差不多得了（2020）

Yeah, real awesome, Josh.
告诉我 珀尔教过你如何解除假外星人的武器吗
Tell me, did Pearle teach you how to disarm a fake alien?
随便讽刺 因为我变了 小艾
I can take your sarcasm 'cause I am a changed man, Em.
枪
Gun!
你能再像恐♥怖♥分♥子♥一点吗
Could you be any more terrorist-y?
你可真是找死啊
Could you be any more dying now?
该死 乔什 所有的训练都是为了什么
Damn it, Josh. All that training and for what?
天啊 我最喜欢的白色便鞋
Ah man, my best white slip-ons!
天哪 他们真的很喜欢香槟
Geez, they really like champagne.
揍那个人
Now punch that one over there!
等等 这不是人们喝起泡酒的声音
Wait, That's not the sound of people enjoying sparkling wine.
第二阶段会在你最不经意的时候
Phase two's gonna come at you in the real world
出现在现实世界中
when you least expect it.
第二阶段
Phase two!
珀尔在模拟恐♥怖♥分♥子♥抢劫
Pearle's simulating a terrorist takeover
就像《虎胆龙威2》里一样 但这次是在大楼里
just like in "Die Hard 2," except in a building!
乔什 开始吧
Alright, Josh, let's do this.
你想去哪
Where you think you're going?
救我的家人
To save my family.
你真的很入戏 喜欢你这种信念感
You're really going for it. Love the commitment.
你在胡说什么
What are you babbling about?
太棒了
So good.
天哪
Oh, my God...
珀尔雇佣了专业的特技演员
Pearle hired professional stunt men!
你要烤肉黄瓜吗
You want the Barbecue-Cumber?
但现在还没有上市呢
But it's not even available yet.
没错 "鲨鱼坦克"首席执行官先生
Exactly, Mr. "Shark Tank" CEO.
这就是为什么你要打开你的保险库
That is why you will be opening your vault
把基因序列交给我们
to be giving us the genetic sequence.
你是什么环保人士吗
What are you, some kind of environmental activists?
资本家
Capitalists.
尝起来像熏烤肉的蔬菜
A vegetable that is tasting like smokey barbecue?
我们将卖♥♥给出价最高的人
We will be selling to highest bidder.
应该是"全食"
Probably Whole Foods.
那你杀了我吧
You'll have to kill me for it!
不不 不要 我只是在开玩笑
No, no, don't, don't. I was just kidding.
这些东西我们都投保了
We're insured for this sort of thing.
好吧 我开保险库 免得被杀了
Okee-dokee, let's get that vault open before the killing.
-艾米丽 密♥码♥是什么 -不知道 索尔特先生
- Emily, what's my password? - I don't know, Mr. Salt.
没关系 我们针对这种情况有一个协议
That's okay. We've got a protocol for this type of situation.
忘记密♥码♥
谁是你小学时最好的朋友
"Who was your best friend in grade school?"
天哪 为什么只能选一个
Oh, geez, how could I choose just one?
你在开玩笑吧
Are you even to be kidding me right now?!
乔什 记住
Josh, remember,
你的环境就是你的武器
your environment is your weapon.
如果他们看不到你 就抓不到你
They can't get you if they can't see you.
尤尔根 我们得炸掉保险库
Juergen, we might needing start blowing ze up the vault.
朱尔根 回复
Juergen, comings in.
尤尔根
Juergen!
抱歉 伙计 尤尔根被搅成糊了
Sorry, pal. Juergen just got creamed.
你是谁
Who is this?
你最可怕的噩梦
Your worst nightmare.
我靠 这话说的也太屌♥了
Oh, man, that was so badass!
得松开按键
Oh, gotta unsqueeze the button --
爸爸
Daddy?
这个长得像"绿日乐队"的美国白♥痴♥是谁
Who is this Green Day American idiot?!
我真的不知道
I-I honestly don't know.
超级性感的英雄
Just some super-sexy hero type?
我想起来了
I just remembered it!
太好了 "我叫索尔特先生"
Oh, good. OKay, "My name is Mr. Salt,"
用"3"代表"E"
and the "E" is a three.
烧烤黄瓜
The Barbecue-Cumber.
很快我就要成为亿万富翁了
Soon I am being a billionaire.
终极挑战
Final boss time!
别过来 乔治·W·牛仔先生
Not another step, Mr. George W. Cowboy.
-爸爸 -没事的 亲爱的
- Daddy! - It's okay, sweetie.
这个模拟训练爸爸完成的非常好
Daddy's crushing this simulation.
-什么模拟训练 -你懂的 就这个啊
- What simulation?! - You know, this.
珀尔在训练我变得勇敢
Pearle was training me to be brave.
这些人都是训练的一部分
These guys are all a part of it.
乔什 不 这是真的
Josh, no, this is real.
这些家伙真的是坏人
These guys are real bad guys.
可不嘛 小艾
Suuure, Em.
我打赌这把彩弹枪也能发射真子弹
And I bet this paintball gun shoots real bullets, too, huh?
这是真的
This is real!
这是卡尔第一天上班
And it was Karl's first day on job.
还在实习期
Well, internship.
天啊 天啊
Oh, man. Oh, man.
乔什 冷静
Josh! Keep it together!
太可悲了
So pathetic.
巧克力片懦夫先生
And now, Mr. Chocolate Chip Coward,
你该死了
it is being time for you to die.
快跑 我们离开这里
Run! Let's get outta here!
不 我们要战斗 对吗
No, we fight! Right?
别看我 我只是你的长龙
Don't look at me, I'm just your dong.
我投票逃跑
I vote we run!
如果我们要跑
Well, if we have to run,
至少朝正确的方向跑
at least run in the right direction!
不 我不想参与
No! I wanted no part of this.
不
Nooo!
基因改造玉米
易爆品
天哪 乔什 你中枪了
Oh my, God, Josh! You're shot!
哪里 没有血啊
Where's -- There's -- There's no blood.
被超棒的储蓄钱包拯救了
Saved by out-of-this-world savings.
天啊 如果这是他们圣诞节的节目
Man, if this is what they do for Christmas,
那我要在这里过新年
I've gotta be here for New Year's.
等等
Hey, wait a minute.
第二阶段到底是什么呢
I wonder what phase two really was.
他肯定要吓得拉裤子
Oh, man. He's gonna shit!