凯文滚一边（2021）

You just deal with Tammy and I will... I will deal with this.
行动 - 好吧
Okay. - Yeah.
嘿 - 又怎么了？
Hey. - What?
生日快乐
Happy birthday.
好了
Okay.
罗琳上过几年护士学校
And Lorraine went to nursing school for a couple of years,
所以她可以免费给人们检查一下痣
so she can check everyone's moles for free!
是啊，我意思是，她虽然不差
Yeah, I mean... she sounds okay.
但是老爸，像你这样的男人难道不应该
But, Dad, don't you think a man like you should be out there,
处处留情，游戏人间吗？
you know, playing the field?
我如果坐起来太快都喘不上气
I get out of breath if I sit up too fast.
要游戏人间的话，我怕是早就下去了
If I play the field, I'll end up under it.
好吧，那你觉得戴安怎么样？
Well, uh, what about that Diane, huh? Huh?
我认识她都16年了
I've known her for 16 years.
也许她才是一直藏在你眼皮底下那个对的人
Maybe she's been the one right under your nose all along.
虽然她之前跟着查克
I-I mean, she was with Chuck, you know?
但你仔细看看
Were you really lookin'?
我正在看
I'm lookin' at her now.
老爸，她现在可是单身市场的一支鲜花
She's, uh, fresh on the market, Dad.
非常脆弱
Very vulnerable.
嘿，戴安
Yeah. H-Hey, Diane.
过这儿来
Come on over here.
不过先擦干净你的脸，然后过来
Wipe your face first, but then come on over here.
戴安，我们刚才还在讨论
Yeah, Diane, we were just saying, uh,
你今晚是多么漂亮
how great you look tonight.
小嘴真甜
Oh, well, that's sweet.
我最近一直交替吃着花生酱和巧克力酱
I've been alternating eating spoonfuls of peanut butter and chocolate sauce.
这样就不会有碳水了
No carbs that way.
真可爱
That's cute.
是啊，这相当于做饭了
Yeah, i-it's basically cooking.
我？做饭？
Cooking? Me?
不，我只会烧水
No. I burn water.
得了吧，我喝过你烧的水
Oh, uh, come on, I've had your water
就在你其中一个足球夜派对上
at one of your game-day parties.
是的
Oh. Yeah.
谁能不爱足球女孩呢，哈？
Gotta love a girl who loves football, huh?
我做那些只是为了查克
Uh, yeah, I really did those for Chuck, you know?
我唯一关心的"足“ ”球“
The only foot ball I care about is the huge bunion
是我昨天我脚上开始蠢蠢欲动的拇囊炎
that started pulsating on my foot yesterday.
你检查过了吗？
You had that looked at?
查过了
Oh, yeah.
不过不是让医生查的
But not by a doctor.
你知道不，我可承担不起脚部的医疗保险
No, uh, see, uh, I can't afford foot insurance on my budget, you know?
所以你还欠着债
So you're also in debt?
是啊，还很多
Oh, yeah. A lot.
不过我在精油方面也有点小小的投资
Yeah, but... but... But I have been investing in essential oils, uh...
让我来问你们几个问题...你们有想过
Let me ask you something...You boys ever think
自己当老板吗？
about being your own boss?
好了够了，儿子，听着
Okay, that's it. Alright, son, look,
我很感激你帮我寻花问柳，不过还是别了
I appreciate you trying to help me sow my wild oats, but no.
我不想和戴安发♥生♥关♥系♥
I do not want to sleep with Diane.
打扰一下
Oh, excuse me?
谁说我要和你发♥生♥关♥系♥了
Who said you were gonna sleep with me?
老天，戴安，你就不能给我点有用的东西来攻坚吗
Geez, Diane, you couldn't give me anything to work with there?
我们到底在攻坚什么？
W-What were we working on?
真的谢你了，我现在拥有的我已知足了
I'll stick with what I have, thank you.
戴安我也谢谢你了
And thank you, Diane.
我想我现在认识到了你可能比罗琳更糟
I guess I see now it actually could be worse than Lorraine.
你知道吗，我觉得最好效果还算不错
You know, I think that worked out pretty well in the end.
确实，你觉得我们翘掉这个蹩脚的派对去酒吧怎么样
Indeed. What do you say we, uh, blow this lame shindig and hit the bar?
好主意
Great idea!
我们可以自己庆祝帕蒂的生日而不带她
We can celebrate Patty's birthday without her.
等等，罗琳怎么办？
Wait. What about Lorraine?
她会找到我们的
Oh, she'll find us.
就这样
Okay.
拜
Yeah, bye.
你是怎么认识帕蒂的？
How do you know Patty?
大概两年半之前我去过她那里
Oh, s-something like two and a half years I've been coming to Patty.
不过最近不去了
Not so much recently.
因为我不再进她喜欢的那款染发剂了
I-I stopped carrying the hair dye she likes.
我能跟你说几句话吗？
Okay, can I borrow you for just a sec?
辛迪，你能来真的很好
Cindy, uh, it... it was so nice of you to have come.
不过我想你最好还是别待了
Uh, but you might want to get out of here,
因为塔米这些朋友...
because Tammy's friends...
是的，我知道她是谁
Yeah, I remember who she is.
你现在都跟警♥察♥交往了？
Y-You're dating cops now?
她也是个女人
She's also a woman.
你能别这么大惊小怪吗？
Can you be shitty about that instead?
你真觉得这么做是个好主意吗？
You really think it's a good idea with what you do?
我已经不再卖♥♥药了
I don't do it anymore.
是啊，这么做还挺自私的
Yeah, that's kind of selfish.
自私？
Selfish?
辛迪，那是违法的事
Cindy, it was illegal.
虽然是，不过周日横穿马路还是违法的呢
Yeah, so... so's crossing the street on a Sunday.
这些人才是你的同类
These are your people.
就因为你现在变得高贵了
W-What, were you just gonna leave them out in the cold
怎么，你就打算彻底不管他们了吗
because, what, you're so high and mighty now?
我没有 - 这就对了
I'm not. - That's right.
你并不高贵
You're not.
但你想变成那样
But you're trying to be.
当你准备好摆脱这个阶段再次帮助我们的时候，记得联♥系♥我
When you're ready to kick this phase and help us out again, give me a call.
以后再见
See ya later.
噢，就放这儿就行
Oh, oh. Just... right there.
不确定这真的需要两个人么
Not sure this required two people.
我只是想让你有参与感 - 我明白
Well, I wanted to include you. - No, I know.
这是我的方式说谢谢
That's my way of saying thank you.
好吧，等不及告诉帕蒂
Well... can't wait to tell Patty
通过这件事我们开始喜欢彼此了
that we got out of this actually liking each other.
我不喜欢你
I don't like you.
这也...有点太没礼貌了
That is... That's very rude.
并不，这是事实
No, it's not. It's true.
而且我知道你也不喜欢我，没关系的
And you don't like me. It's fine.
人们不需要谁都喜欢
People don't have to like each other.
不，我喜欢你
No, I li... I like you.
不，你不
No, you don't.
你不喜欢我一直在你周围晃悠
You don't like that I'm around all the time,
我也不喜欢你这样
and I don't like that you are.
这真的没关系
It's fine, really.
但问题是
But here's the thing.
我应该时时刻刻在帕蒂身边
I should be around all the time.
我和帕蒂是一对，这是关键
Me and Patty are together, and that's the point.
我不知道你到底想要从她那儿得到什么
And I don't know exactly what it is you want from her,
但你也许应该退避一点
but maybe you should just back off a little.
祝你生日快乐
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
祝你生日快乐
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
祝帕蒂生日快乐
♪ Happy birthday, dear Patty ♪
祝你生日快乐
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
好吧
Okay.
我在这儿抽烟没关系吧，还是要我换个地方？
Is this okay or should I go somewhere else to smoke?
没关系啦
No, it's fine.
别这么做
Oh, don't do that.
我给你买♥♥了一条薄荷烟
I, um... I got you a carton of menthols.
哈？- 那本来是你的生日礼物
Huh? - It was your birthday gift,
不过更多是为了我
but it's more for me because this...
因为你这样很让我恼火
This just bums me out.
谢了
Oh, thanks.
多谢你
Thank you.
今天我至少做对了一件事
At least I did one thing right.
每个人都跟我说你讨厌惊喜派对
Everyone told me you'd hate a surprise party,
但我想着...
but I thought that...
无所谓了，对于今天的一切我很抱歉