normal.
很正常的
Fine. You won't do something, I will.
好吧 你不做 那我来做
Welp, there goes the surprise!
啊 惊喜都没了
I was gonna have us jump on the trampoline
我本来想让我们钓到第一条鱼后
after we caught our first fish. I am!
再跳上蹦床的 是我
What? You're stupid. I am!
什么 你个蠢货 是我
I am! I am! Beth, that's not gonna help.
是我 是我 Beth 那没用的
Uh, I hate to agree with Rick,
呃 我讨厌赞同Rick
but shouldn't we just let this be?
但难道不是就该这样算了吗
We're supposed to be on vacation.
我们本应该正在度假
You're unemployed, Jerry!
你没工作 Jerry
Every day is a vacation for you.
每天都是放假
Okay, ouch. You guys do whatever you want.
好吧 好受伤 你们爱干啥干啥吧
I'm staying here and fixing this.
我要留下来处理这个
I am! I am!
是我 是我
Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it,
他妈的 Beth 你要是非想这么做
at least do it right.
至少也得做对吧
Gaia, baby, gonna need a little raw iron and steam.
盖亚 宝贝 来点儿生铁和蒸汽
Whatever you need, baby.
要什么都给你 宝贝
So much for camping. Nope.
野营到此为止 不
We are going camping.
我们要去野营
There's trees over there. We're on solid ground.
既有树林在那边 又有土地在脚下
Mom! Summer, Morty,
妈 Summer Morty
go camp with your father.
跟你们爸一块野营去
Ohh, son of a bitch. Son of a bitch.
噢 狗♥娘♥养♥的 狗♥娘♥养♥的
I am! I am! I am!
是我 是我 是我
Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment.
欢迎来到没有抛弃二字的世界
Dad, can we please go back
爸 我们能回去
and hang out with Grandpa's clay people?
和姥爷的粘土人一起玩吗
Why? Because they might have a Sega Dreamcast?
为什么 因为他们没准有个世嘉DC游戏机吗
Why is it so hard for you two to let nature in?
让你俩走进大自然咋就这么难
Because this sucks ass. Camping is just being homeless without the change.
因为这糟透了 野营跟无家可归没什么区别 除了没人给你丢零钱之外
Well, that attitude is exactly why we're out here.
看看 你这种态度正是我们来这儿的原因
You guys wouldn't last two seconds on your own.
你俩独♥立♥生活撑不过两秒
You're only happy when you're penned in
只有把你们灌点药关起来
and drugged up like some kind of chicken or lemur.
像对待鸡啊狐猴之类的对待你们 你们才开心
Hey! I told you kids no phones!
嘿 我说过不让用手♥机♥
There's not even any service.
这儿都无服务
Just -- Just let us be happy for a minute.
就 就让我们开心一会儿吧
You know, maybe if you two stopped whining
想想吧 没准你们停止抱怨
and let your old man take the reins,
让老爹我掌权
you might actually learn something.
还真能学到点什么呢
Here. Take a bite of this tasty treat.
给 尝一口这个美食
Oh, you think this s'more makes you special?
哦 你以为会做烤棉花糖夹心饼干就与众不同了吗
What? Because someone said, "good job,"
搞什么 因为有人在你十岁那年
to you once when you were 10?
对你说了那么一次“干得漂亮”吗
That's actually really sad, dad. Let's be real.
这真的很可悲 爸 面对现实吧
You've been high-roading us non-stop,
你之所以一刻不停地道德绑♥架♥我们
forcing us to do nothing in the middle of fucking
逼我们来鸟不拉屎的地方干这些屁事
nowhere because it's the only way
是因为这是唯一
you're gonna level the playing field, isn't it?
能对标你水平的玩法 不是吗
Because if you move the bar so low,
因为只有把门槛降低到那种程度