太坏了

- -干得不错 对吗米洛基
-Yeah. -Good shit, right, Miroki?
米洛基 能不能让我们悄悄讲两句话 谢谢
Hey, Miroki, could we have a minute alone? Just...Thanks.
伙计 朱尔丝要办个派对
Dude, Jules is having a fucking party.
-别和佛格尔说派对的事情 -伙计们 怎么了
-Don't tell Fogell about the party. -Gangsters. what's up, guys?
我刚才在大厅里走着 妮可拉就在我前面
I was just walking down the hall and Nicola was right in front of me.
她穿着白色紧身裤和黑色的G-string内♥裤♥
She's wearing these tight white pants with this black G-string...
你可以看透她的外裤 太赞了
...and you could see right through the pants. It was so sweet.
10:33了
It's 10:33.
什么
what?
我告诉她现在几点了
I told her what time it was.
这他妈的是我这辈子听到过最酷的故事了
That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my entire life.
-你能再复述一下吗 你有时间吗 -好的 塞思
-Can I hear it again? You have time? -Yeah, yeah, Seth.
我和埃文在达特茅斯的时候会怀念你的冷笑话的
I'll miss your knee-slappers when me and Evan are at Dartmouth.
对你们在达特茅斯的时候我会在
while you guys are at Dartmouth, I'll be at State...
女孩们智商减半 性♥欲♥加倍 愿意为我口♥交♥的地方
...where the girls are half as smart and twice as likely to fellash me.
笨蛋你们今晚有什么安排
what are you guys doing tonight? Asshole.
啥事都没有 佛格尔
we got nothing. Nothing tonight, Fogell.
要是没事的话我们再喝个烂醉吧
No? well, if nothing comes up, we can get shitfaced again, yeah?
你们一直叫我娘娘腔 但是今天这么叫就错了
You're always calling me a pussy, but today you're wrong.
午饭时候我要去迈克?施奈德去过的那地方
At lunch, I'm going to the same place Mike Snider went...
去拿我新的假身份证
...to pick up my brand-new fake ID.
哈哈 假身份证 假身份证 我要喝个烂醉
Yeah. Fake ID. Fake ID. I'm tight.
太棒了 刚才埃文说
That's insane. Evan was like,
我听说有个派对 别告诉佛格尔
"I heard about this party.
我说 不 我们应该告诉佛格尔
we shouldn't tell Fogell." I was like, "No, we should tell Fogell."
你能帮我们买♥♥酒了 太赞了
You could buy us booze now. It's awesome.
我当然会买♥♥酒的 我们会买♥♥到酒的
Yeah, I'll...Sure, I'll buy the booze. Yeah, we're gonna get our drinks on.
我们开个派对玩个痛快吧 伙计
we're gonna party and get crunk and rock out, dude.
如果你不上这门课 请你离开
If you're not in this class, leave this class.
喂 佛格尔
Fogell! Hi.
好吧我走了
Okay. Gotta go.
你们真行 下课见
well done. Seriously. See you after class.
你和那个傻瓜说过你不会和他在一起住吗
You tell that idiot you're not rooming with him?
还没有
Not yet. No.
好吧 你最好跟他说 那家伙天生讨女人嫌
All right, well, you better. That guy's the fucking anti-poon.
塞思 现在该收拾了 你干吗偷懒
Seth, it's dishes time. what's the holdup?
我们要去搞一张假身份证 所以
we're getting a fake ID, so... .
-没啥大不了的 -真酷
-It's not like a big deal. -wow, that's cool.
但你们还要再读四年呢
But you guys have, like, four more years to go...
难道说你们要去工作吗
...so do you wanna get to work?
我们进了不同的学校 所以
well, we got into different schools, so... .
所以你们就要乱来 你想过后果吗
So you're cutting the cord? what's gonna happen?
什么都不会发生的 你们以为会发生什么
Nothing. Jeez, what does everybody think is gonna happen?
如果我们不是每秒钟都在一起
The world's gonna explode
这个世界就会爆♥炸♥吗
if we don't spend every second together?
我的意思是 我们又不是离了对方就活不下去
I mean, we're not dependent on each other, you know.
我们8岁才认识 之前我们都挺好
we met when we were 8. we were fine before then.
我们又不是做每件事情都黏在一起
I was. I mean, it's like, we don't do everything together.
好吧我上个厕所
No. All right, I gotta take a piss.
我的小♥弟♥弟♥要自己晃动了 走吧宝贝
My dick's not gonna shake itself. Come on, babe.
-他就是那样 -我得走了
-He's a crack-up. -I'm just gonna go.
好吧至少我们有一个毕业派对了
well, at least we're getting a graduation party.
感谢上帝
Thank God, man.
我太激动了
I'm excited.
为了和朱尔丝在一起我什么都愿意做
I would do terrible, disgusting things to hook up with Jules.
-甚至不可饶恕的事情 -知道了 伙计
-Unforgivable things. -I hear you, man.
我也要争取和贝卡约会
I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.
贝卡是个贱♥人♥
Becca's a bitch.
你知道么 跟你说实话吧
You know what? I'm seriously getting fucking sick of you...
你这么说她真的让我很火大
...talking about her like that, if we can be honest.
-我也是 -为什么你那么恨她
-Me too. -why do you hate her so much?
你从来没有给过我理由 我觉得你喜欢她
You've never given me a reason. I think you like her.
-去你♥妈♥的♥ 我恨贝卡 -为什么
-Fuck no, man! I hate Becca. -why, man?
好吧 埃文 你听我说
Fine, Evan. Here it comes.
我小时候有个毛病
when I was a little kid, I kind of had this problem.
但是这个没什么大不了的
And it's not even that big of a deal.
8%的孩子都有这个问题
Something like 8 percent of kids do it, but whatever. It's... .
我也不知道为什么
For some reason, I don't know why,
我喜欢在一个地方坐上半天
I would just kind of sit around all day...
画阴♥茎♥的图片
...and draw pictures of dicks.
什么
what?
画阴♥茎♥的图片
Draw pictures of dicks.
阴♥茎♥
Dicks?
男人的阴♥茎♥
Like a man dick?
没错
Yeah. Like a man dick.
我就在那里坐好几个小时 在那里画阴♥茎♥
I'd sit there for hours, drawing dicks.
我不知道是什么原因
I don't know what it was.
只要纸和笔一接触我就想画阴♥茎♥
I couldn't touch the pen to paper without drawing the shape of a penis.
-天哪 -太诡异了
-That's fucked. -No shit, it's really fucked up.
就是这样 我一个小孩子
Here I am, this little kid...
会不由自主画阴♥茎♥来拯救我的生活
... and I can't stop drawing dicks to save my own life.
好吧 我看不出来这个和贝卡有什么关系
All right. I mean, I don't see what this has to do with Becca.
你听着就是了
Just listen. Okay?
你那宝贝小贝卡四年级时候坐我边上
Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade.
我主要在教室里画画
And in the classroom is where I did the majority of my illustrations.
对于这个我一直保密
I was very secretive about this whole dick operation I had going on.
即使我自己也觉得那很疯狂
Even I thought I was fucking crazy.
想想其他人会怎么想
Imagine what everyone else would think.
所以我把我的作品
So I would stash all of my dick drawings...
都藏在这个饭盒里面
... in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had.
有一天我画了一个又粗又大 青筋毕露的大家伙
So one day I'm finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard.
突然之间
All of a sudden... .
废人
Pussy!
你的大作掉到了贝卡的脚上了
You hit Becca's foot with your dick?
我知道
Yeah. I know.
天哪
Oh, my God!
她开始哭 发疯了 她把我带到校长面前
She starts crying. She flips out. And she rats me out to the principal.
他发现了饭盒里的秘密
He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest...
也疯掉了
... and he fucking flips out.
他找来我父母
He calls in my parents.
似乎这个校长是狂热的教♥徒♥
Turns out this principal is some religious fanatic...
他觉得我被阴♥茎♥魔附身了
... and he thinks I'm possessed by some dick devil.
我父母带我去看医生 他问了我很多关于阴♥茎♥的问题
My parents make me see a therapist, and he's asking me dick questions.
他们还不允许我吃外型像阴♥茎♥的东西
They made me stop eating foods shaped like dicks.
不许吃热狗 不许吃冰棍
No hot dogs, no Popsicles.
你知道有多少食物看上去像阴♥茎♥吗 都是最好吃的食物
You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.
这太复杂了
well, I don't...That's really messed up.
-太逊了 -好吧我来结束这个混乱
-Super gay. -All right, let's stop this madness.
我们吃些甜品吧
Let's just go get some dessert.
我不行 我必须去见我的辅♥导♥员
I can't, I gotta go meet my counselor.
我要选明年的课程
I'm picking out my classes for next year.
难道我要像斯蒂芬?格兰斯堡一样
So I gotta sit and eat dessert alone,
独自坐在这里吃甜品
like I'm fucking Steven Glanzberg?
你想要我怎么办
I gue...Yeah, I mean, what do you want me to do?
不知道 算了没事
I don't know. Nothing. It's fine.
-放松点 马上回来 -没关系
-Just relax, man. I'll see you later. -That's fine. I'll be fine.
废人
Hey, pussy.
操♥你♥妈♥
Fuck off.
只是一个 不是两个
Just the one. Just the one. Not both.
-那我打电♥话♥给安迪和格雷格 -好
-So I'll call Andy and Greg. -Okay.
我会把80年代的舞曲带来
And I'll bring the '80s dance music.
-好的好的 -好极了
-Yeah, yeah. -Right on.
嗨 塞思你来了 我们正在谈论你呢
Seth! Hi. There you are. we were just talking about you.
-我来了 -太奇怪了
-Here I am. -That's weird.
那么你今晚会来我的派对对吧 人太多了
So you're coming to my party tonight? Because it's fully on.
那么我是不是不应该来了 我能干别的
Yeah, why? Should I not come? Because I could think of other shit... .
不 我希望你来 只是
Oh, no. No. I want you to come, I just...
你之前提到什么假身份证对吗
You said something earlier about, like, a fake ID or something, right?
我要去搞一张 一定
Yeah, I'm gonna get one. For sure, for sure.
我一定会搞到的
I'm getting that for sure.