后半生

Anyway, err...
工作开心
have fun.
谢谢
Thanks.
你怎么样
So, how are you?
老样子
Same.
那就是不好了
Bad then?
我真的没有什么东西可拿来做比较了
I've honestly nothing to compare it to anymore.
不过如果
But I guess a good day
我没有欲望朝陌生人的脸开枪
is when I don't go around
然后再自杀的话
wanting to shoot random strangers in the face
就算是情况比较好了
and then turn the gun on myself.
我的一个病人
One of my clients
他打飞机的时候
fantasizes about killing his ex-wife...
会幻想杀死他的前妻
...when he's masturbating.
你跟我说这个干什么
Why are you telling me that?
我没说他的名字
I didn't say his name.
不 我知道 可是
No, I know, but...
这对我有什么帮助
how does that help me?
我不知道
I dunno.
大概是为了让你知道你不是唯一一个
I guess to let you know you're not the only one.
唯一一个什么
Only what?
唯一一个精神病人
Well, the only mental case out there.
我是说 你懂的
I mean, y'know...
唯一一个精神有问题的人
the only guy with mental problems.
-我也有问题 -你继续
- I've got problems. - Go on.
天 我要从何说起
God, man, where do I start?
可以从我开始 毕竟我给了钱 不过
Maybe start with me, as I'm paying, but...
-早 -早
- Morning. - Morning.
很糟糕 对吗 永久留下创伤
Terrible, isn't it? Scarred for life.
算不上永久吧
Hardly scarred for life.
她已经93岁了
She's 93.
如果她活到100岁
If she lives to 100,
也就只有7年的创伤
she's only been scarred for seven percent of her life.
你迟到了
You're late.
你无聊
You're boring.
你在开玩笑 对吗
You're joking, aren't you?
没有 不过你继续 你有什么
I wasn't, but go on. What have you got?
今天是分派日
It's distribution day.
不 我是说你为什么觉得我说你无聊是在开玩笑
No, I mean, why would you think I was joking about you being boring?
你有反驳观点吗还是
Have you got a... counterargument or...
-他这样你都不管管吗 -当然管
- Why do you let him get away with this? - I don't.
托尼 拜托 怎么了
Tony, come on. What's going on?
我们发行了很多没人看的免费报纸
We're putting out a free local newspaper that no one cares about.
不是这样的
No, that's not true.
这也不是 你能来我办公室一趟吗
And that's not wh-- Can you come in my office?
当然
Sure.
很多人看我们的报纸
A lot of people rely on our paper.
不是人人都用推特的 对吗
Not everyone's on Twitter, are they?
大家继续工作
Back to work, everyone.
你想要我说什么
What do you want me to say?
我很抱歉 我会努力的
That I'm sorry, and I'll buck my ideas up?
因为我不会 这没有意义
'Cause I won't. 'Cause there's no point.
听着 托尼 我知道自从你失去丽莎后
Look, Tony, I know that you've had issues,
-你就遇到了问题 -你觉得
- okay, since you lost Lisa. - Do you reckon...
我妻子的死对我有影响吗
my wife dying affected me a bit?
当然 你知道我能理解 我甚至告诉了桑迪
Of course, and you know I get that. I even told Sandy about it.
-谁是桑迪 -新来的女生
- Who's Sandy? - The new girl.
我不希望她觉得这里是疯人院
I didn't want her thinking this is a madhouse.
我必须得说点什么
I had to say something.
听着 我只需要你能专业一点 好吗 托尼
Look, I just need a bit of professionalism around here, okay, Tony.
-拜托了 -不
- Please? - No.
这些本不需要我跟你解释的
I shouldn't have to explain this to you.
你不能无礼待人
You can't just go around being rude to people.
可以的
You can, though.
美就美在这儿
That's the beauty of it.
做人善良 体贴
There's no advantage to being nice and thoughtful
关怀和正直没有任何好处
and caring and having integrity.
只有坏处
It's a disadvantage, if anything.
你要在再这样继续下去 我就只能把你开除了
Well, if you carry on like this, I might have to let you go.
你不会的
No, you won't.
你不会的 我就这个意思 因为你是个好人
You won't, that's what I'm saying, 'cause you're a nice bloke.
所以我占你便宜
So I'll take advantage of you,
就像这里其他人一样
like everyone else does here.
-你会警告我 然后我无视 -什么
- You'll warn me. I'll ignore it. - What?
你会再次警告我 我还是无视
You'll give me another warning. I'll ignore it.
我会继续随心所欲
I'll carry on doing what the fuck I want.
最终你会放弃 而我会赢
Eventually you'll give up, and I'll win.
这的女生发现
The girls here have discovered
你根本不会质问"女性问题"
that you won't even question "women's problems."
凯茜这个月来了三次例假
Kath's had three periods this month.
她喜欢周五放假 你什么都没做
She likes Fridays off. You do nothing.
她不被处罚 因为她是混♥蛋♥
She gets away with it 'cause she's an arsehole.
所以我想 那我也这样
So, I thought, right, let's have a bit of that.
你为什么想这么做
Why would you wanna do that?
你为什么不想振作起来 开心点
Why wouldn't you just rather get better and be happy?
只有一件事能让我振作开心起来
There's only one thing that'd make me better and happy,
就是丽莎陪在我身边 而这是不可能的
and that's Lisa being around, and that can't happen.
所以我才差点就自杀
So that's why I nearly killed myself straight away.
嗯 但你没有自杀 不是吗
Right, okay, but you didn't kill yourself, did you?
显然有什么阻止了你
So, clearly, you know, something made you stop.
狗的表情
The look on the dog's face.
它很生气 所以我想我该给她喂吃的
She was hungry, so I thought I'd better feed her.
这给了我时间思考
It gave me time to think,
"我本该已经死了"
"I should be dead now."
我什么都不在乎 一切都算是额外的收获
I didn't care. So, everything's a bonus.
要是我成了一个混♥蛋♥
If I become an arsehole,
我想做什么就做什么 想说什么就说什么
and I do and say what the fuck I want
想多久就多久
for as long as I want,
如果超出了极限
and then when it all gets too much,
我可以随时自杀
I can always kill myself.
就像是超能力
It's like a superpower.
这是我听说过的最差劲的超级英雄
That's the worst superhero I've ever heard of.
现在就这样了
That's the way it is now.
所以 那
So what? So...
我现在的工作就是让你开心 免得你自杀
My job now is to make you happy before you kill yourself?
那不就是随时都在倒计时吗
That's like a constant ticking clock for me now, is it?
你要这么说也行[如果你喜欢的话]
If you like.
我不喜欢
Well, I don't like.
总之 现在就这样
Anyway, that's the way it is.
很高兴我们聊了
Okay, well, I'm glad we had this chat.
嗯 很有建设性
Yeah, very constructive.
好
All right, erm...
这是 这是桑迪
So this is... This is Sandy.
她今天刚开始 是她第一天 这是托尼
She's just started today. It's her first day, erm, so, Tony,
她会为你工作 要是可以的话
she's gonna be working under you. If you could...
你给她传授些经验 介绍下情况
show her the ropes, tell her what's what.
情况是这样的
Here's what's what...
人类是瘟疫
humanity is a plague.
我们是恶心 自恋自私的寄生虫
We're a disgusting, narcissistic, selfish parasite,
没有我们世界会变得更好
and the world would be a better place without us.
自杀应该是每个人的道德义务
It should be everyone's moral duty to kill themselves.
我现在就可以去自杀 开心走上楼
I could do it now. Quite happily just go upstairs,
从屋顶跳下
jump off the roof,
确保我砸中会计部的某个贱♥人♥
and make sure I landed on some cunt from accounts.
你是说
That the sort of thing...
这类情况吗
you meant?
不是
No.
无视他
Just, erm... ignore that.
伦尼 你能给桑迪传授些经验吗
Lenny, can you show Sandy the ropes?
当然
Sure thing.
必须把报纸出了 谢谢