凯文滚一边（2021）

The back door, the bathroom vanity, the dishwasher.
我可能被这些绊倒摔断脖子你知道么?
I could have tripped over that and broken my neck, you know?
但他连看都不会看一眼
But he couldn't be bothered.
22年,我全用来替这个男人关这关那了
22 years, I spent closing stuff behind that man.
不,小戴,这并不悲哀
No, D, this isn't sad.
就像有些人虽然去世了
This is like when someone dies,
但也是因为自然衰老而终的,所以没关系啦
but they're really old,so it's fine.
这不是一场葬礼,而是一场庆祝
This isn't a funeral, it's a celebration.
是的
Yeah. Yes.
但我已经做查尔斯迈克安太太太久了
But I've been Mrs. Charles McAnte for so long,
就像...就像我喜欢给他收拾尾巴一样
it's like... it's like I like cleaning up after him,
因为我忘了曾经的自己
because I don't know what I did before.
你...你整个就是另一个人
Well, you... you were a whole other person.
你会找回那个她的好吗?
And you'll find her again, okay?
只需要一点点胜利
Just need a few more wins.
嘿,那是凯文吗？
Hey, is that Kevin?
又播出了.开大点声
It's on again.Turn it up.
那...那确实是凯文
It... It is. It's Kevin.
狂野哥们 - 狂野哥们
Wild Dude! - "Wild Dude!"
啥? - "他向坏家伙射击"
What? - "He shoots the bad dudes."
“他是个酷哥们” - 他是个酷哥们
"He is a cool dude." - He is a cool dude.
不不不不
No, no, no, no.
伍斯特狂野哥们 伍斯特狂野哥们!
"The Worcester Wild Dude!" The Worcester Wild Dude
你丈夫怎么上电视了？
Why is your husband on TV, huh?
你丈夫是伍斯特狂野哥们?
Your husband's the Worcester Wild Dude?
太牛了
That's awesome!
好了好了,你怎么知道这广♥告♥的?
Okay. Okay, uh, how do you know this ad?
整天都在一遍遍播放啊
Oh, it's been airing over and over all day.
然后12新闻频道又接着播放
Then News Channel 12 picked it up.
我听说都传到了波士顿的6频道
I heard it made it over to Channel 6 out of Boston.
为什么会这样
Why?
因为很好笑啊,我听说他
It's hilarious. I heard he's gonna be
明天会在凯莉酒吧现场演唱那首歌♥
over at Kelly's Bar tomorrow, singing the song live.
艾莉森?!
Allison?!
凯文出名了
Kevin's famous!
噢,好吧.这才是值得庆祝的
Oh. Okay, that is worth celebrating.
我打赌凯文绝不会忘记
I mean, I bet Kevin never forgets
关他身后的柜子门对吧?
to close a cabinet behind him, huh?
查克唯一一次上新闻
The only time Chuck ever made the news
还是在03年的大停电期间
was during the blackout of '03
抢劫一元商店的时候,但是凯文?
when he looted that dollar store, but Kevin?
大家干杯
Cheers, everybody!
日常英雄
Everyday Hero!
胜利板上又加了一笔
Put another win on the board!
这世界都在围着他转
The world revolves around him.
不是围着,而是必须围着
No, it's not that it does,it's that it has to.
好像没有任何一个人比这个混♥蛋♥
No one deserves what's coming to them
更值得这些运气
more than that asshole.
这就是为什么他总是赢
It's why he always wins.
糟糕
Shoot.
很高兴你掉进了水沟而不是撞了别人
Glad you went in a ditch 'stead of hitting anyone else.
现场的人告诉我你...开车时睡着了?
The guys at the scene told me you... fell asleep at the wheel?
你丈夫是警♥察♥什么的吧?
Your husband a cop or something?
确实是个什么
Or something, yeah.
那一定很不错
Must be nice.
你发生了什么
What happened to you?
发生了一场意外
Got in an accident.
我要怎样才能让事情变得好起来
How do I make this better?
也许你不能
Maybe you can't.
这件事你不是一个人做的
You didn't do this on your own.
而且是我先打的他
I hit him first.
至少现在你可以更关注在
At least now you're free to focus on
对凯文♥做♥的事情上来了
whatever you're... doing to Kevin.
我让事情变得更糟了
I made it worse.
什么？- 是的
What? - Yeah, um...
不知怎么搞的我让他出名了
Somehow I made him famous?
而且因为警♥察♥发现了我是他妻子
Got out of a DUI tonight
让我逃脱了醉驾的罪名
because the cops found out I was his wife.
等等
Wait.
你醉驾？
You drove drunk?
你想什么呢?
What were you thinking?
我不能离开
I can't leave.
也不能杀了他
I can't kill him.
我估计要困死在这儿了
I'm stuck here like this until I die,
这还是在幸运的情况下.这还是尼尔不告发的情况下
and that's if I'm lucky.That's if Neil doesn't talk
而且尼克...你懂得
and Nick... you know.
所以
So...
所以为什么不干脆一醉方休开车上路呢
Why not get drunk and drive my car?
艾莉森
Allison?
这种自我放弃的狗屁言论
This self-destructive bullshit?
自杀式的行为
Killing yourself?
又是在扮演受害者了
It's just playing the victim again.
早上好啊
Good morning!
早上好
Good morning.
我说“早上好"
I said, "Good morning."
真的好吗？
Is it?
当然好了
Of course it is.
我以为我被淘汰了 落选了
I thought I was out.I thought I was down.
但我反而变成了名人
But instead,I'm a celebrity!
天呐 我就像是时尚弄潮儿
Oh, God, I'm like a taste-maker.
我基本就等于第九个沃尔伯格了
I'm practically the ninth Wahlberg.
你总能找到胜利的途径
You always find a way to win.
还有修修你的脸
And fix your face,
因为你也算间接胜利了
'cause you're winning by proxy.
对,我的脸才是问题所在
Right, like my face is the problem.
噢,还有,作为伍斯特狂野哥们太太
Oh, and, uh, as Mrs. Worcester Wild Dude,
你也是有头有脸的人了
you should get a lot of cred,
因此需要注意一下有则消息被传开了
which you need after word got out
有次你点星巴克而不是邓肯家的东西
that you ordered Starbucks over Dunkie's that one time.
不过我下午有个大型拍摄通告
But hey, I got a big, uh, photo shoot this afternoon,
我希望你也陪我一起去,宝贝
and I want you there with me, baby.
我可不想被拍进去
I don't want to be in photos.
你错了,我意思是让你去给我加油
Oh, no, I mean like to cheer me on.
你觉得怎么样
What do you think?
我想我宁愿假装去世
I think I'd rather fake my own death.
怎么了
What?
帕蒂,我想明白了
Patty, I figured it out.
艾莉森
Allison?
这种自我放弃的狗屁言论
This self-destructive bullshit?
自杀行为
Killing yourself?
又在扮演受害者了
It's just playing the victim again.
你弟弟尼克,还有发生的其他每件事
Nick, your brother, everything that's happened...
我知道该怎么办了
I know what we're gonna do.
全赖到我头上
Put it all on me.
该死
God damn it!