差不多得了（2020）

She's fine.
可能我最近是有点忙
Maybe I have been a little preoccupied.
妈的
Damn.
我得回健身房♥了
I got to get back to the gym.
我明天就会跟坎蒂斯玩
I'll play with Candice tomorrow --
最好玩的"金刚"
the best "King Kong" ever.
因为一旦我完成了终极训练
Because once I do the impossible WOD,
我就会变成绝对单位
I'll be an absolute unit.
我不知道那是什么 但我知道我想要
I don't know what that is, but somehow I know I need it.
但你得保证拿出时间陪坎蒂斯 好吗
Just promise you'll spend time with Candice, okay?
我保证
I promise.
这像是温暖的石头
It's like warm marble.
终极训练
The impossible WOD.
每种训练 用全力做十遍
10 reps of every exercise at 100% of your max.
你只有十分种
You've only got 10 minutes.
准备好了吗
Ready?
开始
Go!
他开始了 安东尼
He's doing it, Tony.
他真的开始了
He's really doing it.
最后一遍 乔什
Just one more rep, Josh!
成功了
It's happening!
你是王者
You're the King.
王者 金刚
King...Kong?
坎蒂斯
Candice!
我来陪你玩了
I coming to play!
等等 你要拍张照放在墙上
Hang on, you gotta take a victory selfie for the wall!
值了 老兄
Worth it, bro.
检查你的心灵护照
Check the passport of your heart.
有要申报的吗
Anything to declare?
有 内心的平静
Yes. Inner peace.
陪 你 玩 坎蒂斯
Play. With. Candice!
爸
Dad?
我知道要去哪玩"金刚"
I know perfect place play "King Kong."
往上
Going up!
爸爸能爬最高
Daddy go higher!
-妈妈 -没事 坎蒂斯
- Mom! - It's okay, Candice!
乔什 你很帅
Josh, you look incredible.
请你放下我们女儿
Please put our daughter down.
坎蒂斯 准备好玩"金刚"了吗
Candice ready to play "King Kong"?
好怪啊 但是来都来了
Uh, this is pretty freaky, but I'll take what I can get?
训练时间
Workout time.
我得回健身房♥
Me go back gym.
但我们还没玩啊
But we didn't play!
爸爸肌肉还要增大
Strong Daddy need gains!
你关心无聊的肌肉胜过我
You care more about your stupid gains than me.
我希望你从未变壮
I wish you never got strong.
但我如果无法抱你玩了呢
What if me no able pick you up?
你越长越大了
You getting so big.
我不介意你不能抱我玩
I don't care if you can't pick me up to play.
我们一起玩就够了
Just as long as we play.
真的吗
Really?
当然
Of course.
不去健身房♥了
Oh, forget the gym.
我们玩吧
Let's play.
我爱你 老爸
I love you, Dad!
我也爱你
I love you, t--
中了
Bullseye.
那是我老公 很壮吧
That's my husband. Hunk, right?
-我昏迷多久了 -三小时
- How long have I been out? - Three hours.
我错过了五餐 四杯奶昔 两次运动
That's five meals, four smoothies, and two workouts!
我没有肌肉了
I lost all my gains.
没事
That's okay.
我喜欢壮爸爸 但我更爱亲切的爸爸
I liked strong Dad, but I love Dad Dad.
是啊 你变正常了挺好的
Yeah, no, it's -- it's good that you're normal again.
我是不是有从未有过的冲动呢
Was I feeling passion I've never felt before?
-有过 -但是呢
- Yes. - But...?
没 没但是
No, that's it.
我还有最后一场运动要做
Well, there is one final workout I need to do.
休息日墓园
吉姆·克朗奇
"值了 老兄"
吉姆·克朗奇
Jim Crunch!
基因 基因 基因
DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA!
基因 基因
DNA! DNA!
怎么了 这是什么情况
What's up? What are we doing?
我们之前从好市多
We got our results back
团购了基因测试 现在结果出来了
from that bulk genetic test we bought from Costco!
可以啊 所以谁的祖先杀了谁
Nice. So, whose ancestors killed who?
我的祖先来自墨西哥瓜达拉哈拉...
Well, my people came from Guadalajara...
布里奇特的祖先来自京都
Bridgette's came from Kyoto...
而乔什是白人
and Josh is white.
你能信吗
Can you believe it?
我的报告说我有92%的可能
Mine says there's a 92% chance
祖先是一长串...变♥态♥
I'm descended from a long line of...creeps?
你出局了
You're out of here!
这根本不科学
Well, that doesn't seem scientific!
希望我和布鲁斯威利斯[硬汉演员]有血缘关系
Please let me be related to Bruce Willis.
这肯定不对
Well, this can't be right.
我妈说我的亲生父母去世了
Ma told me my birth parents died.
可好市多却说他们住在马里布
But Costco says they're living in Malibu?!
你不是说他们死了吗
You told me they were dead!
-兰迪 -你说的不只是他们死了
- Randy -- - And not just that they were dead --
你说他们是宇航员
that they were astronauts
参加了前往火星的顶级机密任务
who went on a top-secret mission to Mars!
后来他们和非常信任的黑猩猩德里克一起
Where they and their trusty chimpanzee, Derek,
遭到火星人袭击
were attacked by Martians
为了保护飞船 壮烈牺牲
and they heroically died protecting the spaceship.
这都是假的吗
Is none of that true?!
对不起
I'm so sorry.
我只是 实在没能鼓起勇气
It's just -- I could never bring myself
说出关于你亲生父母的真♥相♥
to tell you the truth about your parents.
真♥相♥是什么
Which is?
你的父母 怀亚特 · 特里克和黛博拉 · 特里克
Your parents, Wyatt and Deborah Trickle,
他们是小偷
were thieves.
而且不只是普通的小偷
And not just any thieves.
他们是油耗子
Gas thieves.
十分擅长"偷了就溜"
Masters of the "sip 'n slip."
他们扫荡圣玛利亚和圣塔克拉利塔之间的油箱
They slurped gas out of tanks from Santa Maria to Santa Clarita.
黛博拉是"鼻子"
Deborah was "the nose..."
能够从近三十米开外闻出满油的车
...able to sniff out a full tank from 30 yards away.
怀亚特是"脸颊"
Wyatt was "the cheeks,"
他吸油的速度 快到你甚至来不及说
able to suck gas out of a tank faster than you can say
"你在干什么 那是我的车"
"Hey, what you doing over there? That's my car!"
直到有一天 我出现了
Then, one night, I came along.
举起手来
Hands up!
可我没想到
Little did I know
他们为了逃走 可以做到什么地步
what they'd be willing to do to get away.
快速释放
他们丢下了你 趁此机会
They left you behind so they could make off
带走了57升优质无铅汽油
with 15 gallons of premium unleaded.
警局
最终 法网恢恢 疏而不漏
Eventually, the law caught up to them.
我带着你去探监 希望他们参与你的生活
I brought you to visit them to try to keep them in your life.
给你
Here!
但他们并不感兴趣
But they weren't interested.
所以我一直没有告诉你
So, that's why I never told you.
我不希望你觉得
I couldn't stand the idea of you thinking
有人会不想要你
someone wouldn't want you.
不管你怎么想
Well, despite what you think,
我是大人了 我能接受真♥相♥
I'm a big boy that can handle the truth.
我已经邮件联♥系♥了我的父母
In fact, I already e-mailed my parents,
今天就会跟他们见面
and I'm meeting them today.
兰迪 你得小心点
Randy, you need to be careful.