差不多得了（2020）

兰迪 起床了吗
Randy, you up?
你最好赶紧起床 你要出远门
Better get your butt outta bed! You've got a long trip!
妈 我离开期间千万别用那个厕所
Uh, make sure not to use that toilet while I'm gone, Ma.
厕所堵了 我得修
I gotta fix that nasty clog.
好的 一路平安 宝贝
Okay. Have a safe one, baby!
联合车站
洛杉矶国际机场
一张最便宜的机票 去哪里都行
Your cheapest ticket to anywhere, please.
无票人员禁止入内
这是飞往丹佛的833次航♥班♥最后一次登机通知
This will serve as final boarding call for flight 833 to Denver.
终于赶上了
Phew, made it!
登机口 62A
一份最好的驴肉酱炸风味汉堡 谢谢
One off-da-hook Donkey Sauce deep-fried Flavorburger, please!
退票处
妈 我以创纪录的速度给你买♥♥回了汉堡
Ma, I got your burger home in record time!
你这次可以趁热吃了
You can eat it hot for once.
快插♥进♥去
Now stick it in!
深插
Get in there real deep!
妈
Ma?
不是你看到的那样 我们是情侣
It's not what it looks like. We're lovers!
我爱这个人
I love this...man.
差不多得了
第二季 第五集
你怎么能背着我雇其他修理工
How could you hire another handyman behind my back?
我不想伤害你 让你伤心
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
你是个脆弱的男孩
You're a fragile boy.
我是个脆弱的男人
I'm a fragile man!
我喜欢当修理工
And being a handyman is my thing.
这是我可以免费住在这里的原因
That's why I get to live here rent-free.
我以为那是因为你是房♥主的儿子
I thought it was because you're the landlord's son.
兰迪 很抱歉发生这种事
Randy, I'm sorry it came to this,
但东西总得修 而你
but things had to get fixed, and, well, you're...
我什么
I'm what?!
你并不擅长修东西
You may not exactly be good at fixing things?
什么时候的事
Says when?!
数字 数字
Numbers, numbers.
这下牢了
That'll hold.
但维修是我的使命
But repairs are my calling.
要不你换个使命
Maybe find a different calling?
没错 你擅长很多东西
Yeah! You're good at tons of stuff.
-疯狂刷剧 -烤面包
- Binge-watching. - Toasting bread?
不♥穿♥上衣
Not wearing a shirt?
这些例子都是胡扯 你们心知肚明
Those examples are bullshit and you know it!
我要去做几百年来郁闷的年轻人都会做的事
I'm gonna do what troubled young men have done for centuries --
去 航 海
Go...to...sea.
这才是属于我的地方
This is where I belong!
不
Oh, no!
这真是我的噩梦 被遗弃在荒岛上
This is my nightmare -- being cast away on a desert island,
就像汤姆·汉克斯那部电影里一样
like in that Tom Hanks movie.
那部电影叫什么来着
What was the name of that one?
电量低
剩余电量1%
该死的
Dang it!
"汤姆·汉克斯电影"
"Tom Hanks movies"...
网速还挺快
Oh, that was fast.
汤姆·汉克斯的大新闻
Tom Hanks was in "Big?"
每天学点新东西
Learn something new everyday.
点击这里的老维♥基♥百♥科♥ 调高亮度
Hit the old Wikipedia here, crank the brightness...
为了充分理解 最好慢慢看
Better read this slowly for full comprehension...
"汤姆·汉克斯曾出演过多部电影
"Tom Hanks has been featured in many films
包括他独自一人被困荒岛的那部
including the one where he is stranded all alone, by himself.
电影名为......"
The title of that movie is..."
不
Noooooo!
救救我
开玩笑的 我很好
不
Noooooo!
不
Noooooo!
该死的
Dang it...
*锤子和钉子 锤子和钉子*
*Hammers and nails, hammers and nails*
*锤子和钉子 一两个梯子*
*Nails and hammers, a ladder or two*
我们知道要做什么 右边紧点 左边松点
We know what to do. Righty tighty, lefty loosey!
-还有好多要补 -你们不可能修好一切
- Need more caulk! - You can't fix anything!
为什么还要尝试 你们这些微缩版的我
Why are you even trying, you tiny me's?!
我怎么才能报答你
How can I ever repay you?
我接受现金 信♥用♥卡♥
I take cash, credit,
或者母爱
or maternal love.
别付给他 妈
Don't pay him, Maaa!
*维修工兰迪 维修工兰迪 维修工兰迪*
*Handy Randy, Handy Randy, Handy Randy, Randy Hand*
这个大卫·林奇式的片段到底在胡扯什么
What is this David Lynch bullshit?!
好吧 我找到了我真正的使命
Welp, I guess I did find my true calling...
去死
Death.
带我走吧 残忍♥的上帝
Take me now, cruel God!
《家居装饰》里的鲍伯·维拉
Bob Vila from "This Old House?"
《住房♥装潢》里蒂姆·艾伦扮演的
Tim Allen as that guy from "Home Improvement"
那个名字我忘了的人
whose name I forgot?
宜家人
Ikea Man?
我也很高兴见到你们
Nice to meat you, too!
你们都是传奇人物
You guys are legends!
是你们激励我成为维修工的
My handyman inspiration.
我们是来救你的 兰迪
We're here to save you, Randy.
如果你不尽快给自己建个庇护所
If you don't build yourself a shelter and quick,
你会死的
you will die.
我什么都建不了 我手太笨了
I can't build nothing. I'm not handy.
即使我心灵手巧 我也没有工具
And even if I were, I've got no tools.
你有最重要的工具
You've got the most important tool of all.
我吗
Me?
没错
Exactamundo!
你说得对
You're right.
我就是工具
I am a tool.
这就对了 别担心
That's the spirit. And don't worry,
我们会帮你的 对吗 伙计们
we've got your back, right fellas?
瞧瞧啊
Would you look at that?
温馨的家
Home sweet home.
一模一样还原了我们那幢楼
An exact replica of our building.
你们怎么看
What do you guys think?
好棒啊
So cool!
我想把我所有的男朋友都带过来
I wanna bring all my boyfriends here.
作为一个想拥有一切的职业妈妈 我爱死了
As a working mom who wants to have it all, I love it!
我是亚历克斯
And I'm Alex!
儿子 我要用最不种族歧视的口音说
Son, I'm gonna say this in the least racist accent I can!
你干得很棒
You did good.
还有 我现在好爱你
Also, I love you now.
谢谢 妈 全凭记忆所建
Thanks, Ma. Built it all from memory.
每个细节都相同
Every detail's the same --
地板是歪的 墙壁质量很差
the floor's crooked, the walls are kinda janky.
甚至连厕所都是堵的
It's even got that monster toilet clog.
这样想想
Come to think of it,
我终于可以解决此事了
I could finally take care of that.
怎么回事
What the butt?!
不 妈
No! Ma!
对你的遭遇我感到很抱歉 兰迪
I'm sorry for your loss, Randy.
怎么会这个样子
How could this have happened?
不 如果妈把堵塞修好的话
Oh, no. If Ma fixes that clog,
整个房♥子就会塌掉 把大家埋在里面
the whole house will collapse and crush everyone!
除非...
Unless...
除非我去救他们
Unless I save them.
谢谢了 各位
Thank you, guys!
谢谢你们教会我成为一个终极修理工
Thank you for teaching me to give the ultimate handy!
你这么形容有点奇怪 不过不客气
That's a weird way to put it, but you're welcome.
你们想去吃汉堡吗
下水疏通
我太迟了
I'm too late!
兰迪
Randy!
把堵塞清掉我们会死的
Clear that clog and we die!
那是个承重堵塞
That's a load-bearing clog.
如果你把它清掉之前不用类似的支撑物代替它
If you clear it without substituting a comparable support,
整个房♥子都会塌掉