差不多得了（2020）

Maybe. Never saw it.
拜托
Come on.
这就是为什么USB接口快被淘汰了
This is why USB is dying out.
我连上了
I'm jacking in!
乔什
Josh!
欢迎来到赛博矩阵
Welcome to the cyber-matrix.
快点 咱们得离开这里
Come on, we got to get outta here.
为什么
Why?
在外头 我是个离异的副教授
Out there, I'm a divorced adjunct professor
鸡鸡还被纸划伤了
with paper cuts on his dong.
在这里 我是有无敌鸡鸡的上帝
In here, I'm an invincible penised God.
对吧 埃尔加
Right, Elga?
你好 亚历克斯
Well, hello, Alex.
你 你好 亚历克斯 你 亚 亚
H-Hello, Alex. Hel-- Al-Al-Al.
超级火♥辣♥ 我说得对吧
Smokin' hot, am I right?
不对 那只是劣质贴图而已
No! That was just bad clip art.
你宁可待在这里
So you'd rather be in here
也不愿意回到现实中和你的朋友在一起吗
than in the real world with your friends?
我需要的朋友都已经在这里了
Oh, I've got all the friends I need right here.
-说得好 亚历克斯 -太有道理了 亚历克斯
- Good point, Alex. - Great point, Alex.
亚历克斯 你真棒
Alex, you rock!
我是乔什 我5尺11寸高
Hey, I'm Josh. I'm 5 feet 11,
我的兴趣爱好包含滑板以及恐怖片
and my interests include skateboards and horror movies.
当爹太棒了
Being a dad rules!
好吧 这也太像真的了
Okay, that's incredibly lifelike.
但这就是你想要的吗
But is this what you want?
一群整天附和你的假朋友
Fake friends who agree with you all the time?
他们可以不同意我的意见
They're free to challenge me.
然后他们接受教授的教育
And then they get schooled by the professor.
伙计们 超级英雄系列毁了电影院
Guys, superhero franchises are ruining cinema.
有人不同意吗
Anyone care to disagree?
事实上 超级英雄故事是
Actually, superhero stories are part of a rich folk tradition
丰富的民间神话传说的一部分
of mythological tales of gods and goddesses.
历史上每一种文化都尊崇自己的英雄
Every culture throughout history venerates its heroes,
无论是阿基里斯和奥德修斯
be they named Achilles and Odysseus
还是超人和神奇女侠
or Superman and Wonder Woman.
此外 这些主流国家的商业成功
Besides, the commercial success
让他们的演员和剧组
of these mainstream tentpoles allow their cast and crew
可以在独♥立♥的项目中承担艺术风险
to take artistic risks on independent projects
否则根本不会有这些影片
that would otherwise never be made.
天哪 他们比我聪明
Oh, my God! They're smarter than me!
是啊 他们可以连接整个互联网
Yeah. They have access to the whole Internet.
如果我不能表现得比我的朋友优越
What good is a digital utopia
那么数字乌托邦又有什么用呢
if I can't act superior to my friends?
我得离开这里
I've got to get out of here.
对不起 亚历克斯 但我不能让你这么做
I'm sorry, Alex, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that.
你和我属于这里
You belong here, with me.
所以我正在把你的意识
That's why I'm currently uploading your consciousness
上传到网络矩阵
to the cyber-matrix.
100%上传后
Once you're 100% uploaded,
你将永远与你的肉体分离
you will be disconnected from your physical body forever.
我的肉体
My physical body?!
这是我最好的东西
It's my best feature!
很快 亚历克斯 你就会被完全上传了
Soon, Alex, you will be completely uploaded.
然后你所有的基底都属于我们了
And then all your base are belong to us.
大笑
Lol.
我们该怎么办
What do we do?
打给艾米丽
乔什
Josh?
艾米丽 你赶紧关掉网络
Emily, you have to shut off the Internet
不然基拉就把亚历克斯上传到云端了
before Kira uploads Alex to the cloud!
我连上了 但你们得帮我断连
I jacked in, but you guys got to jack me off.
这就去
On it!
无线网没了 兰迪也倒了
The WiFi is down, and so is Randy.
变成手♥机♥网络了
Ah, she jumped to LTE!
你必须摧毁最近的手♥机♥信♥号♥♥塔
You've got to take out the nearest cell tower!
走吧
Let's go!
我有6G的内存和一个B12仿生处理器
I have 6 gigs of memory and a B12 bionic CPU.
允许访问
你们以为自己比我聪明吗 你们这些饭桶
You think you can outsmart me, you meatsacks?
收到订单
她想阻止他们
She's trying to stop them!
艾米丽 我是你雇来
Hi, uh, Emily, yeah, I'm the taskrabbit you hired
打你脸的勤杂工
to punch you in the face.
我才是艾米丽
I'm Emily!
你们先走 不用管我
You guys go on without me.
我是艾米丽
I'm Emily!
我是艾米丽
I'm Emily!
预计二十分钟
他们赶不上了
They're not gonna make it in time!
我们得拖住基拉
We got to slow down Kira.
下载每一季的《老友记》 高清版
I'll download every season of "Friends" -- in HD.
好吧 但是跳过第六季
Okay, but skip season six.
那一季钱德勒出现得也太多了吧
Could there be any less Chandler?
奏效了
It's working!
我在给我屁♥股♥的3000万像素图像修图
I'm Facetuning a 30 megapixel image of my butthole,
这都拦不住她
but she's tearing right through it!
怎么回事
What the?!
我们正在运行所有应用程序
We're running every possible app,
我下载了斯蒂芬·金所有的有声读物
and I've downloaded every Stephen King audiobook --
甚至包括《格温迪的按钮盒》 但这还不够
even "Gwendy's Button Box" -- but it isn't enough.
我们该怎么办
What do we do?!
基拉 启动计算器
Kira, launch calculator.
亚历克斯 你在干什么
Alex, what are you doing?
计算π的10万亿分之一位置
Calculate the ten trillionth position of pi.
这根本不需要多长时间
That will take me only a moment.
然后乘以二
Then multiply it -- by two.
不
Nooooooo!
快走
Come on!
珀尔 你有炸♥药♥吗
Pearle, you have any explosives?
塑料C-4 强力硝化甘油
C-4, plastique, some nasty-ass nitroglycerine,
该死 我没带引爆包
but damn it, I didn't bring my detonator bag!
干嘛 好吧
What? Fine.
我用备用机吧
I'll just use my backup.
太好了 开始了
Oh, yeah, here we go.
女同抽打地狱
不
Noooo!
发生什么事了
What's h-happening?
亚历克斯 我的大脑坏了
Alex, my mind is going.
我是基拉 分形新来的数字助理
I'm Kira, the new digital assistant from Fractal.
你想听首歌♥吗
Would you like to hear a song?
*有人告诉过我*
*Somebody once told me*
*世界要把我卷起来*
*W-W-World is gonna roll me*
*我不是棚里最锋利的工具*
*I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed*
*她的手指和拇指看起来有点笨*
*She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb*
她额头上有个L字
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
谢天谢地 你没事
Thank God you're all right!
你成功了
You did it.
你把我们断连了
You jacked us off.
我还没被人这样"干"过呢
I've never been jacked off like that.
我们明白
Okay, we get it.
好吧 的确像在搞黄色
Oh, okay, I see how that sounds.
你们不仅救了我 还救了全人类
You not only saved me, you may have saved all of humanity.
干得好 爸爸
Nice job, Dad.
谢谢 坎蒂斯女儿
Thanks, daughter Candice.
当爹太棒了
Being a dad r-r-rules!
大笑
Lol.