后半生

-好吗 -好
- yeah? - Yep.
-你知道我住哪吗 -知道
- D'you know where I live? - Yeah.
别告诉他人
And keep it...
-好吗 -好
- All right? - Okay.
-准备好了吗 贾巴[出自"星球大战 -马上
- You ready, Jabba? - One minute.
你捏捏他的脖子
You get a lovely little handful of his neck.
就像哈巴狗
Like a pug.
你还好吗
You all right?
你怎么样
How's it going?
还是孤独生气痛苦 等不及要结束这一切 你呢
I'm still alone, angry, in pain. I can't wait to end it all. You?
我很好 谢谢
I'm fine, thanks.
如果你今晚不自杀的话 你仍然可以照顾乔治吧
If you're not killing yourself tonight, still okay to look after George?
嗯 之前说的几点
Yeah. What time did we say?
5点左右
About five.
我和吉尔有约 就两个小时
I've got a thing with Jill. Only be a couple of hours.
我们会在7点前回来
We'll be back by seven.
7点 7点前
Seven? By seven?
我得 我7点有事
I need to... I've got a thing at seven.
嗯
Yeah.
-好的 -你刚在对他的脖子做什么
- Okay. - What were you doing with his neck?
给桑迪传授经验
Just showing Sandy the ropes.
这的硬度
The consistency,
一点都不像是脖子
which is not like neck at all.
-更像是乳♥房♥♥或者阴囊 -不给你摸
- It's more like breast or scrotum. - Well, you're not touching them.
-你不介意吗 -没事
- You all right with that? - Yeah, fine.
他在点头
He's nodding.
-你不介意吗 -嗯
- You all right with that? - Yeah.
她为什么要介意我抓他的脖子
Why wouldn't she be all right with me grabbing his neck?
现在这个社会 到处是雷区
These days, it's a minefield.
对了 你要做那新闻吗
Are you gonna do that story, by the way?
我们正要去 快起来
Yeah, we're off to do it now. Come on.
你小时候就是这么被提着走的吗
Is that how you were carried around when you were young?
-再见 -再见
- See ya later. - See ya.
再见
See ya.
我不知道说什么了 这
Lost for words. It's just...
你用了多久精通
How long did it take you to master the...
用两个鼻孔吹竖笛的
double-nostril recorder?
一天几小时连续几周 对吗
Few hours a day for a few weeks, wasn't it?
对啊 简直让我头疼
Yeah. Blimey. Did me head in.
现在一切都值了
All worth it now, though.
-嗯 -酷
- Yeah. - Yeah. Cool.
因为我没工作
'Cause I haven't got a job.
-没有吗 -是的 所以我时间很多
- No? - No. So I've got lots of time.
好好利用
Use it wisely.
说来有趣 因为今早的时候 我还在想
Funny, 'cause it was only this morning, I was thinking
我的生活没有价值
my life was worthless,
我该自杀 然后
and I should definitely kill myself, and then...
你的经历会让人思考 是吧
Makes you think, dunnit?
嗯
Yeah.
拍张照
Get a picture?
竖笛放进去
Recorders in.
插♥进♥去 对了
Stick em up. There ya go.
我日
Fuck me.
-再见 -谢谢
- Cheers. - Thanks.
谢谢
Thank you.
靠
Oh, fuck.
挺有意思的
That was funny.
确定吗
Was it though?
一个胖小子仍然跟他妈生活在一起 无业
A fat kid who still lives at home with his mum, no job,
浴室他把竖笛插♥进♥他的鼻子 他想全世界知道
so he shoves recorders up his nose and he wants the world to know.
为什么有人宁愿因为自己是废物而出名
Why would people rather be famous for being shit
而不想默默无闻
than not famous at all?
这风气是什么时候开始的
When did that start?
就是让人笑笑而已 我们报道这些故事
It's just a bit of a laugh. We do these stories
人们读了后就会说 "真有意思"
so people read them and go, "Oh, that's interesting."
就像交通事故
Like a road accident.
当你在高速公路上放慢速度 你说
When you slow down on the motorway you go,
"那个有点意思 真希望自己没去看"
"Oh, that's interesting. Oh, I wish I hadn't looked."
他同时吹两支吹得还很好
Good how he played two at the same time.
-你跟他妈妈说了什么 -问她我能不能给她打电♥话♥
- What did you say to the mother? - Asked if I could call her.
-为什么 -什么为什么
- Why? - What do you mean, "why?"
-你为什么需要给她打电♥话♥ -约会啊
- Why would you need to call her? - For a date.
你约那个胖子的妈妈
You asked the fat kid's mom out on a date?
是的
Yeah.
-难以置信 -为什么
- Unbelievable. - Why?
不专业 丢人
Unprofessional. Embarrassing.
对谁来说
For who?
对我 或许对她也是
For me, for her, probably.
她答应了
Well, she said yes.
奇怪 你认识一个想让自己胖儿子上报纸的女人
Seems odd. You meet a woman who wants to get a fat kid in the paper,
然后你立刻就撩她
and you hit on her immediately.
我有很强的性冲动
I've got a very high sex drive.
永远别再说这几个词
Okay, well never say those words again.
它过来了
It's coming this way.
别动 它也许不会看到我们
Be very still and it might not see us.
我们完了
Nah, we're done for.
它停下了
It's stopping.
-还好吗 -你好
- All right? - Hi.
你会做奇怪的梦吗
Do you have weird dreams?
-偶尔 -嗯
- Sometimes. - Mmm. Yeah.
你呢
What about you?
目前没有做任何梦 因为我不睡觉
I don't have any dreams at the moment 'cause I'm not sleeping.
但就算我有做梦 我也不会告诉任何人
But even if I did, I wouldn't tell them to anyone
因为没有什么比告诉别人
because there is nothing more boring
你做了什么梦更无聊的了
than someone telling you a dream they had.
你们觉得这个梦如何
See what you think of this then.
-她还是要跟我们讲 -我看着镜子
- She's gonna tell us anyway-. - I was looking in the mirror,
我看上去很怪
and I looked really weird
我可以扯掉我的头发
and I could pull my hair out--
我懂你感受
I know how you feel.
然后
And...
我试了试我的牙齿 牙齿是松的
So I tried my teeth, and my teeth were loose,
然后发现那不是我 是个婴儿
but then, it wasn't me, it was a baby.
这什么意思
What the hell does that mean?
你做了那个有婴儿 牙齿和头发的梦
Wow. You had that dream with the baby and the teeth and the hair?
-嗯 -我忘了是弗洛伊德还是荣格
- Mmm. - Wow, I don't know if it was Freud or Jung
说如果你做了这个梦然后告诉别人
that said if you have that dream and tell other people about it,
你就是个超级无聊的人
you're really fucking boring.
无礼
Rude.
不过以梦为主题写专栏应该很不错吧
Make a good column, though, wouldn't it, dreams?
不 我跟你说写什么好
No. I tell you what would be good.
我刚才说了 我最近没睡觉
As I said, I haven't been sleeping,
所以如果你能每晚过来
so if you could come around every night
和我说5分钟
and talk to me for five minutes,
然后在我陷入昏迷时偷偷溜走
and then sneak out as I slip into a coma,
这会很有意思
that'd be really good.
不过我还想到了另外一个专栏主题
Thought of another feature for the paper, actually.
幻想宴会宾客
Fantasy dinner-party guests.
很有才吧 选出你最爱的5个人并说明原因
Brilliant, hey? Pick your top five favorite people, and why.
是啊 为什么要做这选择
Why, indeed.
你的会是谁 5个 在世不在世都行
Who would yours be? Five people, dead or alive.
不在世
Dead.
-谁啊 -无所谓 只要是死人就行
- Who, though? - Doesn't matter, as long as they're dead.
我知道我的
I know mine.
-当然了 -第一 詹姆斯·柯登
- Of course you do. - Number one, James Corden.
-我日 -我们可以做那个"拼车卡拉OK"
- Fuck me. - We could do that Carpool Karaoke.
你能做拼车神风特攻队吗
Could you do Carpool Kamikaze?
那人无所不能
That man can do anything.
-确实 -我知道酷小孩都不喜欢他
- And does. - I know the cool kids don't like him,
但他从不停止工作
but he never stops working.