后半生

is often talking to a plumber on the estate
他种了一个长得很像莱昂纳尔·里奇的土豆
who's grown a potato that looks like Lionel Richie.
他登上了封面
That made the front cover.
确实很像他
It did look like him, though.
现在其实挺不错的
Actually, this is a good time.
目前我们有不少有意思的头条新闻
We've got some exciting leads at the moment.
-头条新闻 -是的
- Leads? - Yeah.
我们是伍德沃德和伯恩斯坦吗
Like we're Woodward and Bernstein?
报道了水门事件
-确实是头条新闻 -你说 什么头条新闻
- They are leads. - Go on. What leads?
-我们有什么头条新闻 -好
- What "leads" do we have? - All right.
一个女人前几天来电 她拖动她垃圾箱的时候
A woman called us the other day, when she drags her dustbin
听上去像楚巴卡[《星球大战》中的人物]
it sounds like Chewbacca.
-不行 -不行吗 好吧
- No. - No? All right.
布拉格登街上一个女人醒来后成了中国人
Woman on Blagden Road woke up Chinese.
她之前并不是
And she wasn't before.
我知道你们会怎么写
No, I get the angle.
一男子收到5张相同的生日贺卡
Man who got sent the same birthday card five times.
-真的吗 -真的吗
- Really? - Really?
-嗯 -那我们赶紧去
- Yeah. - Right, let's get to the bottom of that
查明真♥相♥
Asap.
你怎么不去 那不是你的工作吗
Well, yes. Why don't you? 'Cause that is your job.
-我知道 -嗯
- I know. - Yeah.
按门铃
Ring the doorbell.
你好恶心
You disgusting--
我不想在他家里放屁
I didn't wanna do it in his house.
去看医生 你绝对有肠癌
Go to the doctor. You've got bowel cancer.
-你们好 -别出来
- Hello. - Don't come out.
-这个胖子拉在裤子里了 -你们是报社的吗
- This fat cunt's shat himself. - Are you from the paper?
是的 让他在门外待会儿
Yeah. Leave him there for a while.
你个猪头
You fuckin' pig.
我收到第一张的时候 我想
When I got the first one, I thought,
"这卡挺好看的"
"That's a nice card."
然后收到了第二张 我想
And then I got the second, and I thought,
"有意思 两张一样的"
"Oh, that's funny. Two the same!"
可之后我又收到了第三张
But then when I got the third,
我想 "这几率有多大"
I thought, "Well, what are the chances of that?"
巨大
Astronomical.
然后第四张
And then the fourth...
然后第五张
But then, five... I mean,
我打赌这种事肯定史无前例
I bet that's never 'appened before.
记录上是没有
Not on record anyway.
-你要记笔记吗 -都记在脑子里了
- Are you taking notes? - Yeah, all in there.
这会登上下周的报纸吗
Is this going to be in next week's newspaper?
嗯 我们会赶紧搞定
Yeah, we'll rush this through.
绝对是独家新闻
Quite a scoop.
我的德妮思一定会被这事逗乐的
My Denise would be tickled by this.
是我妻子
It's my wife.
她去年过世了
She passed away last year.
我的生命之光
Light of my life.
发生任何事
Anything that happens,
我都会告诉她
I go to tell her.
然后我会想起
Then I remember.
任何事不分享出去就没意思了
Nothing's as good if you don't share it.
我还是会有忧郁的时候
Still have my downs,
但是你会在生活中遇到这样有趣的小事情
but then life throws you these interesting little things, doesn't it?
你不能可怜自己
You can't feel sorry for yourself.
得不断向前
Got to keep going.
生日快乐
Happy birthday.
谢谢
Thanks.
该死
Fuck's sake.
你好 狗粮在哪
Excuse me. Where's the dog food?
猫粮旁边
It's by the cat food.
嗯
Right, well...
那我又得问
I've got another question then.
猫粮在哪
Where's the cat food?
罐头食品 二号♥通道
Tinned products, aisle two.
谢谢 别站起来
Cheers. Don't get up.
好
Okay.
-就这些吗 -嗯
- That everything? - Yeah.
哥们 你有钱吗
All right, mate. You got any money?
-有 -什么
- Yeah. - What?
我有钱
Yes, I've got money.
那就给我
Give it to me then.
为什么
Why?
因为你不给的话我他妈就宰了你
'Cause I'll fuckin' kill you if you don't.
这招通常都奏效 对吗
Does that usually work, does it?
对大多数人来说
To most people,
死亡威胁比给你钱更可怕
the threat of death is worse than giving you money,
但是
but...
或者他们担心你们会伤害他们的家人
Or they're worried you'll hurt their family or...
我没有任何家人
I haven't got any family.
我不想细说 但我什么都不在乎
I'm not gonna go into it, but I don't care about anything anymore.
所以我不会给你们钱
I'm not giving you any money.
你精神有问题吗
Are you mental?
不 我只是受够了做我不想做的事
No, I'm just tired of doing things I don't wanna do,
我们总是有选择的
and we always have a choice.
如果我没理解错
And if I've read this right,
我的选择
my choice
要么是暴♥力♥
is either violence
要么乖乖把我的钱
or hand over my money peacefully
交给两个小废物
to two useless little cunts.
-你疯了吗 -没
- Are you mad? - No.
滚开 懂吗
Fuck off! Okay?
滚
Just fuck off.
给
There you go.
我生病不是任何人的错
It's no one's fault what's happened.
别责备世界
Don't go blaming the world.
你知道当事情不如你所愿的时候你有多暴躁
You know how grumpy you get when things don't go your way.
但你有一颗善良的心
But you've got such a good heart.
与生俱来 是创造不出来的 你就是个好人
You're born like it. You can't contrive it. You're just decent.
我第一次见你时我就知道了
I knew it, first time I met you.
像闪电一样把我击中
Hit me like a bolt of lightning.
从那以后我就一直爱着你
And I've loved you ever since.
你个死胖子
You fat twat!
今天是周日 混♥蛋♥
Oh, it's Sunday, you cuuunt!
你不是真的牧师 我能看出来
You're not a real vicar, I can tell.
托尼
Oh, Tony!
我的天
Oh my God!
-怎么了 -你为什么这么对我
- What? - Why'd you do this to me?
对你有好处 能让你的心跳起来
It's good for you. It gets your heart going.
-增加你的新陈代谢 -不 你
- It gets your metabolism up. - No! You- -