差不多得了（2020）

我感觉到了 我是贾姆医生
Oh, I feel it! Dr. Jam in da house!
贾姆医生说你们都需要用牙线
And Dr. Jam says y'all need to floss!
今天得用牙线
Gotta floss err'y day!
这感觉像种族歧视
This feels racist.
快点 同学们 跟上节奏
Come on, class, keep the beat!
你走吧 坎贝尔先生 谢谢
You go, Mr. Campbell! Thanks.
是贾姆医生哦
Oh, and it's Dr. Jam.
没事的 乌龟没事 各位看到没
It's all right! Myrtle is okay! See guys?
天哪 血
Oh, God, blood.
什么
What?
看 他醒了
Oh, look, he's awake!
你感觉怎么样 坎贝尔先生
How are you feeling, Mr. Campbell?
我没事 我只是
I'm okay. I just, um...
都两点半了
It's 2:30?!
你和他们在一起一整天了
You've been with them the whole day?
我帮你包扎好了
I stitched you up.
别担心 我们在一起玩得很开心
Don't you worry, we've been having so much fun together.
里芙教我们怎么读书
River taught us how to read!
很有趣 坎蒂斯
Very funny, Candice.
什么
What?
连伊桑都看书了
Even Ethan?
我得看看那家伙吃不吃火腿
Yo, I got to find out if that dude eats the ham.
好了 同学们 今天到此为止
Okay, class, that's it for today.
没关系 星期四再见
Oh, it's all right. I'll see you again on Thursday.
我们爱你 里芙
We love you, River.
-天哪 -你真可怜
- Oh, God. - You're pathetic.
-谁说的 -在这里
- Who said that? -Over here.
看看你 坎贝尔
Look at you, Campbell.
这些孩子以前爱你 现在
These kids used to love you. Now?
你是世界上最无名的小卒
You're the world's greatest nothing!
不是这样的
That's not true!
那不是真的吗 别自欺欺人了
Th-That's not true? Oh, cut the shit!
这个里芙·莱克让你出尽丑态
This River Lake has made a fool out of you.
我该怎么办
Well, what was I supposed to do?
她音感那么好
She has perfect pitch
这种休闲复古别致的风格
and this casual retro-chic style that just --
闭嘴 听着 你这个蠢货
Shut up and listen, you little bitch!
你想不想重新成为大家最喜欢的老师
Do you want to get back to being everyone's favorite teacher or not?
我当然想了
Yes, of course I do!
那你就得搞倒她
Then you have to crush her.
对 喝我一口
Yes. Sip of me.
喝光我
Sip my ass!
好了 谁准备好参加音乐游♥行♥了
Okay, who's ready for a musical parade?
我
Me!
好吧 我给你们每人一件乐器
All right! I'll give you each an instrument and --
天哪 怎么搞的
Oh, my God! What happened?
乐器都坏了
The instruments, they're all broken.
什么 不
What? Oh, no!
我打赌是那些五年级的小混混干的
You know what? I bet those punk fifth-graders did this.
我想今天音乐课得取消了
Well, I guess music class will have to be canceled today.
大可不必
Oh, no. No, no, no.
我们唯一需要的乐器就是这个
The only instrument we need is right here.
我们年度最佳教师的领先者已经有了
I think we've got a front-runner for teacher of the year!
下次再见
Oh, see you all next time!
非常感谢你和我分享你的心曲
Thank you so much for sharing your heart songs with me.
你就这么点本事吗 你这个小贱♥人♥
Was that all you got, you man-bunned little bitch?
你说什么
E-Excuse me?
弄坏我的乐器
Busting up my instruments?
我应该把你的老二扯下来
I ought to rip your dick off.
我不知道你在说什么
I don't know what you're talking about.
拜托 坎贝尔
Oh, please, Campbell.
你以为你是第一个
You think you're the first teacher
试图给我捣乱的教师吗
who tried to Nancy Kerrigan me?
1994年冰上女王南希·克里根被竞争对手的男友袭击
我有音乐和幼儿教育的双硕士学位
I've got dual masters degrees in music and early childhood education.
我的音乐早教完爆你的蒙特梭利教育法
I can drum circles around your Montessori bullshit.
某人一周只教两天课 还真是大言不惭
Big talk from someone who only teaches two days a week.
我会成为全职教师的
I'm gonna be full-time.
说不定还会接替你的工作
In fact, maybe I'll take your job.
你这个 该死的 混♥蛋♥
You...frickin' -- Crap!
里芙 我们明天要办个烧烤派对
River, we're hosting a barbecue tomorrow
来庆祝我掉了第一颗牙
in honor of my losing my first tooth.
你愿意来唱歌♥吗
Would you like to come and sing,
因为你是全世界最棒的歌♥手
since you're the best singer in the whole world?
亲爱的 里芙老师周末一定很忙
Sweetie, I'm sure Ms. Lake is really busy on the weekends.
坎蒂斯 我很乐意在你的过渡礼上献唱
Candice, I would love to sing at your rite of passage.
太棒了 她同意了
Yeah-ha-ha! She said yes!
你不配用我这个杯子喝东西
You don't deserve to drink piss out of me!
你都没被邀请去过孩子家
You've never been invited to a kid's house.
现在 她要去别人家唱歌♥了
Now she's gonna sing at one.
她 她是个水货 是个大骗子
She -- She's a fake! A phony!
是时候像个男人 结束这一切了
It's time to strap on your dick and end this!
好吧
Okay.
剪刹车线时安静点
Cut those brake lines quieter!
我想试试那个
I'd like to try that.
你是怎么认识坎蒂斯的
So, how do you know Candice?
什么
What?
妈妈 里芙呢
Mom, where's River?
她答应会来唱歌♥的
She promised she'd come and sing.
我不知道 亲爱的
I don't know, sweetie.
但如果你愿意 我可以拿我的吉他唱一曲
But if you want, I could get my guitar and sing.
我答应过我朋友会有很酷的节目 一位老师
I promised my friends something cool -- a teacher.
叮咚
Ding-dong!
坎贝尔老师 你好 你来是
Mr. Campbell? Uh, hi. What are you --
我就在附近 我想里芙老师
I was just in the neighborhood and thought Ms. Lake
可能需要这个来演出
might need this for her big performance.
她没来
She didn't come.
等等 什么
Wait, what?
她鸽了你的烧烤聚会了吗
She blew off your barbecue?
掉第一颗牙
看来世界上有些老师就是不值得信任
I guess there's some teachers in this world you just can't trust!
等等 我正好带了我的卡拉OK机
Wait a second. I just happen to have my karaoke machine.
坎蒂斯 你觉得我来唱怎么样
Candice, how would you like it if I sang?
-不了 谢 -大家都会喜欢的
- Uh, no tha... - Yay, this worked out for everyone!
孩子们 快过来
Children, gather round!
请盘腿坐下
Criss-cross applesauce, por favor.
惠特妮·休斯顿
《最伟大的爱》
大家好 很荣幸来到这里 我是坎贝尔老
Grace and greetings. I'm Mr. Camp--
里芙 你来了
River! You came!
坎蒂斯 很抱歉我来晚了
Oh, Candice, I am so sorry I'm late.
我刚从医院过来
I just came from the hospital.
-天啊 你还好吗 -我没事
- Oh, God, are you okay? - I'm fine.
我今早把自行车借给了邻居
I loaned my bike to my neighbor this morning,
他出了严重的事故
and he got into a terrible accident.
但他会没事的 而且更妙的是
He's gonna be okay, though. And even better,
他和他的医生相爱了
he and his doctor fell in love!
坎贝尔老师
Mr. Campbell,
感谢你帮我暖场
thank you so much for warming them up.
干掉她
Finish her!
孩子们 唱得更好的人
Okay, kids, whoever sings better
留下来当你们的老师
gets to stay as your teacher,
另一个必须开车到沙漠去死
and the other has to drive out to the desert to die.
来吧
Bring it.
老师的歌♥唱比赛
It's a teacher sing-off!
*我相信孩子们是我们的未来*
*I believe the children are our future*
不 我来唱
No, I do!
*好好教导他们 成为栋梁之才*
*Teach them well, and let them lead the way*
*让他们看到自己的内在美*
*Show them all the beauty they possess inside*
*让他们充满自豪*
*G-G-G-G-Give them a sense of pride*
*在孤单的地方*
*A lonely place to be*
*我因此学会了自立*
*And so I learned to depend on me*