公园与游憩（2009）

I kinda feel like I'm already in the boys' club.
看看在我后面打扫的贱♥人♥们
I mean, look at those bitches clean up after me.
所以 这就是你周二晚上的常态吗
So is this, like, your regular Tuesday night scene?
就是放松的方式而已
Well, it's just a way to unwind, you know?
跟你周五晚上的那群人完全不一样啊
Really different from your Friday night crowd, right?
哪群人
What crowd?
你知道 那些背上有部落纹身 喝红牛为生的女孩子们
You know, the girls with the tribal back tattoos who drink red bull for a living.
哦 - 那群人
Oh. - That crowd.
哦 我喜欢这个 开玩笑
Oh, I like this. This is banter.
开玩笑很有意思 这是怎么开始的
Banter's fun. Where'd that come from?
我们就是在电脑上看了下你的主页
We were just on the computer looking at your profile.
你知道 你有个有纹身的朋友
You know, you have a friend who has a tattoo
纹身写着"爹滴的钕孩" 字全写错了
that says "daddy's girl" and both words are misspelled.
哦 和男孩们起争执了
Oh, mixing it up with the boys.
你要怎么说 你要怎么应对
What are you gonna say? What's your comeback?
她们已经不是我朋友了
Those aren't really my friends anymore.
我不和她们来往
I don't hang out with them.
哦 烂
Oh, boo.
Brendanawicz 这个解释也太烂了
Brendanawicz, that's some weak sauce.
你得编好一点啊
You need to hit harder.
Natalie 我是你姐姐
Natalie, it's your sister.
接电♥话♥不然我把你牛仔裤画花了
Pick me up or I'm gonna draw all over your jeans.
正式声明 朋友们
Well, it's official, people.
没酒了
We're outta beer.
啊 到此为止了
Ahh, that's the cue.
回见 Leslie
See you later, Leslie.
下班之后出来玩挺好的
It was nice hanging out, you know, after work hours.
等等
Wait.
我觉得我也该走了
I think I'm gonna take off too.
是的 我该走了 Leslie
Yeah, I should go, Leslie.
等等 朋友们 我们要把好感觉延续下去啊
Wait, you guys, let's keep this good feeling going.
才刚刚开始呢
It's just getting started.
是啊 聚会总是从酒喝完开始的
Yeah, 'cause parties usually get started when you run out of booze.
行 等等 稍等一会儿
Okay, wait. Just hold on a second.
我拿酒来了
I got wine.
嘿
Hey!
还有奶酪
And cheese.
嘿
Hey!
呜
Whoo.
早上好
Good morning.
昨晚 在一次愚蠢的男孩俱乐部渗透行动中
Last night in a foolish attempt to infiltrate a boys' club
我违反了印第安纳州公务员的道德准则
I violated the government employee ethics code of the state of Indiana.
我一直尝试按照道德的方式生活
I have always tried to live my life in an ethical way,
但昨晚我失败了
and last night I failed.
我意识到我让每个美国的女性官员失望了
I realize I have let down every female public official in america,
我现在就向她们道歉
and I would like to apologize to them right now,
对每一位 按字母顺序
individually and in alphabetical order.
Michele Bachman 共和党 明尼苏达州
Michele Bachman, republican, Minnesota,
我很抱歉
I am sorry.
Tammy Baldwin 民♥主♥党 威斯康辛州
Tammy Baldwin, democrat, Wisconsin,
非常抱歉 Tammy
I'm so sorry, Tammy.
Melissa Bean
Melissa Bean.
好
Okay.
连值两班 记得吧
Double shift, remember?
我明天才能见到你了
So I won't see you till tomorrow.
你没事吧
Are you gonna be okay?
哦 没事
Oh, yeah.
我有 呃 晚饭
I got, uh...Dinner.
哦 天啊
Oh, god.
亲爱的 你能稍微打扫一下吗
Honey, can you just clean up a little bit?
我试试看 别太之外
I'll try. Don't expect much.
好吧 我回来之后再做 - 你会吗 - 是的
Okay, well, I'll do it when I get home. - You will? - Yes.
Ann太了不起了
Ann is amazing.
她照顾我
She takes care of me.
她照顾病人 病宝宝
She takes care of sick people, sick babies.
她就是个天使
She is an angel.
我很爱她
And I seriously love her.
非常爱
Hard.
她要离开24小时
She's going to be gone for the next 24 hours.
所以我做了个列表
So I made this list,
等她回来这个地方就会变成耀眼的宫殿
and basically this place is gonna be like a sparkling palace when she returns.
我吃了一堆止疼片
I took a bunch of pain killers.
他们马上就起作用了 我可以开始了
They're about to kick in, so I'm ready to go.
来吧 我来澄清一下
Here it is. Let's clear the air.
昨晚我为了私欲打开了这个礼物篮
Last night I opened up this gift basket for my own pleasure.
真的假的
Really?
Leslie Knope 通常是拘谨坚持着守规矩的人
Leslie Knope, usually such a prudish stickler for the rules.
我也不觉得开心 Tom
I'm not happy about it either, Tom.
我感觉我都不认识你了
It's like I don't even know you anymore.
去年因为我打电♥话♥给我妈就被你记过了
Last year you wrote me up for making personal phone calls to my mom.
是的 我记了 而且我还会再记 错的事情对不了
Yes, I did, and I would do it again. Two wrongs do not make a right.
是的 但她那时在住院啊
Yes, but she was in the hospital.
我当时不知道
I did not know that at the time.
所以篮子我能留着吗
So can I have the basket?
不 抱歉 这是证据
No, I'm sorry. It's evidence.
这是个漂亮篮子
It's a nice basket.
你准备往里面放什么
What would you put in there?
我不知道 香料吧
I don't know, potpourri.
那可是一大堆香料啊
That's a lot of potpourri.
嘿 受审的又不是我
Hey, I am not the one on trial here.
我提前谢谢你们坚定的支持
I appreciate and thank you in advance for your unwavering support.
我觉得你得去监狱 好好想想你做了些什么
I think you should go to jail, think about what you've done.
入狱 什么情况
Go to jail? What's going on?
Ron 我有一个非常重要非常冗长的故事要给你讲
Ron, I have a very important and very long story to tell you.
Email里讲呗
Put it in an email?
不
Nope.
就发生在外面 这扇窗户的外面
It happened right out there, right outside this window.
我为何不能把眼光移开呢
Why can't I look away?
不要小题大做
Let's not blow this out of proportion.
我会大题大做的
I will blow this in proportion.
这种事情的最低处罚是来自市政经理的官方斥责
The minimum punishment for this is an official reprimand from the city manager.
没什么大不了的
It's not that big a deal.
可能在你的世界里没什么大不了
Maybe in your world it isn't a big deal.
你是个白人 新教♥徒♥ 男性 有着浓密丰富的胡子
You're a white protestant man with a full, rich moustache.
但我是个女人
But I am a woman,
我必须让自己遵守更高的标准
and I need to hold myself up to a higher standard.
这也太扯了
This is ridiculous.
你对自己的惩罚比别人对你还严厉
You're punishing yourself more than anybody else is gonna punish you.
没有 你觉得我们要怎么做
No. What do you suggest we do?
你觉得我们得掩饰掉吗
You think we should cover this up?
没有 我没那么说过
No, I'm not saying that.
没人说过"掩饰"
No one said "cover-up".
很好 因为掩饰比犯罪本身更糟糕
Good because the cover-up is worse than the crime.
当你做错的事情还想把它抹掉
When you spill something and you try to wipe it up
那就更肮脏了 是双倍的肮脏
with something that's dirty, then you get double dirty.
别越说越严重
Please don't make this worse.
哦 天啊
Oh, my god.
下午好
Good afternoon.
上次谈话之后 为了进一步修正我犯下的错误
Since we last spoke, I have taken extraordinary steps
我采取了特别的措施
to make further amends for the mistakes that I've made.
我写了一份完整的自首信
I have written a full confession,
而且发给了Pawnee政♥府♥的每一个人
which I will be emailing to everyone in the entire Pawnee government.
我也附上了大坑的网页链接
I've also attached a link to the pit's web page
以提醒人们我做出的杰出贡献
just to remind people of all the good work that I do.
我请求Ron告发我 但他拒绝了
I asked Ron to blow the whistle on me, and he refused.
所以我需要告发我自己
And that is why I had to whistle-blow myself.
我希望我能说这么乱有Ann的原因 但都是因为我
I wish I could say some of this mess was Ann's, but it's all mine.
我像是在筑巢
I'm kind of a nester.
呃 对于断了两条腿的人来说不差了吧
Eh, not bad for a guy with two broken legs.
嘿
Hey.
今晚做一些实验看看什么会让我更醉