玫瑰（2025）

都是这样
That's standard.
你们能撑过去
You can make it.
说得真好 巴瑞
Well, that was just lovely, Barry.
我们还是要房♥子
We're still getting the fucking house.
走吧 艾薇
Let's go, Ivy.
她真是高手
She's really good...
法律高手
...at law.
我会不断痛批你 直到你求我收下房♥子
I will pick you apart until you beg me to take this house.
事实证明我能忍♥受极大痛苦
Well, I can endure a lot of misery. That's proven.
你不知道我对你有多好 先生
You have no idea how nice I've been to you, mister.
房♥子是我的 艾薇
I'm getting the house, Ivy.
我设计建造的
I designed it, and I built it.
钱是我付的
And I paid for it.
你在烧什么 你的食谱书
What are you burning? Your cookbooks.
这是1907年初版《艾斯科菲耶》
Ooh, this is a 1907 first edition of Escoffier,
法国猪头的食谱书
French wanker cookbook.
我淋了白兰地
This one I've covered in brandy,
正确说法叫焰烧
so I think the correct term is, "flambé."
海蒂与洛伊来电
Incoming call from Hattie and Roy.
你告诉他们了 我不忍♥心
Have you told them? I didn't have the heart.
我也是
Me neither.
接电♥话♥
Answer.
嗨 爸 妈
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
嗨
Hi!
听说你们要离婚了
Hey. We hear you're getting divorced.
怎么会
How?
巴瑞的IG
Barry's Instagram.
我们真为你们高兴
We're so happy for you.
你们 什么
You... What?
这是我们的梦想
We've dreamed about this.
我们想说佩服你们的勇气
We just want to say we admire your courage
让彼此从这十年来的恶梦当中
to release each other from the nightmarish death spiral
逃脱出来
that you've been in for the past decade.
我们要去跑步了 32公里
Ah. Gotta run. Literally. 32k.
爱你们喔 拜 再聊
Love you! Bye! Talk to you.
那是什么
What is that?
我在烧你的青苔
Oh. I'm burning your green moss.
好漂亮的彩烟
Lovely color smoke.
美国苔可烧不出来
You wouldn't get that from American moss.
哇
Mm.
哈尔 14号♥房♥用最大音量 循环播放波卡舞曲
Hey, Hal. Play polka at full volume on loop in room 14.
不准让艾薇控制
No Ivy override.
哈尔 关掉
Hal! Turn it off!
14号♥房♥锁门 哈尔 关掉
Lock door of room 14. Hal! Turn it off!
锁门五小时 西奥
For five hours. Theo!
你这个混♥蛋♥ 西奥
You asshole! Theo!
调小声 哈尔 天啊
Turn volume down, Hal. Oh, my God!
艾薇 这是把房♥子给我的协议
Ivy, here's an agreement giving me the house.
请签名
Please sign it.
哈尔 请转最大音量 抱歉 听不到
Full volume please, Hal. Sorry, darling. Can't hear you.
我会在你枕头上拉屎
I'm going to do a shit on your pillow!
去你的
Fuck you!
艾米 嗨 你还好吗
Amy? Hi. You okay?
呃
Um...
巴瑞担心你们想毁掉对方
Barry was worried you guys were trying to destroy each other.
有必要才会
Only if necessary.
希望她耳朵流血后会讲理
I'm hoping she'll see reason when her ears start bleeding.
我得检查你的能量
Gotta check your energy.
不好意思
Excuse me. Mm-hmm.
抱歉
Sorry.
非常负面 西奥 非常负面
Oh. That's very dark, Theo. Very dark.
我需要它 艾米 我要这房♥子
I need it, Amy. I am getting the house.
房♥子比得上我们的身体吗
But what's a house compared to the house that is our bodies?
或许你该和朋友开车去墨西哥
Maybe you gotta drive to Mexico with a friend.
一起嗑迷幻仙人掌 喝龙舌兰
And we take peyote. We drink tequila.
我们互相磨蹭
And we rub and we rub.
吃塔可饼 吃塔可饼
And then we get taco after taco after taco.
好火♥辣♥
Muy caliente.
好 谢谢你的提议 虽然引喻失当
Okay. Thank you for the kind offer, if confused metaphor,
我不会离开我的房♥子
but I am not leaving my house.
你真的打算离开巴瑞吗
Would you really just up and leave Barry?
离开巴瑞 没有
Leave Barry? What? No, no, no.
我想跟陌生人玩一♥夜♥情♥
I'm looking for one night of strange, okay?
好忘掉我年过40 脸也垮了
So that I can forget that I'm 40-whatever and my face is melting off.
我的器官应该在酝酿
And my organs are probably brewing up
某种癌症的第四期
a Stage 4 somethin' as we speak.
但我知道找谁载我去做化疗
But, I know who I want driving me to chemo
就是我的傻老公巴瑞
and that's my big, dumb, stupid husband, Barry.
总之 恢复理智再打给我
Anyway, call me when you get rational.
谁偷吃了香肠 是谁干的勾当
♪ Who stole the keeshka? Who stole the keeshka? ♪
快把香肠交出来 让它物归原主
♪ Who stole the keeshka? Won't you bring it back? ♪
哈尔 我是艾薇
Hal, it's Ivy.
是 艾薇
Yes, Ivy.
你能打开我的行事历吗
Can you open my calendar, please?
靠
Oh, fuck.
我们全国各餐厅订的鱼都被取消了
All our fish orders are cancelled for the entire chain across the country?
我的行事历一片空白
My diary's blank.
今天吗 每一天
For today? Every day.
我们干嘛
Um, why have we ordered
订两吨♥起司酱和四吨♥棉花糖
2 tons of Cheez Whiz and 4 tons of marshmallow?
妈的 令人期待
Fucker. It's exciting.
不管怎样 疯狂天才
Whatever it is. You mad genius.
噢
Ow!
很好 你醒了
Oh, good. You're awake.
我在自学AI
Look I've been teaching myself AI.
是你耶
It's you.
跟你说个超好笑的秘密
Let me tell you a funny, funny secret. Shh.
我故意搞烂那栋建筑
I deliberately fucked the building up.
设计成能自行拆解 就像乐高
Yep. I engineered it to come apart, like fucking Lego.
大家要明白没什么能信赖
People have to learn nothing's solid.
除了快克之外
Apart from this rock.
那是快克吸食器吗
Is- Is that a crack pipe?
这叫深伪影片 好玩吧
It's called deepfake. Isn't it fun?
也是西方文明的终结
Also, the end of Western civilization.
艾薇 干嘛 那是我的
Ivy, what are you doing with... Is that my--
你的手♥机♥ 对 很恐怖
Your phone? Yeah, well feared.
我要传给你所有客户 标题写
I'm going to send this to all of your clients captioned,
"吸出真♥相♥"
"Smoke the truth, bitches."
除非你现在签名把房♥子让给我
Unless you sign the house over to me now.
奇怪 你
Funny. You- Ooh!
太慢啰
Too slow!
干
Oh, fuck.
你吃瘪时好可爱
You look cute when beaten.
你好吗 多吃点
Hey, how you doing? Eat more food.
嗨 真谢谢你 你好
Hi. Thank you so much. So nice to see you.
嗨 艾薇
Hi, Ivy.
每年冬天 我脚趾上都会长疣
Every winter, I get this wart between my toes.
磨一点到你的炖菜里 画龙点睛
It's fucking brilliant when grated into your ragu.
加入迷幻蘑菇 好菇到
Add in the simple mushroom. Shroomy-shroom-shroom-shrooms!
文件签下去 艾薇 否则没完没了
Sign the fucking papers, Ivy, or it will never end.
天啊 惨了
Jesus, no!
还有莫雷酱 褐色的
And the mole. Well, it's brown.
莫雷酱好了 不 别上莫雷酱
Mole is go. No! No go. Mole is no go.
你在干嘛 谁吃了蘑菇
What are you doing? Who's had the mushrooms?
大家都有
Everybody.
不行 别吃
No, no! Absolutely not. Don't eat it.
不要 给我
No, don't. Give me those!
抱歉 别吃
No, sorry. Don't eat that!
不行
No, no, no, no.
衣服穿上
Put your clothes back on!