凯文滚一边（2021）

Phew. Uh, absolutely not.
虽然我一点都不怀念他做的全豆沙拉，不过
You know, I don't exactly miss his one-bean salad, but...
至少好过一个人在伍斯特景观套房♥中
you know, it... It might beat the sadness
悲悲戚戚，你明白吗
of the Worcester View Suites.
伍斯特还有景观？
Worcester has a view?
并没有
No.
没男人的家，哈？
A man-free home, huh?
听上去毫无乐趣，还很可怕
Sounds joyless, scary,
而且还远离了那些
and free from the kind of smells
能提醒你还活着的气味
that remind you that you're alive.
我想是吧
I guess.
总之，咱们晚点派对上再见吧
Anyway, I-I'll see you boys later at the party.
没问题，再见，戴安
Alright, we'll see ya, Diane.
拜拜
Bye-bye.
尼尔，兄弟，我想到
Neil, buddy, I figured out
怎样能破坏我老爸感情的方法了
how we're gonna break up my dad's relationship.
我只需给我爸和我姨妈上演一出“天生一对”里的剧情
I just got to "Parent Trap" him with my aunt by marriage.
我看起来像是那么聪明的人吗？
Do I look like the smartest person in the world?
你得向我多透露亿点点信息才行，兄弟
You're gonna have to spell it out a little bit more for me, pal.
我们给皮特和戴安安排一场相亲
We're gonna set up Pete with Diane.
但我们得在派对上尽快落实
But we got to do it ASAP at the party,
而且一切还要尽善尽美
which now needs to be perfect.
所以我需要你像艾莉森说的那样去引开帕蒂
So I need you to go and distract Patty like Allison said,
而我先来开展一些基础工作，怎么样？
and I will lay some groundwork, alright?
这是目前最紧要的事情
This is now priority number one!
好吧，不过你能先帮我去掉脸上这些胶带吗？
Okay, well, can you at least help me de-tape my face first?
不行，没时间了
Nope, no time, no time.
快去! 没时间了
Go! No time.
天呐
Oh, God.
现在真是一点时间都没了
There is absolutely no time at all.
我就知道
Of course.
进来
Come in.
你在烧什么东西？
Are you burnin' something?
没有啊
No.
好吧，也许是在烧，管他呢
Yes, maybe. Whatever.
你来干什么？ - 我带你去滑冰场啊
What are you doing here? - I'm taking you to the rink.
你忘了吗？
Did you forget?
没有，我...我没忘
No, I... I didn't forget.
我只是觉得你...
I-I just thought that you...
没什么了，我去准备
Nothing. I'll get ready.
那就赶紧的
Get moving, then.
别说了，五分钟就好
Shut up. Be five minutes.
好吧
Alright.
你这煎饼可太“美味”了
The pancakes are delicious.
艾莉森
Allison.
抱歉
Sorry.
好吧，只是以供参考，那门铃还能用呢
Well, the doorbell works, just for future reference.
我只是想着从后门进来以防帕蒂看见
I just came to the back so Patty wouldn't see.
对不住了
Excuse me.
没事，就是告知你一下
Just, uh... Just lettin' ya know.
我只是想保持这份惊喜
Just trying to preserve the surprise.
呃，没关系啦
Eh, it's fine.
不过你确定这是个好主意吗？
But you're sure it's a good idea?
是的，我做的...我们做的
Yes, it is a... A nice thing that I'm...
是一件好事，她肯定会喜欢的
We are doing, and she's gonna love it.
她昨天说她讨厌惊喜
She said yesterday that she hates surprises.
不管帕蒂说她如何讨厌某些事
Well, whenever Patty says she hates something,
其实她本意是真的想要
that means she really wants it.
你邀请了你的朋友了吗
Did you invite your people?
就是一些我的同事和她的客户们
Just a few friends from work and some of her clients.
好的，我还需要去取生日蛋糕
Okay, well, uh, so I'm gonna have to get a cake
还有一些她礼物上的琐事
and some apps and her gift,
另外，还得多买♥♥一些彩带
and, um, want to get some more streamers.
看来仍有不少事情
Yeah, looks like there's still some work
还没完成呢
that needs to be done in here.
是啊
Yep.
所以我们才会早早开始准备
Yep, that's why we're getting an early start.
所以，我们出发吧
So, let's... let's go.
我还想着经过这几十年的生日滑冰活动
Think after several decades of coming here for your birthday
你的水平会稍微好一点呢
you'd be just a little bit better at this.
没人会想要成为滑冰高手
Nobody wants to be great at ice skating.
就跟唱K一样
It's like karaoke.
如果太擅长只会遭一起玩的人烦
Being good at it is just annoying to the people you go with.
尽管笑吧
Yeah.
我坚持我的说法
I stand by what I said.
你能帮个忙吗？
Could you help?
尼尔？
Neil?
所以，工作怎么样？
So, how's work?
就那样吧
It's fine.
关于私闯我家的那个家伙...
Do you know anything more about the...
你有更多消息吗？
The guy who broke into my place?
我不能讨论还在调查中的案子
Um, I can't discuss an active investigation.
调查中
Active.
还要多久？
How active?
你来自哪儿？
Where are you from?
就来自这儿
Uh, from here.
一样的
Same.
有兄弟姐妹吗？
Any brothers or sisters?
没有
Nope.
独生子一个 - 不奇怪
Only child. - Shocking.
什么意思
What do you mean?
只是你看起来就不像是一个需要与人分享的人
It just seems like you're someone who never had to share.
跟这儿拐
Uh, turn here.
帕蒂的礼物在一条小巷子里？
Patty's gift is in an alley?
是的
Yeah.
好吧，但是为什么
Okay, why is Patty's t in an alley?
因为我想送她薄荷烟
Because I-I wanted to get her menthols,
但是很明显，这烟是不合法的
and apparently, they're illegal.
这个，它们确实应该不合法，因为太恶心了
Well, they should be. They're disgusting.
是的，但她现在只能抽着普通烟配薄荷糖了
Yeah, but now she just smokes regular ones and sucks on mints,
这样更糟
which is worse.
我认识一个卖♥♥薄荷烟的家伙
I know a guy who sells them.
你认识？
You know a guy?
因为我曾在酒水店工作过
Well, I worked at a liquor store.
啊，明白，下层社会
Ah, yes, the underworld.
所以你只需要把车窗摇下来
So you just, uh, roll down the window,
然后钱物交换就行，千万别下车
do the exchange, don't get out of the car.
你确定知道我是个警♥察♥的，对吧？
You do know I'm a police officer, right?
就是些薄荷烟而已
They're just menthol cigarettes.
而且我觉得警♥察♥还能打折，所以...
Uh, and I think cops get a discount, so...
多谢啦
thank you.
不客气
You're welcome.
搞什么鬼？
Uh, what the hell?
总共是75刀
That's gonna be $75.
谁打来的？ - 不重要
Who's that? - Oh, uh, no one.
你当初说的是50刀
You said $50.
不是，就是75刀
Nope. $75.
好吧
Okay, well, um...
你能帮我...因为我要接这个...电♥话♥
I... can you just... 'cause I have to get this... call.
抱歉
Sorry.
好吧，所以我现在不只是旁观了一次违法活动
Okay, so now I'm not just witnessing illegal activity,
我还参与进去了？ - 怎么了？
I'm participating? - Hello?
嘿，那个侦探给我回电♥话♥了
Hey, the PI guy called me back.
真的吗？那太好了
Really? That's great.
有什么好的？
What's great?
那是谁
Who's that?
不是什么重要的人
Nothing. It's no one.
所以他说什么了？
Um, so what did he say?
他说你需要从市政厅拿到
He says you need to get Gertrude's death certificate
格特鲁德的死亡证明，而且动作要快
from City Hall, and you need to do it fast.
为什么要这么做