凯文滚一边（2021）

I've got ribbon-cutting ceremonies,
当然,我朝九晚三的工作还得继续做着
and, of course, I still have my regular 9:00-to-3:00 job.
我已经足够强大到承认自己需要帮手了
And I'm big enough to admit when I need help.
帮手听上去不错,谢了
Help sounds great. Yeah, thank you.
这正是我想听到的
Which is exactly what I wanted to hear,
因为我给你提供了一个千载难逢的机会
because I have the opportunity of a lifetime for you.
我选你做我的祭坛助手
I choose you to be my altar boy.
我的执行者
My go-to guy.
我的女秘书
My Girl Friday!
除了我是男的外
Except I'm a boy.
除了你是男的
Except you're a boy.
你将正式成为我新任的助理
You are gonna be my new official assistant.
噢,找点事分分心听起来也挺不错
Oh. A distraction does sound pretty good.
太好了!不过尼尔,这个工作需要全力投入
Great! But the job is devotion, Neil.
你需要把你自己的问题抛在一边
You'll put your own problems aside
7x24小时只想着我
and think of only me, 24/7.
这听起来...
That sounds...
棒极了
amazing.
她有的我全都要
I'll have what she's having!
好了,废话少说
Alright, well, enough with this nonsense.
你现在已经上班了,赶紧给我拿点披萨卷来 - 好的
You're on the clock. Get me some pizza rolls. - Okay.
欢迎来到查克超级重要的储藏仓
Welcome to Chuck's super-crucial storage unit.
就因为他不肯扔掉这个螺旋桨式咖啡桌
40 bucks a month because he wouldn't throw away
每月都要花40刀
an airplane propeller coffee table.
啊哈
Uh-huh.
凯文的东西在那边
Kevin's stuff's over there.
你还好吧,小戴 - 还行
You okay, D? - Oh, yeah.
我每次只要哭的太厉害就会爆血管
I always burst a blood vessel if I cry too hard.
所以这次我们要找什么?
So what are we looking for again?
我们找的是一张愚蠢该死的
We are looking for a stupid goddamn...
韦德博格斯的新人卡
Wade Boggs rookie card.
我想知道他花了我们多少房♥租在这上面
I wonder how much of our rent he spent on this.
你还有这东西?
You got these?
啊,是的,这是奶奶留给我的
Ah. Yeah. Grandma left them to me.
遇到凯文前我天天戴着它们
I used to wear them all the time until I met Kevin
直到他说它们让我显得像个
and he said they made me look like
穷鬼版的摩登原始人
a poor man's Wilma Flintstone.
这些都是一样的吧?
Those are the same ones, huh?
是的,我一直以为它们是假的
Yeah, I always figured they were fake.
你以前去酒水店工作时会把它们戴在工作服下
You used to wear them to work at the Packie under your smock.
是啊
Yeah.
我喜欢它们
I like them.
呃,我也确实看出了摩登原始人的气质
Eh. I do see the Wilma Flintstone thing.
凯文肯定还会发表意见的
Kevin's still gonna say something.
你猜怎么着?
You know what?
我不在乎
I don't care.
天呐,是尼尔
Oh, my God. It's Neil.
糟糕!糟糕!
Um, shoot! Shoot!
嘿
Hey.
怎么了?
'Sup?
我只是在替凯文去取他的辣酱样品前
I'm just here to grab Kevin's lucky Red Sox hat
来拿凯文那顶红袜队幸运帽的
before I pick up his hot sauce samples.
我现在是凯文的助手了
I'm Kevin's assistant now.
是吗,那还挺...
Yeah, uh, that's, uh...
我来这儿也只是来拿...
I was just here to pick up...
我的开罐器的
my can opener.
哈
Ha!
我的开罐器
My can opener.
你想看看吗?
You wanna see?
当然.啊呀
Sure. Oops.
掉了
Dropped it.
好闪
Oh, shiny.
挺不错的
It's nice.
是啊.你知道的
Yeah. Well, you know, just...
我先...
Yeah. I'm gonna...
好的,应该就在这堆箱子中
Okay. Yeah, it's in one of these boxes somewhere.
我先去开罐了
I'm gonna open a can.
好的
Okay.
拜
Bye.
谁能想到戴安也在啊
Diane, who knew?
哎呦,蠢货
Ow. Stupid...
好了,你到底在哪儿?
Alright, where are you?
中国菜
Chinese.
真有趣
Fun.
你还好吧?
Are you okay?
好着呢
Yeah. Yeah.
我很好
Fine.
好极了
I'm great.
所以,最近工作上的事儿还挺多的
So, work's been a lot.
闯进艾莉森家里的那个家伙
That guy who broke into Allison's?
他作案时随身带着一些怪异的药瓶
He had some weird pill bottle on him when he did.
唯一一件不是来自菲奥里的
The only one not from Fiore's.
那确实奇怪
That's weird.
这么多事情中总有一件是你不理解的
It's just one of those things that you'll never understand
你必须学会放手
and you have to let go.
每个案子都是这样
Every case has them.
但是这个家伙
But this guy...
我也说不清
I don't know.
他不是很奇怪吗?
He was weird?
是的,感觉就像个痒痒包
Yes, it feels like an itch.
这个不行
Mm.Not that one.
里面有腰果 - 所以呢?
Has cashews. - So?
你讨厌腰果啊
So you hate cashews.
是的,但是你怎么知道的?
Yeah, but how do you know that?
因为我关注你啊
Because I pay attention.
我以为你要戒烟
I thought you wanted to quit.
我改变主意了
I changed my mind.
嘿 - 嘿
Hey. - Hey.
不,别进来!你不准进入这个厨房♥
Nope, nope, nope! You're banned from the kitchen.
拜拜,赶紧离开这儿
Pip-pip, get out of here.
那我能跟整栋房♥子拜拜吗?
Can I be pip-pip banned from the whole house?
只需要接下来的两个小时可以吗?
It's just the next two hours, okay?
我需要点空间.我在为一个重要的采访做准备
I need space. I'm prepping for my big newspaper interview.
你正带着个小眼镜在喝酒
You're drinking while wearing tiny glasses.
这根本不是在准备
That's not prepping.
哈,我就知道
Ah. I should have known.
你只要一戴上那串珍珠
You always act all high and mighty
就表现出一副高不可攀的模样
when you wear those pearls.
怎么,你觉得你比我强?
What, you think you're better than me?
是的
Yes.
那好,伍斯特报给过你
Well, do you have a huge interview
这么重要的采访吗?
with the Worcester paper?
没有吧.而且这个采访会决定伍斯特狂野哥们
No. And it's gonna decide whether the Worcester Wild Dude
到底是昙花一现还是家庭常备
is a flash in the pan or a household brand.
就像狂野版的可口可乐
Like Coca-Cola but for Wild Dudes.
我认为那是激浪
I think that's Mountain Dew.
等等,等等
Oh, wait, wait. Uh...
哎呀,就让我被禁着吧
Oh, just let me be banned.
老爸说狂野哥们如果未婚的话
Uh, my dad says that the Wild Dude
会被更多人崇拜
is more aspirational if he's not married,
所以如果你撞见记者,就说我们是亲戚,怎么样?
so if you see the interviewer, we're cousins, cool?
好吧,和你沾亲与和你结婚相比的话
Well, being related to you is less pathetic
似乎还少一点可悲感,所以...
than being married to you, so...
你好啊
Hello.
艾莉森
Allison.
好吧,所以你还在生气呢
Okay, so you're still upset.
什么意思? - 只有你生我气时才会叫我艾莉森
What do you mean? - You only call me Allison when you're pissed off at me.
不是这样的
That's not true.
是的,就是这样的
Yes, it is.
当你感到被调情时
You also like to play with things on the counter
还喜欢玩吧台上的东西