凯文滚一边（2021）

I don't want to be me anymore.
而且我真的很抱歉,但我需要你的帮助
And I am so sorry, but I need your help.
嗨
Hi.
警官们好啊 - 嗨
Officers, hello. - Hi.
我们晚点见 - 好的
I'll see you later? - Okay.
有什么需要的尽管找我们 - 谢谢
Let us know if you need anything. - Thank you.
不好意思,这是葬礼吗?
I'm sorry, is this a funeral?
你说的是有工作上的事 - 我是有啊
You said you were at a work thing. - I am.
你就是忘了提悼念这部分对吧
Oh, you forgot to mention the people in mourning part.
这是为布拉姆办的
Well, it's for Bram,
所以这儿真正哀悼的也就两个人了
so there are really like only two people really mourning.
而且这俩人也是和他人品一样糟糕的他姐姐们
Both are his sisters, and both are as horrible as he was.
他可是你的拍档
Uh, he was your partner.
是的，但他来自查尔斯镇
Yes. He was from Charles town,
而我是他的女性黑人拍档
and I was his gay, black, lady partner.
想想都知道是什么状况
Oh.Guess how that went?
我生前放他一马，但也就那么一回了
I cut him slack when he was alive, but that's done.
再说,他是在上厕所时死掉的
Besides, he died on the john.
即使是猫王,都很难认为这是个悲剧
It's hard to find that tragic, even with Elvis.
所以这就是为什么你如此敏感?
So, this is why you've been so sensitive?
我敏感 - 是啊
I'm being sensitive? - Yeah.
你离开了
You left.
好吧,我知道你在这方面是新手
Okay, I get that you're new to this.
在女人方面? - 在感情方面
Women? - Feelings.
我能应付逃避承诺之类的事情
I can deal with the commitment freakout or whatever,
但我不会一直在不需要我的地方坚持
but I'm not gonna stick around where I'm not wanted.
你被需要
You are. You are. I...
我知道我有点..
Okay, I know I can be...
满心怨恨?
Resentful?
固执己见?
Stubborn?
冷漠
Cold?
好了,还是别猜了
Okay, maybe don't guess.
我不喜欢分享
I don't love sharing.
我对此很很不擅长.因此
I'm bad at it. So, I guess...
我对之前感觉到有点侵犯说声对不起了
I'm sorry. I was feeling a little invaded.
我都能记住你不喜欢腰果
I remembered that you didn't like cashews.
是啊,我明显有许多破事要搞清楚
Yeah. I obviously have a lot of shit to figure out.
都是包袱
Baggage.
我向你发誓,我正在努力
I swear to you, I am working on it.
因为我真的希望你多在身边陪着我
Because I really do want you around. A lot.
好吗
Okay?
好吧
Okay.
我们真的不能在葬礼上亲热
We really can't make out at a funeral.
你确定? - 是的
You sure? - Yeah.
不过,你想不想多待一会儿
But, um, you want to stay for a bit?
我意思是,布拉姆虽然是最差劲的,但他至少让我们酒水免费
I mean, Bram was the worst, but he gave us an open bar.
我想，但是今晚不行
I'd love to, but I can't tonight.
为什么
Why?
包袱啊
Baggage.
但是我发誓我正在努力
But I swear, I'm working on it.
你看起来不错
You look good.
对你们弟弟的死我深表遗憾
I am so sorry for your loss.
谢谢你 - 谢谢
Thanks. - Thank you.
先生们,让我们再次举杯庆祝
Gentlemen, we are here to celebrate victory.
不知为何,我竟然能振作起来并扭转了尼尔的失败
Somehow, I was able to rally and spin Neil's failure...
我的失败? -是的,我很高兴你同意这个说法
My failure? - Yes, I'm glad you agree.
你的失败在报社女士的文章中
Your failure into an article that the newspaper lady
被她总结为“意料之中"
previewed as "Exactly what she expected."
刨去艾莉森毁了我对已婚这件事的伪装
Oh, and despite Allison blowing my cover about being married
还有尼尔作为我助手在任期内灾难性的不足之外
and Neil's short yet disastrous tenure as my assistant...
等等,我被开除了? - 是的
Wait, I'm fired? - Yes.
我很高兴你也同意你应该被开除
I-I'm glad you agree that you should be fired.
伍斯特狂野哥们要继续
The Worcester Wild Dude continues his journey
他的名气和世界影响力之旅了
towards fame and worldwide influence.
我已经感觉更蠢了
Oh, I feel dumber already.
嘿,你要去哪儿啊
Hey, where are you off to?
和帕蒂出去玩
Hanging out with Patty.
她还住在隔壁呢?
Oh, she's still next door?
我以为她现在已经搬去和那个女警♥察♥一起住了
I assumed she'd moved in with the lady cop by now.
不不,第三次约会才会那么做
No, no. That's on the third date.
离她远点 - 离她远点
Leave her alone. - Leave her alone.
嘿,如果你在那儿看到塔米
Hey, uh, if you see Tammy over there,
能不能告诉她一声
will you tell her that the Worcester Wild Dude
伍斯特狂野哥们想和她一起巡逻
wants to do a ride-along.
我还想要把城市钥匙
And I want a key to the city.Okay.
还有奶昔
And a-a milkshake!
我真是爱死出名了
I love being famous.
这个家伙就不能约你在
This guy couldn't have met you
明亮一点的咖啡店或者办公室什么的地方见面吗
in a well-lit coffee shop or an office or something?
这是他选的地点,我不想把他赶走
Well, he picked the spot.I didn't want to put him out.
你对我不会谈判这件事有那么惊讶吗
Are you that surprised I'm bad at negotiating?
当然不是,有次我见你为了不让凯文穿运动衫去守灵
No. Once, I saw you pay Kevin $20
而向他支付了20刀
so he wouldn't wear sweats to a wake.
是的,我亲戚的葬礼,结果他穿着工装短裤去了
Yeah, my cousin's, and he wore cargo shorts.
好吧,从今以后我就让你代为我俩进行谈判吧
Well, I will let you do the negotiating from now for us.
艾莉森,不行
Allison, no.
我来这儿不是为了我们
I am not here for us,okay?
我这是最后一次帮你...做这件事
I am helping you with this one last... thing.
你就直说吧,假装自己的死亡
Just say it. Fake my own death.
因为当你走的时候,你要带着你所有的破事跟你一起消失
Because when you go, you're taking all this shit with you
还有拉我下水的每一件事 - 我知道
and everything you dragged me into. - I know.
塔米对尼克仍心存疑虑
Tammy is still asking questions about Nick.
我们毁了我弟弟
We broke my brother.
自从我决定
Ever since I actually made the decision
开始和你讲话的那一刻
to start talking to you,
我觉得我就没过过一天正常或是简单的
I don't think that I've had one day that's felt normal.
生活
Or easy.
你基本就是我的眼中钉肉中刺
You're pretty much a pain in my ass,
而且大多数日子...
and most days...
...你都糟糕透顶
...you suck.
这我也知道
I know that, too.
好吧,如果你要喝泄愤酒
Well, if you're gonna be angry drinking,
最起码也要懂得分享
the least you could do is share.
这是伏特加,你讨厌伏特加
It's vodka. You hate vodka.
你怎么知道的
How do you know that?
你曾经说过一次
You said it once.
别跑
Don't run.
停下 - 嗨
Stop. - Hi.
你总算来了
Took you long enough.
抱歉
Sorry.
我们可是走过来的
We had to walk.
而且还是这荒无人烟的停车场
To a deserted parking lot.
你到底一个人能做点啥.这是谁
Can you do anything alone? Who's this?
我的保镖
Wh... Protection.
毕竟这荒凉的停车场
For the deserted parking lot.
这才是最安全的地方
Well, this felt safest.
我现在既不能去我办公室也不能去我家
I can't go to my office right now or house.
你确定这家伙没问题吗?
Are you sure about this guy?
查克听说了我与戴安的见面并且认为是我帮她离开的
Chuck heard I met with Diane and thinks I helped her leave.
于是拿棒球棍砸了我的车
Took a bat to the Wagoneer.
等等,什么？
Wait, what?
我爱这辆车
I love this car.
不是,你说"离开"是什么意思?
No, no, no, no.What do you mean "leave"?
很明显,她现在在去南卡罗来纳州的路上
Apparently, she's on the road to South Carolina.
大半夜的给查克留了个纸条就上路了
Took off in the middle of the night, left Chuck a note.
上帝保佑她
God help her.
所以这350刀
So the $350.
是的
Yeah, um...
这个,呃...这个比350刀值钱多了
Well, this is, uh...This worth a lot more than that.
你确实不擅长谈判
You really are bad at negotiating.
你俩看起来很麻烦