差不多得了（2020）

*就在你眼皮子底下 伙计*
*I mean, it's right there in your face, man*
*在你吃下去之前 停下来想想*
*Before you take it, stop and think*
*改变历史 值得喝一杯吗*
*Is changing history worth a drink*
*是的 你最好考虑一下*
*That's right, you better think about it*
*暂时把那饮料放一边*
*You better put that drink aside for now*
伙计 你和布里奇特吵了几架啊
Man, how many fights did you and Bridgette have?
比我印象中还要多
More than I remembered.
等等 这是我第一次见到她的时候
Wait, this is where I meet her for the first time.
但那晚我们没有吵架 你没发现吗
But we didn't fight that night. Don't you see?
阻止这些吵架并不能改变任何事情
Stopping all these fights doesn't change anything.
我们还是会丢掉工作 离婚 住在橱柜里
We're still gonna lose our job, get divorced, live in a closet.
我们住在橱柜里 成为我也太倒霉了
We live in a closet? Wow, sucks to be me.
唯一可以一劳永逸的办法
The only way to fix our lives once and for all...
就是阻止我见布里奇特
...is to stop me from meeting Bridgette.
如果我没见过布里奇特
So if I never meet Bridgette,
她就不会在加州大学洛杉矶分校上我的课
she'll never end up in my class at UCLA,
我也不会因为和学生交往而被炒鱿鱼
I'll never get fired for dating a student,
不会成为住在橱柜的穷光蛋
and I won't end up a broke, divorced loser
离婚的失败者
living in a closet.
我就能过上正常的生活了
I'll get my life back.
我们都能过上正常的生活了
We'll get all of our lives back.
他们是十胞胎
They're twins.
她来了
There she is.
欢迎来到拉斯维加斯
那里 帅哥 就在前面
There! Hunk -- dead ahead.
我们得阻止他见到布里奇特
We've got to stop him from seeing Bridgette.
等等 等等 等等 不行
Wait, wait, wait, wait. We can't.
我想修复我们的关系 而不是抹去它
All I wanted was to fix our relationship, not erase it.
你在说什么呢
What the hell are you talking about?!
这是我们过上正常生活的机会
This is our chance to have a normal life.
但那是没有布里奇特的生活
But that's a life without Bridgette.
我是这里年纪最大的亚历克斯 因此也是最睿智的
Look, I'm the oldest Alex here and, therefore, the wisest.
我现在明白了无论我的生活多么糟糕
And I can see now that however crappy my life turned out,
都不是因为她
it's not because of her.
而是
It's...
是因为我
It's because of me.
我 我 肯定还是我
And me and me and definitely me.
不可能 小帅哥 我们必须要这么做
No way, hot stuff. We're doing this.
没错 对不起 帅哥 九比一
Yeah, sorry handsome. It's nine against one.
等等
Wait!
你们得先通过我
You're gonna have to go through me first.
快点 乔什
Come on, Josh!
我们不能让他们阻止我去见布里奇特
We can't let them stop me from meeting Bridgette.
吃我一拳 亚历克斯
Take that, Alex!
重击 上勾拳 回旋踢
Body blow, uppercut, roundhouse kick!
不 别过去
Oh, no, I don't!
亚历克斯 我只想让你知道
Alex, I just want you to know...
我的尿要憋不住了
I got to pee so bad!
酒保 有精酿啤酒吗
Hey, barkeep. You got any craft beers?
印度淡啤什么的
Maybe a double IPA?
我是布里奇特
I'm Bridgette.
我是亚历克斯
I'm Alex.
烟花
Fireworks.
太好了
Yes!
乔什 小心
Josh, look out!
天啊 我们飞到未来了
Oh, man, we're way in the future!
我们都没有《时间之酒》了
And we're all out of Time Hooch.
我们该怎么办
What are we gonna do?
警报 警报
Alert! Alert!
这两个类人生物必须被阉♥割♥和切割
These two humanoids must be neutered and chipped.
-上车 沙雕 -沙雕
- Get in, Dicktaints! - Dicktaints?
这就是我们未来称呼"哥们"的方式
That's how we say "dudes" in the future.
-酷 -沙雕
- Cool. - Dicktaints.
-谢谢你们载我们 -客气
- Thanks for the ride! - Sure.
对了 沙雕其实就是傻屌♥的意思
P.S. -- "Dicktaints" still means dicktaints.
我靠 我们被耍的一愣一愣的
Oh, man, they got us so good.
沙雕
Dicktaints!
是时候放下过去了
It's time to let go of the past.
签字
Sign.
这里 还有标签那里
Sticker there. Sticker there, too.
天哪 怎么回事 你没事吧
Geez, what happened? Are you okay?
我非常好 给
I'm better than okay. Here.
你签了 什么改变了你
Oh, you signed? What changed?
这么说吧 是"时间"
Well, I guess you could say it was...time.
你着重强调了"时间" 但还是谢谢你
Okay, a lot of emphasis on the word "time," but thank you.
6500万年前
你们觉得
Well, huh. What do you, uh --
你们觉得我们现在该怎么办
What do you guys think we should do now?
有一个很明显的选择
I mean, there's one obvious option.
-太翘了 -太棒了 禁果
- So fit. - Ooh, yeah, the forbidden fruit.
-太嗨了 -我想摸一下
- So jacked. - I wanna touch it.
我要摸
I'm gonna touch it.
多潘伯格工业
样品可以克隆
把它的基因植入胚胎
Insert its DNA into the embryo.
恭喜你们 先生们
Congratulations, gentlemen.
我们要克隆一个尼安德特人
We're going to clone a Neanderthal!
甘菊小学
早上好
Good morning?
-大家好吗 -还好
- How are you? - Just fine?
今天和你们在一起真是完美
It's so wonderful to be with you today.
我是亚当·李维吗
Am I Mr. Adam Levine?
因为你们有发言权[嗓音]
Because you kids have the voice.
早上好 孩子们
Good morning, children.
坎贝尔先生 能出来一下吗
Mr. Campbell, can I have a moment?
当然 贝克特校长
Certainly, Principal Becket.
我想让你见见里芙·莱克
I'd like you to meet River Lake,
我们学校的新音乐老师
our school's new music teacher.
很高兴
Well, enchanté!
欢迎来甘菊小学
Bienvenue to chamomile.
谢谢
Thank you!
大家都说她是最好的
Everyone says she's the best.
她每周二和周四都会来看你的课
She'll visit your class every Tuesday and Thursday.
这些孩子在陌生人面前可能有点害羞
These kids can be a bit shy with strangers.
不过别担心 我会帮你暖场的
But don't worry, I'll warm them up for you.
世界上最棒的老师
这杯子太骄傲了
What an empowering mug.
这个吗 这是孩子们送的礼物
Oh, this? It was a gift from the children.
同学们 请注意
Attención, class.
我想让你见见我们的新音乐老师
I'd like you to meet our new music teacher.
-莱克女士 以及 -你们好啊 孩子们
- Her name is Ms. Lake, and... - Hello, kindergarten!
我是里芙·莱克 如果大家知道这首歌♥ 一起唱吧
I'm River Lake. If you know this one, let me hear you sing along!
我们越说早安 早安 早安
The more we say good morning, good morning, good morning?
我们越说早安
The more we say good morning,
我们就越棒棒
the awesomer we'll be?
和达希尔 艾玛 坎蒂斯和温妮在一起
With Dashiell and Emma and Candice and Winnie?
她知道我们的名字
She knows our names!
当我说早上 你们就说好
When I say "good," you say "morning."
-早上 -好
- Good! -Morning!
有意思
Oh, fu-u-u-u-n.
-早上好 坎贝尔先生 -早上好
- Good morning, Mr. Campbell. - Good morning!
你怎么样 坎蒂斯 准备好享受今天了吗
What do you say, Candice? Are you ready to carpe that diem?
妈妈 就是她 就是她
Mom! That's her! That's her!
那就是莱克小姐
So that's the Ms. Lake?
她让我们叫她里芙
She has us just call her "River."
很酷吧 艾米丽
Isn't that cool, Emily?
不 不能这么喊我 这几天她都在
Nope, we don't do that. She's just been going on and on
不停说里芙
about River these last few days.
是吗 不错啊
Hmm, yeah? That's neat.
节奏是一种语言 你们在说它
Rhythm is a language, and you guys are speakin' it!
告诉我 埃斯梅
Tell me somethin', Esme!
有什么动听的话吗 坎蒂斯
What's the good word, Candice?
对 你们两个 感受一下那美妙的感觉
Yes! You guys, feel that groove!