凯文滚一边（2021）

没有任何魅力,但正是我的菜
It has zero charm,which is of course my type.
嘿
Hey.
你还好吧?
You feeling okay?
对不起.我...
I'm sorry. I, uh, um...
我以为走出家门会好一点，但是可能...
I thought getting out of the house would help, but maybe...
可能这不是个好主意
maybe this was a bad idea.
你是不是整晚都没睡
Were you up all night?
差不多
Pretty much.
那不如我陪你回去吧
Maybe I just go back with you.
别
No.
我没事
No. It's fine.
独自生病真的很糟糕
It's terrible being sick and alone.
我不是一个人.艾莉森时不时会过来
I wasn't alone.Allison came by a few times.
我知道你不喜欢她
I know you don't like her.
只是因为你不了解她
But you don't really know her.
那你呢?
Do you?
了解她还是喜欢她?
Know her or like her?
两者
Either.
都是啊
Yeah.
我意思是...
I mean, it...
就像你跟布拉姆
It's just like you with Bram.
我也get不到
I don't get it at all,
但你无论什么情况都会放他一马
but you cut that guy all kinds of slack.
他是我的搭档 - 所以啊,她跟我
He's my partner. - Yeah, and she and I
我们也经常待在一起
are around each other a lot.
我们整天都忍♥受着同样的蠢货
We put up with the same idiots all day.
我也不知该怎么说.我是说,她经常为我着想
I don't know. I mean, she looks out for me.
我也为她着想
I look out for her.
你说是就是吧
If you say so.
我真这么认为
I do.
你回来就好
Oh, good, you're home.
我需要帮着看看一些东西
I need you to look at something.
不,我可不再做第二次了
No, I am not doing that again.
你自己拿个镜子把腿抬过头顶就好了
Just get a hand mirror and lift your legs over your head.
不是,老爸刚刚把我硬汉版的政♥治♥广♥告♥发过来
No, my dad just sent over the rough cut of our political ad.
我需要一些...无知大众的意见
I need the opinion of the...uninformed public.
请坐
Please sit.
凯文,在我们经历过这些事后
Kev, after what happened,
不会有些勉为其难吗
isn't it a lot to put ourselves through?
不会啊宝贝
It's not a lot, babe.
这只是一条30秒的广♥告♥
It's only a 30-second ad.
不是,我说的是整个选举
No, I mean this whole election thing.
真的...真的太过了
It's... It's...It's too much.
真的不过.我保证
It's not too much,I promise.
我们可以筹款
We... We'll fund-raise.
绝不会花我们一个子儿
It won't cost us a thing.
但是,凯文
But, Kevin!
“但是,凯文”
"But, Kev-i-i-in."
算了
Never mind.
我们先看广♥告♥吧
Let's watch the ad.
好不好 好吧
Yeah? Yeah.
嗨 我是凯文麦克罗伯特
Hi, I'm Kevin McRoberts,
你们的日常英雄.并且我凯文罗伯特
everyday hero.And I, Kevin McRoberts,
要竞选市议员
am running for City Council.
这就是凯文罗伯特...K-E-V-I-N,
That's Kevin McRoberts...K-E-V-I-N,
大写的M,小写的c,大写的R
big "M," little "c," big "R,"
小写的o,小写的b,小写的e
little "o," little "b,"little "e"...
你干嘛要按暂停
Why'd you pause it?
你都没看我拼完
You didn't watch me finish spelling.
因为我知道结局
Well, I know how it ends.
我只是担心这个广♥告♥
I'm... I'm just worried that this ad, it...
并不是你
It isn't you.
你什么意思?老爸说靠的就是名字识别
How do you mean? Dad says it's all about name recognition.
这不就是我名字么
That's my name.
不是,我意思是这广♥告♥并不能
No, I mean it just doesn't...
展现出你有多牛X
capture how awesome you really are.
哥们
Bro.
你可能觉得我疯了
Call me absolutely insane...
但你也许说的点子上了
but you might actually be right!
你知道吗,老爸介绍广♥告♥梗概的时候
You know, when Dad was story-boarding it out,
我感觉有点...
I did feel a little...
有点像个被老爸打扮了一番的
Like a... Like a weenie little pansy boy
小娘炮. - 好了好了
got dressed up by his daddy. - Okay, okay.
你得向你的选民展示真正的自己
You need to show your voters who you really are,
正宗的你...了不起的自己.
your authentic... kick ass self,
这样他们才会永远记住你
and they'll remember you forever.
永远?
Forever?
至少在他们投票前
Or at least until they vote.
好吧...但我们怎么才能及时完成呢
Yeah, but how would we finish it in time?
向Local Access 37电视台提交广♥告♥的期限是明天
The ad's due to Local Access 37 by tomorrow.
我来帮你
I'll help you.
上次你这么说的时候,还是抢过方向盘
Last time you said that, you grabbed the wheel,
导致我撞向消防栓的时候
and I crashed into a fire hydrant.
但至少不是撞向一群孩子吧
Instead of a crowd of children.
就这样.决定了
That's it. It's settled.
你和我.宝贝.我们要
You and me, babe, we are gonna
一起来制♥作♥政♥治♥广♥告♥喽
make a political ad together!
好了,让我们开动创意的汁液流动起来
Okay. Let's get our creative juices flowing.
好的.好的.让我们来个头脑风暴
Okay, okay, let's brainstorm.
噢,不不,刚那是我对狂灌啤酒
Oh, no, no, that's what I call pounding beers
和烈酒的称呼
and ripping shots.
当然了
Of course.
我加入
I'm in.
棒棒哒,拿好了
Yes! Here you go.
让我们向这个城市介绍最正宗的凯文麦克罗伯特
Let's introduce this town to the authentic Kevin McRoberts.
并且这次,就让他们目不转睛
And this time, they're staying down!
艾莉森?
Allison?
艾莉森?
Allison?
发生了什么?艾莉森去哪儿了?
What happened? Where's Allison?
在你出去之后她就立马走掉了
She ran out of here right after you.
是吗?为什么?
She did? Why?
她跟凯文在一起,说不定又想杀掉他
She's with Kevin, probably trying to kill him again.
她tm是怎么想的?
What the hell is she thinking?
你tm又是怎么想的?
What the hell are you thinking?
不
No.
别来这一套
Don't start.
别来什么负罪感这一套狗屁
Don't start that guilt-tripping crap.
你说是狗屁?
Oh, it's crap?
看看这些
Look at all this.
我也不知道为什么要费力
Ugh. I don't know why I'm bothering
使你在乎.因为她不会放了我
to try and make you care, because she won't let me go,
你又毫无疑问听她的使唤
and you do what she says, no questions asked.
这不是事实 - 你可省省吧
That's not true.- Oh, please.
我此期间一直在观察你俩
I've been watching you two.
她时刻嘴不离"我们"二字,说的好像你俩真是一起的
She says "we" all the time like you're in this together,
但是,帕蒂,她现在在哪儿呢?
but, Patty, where is she?
她只管发号♥施令,你却干脏活累活
You do the work,and she calls the shots.
所以我又何必浪费时间谁服你帮我呢,是吧傀儡?
So why waste my time trying to get you to help me, Trish?
别这样叫我
Don't call me that.
可是丽萨法佐拉里整个初中都这样叫你
But Lisa Fazzolari called you that your entire junior year.
那女的考驾照时候连挂
That girl kept failing her driver's test,
就把你你当成了她的免费司机
and you'd chauffeur her everywhere,
甚至有次让你载她去一个根本没邀请你的派对是吧?
once to a party that you weren't even invited to, right?
闭嘴
Shut up.
你就只能坐在外面热着车等她
You just sat outside keeping the car warm,
但是这次你更可悲而已
but this is even more pathetic.
我不在乎你怎么想
I don't care what you think.
你对她下了手
You had your hands on her.
你还能有什么借口
What excuse could you possibly have?
这是个意外.我拿到的每张报告
It was an accident. Every report card I ever got