凯文滚一边（2021）

Yeah.
多么棒的一个惊喜
That was a nice surprise.
对一个有色人种来说
And there's literally nothing better
真的没有比这更好的事了
you can do for a woman of color.
那些东西大多数打半价，所以
That stuff was half off, most of it, so...
所以没什么大不了的
really not a big deal.
当然不是
Of course not.
那你呢
And what about you?
我怎么了
What about me?
我是说，如果我要给你个惊喜
I mean, if I was to get you a nice surprise,
应该给什么样的惊喜
what would it be?
我讨厌惊喜
I hate surprises.
好吧，不过我确定这世上肯定有东西
Okay, but I'm sure there's something that you want
是你想要的吧
for yourself.
好吧 随便了
Ugh! Whatever.
我知道明天是你生日
I know that your birthday is tomorrow.
你怎么知道的？
Why do you know that?
因为我知道你肯定永远不会告诉我，所以我...
Because I knew you would never tell me, so I...
稍微调查了一下你
looked you up a little bit.
好吧，算你...好心？
Okay, that's... s-sweet?
我还发现你在16岁的时候
And I found out you got caught shoplifting
因为偷一条粉色丁字裤而被抓了
a pink thong when you were 16.
我已得到教训
I learned my lesson.
再也不会尝试穿粉色了
I never tried to wear pink again.
我很高兴你改变了自己的生活态度
I'm glad you turned your life around.
所以你生日那天想干点什么？
So what do you want to do for your birthday?
也许什么都不做吧
Probably nothing.
尼尔有时会带我去滑冰
Neil sometimes takes me ice skating,
不过他最近变得挺混♥蛋♥的，所以...
but, um, he's been a real ass lately, so...
比平时还混？
More than usual?
是啊，我想我们现在...
Yeah, I guess we're not...
我们现在甚至连话都不说了
Um, we're not really even talking,
所以家庭滑冰日绝对是取消了
so family ice skating is definitely off.
好吧，如果你想去滑冰场的话，我可以带你去
Well, if you want to go to the rink, I can take you.
不了
N-No.
虽然很感谢，但是...
T-Thanks, but...
艾莉森也可以跟着来
And Allison can come, too.
艾莉森？
Allison?
是啊，我相信她也很想来
Yeah, I'm sure she'd want to come.
毕竟你们是朋友嘛
And... you're friends.
看见没，我说这句话的时候白眼都没翻
See how I say that with no visible eye-roll?
是哈
Uh-huh.Yeah.
但别憋出内伤
Well, don't hurt yourself.
我只是...
Uh, yeah, I just... It...
嘿，我只是不想大惊小怪的你明白吗？
Hey, I don't want a fuss about it, you know?
而且我...
And I... I...
我只想一个人安静一整天
I just... I want a quiet day alone to myself.
做些调理自我什么的事情
Self-care or some shit.
如果你确定的话
If you're sure.
我确定，所以我们现在能去吃晚饭了吧
I am, yeah, so can we please go grab dinner?
可以 - 好的
Yes. - Okay.
再稍微给我点时间
Yes. Um, just give me a minute.
就一分钟就行
Um, yeah, just give me one minute.
天呐
Oh, boy.
什么事？
What?
帕蒂，私♥家♥侦♥探♥给你回电♥话♥了吗？
Patty, did the PI get back to you yet?
因为我必须...
'Cause I have to...
必须得走了
I have to go.
塔米
Tammy.
嗨
Hi.
帕蒂不在这儿
Um, Patty's not here.
我知道，我...
I know. I, um...
我其实是来找你的
actually came to talk to you.
我能...？
Can I...?
进来吧
Uh, yeah.
好的
Okay.
我来...
Mm. Just...
我来坐这儿... - 好
Well, I'll sit... - Okay.
所以，有什么我能为你做的？
So, how... How can I help you?
我想你应该知道明天是帕蒂的生日
So, I'm sure you know that it's Patty's birthday tomorrow.
但她什么都不想做
And she doesn't want to do anything,
所以我想也许
and I thought maybe together
我们能一起拉着她去个酒吧什么的
we could force her to go to a bar or something.
其实我吧...
Ah. Actually, I, um...
正在为她明天的生日策划一场派对
I'm planning a surprise party for her tomorrow.
惊喜派对？ - 是的
A surprise party? - Yes.
为帕蒂准备的？ - 是的
For Patty? - Yes.
你认真考虑过了吗？
Have you thought this through?
是的，我考虑过了
Uh, yes, I have.
她肯定会喜欢的
And she's gonna... She's gonna love it.
那你有打算告诉我吗？
Were you gonna tell me about it?
是的，我...我会说的
Yes. I wa... yeah.
只不过事出突然，我其实正准备
Um, it was just all last-minute, and I was actually,
正准备问你要不要帮我一起准备
um, gonna ask you if you would help me plan it.
真的吗？
Really?
嗯哈
Mm-hmm.
好啊
O-Okay.
真的？
Okay?
真的
Okay
那我就明早过来帮你跑腿
I'll come tomorrow morning and help you out with errands.
我们可以一起....办这个派对
We can do it... together.
好的 - 那行
Okay. - Alright.
那我们就明天见？
So I'll see you tomorrow?
好的
Yeah.
你或许应该多买♥♥一些装饰品
You should probably get some more decorations.
是的
Well, y-yeah.
正准备这么干呢
Yes, that's the... That's the plan, so...
那好
Okay. Well...
谢了，拜 - 拜
Thanks. Bye. - Bye.
记得给我留个出气口
Hey, make sure to leave me a breathing hole.
记住，这个角色的名字是无敌胶带侠
Remember, the character's name is the Incredible Tape Man.
嘿，凯文，你现在不是应该帮着艾莉森
Hey, Kevin, weren't you supposed to be helping Allison
办那个听着就很糟糕的派对吗？
throw that party that sounds like a terrible idea?
我有吗？
Was I?
还有尼尔，你现在不是应该让帕蒂分心吗？
And, Neil, aren't you supposed to be distracting Patty,
让她远离这间房♥子
keeping her away from here?
我有吗？
Am I?
二比一，看来是我错了
Two against one. I guess I'm wrong.
看看你的脸
Look at your face!
我就知道你们这些男生们准备逗我大笑
I can see you boys are just gonna have me in stitches.
尼尔，这是我的女朋友，罗琳
Neil, this is my girlfriend, Lorraine.
她两个髋关节可都是原装的
She's got both her original hips,
而且可会动了
and she uses them.
拜托
Come on!
我是老年活动中心的舞蹈教练
I'm a dance instructor at the senior center.
而这对我的性♥爱♥技巧非常有帮助
And it makes me very good at sex.
咱们到哪儿去
Get in there.
咱们进里面
Get in there!
凯文，我觉得你烟囱里有只垂死挣扎的动物
Oh, Kevin, I think you got a dying animal in your chimney.
因为我刚在外面听到了非常非常邪恶的声音
I just heard the most unholy sound from outside.
不用管了
Never mind.
戴安，不用劳烦你
Diane, don't even bother
把那些酒放进厨房♥了
bringing that booze to the kitchen.
放我面前就行了
Right in front of me is just fine.
老天啊
Ugh, God.
我可不能这么活下去
I can't live like this.
是啊，那笑声虽然恐怖，不过，我也说不清
Oh, yeah, the laugh is rough, but, uh, I don't know,
就是还挺怀念我生活中有这么点噪声的，你懂吗？
kinda miss having a little noise in my life, you know?
还没跟查克复合呢哈？
Ah, still not back with Chuck, huh?
这个嘛...
Well...
唷，当然不能复合了