后半生

因为一旦它成年 它就想要交♥配♥
because as soon as it becomes an adult and it wants to mate,
然后就会出去和
it goes out and mates...
大约100只雌性♥交♥配
with about a hundred females.
只要它硬起来
Literally, it gets the horn,
它就会想 "我要上所有会动的东西"
and it thinks, "Right, I'm gonna shag everything that moves."
它真这么干了
And it does.
没有求爱 不会问"我们合拍吗"
You know, there's no wooing, there's no "Are we compatible?"
"它是我的灵魂伴侣吗" 统统没有
"Is she my soulmate?" There's none of that.
它就直接干 不管对方喜不喜欢它
He's just on her, whether she likes it or not.
这可以说是强♥奸♥了 对吧
I mean, it's basically rape, yeah?
但是并没有大声喊叫
But there's no silly outcry.
然后
And then...
筋疲力尽
exhausted...
死掉
dead.
一共68英镑 谢谢
That's £68, please.
周末有什么计划吗
Any plans for the weekend?
准备把自己强♥奸♥到死
Gonna rape myself to death.
-你好 -你好
- Hi. - Hello.
-另外一个护士呢 -哪个
- Where's the other one? - Which one?
苏格兰的 话多
Scottish, mouthy.
艾玛 你找她有事吗
Emma. Do you want to speak to her?
是的 麻烦了
Err... yeah, please.
谢谢
Cheers.
你还好吗 爸
You all right, Dad?
-你想见我 -嗯
- Did you... wanna see me? - Yeah.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
为什么
What for?
不重要
Doesn't matter, apparently.
-什么不重要 -为什么我给你道歉
- What doesn't matter? - Why I'm apologizing.
我主要是为了
I'm apologizing for...
我本人的混♥蛋♥表现而道歉
being an arsehole in general.
好吧
Oh... right.
你是为你目前为止的混♥蛋♥表现道歉
So are you apologizing for being an arsehole so far,
还是提前为之后的表现道歉
or are you apologizing in advance?
我觉得你把我爸爸照顾得很好
I think you do a great job with my dad, and...
我陪他的时间不多
I don't spend enough time with him.
好的
All right. Fine.
不必担心你♥爸♥爸
I wouldn't worry about your dad.
谢谢
Cheers.
嗯
Yeah...
关于你♥爸♥
about your dad.
你今天惹毛了好几个人 是吗 雷
You upset quite a few people today, didn't you, Ray?
怎么回事
How?
他跟艾雷妮·汀道尔说他想从后面操她
Well, he told Ireney Tindall that he'd like to do her from behind.
为什么要从后面
Why from behind?
-这不是问题所在吧 -我知道
- I don't really think that's the issue. - No, sure- -
-因为丑 -好吧
- Ugly. - Oh right.
然后他指控查理·威利斯给埃尔顿·约翰口♥交♥
And he accused Charlie Willis of sucking off Elton John.
查理·威利斯多大了
How old's Charlie Willis?
89岁
Eighty nine.
真下流
Dirty bastard.
还有吗 请告诉我还有
Anything else? Please say yes.
是的 他跟温斯顿·弗里曼说
Oh, yeah. He told Winston Freeman
他的鸡♥巴♥像中国佬的鸡♥巴♥
that he has the cock of a Chinaman.
你怎么知道中国佬的鸡♥巴♥什么样
How do you know what a Chinaman's
你根本不该说"中国佬"这词 爸
co-- You shouldn't even say Chinaman, Dad.
这让我心情好了点
That's cheered me up.
工作不顺吗
Tough day at work?
我
I...
有几个人想让我去约会
Some of the guys are trying to get me to go on a date.
那你也许就该去约会
Well, you should probably go on a date, then.
-好了 我该回去工作了 -好的
- Right, I'd better get back to work. - Oh, okay.
-再见 -再见
- All right, bye. - Cheers.
艾雷妮
All right, Ireney?
她来了
Here she is.
进来 你个下流胚子
Get in here, you dirty cow.
我妹夫想要我再次尝试约会
My brother-in-law wants me to try dating again.
很好啊
Oh, excellent.
你需要一些建议
You need some tips.
为什么我需要建议
Why would I need some tips?
我猜你不太会和女人相处
Well, I imagine you're awful with women.
是吗
Yeah?
她在批评我 斯坦
She's having a go, Stan.
所有男人都很糟糕
Well, all men are awful,
但是暴躁自私的男人最可怕
but grumpy, selfish ones are the worst.
好吧 我记下笔记 这是炸♥药♥ 继续说
Oh, all right. Let me take notes. This is dynamite. Go on.
继续 你要对她说什么 我做你的约会对象
Well, go on. What are you going to say to her? I'll be your date.
角色扮演吗
What, role-play?
你若喜欢的话
If you like.
你好 我是托尼
Hi, I'm Tony.
我不想表现得有年龄歧视
I don't wanna appear ageist,
但那是你自己的牙齿吗
but are those your own teeth?
这样开场可能不太好 对吗 被你打
That's probably a bad start, is it, getting hit?
是的
No.
不过挺好的 你逗笑我了
It's good. You made me laugh,
但我想你的约会对象没我这么老吧
but I'm assuming that your date isn't as old as me.
最好他妈的没有
Fuckin' hope not.
还说脏话 严肃点
Swearing. Be serious!
我做不到 我
I can't. I...
我会坦诚相待
I'd just be honest.
告诉她我的情况 告诉她我在经历什么
Tell her my situation, tell her what I'm going through,
开诚布公
be honest up front, and...
约会过程全都讲你 是吗
So just all about you, then?
怎么 我赢不了 对吗
What? I can't win, can I?
我不想再次约会
I don't wanna date again.
我不想在没有丽莎的世界里生活
I don't wanna live without Lisa.
但并不是一切都围着你转 对吗
But it's not just all about you, is it?
我就是这个意思
That's what I'm saying.
万一一次不错的约会会让她开心呢
What if a nice date made her feel good?
这也许会很棒 不是吗
That might feel nice, right?
我们不仅仅是为自己而活 还为别人而活
We're not just here for us, we're here for others.
我不信上帝那一套 恐怕
I don't do the whole God thing, I'm afraid.
我也不信 一堆狗屁
No, neither do I. Load of rubbish.
我们只有彼此
All we've got is each other.
我们得互相帮助渡过难关直到我们死亡
We've got to help each other struggle through till we die,
然后才结束
and then we're done.
自怨自艾没有任何意义
No point in feeling sorry for ourselves
让他人不开心也一样
and making everyone else unhappy, too.
你想这样的话还不如自杀
Might as well top yourself if you feel like that.
你确定你想为自杀预防慈善组织工作吗
Are you sure you wanna work for the Samaritans?
我的意思是
All I'm saying is that...
我觉得内心深处
I think that deep down,
你还是认为生活值得活下去
that you still think life's worth living.
你的路还长着呢
It's nowhere near over for you.
你很痛苦
You're in pain.
你所失去的东西
But the thing you lost...
同样也是能终结那痛苦的东西
is the same thing that can stop that pain.
-抱歉 -没事 真的
- I'm sorry. - It's fine, seriously.
就... 我
No, it's... I...
我不该
I shouldn't have...
我会
I'll...
我会去约会
I'll do the date.
真的吗
Really?
太好了 我给她打电♥话♥ 然后订餐厅
Great. Well, I'll call her and book a restaurant.
印度的行吗
Indian okay?
嗯 我不介意她哪里人
Yeah. I don't care what she is.
不 我是说食物
No, I meant... food.
不 意大利菜最合适 可以喝酒
No, Italian'd be best. Soak up the alcohol.
好 我这就去定
Okay. Yeah, I'll book that.
很好
Great.