公园与游憩（2009）

Doing a little experiment tonight to see what will get me drunker--
喝酒还是
drinking wine--
Leslie 来看
Leslie, come here.
看看April在大坑网页上放了啥
See what April put on the pit's web page.
目前喝酒占了上风
Right now drinking wine is winning.
哦 天啊 我看的这是什么
Oh, my god, what am I looking at?
我喝你偷来的酒的视频
A video of me drinking some of that wine you stole.
什么
What?
你为什么这么做Why did you do this?
因为我在等我妹妹 我很无聊
Because I was waiting for my sister and I was bored,
我的头发很好看
and my hair looked really good.
然后你放上了大坑的主页
And you put it in the pit's web page?
是啊
Yeah.
好了 快撤下来
Okay, take this off.
我刚刚给全政♥府♥所有人发了封邮件
Okay, I just sent an email to everyone in the government
附上了这个链接
and I put a link to this page.
年轻的犯法者
A young lawbreaker.
未来的Leslie Knope
A future Leslie Knope.
再放一遍 Jerry
Play it again for us, Jerry.
好的
You got it.
Leslie
Leslie.
她只有19岁
She's 19 years old.
我记得我跟你说不要搞得更严重
I thought I told you not to make this worse.
我清清楚楚地听见了
And I heard you loud and clear.
但接着你就搞严重了
But then you made it worse.
纪律委员会明天有个听证会 你得作证了
The disciplinary committee's having a hearing tomorrow and you're gonna have to testify.
哦 不
Oh, no.
April可能会被开除 你会被解雇
April might get dismissed. You could get fired.
哦 天啊 哦 天啊
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
哦 不 哦天啊
Oh, no. Oh, god.
哦 这个椅子太不舒服了
Oh, this bench is so uncomfortable.
嗷 救命 求你了 Ron
Ow, help. Please, Ron.
Ron Ron 告诉我没事的
Ron, Ron, tell me it's gonna be okay.
告诉我没事的
Tell me it's gonna be okay.
没 - Ron 你在哪
It's gonna-- - Ron, where are you?
没 坚持住
It'll--hang in.
Ron - 没事了 你没事了
Ron. - Okay, you're okay.
晚上好
Good evening.
发生过的事我已经跟你们讲过几次了
I've spoken to you a couple times about something that happened,
但我不想
but I don't wanna--
我不想再说了
I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
所以要等着去见纪律委员会了
So the disciplinary committee awaits.
感觉还好 感觉坚强吗
Feeling good? Feeling strong?
并不 不好
Not really, no.
你要我帮你过一些测试问题吗
Do you want me to run some test questions with you,
或许能帮你了解一下纪律委员会的情况
maybe give you an idea of what the disciplinary committee will be like?
好 那太好了 嗯 谢谢你 Tom
Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, thanks, Tom.
行
Okay.
所以 Knope小姐 你被指控偷酒
So, Ms. Knope, you're accused of stealing wine.
你每周平均喝多少杯酒
How many drinks do you have per week on average?
0
Zero.
0到6
Zero to six.
我就写10吧
I'm gonna write down "ten".
好
Yeah.
你是否偷税漏税
Do you ever cheat on your taxes?
不 不 不 从没
No, no, no, never.
很好 表现不错
Good. You're doing great.
去年你一共有多少个性♥伴♥侣♥
How many sexual partners have you had in the last year?
他们会问这些吗
Are they gonna ask that?
这是罢免听证 Knope小姐
This is a deposition-style hearing, Ms. Knope.
没有什么限制 你必须回答
Nothing is off-limits. You have to answer.
你去年有多少个性♥伴♥侣♥
Now how many sexual partners have you had in the last year?
0到6
Zero to six.
0个
Zero.
你是否曾经对Ron有性幻想
Have you ever thought about Ron sexually?
什么 - 包括在梦里
What?! - Including dreams.
你是否做过关于我们老板 Ron Swanson的性梦
Have you ever had a sexual dream about our boss, Ron Swanson?
不 肯定没有 不
No, absolutely not, no.
有 - 没有
Yes. - No.
在这个你经常做的关于Ron的性梦里
Now in this recurring dream that you have about Ron,
他是 正常Ron的形象 还是半Ron半动物的形象 像半人马一样
is he, like, a regular Ron or is he half-Ron, half-animal, like a centaur?
什么
What?
他穿着橄榄球服装吗
Is he wearing a football uniform?
你会在像他胡子那样的沙发上和他做♥爱♥吗
Are you making love to him on a couch shaped like his moustache?
他是否全身裹着佳得乐
Is he covered in powerade?
不 好了 暂停 暂停
No, okay, time-out, time-out.
这个委员会不接受暂停 Knope小姐
This committee doesn't take time-outs, Ms. Knope.
回答这个问题
Now answer the question.
我需要喝点东西
I need something to drink.
喝点你偷的酒怎么样
How 'bout some stolen wine?
不 我是说水
No, I meant water.
感谢你的参与 Knope小姐
Thank you for your time, Ms. Knope.
你被解雇了
You're fired.
所以这就差不多是最坏情况了吧
So that's kinda your worst-case scenario, you know?
如果你这都能搞定 应该没问题了
If you can handle that, I think you'll be fine.
棒
Great.
Ron 感谢你今天的出席
Ron, thank you for being here with me today.
我是你的部门总管 我必须出席
I'm your department head. I have to be.
还是很感谢
Nonetheless.
Knope女士 - 在
Ms. Knope. - Yes.
你在这是因为据说你接受了一份超过25美元的礼物
You're here because you allegedly accepted a gift of over $25
并造成一位未成年人的失职
and contributed to the delinquency of a minor.
能告诉我们发生了什么吗
Can you tell us what happened?
如果允许我想先喝一杯水
I'm gonna take a glass of water first if I may.
当然
Certainly.
不好意思
Sorry.
两天前我第一次参加了一个非正式男孩俱乐部的聚会
"Two days ago I attended an informal boys' club meeting for the very first time.
在喝了一瓶半啤酒之后
"After one and a half beers,
出于被该排外的精英俱乐部接受的喜悦--
"awash in the glow of acceptance into this elite, exclusive club--"
等等 这是个什么俱乐部
sorry, what club is this?
几个城市规划师喜欢在周二晚上在院子里喝啤酒
A couple city planners like to drink beer in the courtyard on Tuesday nights.
政♥府♥建筑内是禁止喝含酒精饮料的
No one is supposed to drink alcohol on government property.
不是我的部门
It's not my department.
继续 Leslie
Go ahead, Leslie.
"我做了一个非常不明智的决定
"I made a very unwise decision,
"一个会令我声名狼藉的决定
"a decision that will live in infamy.
"我打开了一个装满酒和奶酪的礼物篮
"I opened a gift basket of wine and cheese.
"我们的实习生April Ludgate在我不知情的情况下喝了一些酒
"Our intern, April Ludgate, drank some of that wine without my knowledge.
"我从没想过会这样
"That was never part of the plan.
"她没有被邀请参加这个男孩俱乐部
"She had not been invited to the meeting of the boys' club.
"我重复 未被邀请
"I repeat, not been invited.
"虽然我衷心祝愿有一天她生活的世界里
"Though it is my hope that someday she lives in a world
"男孩俱乐部会成为历史"
"where the very idea of boys' clubs is ancient history."
但你还是打开了礼物篮
But you did open the gift basket.
实习生也喝了酒
And the intern did drink the wine.
请不要因为我的错误怪罪她
Please don't blame her for my mistake.
我们能犯下最严重的罪行
The biggest crime we could commit here
是毁灭了一个青年女性对本地政♥府♥的热情
would be to destroy a teenage girl's passion for local government.
还剩最后一样需要清洁的东西--
There's only one more thing I need to clean--
我自己
me.
我不能进淋浴
Um, I can't really get into a shower,
所以我从我爸妈那学到了这个
so I got this idea from my parents.
这是他们给狗洗澡的方式
This is how they clean their dog.
你喜欢吗
You like that?
我写给Ann的
I wrote that for Ann.
她今晚进门的时候我会放给她听
It's gonna be playing when she walks through the door today.
而且来看看
And check this out.
短裤洗完了
Washed my shorts.
你觉得怎么样
How do you like that?
嘿 把它关掉
Hey, turn that down.
不 歌♥是我写的
No. I wrote that song.