差不多得了（2020）

this whole place goes down.
是吗 好啊 哥们
Yeah, okay, buddy.
找掩护 妈
Take cover, Ma!
兰迪 发生什么事了
Randy?! What's happening?
我正在把管道重新布线来清掉堵塞
I'm rerouting all the pipes to clear the clog.
到你们自己的卫生间去等我的信♥号♥♥
Get to your toilets and wait for my signal!
斧头踢
Ax kick!
牙膏
Toothpaste!
你大爷的
You son of a bitch.
好了 各位 我数三个数
Okay, guys! On the count of three,
大家一起冲马桶
I want you to flush that toilet!
我做不到
I can't do it!
你可以的
You've got to!
三 二 一
Three, two, one!
冲啊
Fluuush!
这就行了
That'll hold.
你拯救了房♥子 宝贝
You saved the house, baby!
庆祝会
我是亚历克斯
And I'm Alex!
为什么好像所有的孩子
How is it that every kid
都在这六个星期内开生日派对
seems to have their birthday party in the same six weeks?
也没有那么差劲吧
Aw, they're not that bad.
我们这周末还有三场
We've got three more this weekend.
只有三场 真幸运
Only three? Lucky.
我们有五场
We've got five.
回见了...
See you guys...
这个派对太棒了
This party rules!
我等不及下星期我自己的派对了
I can't wait for my party next weekend.
我们 也...
Us, too...
等不及...
Can't wait...
我再也承受不了任何强颜欢笑了
I can't take any more forced fun.
弄死我算了
Just kill me now.
谢了
Thank you.
好了 我给坎蒂斯的派对预定了魔术师
Okay, I've booked the magician for Candice's party,
订了蛋糕 买♥♥了装饰品
ordered the cake, I bought the decorations,
而且弄了点抗焦虑药帮我们撑过去
and scored some Xanax to get us through it.
从什么时候开始生日派对变得这么没意思了
When did birthday parties become so not fun?
是啊 我觉得当父母就因为参加这些派对
Yeah, I feel like the parents deserve a party
也值得被奖励一场派对
just for going to all these parties.
-等一下 我们可以这么做吗 -做什么
- Wait, can we do that? - Do what?
在给坎蒂斯办派对的同时
Throw a party for the parents
给当父母的也办一场派对
at the same time as Candice's party.
我们可以这么做吗
Can we do that?
-我去找珀尔帮忙看孩子 -我来订桶装啤酒
- I'll get Pearle to watch the kids! - I'm ordering a keg.
我的天啊 我们可以叫大♥麻♥外卖♥♥
Oh, my God, we could do weed delivery.
Siri 怎么做佩奥特碱
Siri, how do you make peyote?
咱们买♥♥可♥卡♥因♥吧
Let's buy cocaine!
-太过了 -太过了
- Too far? - Too far.
后院
充气城♥堡♥
坎蒂斯
把鼻涕给我吸回去
Put that snot back in your nose!
生日快乐 坎蒂斯
这个蛋糕好大啊
That cake is ginormous.
-重型武器来了 -妈妈 爸爸
- Here comes the cavalry! - Mom, Dad!
跟我去玩充气城♥堡♥吧
Come into the bounce house with me!
多好玩啊
It's so fun!
我们得把这些送到车♥库♥去 宝贝
We have to bring this to the garage, sweetie.
你去和你的朋友们一起玩吧
You go have fun with your friends.
只限成人
这才叫做庆祝孩子的生日呢
This is how you celebrate a kid's birthday.
没有小孩的破烂 只有酒
No kid shit, just booze.
可食用大♥麻♥
你可以吃的饼干
Cookies you can eat?
我的最爱
My favorite!
我们真是最佳父母
We're the best parents.
坎蒂斯...
Candice...
-你不应该到这里来的 -但你们就可以
- You're not supposed to be in here. - But you are.
咱们先从这个巨型的果汁盒上面下来 宝贝
Uh, let's get off the big metal juice box, sweetie.
各位 我们马上回来 多喝点
Everybody, we'll be right back. Drink up!
看啊 魔术师来了
Hey, look, the magician's here!
你可以在那边准备好随时可以开始了
You can set up over there and start whenever you're ready.
伟大的萨迪尼任何时候都是准备好的
The Amazing Sardini is always ready!
父母们都去哪里了
But where are the parents?
我们有个主意
Well, we had this idea that the parents
父母也有自己的派对
could have their own party.
很酷 对吧 我们受够了
Cool, right? We got tired of the standard
这些小孩派对的模式化的东西
kids birthday party thing.
但是魔术是适合任何年龄的娱乐项目
But magic is an all-ages entertainment.
你们难道不想看见自己孩子的小脸蛋
Don't you want to see the look on your children's faces
被我创造的幻象... 点亮吗
when I create...illusions?
那个... 我们有个绝妙主意
Yeah... We had this awesome idea
让父母们也可以有个派对
that the parents could have a party.
所以...
So...
干掉一提啤酒
Oh, yeah, whippin' out the six pack!
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
要是我们都亲热一下多有意思
Wouldn't it be funny if we all made out?
咱们脱♥光♥了打架吧
Ha, let's get naked and fight!
我倒了
I'm down.
搞什么鬼 咱们才离开了五分钟而已
What the butt?! We were gone for five minutes!
你还想怎么样
What'd you expect?
你给了这些父母们一整桶啤酒
You gave a bunch of parents a keg.
大家都知道你有孩子以后酒量就不行了
Everyone knows once you have kids you can't hold your liquor.
我刚刚喝了一瓶科罗娜
I just had a Corona!
裸体格斗俱乐部的第一条规矩是什么
And what's the first rule of Naked Fight Club?
喂 有个书呆子在变魔术
Hey, some nerd is doing magic.
咱们去捉弄他吧
Let's go make fun of him.
这条手绢看起来很普通
What seems like an ordinary handkerchief
其实是有魔力的
is actually a magic handkerchief.
好了 各位 咱们回到车♥库♥里面去吧
Okay, guys. Let's get back into the garage.
假大拇指 魔术真差劲
Fake thumb! Magic sucks!
插♥你♥自己的...
Suck your own !
这里有孩子在呢
Ma'am! There are children here!
孩子们 看我让啤酒消失
Hey kids, watch me make this beer disappear.
闭嘴 这是烈性黑啤 而且是这第二瓶了
Shut up! It's a stout, and it's my second!
女士们先生们 请大家尊重一下
Ladies and gentlemen, if everyone could please respect
魔法的艺术
the art of magic for a moment.
够了 你们想要一个没有孩子的派对 是吗
Enough! You wanted a party without children, did you not?
这个魔法不错
Now that's a good trick.
我在魔法城♥堡♥上过课 所以
I took a class at the Magic Castle, so...
-发生了什么 -他真的
- What just happened? - Did he just...actually...
你做了什么 孩子们呢
What did you do?! Where are the kids?!
我把他们送到一个享受真正生日派对的地方了
I sent them somewhere they can enjoy a real birthday party,
你们显然无法提供啊
which you clearly cannot provide.
如果你们想找他们 就戴上帽子去找吧
If you want them, put on the hats and go get them.
亚历克斯 布里奇特
Alex, Bridgette!
吸引家长们的注意力
Keep the parents distracted.
车♥库♥好像有一些手工披萨
I think there's some artisanal pizzas in the garage...
-准备好了吗 -走吧
- Ready? - Let's do this.
我们在哪里
Where the hell are we?
生日世界 小傻瓜
Birthday World, ya silly bean!
这是一片充满乐趣的土地 欢笑就是币货
A land of nonstop fun where the currency is laughs
而皱眉是违法的
and it's illegal to frown!
开玩笑的 我们这里没有政♥府♥
Just kidding, we don't have government here.
好吧 孩子们在哪里
O-kay... Where are the kids?
他们在欢乐城♥堡♥的蛋糕山上
They're atop Mount Cake in Castle Joy!
欢乐城♥堡♥
Yay, Castle Joy!
欢乐城♥堡♥发生了什么
And what's happens in Castle Joy?
永无止境的生日派对 就像查克芝士餐厅
A never-ending birthday party! It's like Chuck E. Cheese,
但很快你们的孩子就会忘记自己有父母
except soon your children will forget they even have parents...
而选择永远留在这里
and choose to stay here for all eternity.
-这里就是个噩梦 -快走
- This place is a nightmare. - Come on!
乐趣
坎蒂斯 我们来了
Candice? We're coming!
坎蒂斯