后半生

她来了
Here she is.
-谁 -我女友
- Who? - My bird.
-我女友 -进来 坐吧
- My bird. - Come in. Take a seat.
-你的面包布丁 -真好 谢谢 亲爱的
- Bread pudding delivery. - Lovely. Thanks, love.
各位这是我女友琼恩 琼恩 这是大家
Um, everyone, it's my girlfriend, June. June, everyone.
-你好 -你好 琼恩
- Hello. - Hi, June.
和那个约会
So... what's it like going out with...
是什么感觉
that?
挺好的
It's lovely.
-是吗 -是的
- Is it? - Yeah.
什么意思
What do you mean?
他和我儿子相处得很好
He's good with my boy.
-嗯 -我的两个小胖子有很多共同点
- Right. - Got a lot in common, my two little fatties.
我喜欢看他们争奶油蛋
I love it when they fight over Creme Eggs.
-没有争 -有的
- Not fighting. - You do.
他 他有时会很贪婪
No, he's just-- He gets a bit grabby.
他跟我说你
He tells me you were attracted
先喜欢上了他的穿搭风格然后才是性格
to his style even before his personality.
对
Yeah.
-喜欢他的一切 -嗯
- Love everything about him. - Right.
尤其是他的身体
Especially his body.
真的吗
Really?
为什么
Wh-wh-why?
为什么 什么
Why? What's--
他很火♥辣♥
He's 'ot.
火♥辣♥
'Ot?
他体温暖和 摸上去很热
Yeah, like his body temperature's warm, like hot to the touch.
-这样 -当他裸体的时候 就像抱着一个婴儿
- Oh, right. - So when he's naked, it's like cuddling a big baby.
他刚洗完澡的时候 皮肤超级光滑
And his skin's dead smooth when he gets out the bath.
让人想抱他
Very cuddly, yeah.
你有注意到他...那里的脂肪吗
And have you noticed the roll of, um...
脖子上的赘肉
flab on his neck?
-背膘 -不 不是背膘
- Back fat? - No, not back fat,
这个待会儿再说 谢谢
but we'll come back to that, thank you.
不是 下次他躺着的时候
Um, no. Next time he's lying naked,
抓住他脖子后面 或者如果你喜欢的话爬到他身上
just grab the back of his neck. Or get on him, if you like.
坐在他上面 抓住他后面的肥肉
Sit on him, grab the roll of fat on his back there,
然后像弹力球一样骑着在屋子里转
and blump him around the room like a biiiig space hopper.
-那会很棒 -我不想伤害他 对吗
- That'd be good. - Don't want to hurt him, do I?
是的 你只想抱... 我知道
No. You just wanna cudd-- I know.
想看看他刚洗完澡后的性感照片吗
Wanna see a sexy picture of him just out the bath?
-当然 -我这有一张
- Yes, please, June. - I've got one 'ere.
你或许该 走了 亲爱的 不是吗
You should probably... head off, love, shouldn't you?
-嗯 -随时欢迎你回来
- Yeah. - Well, come back any time, though,
因为我们是本地报纸 我们需要
'cause we're a local paper, so we need sort of... Ahhh!
我们需要像这样有趣的本地故事
We need sort of local interest stories like this.
-我忘了乳蛋糕 -没事
- Ah, I forgot the custard. - Not to worry.
下次记着就行
Okay, next time, though.
-算了 -好的 再见 亲爱的
- Never mind. - Yeah, all right. See you, love.
-谢谢 -再见
- Thanks for... - See you later.
很高兴认识你们大家
Nice to meet you all.
-很高兴认识你 -幸会 再见
- Nice to meet you. - Lovely to meet you. Cheers.
-再见 -谢谢你的布丁
- Ta-ra. - Thanks for the pud.
不客气
You're welcome!
-靠 -你们两个很合适
- Fuckin' hell. - You make a lovely couple.
谢谢
Cheers.
每个人都能找到爱情 对吗
Someone for everyone, isn't there?
谢谢
Thanks.
她很棒 兄弟
She's brilliant, mate.
谢谢
Cheers.
-你好 -你好
- Hi. - Hi.
一天来两次
Twice in one day?
-有人很受欢迎呢 -今天工作比较轻松
- Somebody's popular. - It's just a slow workday, so- -
-真希望我工作也能轻松 -你很忙吗
- Wish I had a slow workday. - You busy?
嗯 有一点
Err... Yeah, just a bit.
过来坐坐吧
Just... Well, have a sit down.
我没别的可说的了
That's all I've got.
天
God.
回去工作吧
Okay, back to work.
-拜 -拜
- Bye! - Bye.
我这次没有母乳喂养
Well, I didn't breastfeed this time,
不方便
not convenient.
显然 我之前还在分泌乳汁
Obviously, I was still lactating,
所以我就想 "不浪费则不匮乏"
so I thought, "Waste not, want not,"
于是我挤出来
so I expressed...
开始做米布丁
and started making rice puddings.
-用你的乳汁吗 -好主意
- Out of your breast milk? - Good idea.
仔细想想 这样其实更自然 不是吗
It's more natural, if you think about it, isn't it?
吃用人奶做的布丁
For people to eat a pudding made from human milk.
这是我们所习惯的
That's what we're used to, isn't it?
在我们还是婴儿的时候 也许吧
Well, when we're babies maybe.
所以我不停挤
So I kept expressing- -
制♥作♥米布丁
And making... rice puddings.
其他人吃这个吗
Do other people eat these?
当然 他们可喜欢了
Yeah, they lap it up.
他们知道是你的乳汁做的
And they know it's your breast milk?
是的
Yeah.
谁会吃这个
Who eats these?
住在5号♥的克罗斯比先生
Mr. Crosby at number five.
他超喜欢
He can't get enough.
-我没法做巨大的布丁 -嗯
- I mean, I can't make huge puddings. - Sure.
有时我得在上面加上牛奶
Sometimes I have to top it up with cow's milk.
嗯
Right.
你们想尝尝吗
Anyway, do you want to try?
不用了 谢谢
Nah. We're fine, thank you--
天啊 天啊
Oh, God! Oh, God!
你还好吗
Are you okay?
不 是因为看到他
No, it's the sight of him just...
像只胖拉布拉多犬一样
slurping it up like a fat...
咕噜咕噜地喝
fuckin' Labrador.
天
Oh, god.
是
It's- -
天
Oh, God.
换个话题
Change the subject.
关于面包 我用我自己的阴♥道♥酵母菌
So for the bread, I use my own vaginal yeast.
谢谢
Thank you.
你永远不需要用自己的阴♥道♥酵母菌来做面包
You never need to use your own vaginal yeast to make bread.
如果你做面包 "酵母菌没了
If you're making bread, "Oh, we've run out of yeast.
我知道 我可以用 算了
Oh, I know. I can use- - Forget it.
我去商店买♥♥ 买♥♥条面包"
I'll go to the shops. We'll get a lovely loaf."
你嘴巴周围还有牛奶
You've still got the fuckin' milk around your mouth.
你个猪
Oh, you pig.
我要去遛狗了 回头见
I've got to walk the dog. I'll see you later.
好啊
All right?
-嗯 -一直在等你
- Yeah. - Been waiting for you.
为什么
Why?
明信片
Postcard.
-谁寄来的 -当然是你
- Who's that from? - You, obviously.
写了什么
What's it say?
-你知道写了什么 -说吧
- You know what it says. - Go on.
"致帕特 别再看我的明信片
"To Pat. Stop reading my postcards,
你个多管闲事邋遢的贱♥人♥"
you nosy, scruffy cunt."
不是很友好啊
Not very nice, is it?
不是寄给你的 对吗 是寄给我的
It's not addressed to you, is it? It's addressed to me.
嗯 但你知道我会看
Yeah, but you knew I'd read it.
我就是这意思
And that's my point.
乖 来吧
Good girl. Come on.
我随时都很生气
I'm always angry.
嗯
Yeah.
我讨厌人们觉得
I hate the fact that people think...