差不多得了（2020）

We actually use this.
其实没有
We totally don't.
我觉得我做不到 珀尔
I don't think I can do it, Pearle.
布里奇特 如果我能戒掉 谁都可以
Bridgette, if I can get clean, anyone can.
你也上瘾了
You had an addiction?
没有它 我根本活不下去
Oh, I couldn't live without it.
我整个身体都在燃烧 直到我得到下一次治疗
My whole body was on fire until I got that next fix.
我的天哪 海♥洛♥因♥ 冰♥毒♥
Oh, my God. Heroin? Meth?
六旗游乐园
Six flags.
魔山
Magic Mountain.
不 我知道是什么
No, I know what it is.
我买♥♥了很多年的季票
I had a season pass for years.
不管坐什么车 我都坐过
Any ride, you bet I rode it.
疯狂飞车 潜水恶魔 绿灯侠首次飞行
Crazanity, Dive Devil, Green Lantern First Flight.
我每天都骑着那条可爱的龙
I was ridin' that sweet dragon on the daily.
然后我明白了 这让我错过了我的现实生活
Then I learned, it was making me miss out on my real life.
现实生活
Real life?
你是说我拍的那些东西吗
You mean that stuff I take pictures of?
我的理论
My theory?
艾米丽把布里奇特扔进了锅里
Emily two-buck-chucked Bridgette into the pot,
亚历克斯加了点蚌和白葡萄酒
while Alex cooked her up with some mussels and white wine,
乔什在沙发上玩电子游戏
and Josh played video games on the couch.
结案
Case closed.
我们没吃布里奇特
We didn't eat Bridgette!
你们诉讼无懈可击
You lay out a pretty airtight case.
你们觉得怎么样 播客球
So, what do you think, podballs?
是他们吃了她 还是她被绑在暖气片上
Did they eat her or is she duct taped to a radiator
等待救援
waiting to be set free?
女士们 我也不想对播客指指点点
Not to mansplain how podcasts work, ladies,
但你们应该听不到听众的声音
but I'm pretty sure you can't hear your listeners.
我们能听到
Oh, we can hear them.
放了布里奇特
Set Bridgette free!
把"东区三人组"抓起来
Lock up the Eastside Three!
放了布里奇特
Set Bridgette free!
把"东区三人组"抓起来
Lock up the Eastside Three!
我们的粉丝是最棒的
Our fans are the best.
放了布里奇特
Set Bridgette Free!
把"东区三人组"抓起来
Lock up the Eastside Three!
布里奇特 你还记得这张照片吗
Bridgette, what do you remember about this picture?
我用了纳什维尔滤镜 让它变得更好看了
I used the Nashville filter to make it pretty.
得到67个赞
It got 67 likes.
如果我晚点再发 可能会得到更多的赞
It probably would have gotten more if I posted it later in the day.
但你还记得这杯拿铁是什么味道吗
But, do you remember what this latte tasted like?
等待 我真的喝过拿铁吗
Wait. Have I ever actually had a latte?
SS小批手工咖啡
手工咖啡
咖啡博士
我还错过了什么
What else have I been missing out on?
放了布里奇特
Set Bridgette free!
他们拐走了"燃烧布里奇特94" 抓住他们
They took BurningBridgette94, get 'em!
不是吧
Oh, no.
我就在这儿
I'm right here.
我没被绑♥架♥ 我只是在珀尔家待了几个小时
I wasn't abducted, I was just at Pearle's for a couple hours!
我不同意
I pinot disagree-gio.
这个女人一点也不像"燃烧布里奇特94"
This woman looks nothing like BurningBridgette94.
那不是她
Yeah, that's not her!
让布里奇特继续发推
"东区三人组"去哪了
Where'd the Eastside three go?
杀了他们
Kill them!
你没事就好 布里奇特 我得走了
Glad to see you're okay, Bridgette! Gotta go!
酷 街头正义
Cool, street justice!
你们找不到"燃烧布里奇特94"的
You won't find BurningBridgette94,
所以别再找她了
so stop looking for her!
她不真实
She's not real.
她是一个虚伪 追求点赞的人
She's a phony, chasing likes.
我过去十年的人生都被手♥机♥毁了
I've lost the last 10 years of my life to my phone,
我敢说你们也一样
and I bet you all have, too.
我喜欢这个真实的布里奇特
I like this Bridgette -- in the flesh --
我只需要这个布里奇特
and that's the only like I need.
她是冒牌的
She's an imposter!
你不是真正的"燃烧布里奇特94"
You're not the real BurningBridgette94!
等等 "燃烧布里奇特94"发推了
Wait! BurningBridgette94 posted!
我不知道这是哪来的 但肯定是她
I don't know where this is from, but it's definitely her.
你们找不到"燃烧布里奇特94"的
You won't find BurningBridgette94,
所以别再找她了
so stop looking for her!
什么 我什么都没发啊
What? I didn't post anything.
你发的吗
You posted it?
我不想让大家错过你说的话
I didn't want people to miss what you had to say
因为他们都在忙着玩手♥机♥
just because they were too busy looking at their phones.
"燃烧布里奇特94"说得对
BurningBridgette94's right.
我们不能再玩手♥机♥了
We need to stop looking at our phones,
我们要开始审视人生
and start looking at life.
快看那条狗
Hey, check out that dog.
快拍 好可爱
Pics or it wasn't cute!
这是什么品种 维♥基♥百♥科♥上查一下
What breed is it? Check Wikipedia.
-它跑得好快 -我去叫网约车
- Oh, he's fast! - I'll call an Uber.
不是吧 她居然活着出现了
What a twist that she showed up alive.
天啊 这种事从没在"绑♥架♥播客"发生过
Oh my God. That never happens on Podnapped!
抱歉我们指控了你 艾米丽
Sorry we accused you, Emily.
虽然你们错了 但既然我们现在是好朋友
Well, it was wrong what you did, but since we're besties now,
我们可以一起去玩 并且
we can totally hang out and --
那才叫播客
Now that was a podcast!
对 吃屎去吧 马克·马龙
Yeah, eat shit, Marc Maron!
不用了
I'm good.
你要去哪里
Where are you going?
我去厕所
I'm going to the bathroom.
不带我的手♥机♥
Without my phone.
沙维利亚小姐 我是北方氏族的罗斯加
Lady Saveria, I am Rothgar of the Northern clans.
您美貌的传说已传到大洋彼岸
Legend of your beauty hath traveled cross the sea.
您长剑的传说
And legend of your...
也已传到了这里
longsword hath traveled here.
小姐 您的勇气
Lady, thy boldness...
别说话
Shusheth!
北方氏族的罗斯加
Rothgar of the Northern clans...
占有我吧 用你那巨大的维京
...plunder me with your massive Viking c--
亚历克斯 你没说你的新书这么下流啊
Alex! You didn't tell us your new book was dirty!
因为它并不下流
'cause it's not?
《硬盔》是忠于历史的维京色情作品
"The Rigid Helmet" is historically accurate Viking erotica.
怎么 你想说我是变♥态♥什么的吗
What? You wanna tell me I'm a pervert or something?
不 我希望你继续读下去
No, I want you to keep reading.
真的吗 觉得不错吗
Really? You think it's good?
什么叫不错 我觉得你让我焕发了第二春
Good? I think you reversed my menopause.
你刚才念到了罗斯加的大宝剑吧
Now I believe you left off at Rothgar's big ol' ding dong.
感谢你让我跟着去你的重要会面
Thanks for letting me tag along to your big meeting.
妓院出版社出版了所有我最喜欢的色情小说
Harlot House publishes all my favorite sexy books.
这是我能做的最起码的事
It's the least I can do.
如果没有你支持我
If you hadn't supported me,
我绝不会投稿的
I never would've submitted my manuscript.
相信我
Trust me.
奥斐拉书友会一定会选《硬盔》的
"The Rigid Helmet" will be an Ophira Book Club pick for sure.
全世界都会知道亚历克斯·乱♥伦♥伯格的名字
The world's gonna know the name Alex Dunkleburg.
是多潘伯格
It's Dorpenberger.
不是吧
No shit?
妓院出版社
这间房♥子真是色♥欲♥满满
The house that horny built.
《流浪儿与皮鞭》《巨阳爵士科尔顿》
The Waif and the Whip, Sir Colton the Hung.
《风流女王》
Queen stud.
当然不行 我才不会跟一元店的假阳♥具♥做交易
God no! I wouldn't touch that deal with a dollar-store dildo.
好吧 去吃屎吧 杰森
Okay. Eat shit, Jason.
亚历克斯
Alex!
我是布蕾妮·毕晓普
Brienne Bishop.
我非常喜欢你的书
I loved your book.
其实我才是亚历克斯
Actually I'm Alex.