新邻里联防（2012）

在地球之后的外太空里有什么?
What's out there? Out in the great beyond?
在那之后又是啥?
And what's beyond that?
在"之后"的之后有什么?
What's beyond "beyond"?
答案是 我不知道
The answer is, I don't know.
说实话 我也懒得知道
And quite frankly, I don't want to know.
因为我知道...
Because what I do know...
这个最伟大的城镇并不平等...
is that they don't hold a candle to the greatest town...
它在最伟大星球的最伟大国家...
in the greatest country on the greatest planet...
片名:新邻里联防
全宇宙最屌♥
in the whole universe.
那地方在俄亥俄州葛林威...
Glenview,Ohio...
地球的美国
USA,Earth.
在葛林威 我们重视差异性
Here in Glenview, we value diversity.
我本人呢
I,myself,
就跟一个叫克莱德的印地安人结交...
am friends with an Indian man named Clyde...
而金太太是韩国来的好寡妇
and Mrs. Kim,a wonderful widow from Korea.
金太太 快点喷我!
Hey,Mrs. Kim. Spray me!
邻居 快喷我
Spray me,neighbor.
太阳雨 欢乐洗
Sun shower. Fun shower.
我还没交到黑人朋友
I don't have any black friends yet,
但我正在找
but I am on the market.
我叫伊凡崔维 爱德邦桑尼
My name's Evan Trautwig. Oh,Ed Bosani.
每天 我问的不是...
Every day,I ask not...
葛林威能替我做什么...
what Glenview can do for me...
而是我对葛林威能有什么贡献
but what can I do for Glen view.
贾瑞 你的屁♥股♥紧实到不行
Jared,your glutes are tighter than a snare drum.
所以我成立"慢慢跑俱乐部"...
That's why I founded the running club...
在社区中心教西班牙文
the Spanish table at the community center.
(西班牙语)
还在市议会弄了副秘♥书♥长♥的职务
And created the position of Deputy Secretary at the city council.
好了 下一个议题...
All right,next item on the agenda...
为了让轮椅通行无障碍...
stipulates curb height for wheelchair access...
人行道高度不得超过六吋
be no more than six inches in height.
我知道这是火红议题
I know this is a hot topic,
所以我要委托给委员
so I will defer to the commissioner.
在这里 梦想的确会实现
Here,dreams really do come true.
一个普通人能从好市多的课长干起
A simple man can start out as a junior manager at Costco.
十二年后 只要肯认真肯打拚...
And,12 years later,with hard work and gumption...
就能在同一家好市多升到资深经理
end up the senior manager at that very same Costco.
我比谁都清楚
I should know,
因为那个人就是我
because that man's name is me.
小子 我不想给你难看
I don't mean to bust your chops, kid,
可是这根本就是唬烂
but this is total bullshit.
这几只老鼠2D到不行
Those rats are as flat as they ever have been.
对不起 应该能看才对啊
I'm sorry. It really should be working.
不好意思 我能操作吗?
Excuse me,sir, if I might.
启动钮在那里
The activation button is right there.
哇靠! 有够屌♥
Holy shit! This is incredible.
好市多 花栗鼠从电视里冲出来了!
There's chipmunks coming out of the TV,Costco!
你看 他们全部来了
Look,the whole gang's here.
这组很厉害 1080p全高清
It's a great set. Full HD. 1080p,
240赫兹 动作感应
240 hertz,True Motion.
老兄 这简直是科技奇迹啊
Hey! Buddy,please,this is a miracle of technology.
太屌♥了 我要去哪里买♥♥单?
This is incredible. Where do I pay for this baby?
贾斯汀会帮你搬到车上
Justin will load you up.
到前面柜台结♥帐♥就行了
Go to front-end check out.
给你一个赞 开关哥 谢啦
You're a beauty. Thank you,switch man.
打开切换装置 给我全新的世界
Turning the switch on. Turning on a whole new world for me.
贾斯汀 如果我们去试吃产品...
Hey,Justin,if we stop by some free food samples...
我也不会火大
I'm not going to be pissed,either.
但是你知道吗? 重点不只有工作
But you know what? It's not all about work.
我得到很多乐趣...
I have had a lot of fun...
还交到一辈子的麻吉
and formed friendships that will last a lifetime.
他来了
Hey! There he is.
结果怎样?
So?
美国国旗有五十颗星
There are fifty stars in the American flag.
美国宪法在一七八七年创立
The Constitution was created in 1787.
还有 我现在是美国公民了
And,I am now an American citizen.
真的 对!
Yes. Oh!
安东尼奥 太赞了!
Antonio,that's great!
我就知道 好人会有好报
I knew it. Good things happen to good people.
你是好人
And you are a good man.
你看 老板
And look,boss.
我弄了新的刺青来庆祝
I got a new tattoo to celebrate.
果然很新 就是啊
Wow. That's really fresh,isn't it? Yeah.
"以身为美国人而傲" 赞
"Proud to be an American." Good.
不过你最好遮起来
Maybe keep it covered,though,
因为这不符合公♥司♥规定?
because it's not really Costco policy,okay?
老板 那当然
Yes,of course,boss.
我以你为傲 太棒了
I'm proud of you. This is great.
好 我得闪了
All right, I have to get out of here.
听着
Oh,hey,listen.
如果有一包玉米片跟一手可乐不见...
If a bag of Bugles and a six-pack of Coke go missing...
找我买♥♥单 这是你应得的
it's on me. You earned it.
老板 谢了
Thanks,boss.
好市多保全 混♥蛋♥!
Costco security, motherfuckers!
好耶
Oh,yeah.
丹妮丝 该从游泳池上来啰
It's time to come out of the pool,Denise.
搞什么!
Hey... What the hell,man!
靠
Shit.
哈啰?
Hello?
崔维先生?
Mr. Trautwig?
是你吗?
Is that you?
谁在那里?
Who's there?
好
Okay.
噢
Oh.
搞什么?
What the fuck?
听好 我有佩枪 听到了吗?
Listen, they gave me a gun,okay?
而且没人好好教我使用
And they didn't teach me to use it properly.
所以你危险到不行
So,you're in a lot of danger.
你最好他妈的后退 好吗?
If you don't just back the fuck up,okay?
糟了!
Oh,no!
只不过是准妈妈轰趴
It's just a baby shower,hon.
我不懂你干嘛这么兴奋
I don't know why you're so excited about going there.
这里很好啊
Everything is so great here.
我们以前都不喜欢纽约
We used to hate New York together.
这算是我们的共通点
It was like one of our things.
伊凡 这里很棒 我很开心
It is great here,Evan. I love it.
但是这里有点闷
It's just a little boring.
其实 这里是超级闷
Actually, it's super boring.
我想出去见一下世面
I want to get out and see the world a little bit.
吸收文化 享受美食
Get some culture,eat some good food.
去几家博物馆走走
Go to a few museums.
我们这里有博物馆啊
We have museums here.
我想受孕的黄金期还有两天
I think we're still a couple of days away.
等我回来 我要走过那扇门...
But when I get back,I'm going to walk through that door...
我们要来好好做人...
and we're going to S-C-R-E-W...
就在厨房♥的地板上
Right on the kitchen floor.
我最喜欢你讲好好做人
Mmm. I love it when you spell it.
当然好 我们也可以在卧室做
Definitely. Or we could do it in the bedroom.
谢谢
Thank you.
我们可以在厨房♥前戏
Or we could start in the kitchen,
然后转战到卧室
then move up to the bedroom.
掰 玩得开心
Bye. Have fun.
注意安全!
Be safe!
我爱你
I love you.
怎么回事?
What is going on?
抱歉 我不能让你进去
Whoa. Sorry,sir, I can't let you in there.
没关系 我是经理 这是我的店
It's okay,I'm the manager. This is my store.
你的店恐怕得暂停营业...
I'm afraid your store is closed...
等侯进一步通知
until further notice.