凯文滚一边（2021）

I'll say.
你们这群人平常都这么容易被吓着吗？
Do you guys normally get this scared?
唯一能吓到我的
The only thing I'm scared of
就是即使睁大双眼，呼吸正常
is not seein' the rest of this movie,
却看不成这电影的后半段
with my eyes wide open, breathin' normally.
我再去那瓶啤酒
I'm gonna get another beer.
你能帮我也拿一瓶吗
Uh, will you grab me another Miller Lite?
不过拜托，去拿的时候请把门开着，并且吹着口哨
But please, leave the door open, and whistle the whole time
好让我们知道你在哪儿
so I know where you are,
还有请不要吹一些
and please don't whistle anything
太吓人的调调
too spooky.
我要去个厕所
I'm gonna hit the men's.
看完我下面的情况后，
It's always harder for me to be scared by a movie
我就很难再被电影吓到了
after I've seen my whole downstairs situation.
我猜我今晚真的吓坏了吧
I guess I really freaked out tonight, huh?
是的，你真的被吓得不轻
Yeah. Yeah, you... You got pretty scared.
不过，嘿，当你恐慌得像个孩子的时候
But hey, how cool is it that no we have our own personal cop
能有这个随传随到的警♥察♥是多酷的一件事啊
we can call any time you start panicking like a child?
是啊..最近我睡眠一直不好
Yeah... I've been having trouble sleeping lately.
这对我造成了不小的影响 - 我能看出来
It's done a real number on me. - I can tell.
你还以为我爸是个精神入侵者
You thought my dad was a psycho intruder.
我们差点开枪打死他
We almost shot him![Both laughing]
那是怎么回事
What was that?
一个丧尸杀手?
A killer zombie monster?
尼尔，你应该先假设些无害的东西
Neil, you're supposed to suggest
这样我就能无视了
something harmless first so I can dismiss it!
天呐，你一点都没有恐怖幽默感
God, you have no sense of horror banter!
你个神经病，别在我房♥子里搞事情
Ugh... Not in my house, you psycho!
天呐
Jesus!
你还好吗
Are You okay?
所以，让我捋一捋
So, let me get this straight...
没那么难懂吧，艾莉森
It's not that hard to follow, Allison!
你在“玩圣节”把我们独自留在家
Ya left us alone on Pal-o-ween,
意味着尼尔很容易受到惊吓
which means Neil was apt to get terrified
从而变得生气
and fly off the handle!
但为什么会导致塔米在这儿
But how does that lead to Tammy bein' here,
而你又把门踢我脸上?
and you kickin' a door into my face?
听着，尼尔过来要看那部有史以来
Listen, Neil came over to watch the scariest movie
最吓人的电影...“丧尸自助餐” - “丧尸自助餐” -“飞天万能车”
of all time... "Zombie Buffet." - "Zombie Buffet." - "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?
当我们听到来自地下室
Which is when we heard the weird noises
的奇怪声响时，很自然地
coming from the basement, so obviously,
就认为是什么精神入侵者
we assumed it was the psycho intruder.
或者是德库拉先生
Or Mr. Dracula.
我才不会尊称那个神经病
I will not give that sicko the respect
为伯爵呢
of calling him "count."
回家吧，尼尔
Go home, Neil.
所以很明显，我们叫了我们的伙伴...
So, obviously, we called for backup...
塔米作为我们的后援，尤其在这种情况下
Our pal Tammy, who we know we can always count on
我们知道她总能靠得住
in situations like these.
也许从今以后少点依靠我
Yeah, maybe count on me just a little less from now on.
所以，我们全去了楼下调查
So, we all went downstairs to investigate,
结果发现只是皮特
but turns out, it was just Pete.
过去两周我一直住在地下室
I've been squatting in the basement the last two weeks.
这就是噪音的来源
That's what the noises were.
所以，等塔米把她的枪重新放回枪托
So, after Tammy re-holstered her gun,
我们都大笑了一番
we all had a good laugh!
至少在我听到你偷摸上楼梯之前
At least, until I heard you sneakin' up the stairs,
所以我想当然认为你是一个准备进来
and obviously assumed that you were a zombie
吃掉我浑身血肉的丧尸
comin' to eat my plentiful flesh.
我-我无法...
I-I can't...
她怎么还搞不清状况
How is she still not getting this?!
我天，皮特，有没有想过也许是因为我脑袋开花了？
Uh, gee, Pete, maybe it's the severe blow to the head?
容我说句话，艾莉森
In my defense, Allison,
谁知道你在外面做什么呢
I don't know what you were doing out there
叫得像个怪物，打扮得像个老不死的巫婆
moaning like a freak and looking like an undead hag.
这就是你的辩解?
That's your defense?
这是怎么发生的?我以为你们不是
How did this happen? I thought you were picking up
去取咖啡桌了吗？ - 不不不不
a coffee table? - No! No, no, no!
我爱我们的咖啡桌
I love our coffee table!
它看起来就像被美国航♥天♥局修过的
It looks like it was fixed by NASA.
等等，这就是为什么你说你要去看电影?
Wait, is that why you said that you were going to the movies?
就是为了骗我
To trick me?
是啊
Yep. Yep
不过我成了笑话
But, uh, joke's on me,
因为我在那家伙的草坪上摔倒了
'cause I slipped on the guy's lawn
此时化粪池还在工作
and the septic tank was seeping through.
真是太丢人了
How embarrassin'.
典型的艾莉森
Classic Allison! Ugh.
所以是怎样，你就坐在这儿任由粪水
So, what, you're sitting there leaking septic juice
沾满我们的沙发吗？ - “我们的”沙发?
all over our couch? - "Our" couch?
我现在在这儿定居了
Oh, I live here permanently now.
我要去没这么奇怪的地方逛逛去了
I'm gonna go hang out someplace a little less weird.
也许还能捣毁个制毒工厂什么的
Maybe bust a meth house or something.
我随时待命
I protect and serve.
你只会朝我脸上踢门
You kick a door into my face.
我就这么一回意外
I pop you in the face by accident one time.
我要说多少次道歉才行
How many times do I have to say "I'm sorry"?!
呃，如果能有一次我就知足了
Uh, once would be nice.
嘿
Hey.
嘿
Oh, hey.
嘿
Hey.
你要和凯文出去约会?
You gonna go out with Kevin?
是的
Uh, yeah.
我跟他说我一直希望有个人能为我做顿饭
I told him I always wanted someone to cook for me,
然后他就说周五要为我准备一顿丰盛的晚餐
and he said he'd make me a fancy dinner on Friday.
怎么了?
What?
没什么
Nothin'.
祝你好运
Good luck.
谢谢你
Thank you.
嘿
Hey.
我能看看吗?
Can I see it?
老天
Jesus.
你认为我真的应该选择格特鲁德吗？
You think Gertrude's what I should do?
你问我?
You're asking me?
是啊
Yeah.Uh...
我是说
I mean...
我是这么觉得的
I think so.
所以是的
Yes.
好的
Okay.
那我就这么办
Then that's what I'll do.
你把你的余生交给我去决定你放心吗？
You trust me to figure out the rest of your life?
因为你有方向感啊
You have a sense of direction.