凯文滚一边（2021）

Anybody does for me.
我们每隔一年都会这么做
It's what we've done every other year.
但这并不是每隔一年就要做的事情，不是吗？
Well, it's not every other year, is it?
你真以为是？
You really thought that it was?
清醒点吧
Come on!
那为什么当初我们要来呢
Then why are we even here?
好问题
Good question.
别
No!
狗屁
Shit.
你回来了
Oh! You're home.
哇!这地方看起来还挺有模有样的
Wow! This place looks like a real party.
除了没什么人以外
Minus the people.
亚历克莎，调暗灯光
Alexa, turn down the lights.
好的
Okay.
现在你就看不到没人了吧
Now you can't see that there's nobody here.
凯文，你真的有在帮忙呀？
Kevin, are you actually helping?
你说的好像我从没帮过忙一样
You say that like I never do.
我的语气就像我每次问你
I say that like every time I ask you,
而你总是假装耳背一样
you pretend to be hard of hearing.
你说什么？
What's that?
我真不明白我们为什么要在这事儿上如此努力
You know, I-I don't understand why we're working so hard
反正不论怎样到最后帕蒂都会讨厌
on this thing that Patty's gonna hate anyway.
老爸，今天的主角又不是帕蒂
Dad, today is not about Patty!
这可是她的生日 - 这可是她的生日
It's her birthday. - It's her birthday.
所以呢？我也会过生日
So? I have a birthday, too!
但这并不意味我们要放弃挣扎
That doesn't mean that we just give up!
我们可不能让那些人赢
We can't let those people win!
那些过生日的人？
People whose birthday it is?
绝不投降
Never surrender!
好了，我自己先提前预热了一小时
Alright, I pre-gamed with a power hour
这个派对是我生命中仅剩的快乐了
and this party is all I have in my life.
再问一次这是为谁办的？
Who's it for again?
帕蒂 - 那可真是一个坏主意
Patty. - Oh, that is a bad idea.
哦吼，戴安来了
Oh-ho, Diane's here!
所有人注意，戴安来了
Diane's here, everybody.
过的怎么样，戴安
Yeah. How are you, Diane?
这个嘛，实话跟你说吧，小凯
Ah, well, tell you the truth, Kev,
我有点沮丧，你懂吗？
I'm a little, uh, "ugh," you know?
这几个月都过得挺艰难的
It's been a rough couple of months.
棒极了，你看这样如何
Fantastic. How about this.
你先去厨房♥怎么样
How about you come on into the kitchen.
这样你就可以离好酒更近一步了不是吗？
That way you can be closer to the good booze, right?
还有老爸，我也知道你有多喜欢喝酒
And Dad, I know how you love drinking.
我确实是
I really do!
你俩真是太多共同语言了
So much in common, you two.
我们去厨房♥快速转一圈怎么样
Let's take a quick trip into the kitchen, yeah?
那女的笑声真的很渗人
That woman's laugh is bad.
是的
Oh, yeah, yeah.
所以，你都邀请谁了
Um, so, who did you invite?
警♥察♥局里的菲茨和帕克
Fitz and Parker from the station.
还有貌似帕蒂最喜欢的我的朋友罗谢尔
My friend Rochelle, who Patty seems to like... mostly.
还有一些我在她客户名单上发掘的人们
And then I just dug through her client book.
客户名单？
Her client book?
所以那些都是...客户？
So these are all... These are all clients?
这是个惊喜派对，所有事都会有些咄咄逼人
It's a surprise party. The whole thing's invasive.
而且我找的这些女士都是美发店多年的顾客
And I just found the ladies that've been going to the salon for years.
我认得她
Hmm. I recognize her.
通过帕蒂还是...
Just, um, through Patty, or...
通过工作认识的
Through work.
噢，是尼尔，他们要过来了
Oh, that's Neil. They're on their way.
我去把大家聚起来
I'll get everybody together.
好的
Okay.
终身
For life.
我们被终生禁入
We're banned for life.
当年可是妈妈带着我去的地方
Mom took me there.
你何不如也把我第一次学抽烟的
Why don't you get me banned from the gazebo
图书馆后院的凉亭也禁了
behind the library where I had my first cigarette?
把我童年所有美好回忆都毁掉算了
You know, ruin every good childhood memory I have.
他们竟然让我从冰上捡玻璃
They made me pick up glass off the ice.
你知道那有多难吗？
Do you know how hard that is?
我本来可以做的
I would've done it.
你确实可以，但你已经醉到连弯腰时候
You would've, but you're so drunk you can't bend over
都不能保证头不会先着地了
without cracking your head open.
你要去哪儿？
Where are you going?
我们得先去凯文家取点东西
We need to pick something up at Kevin's.
我需要你的帮助
I need your help.
当然了，晚上一如既往的消遣方式
Of course that's where we're spending tonight...
就是去凯文家
At Kevin's.
就一天...我就要求这么一天，尼尔
Just ask for one... Just one day, Neil.
但我猜这要求对于一个
But I guess that's too much to ask for
有暴♥力♥倾向的醉汉来说也是太多了
from a goddamn violent drunk.
生日快乐!
Surprise!
老天啊，艾莉森
Jesus, Allison.
好吧，这确实是个坏主意
Okay, so it was a bad idea.
这是我见过最糟糕的惊喜派对
That was the worst surprise I ever seen.
她真诚实
She's so honest.
亚历克莎，调亮灯光
Alexa, lights up.
好的
Okay.
现在帕蒂就可以看清所有参加她派对的老女人了
Now Patty can see all the old ladies who came to her party.
这tm是什么鬼？
What the hell is this?
这是个派对
This is a party.
试着找点乐子
Try to have fun.
我真高兴你终于来了
Oh, I'm so glad you're finally here.
凯文，这真是...
Oh, Kevin, that's...
这劲儿还真是用对地方了
That's exactly right.
尼尔，兄弟，我需要你尽快给我支援
Neil, buddy, I'm in need of some backup ASAP.
还是算了吧，凯文，我今天过得很不好
I don't know, Kevin, I've... I've had a day.
尼尔，现在可不是自私的时候
Neil, now is not the time to get selfish.
帕蒂的生日可是关乎我的人生和我的计划
Patty's birthday is about me and my plan.
所以现在，迫切需要一点嘴上功夫了
And right now, it's in need of some serious mouth-to-mouth.
好吧，那你去亲皮特，我拿下戴安
Alright, fine, you kiss Pete,I take Diane?
什么？不是这意思
What? No.
天呐，你是有多醉？
God! How drunk are you?
非常醉
Very.
这也...太过了
This is... A lot.
是啊，真对不起了
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry.
一口闷掉，这样时间过得会快一点
Drink up. It'll go faster.
是的，谢了，不过...
Uh, yeah, uh, thanks, but would...
你能为我那瓶啤酒吗？
Would you get me a beer?
因为伏特加也有点...
Because vodka is also...
太过了 - 是啊
A lot. - Yeah.
我以为我在你身上取得了一些进步，不过好吧
I thought I was making some progress on you, but fine.
啤酒就啤酒吧
Beer it is.
试着让自己开心点
Try to have some fun.
必须的
Sure thing.
艾莉森，为什么跟我买♥♥毒品的人都来了
Allison, why is every person I sell pills to here?
塔米的锅...
Tammy......
是塔米负责邀请人的
Tammy handled the... The invites
然后她发现了你的客户名单
and, you know, found your client book,
我猜这名单是不好的那份
and I guess it was the bad one.
天啊
Oh, God.
另外，对尼克和毒品什么的调查
Also, the investigation into Nick and the drug stuff, it's, um...
并没有完全结束
It's not entirely...It's not entirely closed.
什么？ - 是你在跟她约会
What? - You're dating her.
我感觉你应该更清楚吧
I feel like you should've known this already.
那你当初为什么要和她一起办这个派对啊？
Why the hell would you let her plan a party with you in the first place?
因为如果我不这么做，她会比现在更讨厌我
Because if I didn't, she would hate me more than she already does.
上帝啊
Oh, God forbid.
好吧，我们只需要在这些人和警♥察♥们聊天之前
Okay, well, we'll just clear the ladies out
把她们弄出去就可以了，好吗？
before they talk to her or the other cops, okay?
你只需要盯住塔米，剩下的我来处理