新邻里联防（2012）

我们是无敌的!
Undefeated!
你看伊凡跑步时手抬得有多高
Look at Evaroo with the high hands.
靠 我们逮住他了!
Shit,we got him!
"警♥察♥局"
没错 我们是好邻巡逻队
That's right. Neighborhood Watch.
丘丘 吸大老二吧
Suck a fat dick,Chucho.
这里是怎么回事?
What's going on here,guys?
巡佐 蛋洗
Egging,Sergeant.
他是蛋洗的人 鸡蛋?
This guys an egger. Eggs,huh?
对 鸡蛋 孬种的武器
Yeah,eggs. The coward's weapon.
你们把他带来警局很好
It's good you brought him in.
他还想溜滑板落跑
And then he tried to run away on his little skitterboard.
真的假的?
Did you really? Hmm?
想回游乐场吊车杠
Get back to the playground, and the monkey bars.
你觉得对人丢鸡蛋很好吗?
Do you think it's nice to throw eggs at people?
是吗?
Do you?
回答我
Answer the question.
这样很没礼貌
It's rude.
这会伤害人的感情跟脸蛋
It hurts people's feelings, and it hurts their faces.
你现在要承担后果
And now,you deal with the consequences.
宅女想煎蛋饼
Homegirl's trying to make an omelet.
看着我 看着他的脸
Look at me. Look at his face.
看着我的脸 看着他的脸听我说
Look at my face. Look at his face and listen to me.
看着他听我说
Look at him and listen to me.
看着他 搞清楚我的话
Look at him and understand me.
看着我们两个 别搞清楚我们的话
Look at both of us, but understand no one.
听我说的话 然后听他的脸
Listen to my words and hear his face.
你认为拿鸡蛋丢人的脸很好玩吗?
Do you think it is funny to throw an egg in somebody's face?
你认为蛋黄很好笑吗?
You think it's a yolk?
我要把整颗鸡蛋塞进你屁♥眼♥...
I'll shove a full egg inside your asshole...
看着它孵出小鸡
and watch it hatch.
法兰克林... 过当了
Franklin... Inappropriate.
我了解 这太超过了 歹势
I understand,that's too far. Sorry.
这娘炮交给你了
She's all yours.
表现很好
Great work.
这是你的包包
Here's your bag.
起级怪的
Well, that was super weird.
我被逮捕了吗?
Am I under arrest?
当然没有 这几个人是笑话
Of course not. Those guys are a joke.
你们有谁可以载我回家吗?
Can one of you guys give me a ride home or something?
不行
Fuck,no.
我不是运将 丘丘也不是
I'm not a chauffeur,and neither is Chucho over here.
对吗? 你走吧
Right,buddy? Get out of here.
好样的
Real nice.
哈啰?
Hello?
好 很搞笑
Okay. Really hilarious.
不要再闹了 不然我丢鸡蛋啰
Quit screwing around or I'm going to pelt somebody.
去你的 我要闪了
Screw you. I'm out of here.
走开!
Leave me alone!
别烦我!
Just leave me alone!
我们可真神!
We are fucking gods!
伊凡 她说什么?
What did she say,Evan?
再回来
Come back again.
那还用说
Tell me about it.
干嘛?
What?
果然没错 你一直都在!
Damn right. You been around!
从英国伦敦远道而来
All the way from London,England.
大家鼓掌欢迎他
Put your hands together. Make him feel welcome,everybody.
请贾马克斯登场
Now this is Jamarky-Mark.
来吧
Here we go.
靠!
Oh,shit!
大家没事吧? 你们还好吗?
Is everyone all right? Are you guys okay?
我们撞到人了
We hit someone.
啥?
What?
是小孩吗? 伊凡 你撞到小孩吗?
Was it a kid? Evan,did you hit a kid?
没有 什么?
No. What?
你唱歌♥为什么不看路?
Why did you take your eyes off the road to sing?
车里到处是啤酒跟尿
There's beer and piss all over the car.
大家冷静一下 专心点 别紧张
Everyone just stay calm for a second. Let's focus,just relax.
我们冷静不下来
We can't calm down.
车上有打开的酒瓶 我们喝瞎了
There's open alcohol,we're inebriated.
我的口袋里有草
I have weed in my pocket.
伊凡可能会被判十五年到无期徒刑
Evan could get 15 years to life for this.
什么?
What?
别担心
Don't worry about that.
我不能发生这种事
This can't happen to me.
我们这么办 把焦点放在活人身上
Here's what we do,we focus on the living.
开车快跑
Just drive us out of here.
我不要逃逸 我要看我们撞到什么
I'm not going to drive away. I'm going to see what it is.
伊凡?
Evan?
那是什么?
What is it?
看来你可能撞到恐怖大苍蝇了
It looks like you just hit some freakishly big fly or something.
这是什么鬼东西?
What the fuck is this thing?
看来像章鱼的触手之类的
It looks like an octopus tentacle or something.
好 我认为事情很明显
All right,I think it's very obvious what happened here,guys.
不必靠脑科大夫也能搞懂
It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure this one out.
伊凡显然意外撞到
Evan accidently, obviously,
货车掉下来的一箱货...
hit a crate that fell off the back of a truck...
车子载了刚抓到的章鱼
that just so happened to be carrying some freshly caught octopus...
要送去附近的日本餐厅
to a nearby sushi establishment.
这是刚抓到的章鱼
It's octopus and a fresh one.
就是章鱼造成的...
You got nothing but the thing and the octopus and this...
就这样吧 我们知道发生什么事了
and I think we pack it in and we know what happened.
好 最糟的状况就是
Okay. Worst-case scenario.
伊凡撞死通过马路
Evan murdered a Japanese man
边吃章鱼的日本人
who was eating octopus while crossing the street. Whoa,whoa,whoa.
拜托 我才没有撞死人
Come on. I did not murder anybody.
不重要 你知道为啥吗?
It doesn't matter. Do you know why?
因为没人会说出去
Because no one's going to say shit about this to anybody.
我们不会跟警♥察♥告密 害自己人
Because we don't dime on our fellow Neighborhood Watchers,
好吗?
okay?
等一下 我看过这东西
Wait a second,I've seen this stuff before.
在好市多
Back at Costco,
安东尼奥的尸体旁有绿色液体
this was the stuff by Antonio's body.
他刚得尼可♥儿♥童奖被砸吗?
Had he just won a Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice award?
法兰克林 他挂了
Franklin,he was dead.
所以他没有参赛资格
So,he wasn't eligible.
他能中奖还挺神的
That's pretty amazing, then,that he won.
因为你通常得做某种...
Because,usually you have to do some sort of...
跟小孩有关的事才能得这个奖
kids-type thing to win that award.
感觉像精♥液♥
It feels like cum.
谁敢碰碰看 跟我说不像精♥液♥啊
I dare anyone to touch it and tell me it doesn't feel like cum.
我可以试试吗?
May I?
对 是精♥液♥没错
Yeah,that's cum.
这是绿色的 不是精♥液♥ 是感觉像
Well,it's green. It's not cum,it feels like cum.
质地 味道 颜色 浓稠度都像
The texture,the flavor, the color,the consistency.
非常像精♥液♥
It's very cum-like.
你们看 我发现一样东西
Hey,guys,check this out. I found something.
那是什么?
What is it?
我不晓得
I don't know.
看来像个银色大篮球什么的
It looks like a big,silver basketball or something.
这是什么?
What is it?
看起来像玩具
It looks like a toy.
那是什么?
What the fuck is that?
这里是怎么回事?
What is going on up here?
有人来了
We got company.
你们这几个人跑到我的院子干嘛?
What in the hell are you people doing in my yard?
抱歉 我们是好邻巡逻队
Hi. Sorry,we're the Neighborhood Watch.
我们只是晚上出来巡逻
We're just out on a nightly patrol.
你好吗? 我是伊凡崔维
How are you doing? I'm Evan Trautwig.
这就是我守望相助的家私