凯文滚一边（2021）

The article about the accident only mentions her name once.
没有讣告，甚至都没有一个同事内疚到
No obit, not even a coworker who was guilted
给她在众筹平台上筹钱办一场葬礼
into doing a GoFundMe to pay for the funeral.
一生孤独且毫不起眼
Completely unremarkable and alone!
“格特鲁德 弗朗弛?” - 嗯哈
"Gertrude Fronch"? - Uh-huh.
你想让我变成一个叫格特鲁德 弗朗弛的人?
You want me to be someone named Gertrude Fronch?
而且还比我大十岁?！
And she's 10 years older than me?!
这个嘛...说明40岁的你保养得好
Well... you look really good for your 40s.
不不不，这绝不可能
No, no, no. Not happening.
抱歉
Sorry.
噢天呐，艾莉森
Oh, God, Allison.
嗨，妈妈 - 你不会是要
Hi, Mom. - You weren't going at
准备吃这个蜜制火腿吧
the honey-baked, were you?
我知道你经常会借吃消愁
I know you're an emotional eater,
但正是这硝酸盐害死了你父亲
but nitrates killed your father.
好吧，人们还说心脏病
Well, they say heart attacks
是由压力大引起的呢
can also be brought on by stress.
我还强调的不够吗，我根本不在乎
I can't stress enough how much I don't care.
这就是老爸在弥留之际
There's that bedside manner that took care of Dad
你照顾病人的态度吗？
in his final moments?
照片选的不错
Um, it's a great photo.
因为这照片已经有15年历史了
'Cause it's 15 years old.[Studio audience laughing]
他总说要变得健康起来
He was always "about to get healthy,"
减减肥，吃得更好之类的...
lose weight, eat better...
戒了酒? - 那倒没有
Stop drinkin'? - Oh, no.
他确实是个骗子，但不是个傻子
He was a liar, not an idiot.
你到底要不要捡起来
Well, are you gonna pick that up,
还是说我们已经高贵到
or are we too good for
5秒原则配不上我们了
the five second rule?
好的 - 人们动都没动过
Right. - No one's even had any.
这对他们来说太奢华了
It's too fancy.
我就从不应该让你来安排守灵
I never should have let you plan the wake.
我就是买♥♥了个火腿而已，又不是世界末日
I bought a ham, it's not the end of the world.
问题不在于你买♥♥了个火腿
It's not that you bought a ham.
而在于你认为我们是上等人士
It's that you think we're ham people.
就像你给你♥爸♥穿的那套西装
It's like that suit you put Dad in.
我都不知道你是从哪儿搞来的
I don't even know where you got that.
那是古弛的，只不过中间是两个O字
Well, it's Gucci, but it's spelled with two O's,
所以我觉得也就还好
so I thought it was fine.
你真的跟你♥爸♥一个样
You're just like your father.
总是眼高手低
Real lofty goals, terrible follow through.
我花了30年才让你♥爸♥接了点地气
I spent 30 years bringing that man down to earth.
我现在该干点什么啊
What am I gonna do now?
好吧，我猜我还能看着点你
Well, I guess I still have you to keep an eye on.
其实吧，我想去学校继续上学
Actually, I was thinkin' about going away to school.
艾莉森
Oh, Allison.
大学是给上等人士准备的
College is for ham people.
我喜欢这个格特鲁德
I like Gertrude.
小格特
Gertie.
她符合了小册子上所有的要求
She checks all the boat pamphlet boxes.
不行，我下半辈子可不能就这样了
No, I can't be that for the rest of my life!
这原本应该有所起色才对
This is supposed to be improvement.
艾莉森，你此刻需要的正是屌♥丝身份
Allison, you specifically need a loser.
现在你又想怎样? 你是想要成为一个
What do you want now? You want to be a loser
有着好听的名字和不错背景的屌♥丝吗？
with a pretty name and a cool back story?
听着，我知道这一切又恶心又吓人
Look, I know that this is gross and creepy,
但我们才找了也就五分钟的样子
but we've been looking for, like, five minutes.
艾莉森... -我...
Allison... - I...
我感觉如果我们真正努力找的话
I feel like if we actually try,
总能找到比格特鲁德弗朗弛好点的好吗
we can do better than Gertrude Fronch, okay?
所以现在，赶紧动起来
Now, come on.
我有567
I got a five, six, seven.
你除非达到30，否则出不去
You can't go out unless you hit 30.
如果你在听指示时候都不能集中注意力
Why do we play if you don't pay attention
那我们玩这有何意义
during the instructions?
能把它还给我吗？
Can I please just have it back?
不行 -拜托
No.- Come on.
你看它的看得太多了
You were staring at it too much.
已经到了可悲的程度了，继续喝酒
It was getting pathetic. Keep drinking.
这是我的手♥机♥，你不能说偷就偷
It's my phone, you can't just steal it.
为什么不行?你还不是偷了我拉夫劳伦的毛衫
Why not? You stole my Ralph Lauren sweater.
那是妈妈从勒曼商场买♥♥的 - 随便了
Mom got it from Loehmann's. - Whatever.
反正你还是毁了它了
You still ruined it.
我那时候才15岁.不过我们现在长大了
I was 15. We're grown now.
至少我是这样认为的
Or at least, I thought we were.
听着，如果她给你发了信息而你没回
Listen, if she texts and you haven't responded,
正好会使你看起来很忙
it'll make you look busy.
不止是她
It's not just about her.
我主要在等一个来自佛蒙特分局
I'm also waiting on a call about surveillance footage
关于监控视频的电♥话♥
from a precinct in Vermont.
这是很重要的警♥察♥工作
That's, like, important police work.
拜托了
Come on!
老天，金，那是她的手♥机♥，你就给她吧
Jesus, Kim, it's her phone. Just give it to her.
有什么消息
Anything?
反正不是来自她的
Not from her.
我试图挽救你的颜面了
I tried to save you from this.
谁是尼尔
Who's Neil?
而且为什么给你打了13通电♥话♥
And why's he called you 13 times?
詹姆斯 费茨帕特里克，陶德 凯莉
James Fitzpatrick, Todd Kelly...
啊！ - 不走运吗?
Ugh! - No luck?
不！
No!
老天，我讨厌这个地方
God, I hate this place.
我老爸的守灵就在这儿
My dad's wake was here.
我人生中最糟的一天
Worst day of my life.
也是我遇见凯文的那晚
It was also the night I met Kevin.
还有你，不记得了吗？
And you! Remember?
不记得了
No.
我么能不能离开这儿啊
Can we just get out of here.
反正已经找到需要的东西了 - 好吧
We have what we need. - Okay.
我知道这没什么乐趣，但是我们是在
I know this isn't fun, but we're
为我的余生做打算好吗
figuring out the rest of my life, okay?
也许这就决定了我是在一群小胖孙子的
It could mean the difference between me dying
包围下垂死挣扎还是自我解脱
surrounded by fat little grand kids, and this.
就是个名字罢了
It's... It's a name.
不是，这是我的未来，我不像你
No, it's my future. I'm not like you.
我不能假装喜欢某些东西
I can't just pretend to like things.
我以为你说你不再混♥蛋♥了
I thought you said you weren't gonna be a dick.
我没有，我...
I'm not. I...
嘿
Hey!
女士们你们暖和够了没?
Are you ladies warm enough?
够了 - 还没
Yeah. - No.
我们正要准备离开，谢谢你的...
We're gonna get out of here. Thank you for...
是的，抱歉抱歉 - 多谢了
Yeah. Sorry, sorry. - Thank you.
不好意思
Sorry.
不是那边
No.
我想这儿有趟公交应该几分钟后就来了
I think there's a bus comin' in a couple of minutes.
我知道楼下有个变♥态♥的家伙
I know there's a creepy guy downstairs,
但我宁愿在这儿等着公交也不愿出去挨冻
but I'd rather wait here than out in the cold.
好吧，祝你跟塔米玩的愉快
Okay. Well, have fun with Tammy.
你要干什么去
What... What are you doing?
我要去趟墓地，就在边上
I'm going to the graveyard. It's right here.
比利说其他被抛弃的尸体都在那儿埋着
Billy said that's where the other abandoned bodies are.
我...
I...
我不能和你一起去了
I can't go with you.
我懂
I know.
哇 - 噢，天呐
Whoa! - Oh! Oh, God.
老天 - 抱歉
Jesus. - Sorry, sorry, sorry.
这个毛衫有点棘手
Sweater's tricky.
我猜也是
I bet.
喂?！倒杯啤酒是有多难?
Hello?! How hard is it to pour a beer?
我有现金