太坏了

太坏了
喂
Yo.
我在为明年做些研究
Hey, I was doing some research for next year...
我想我找到想要订阅的网站了
...and I think I figured out which website I wanna subscribe to.
Vag-tastic(真有这个色♥情♥网♥站♥)
The Vag-tastic Voyage.
什么是Vag-tastic
-which one is the Vag-tastic Voyage?
Vag-tastic就是
The Vag-tastic Voyage is the one where...
在街上随机找女孩 请她们上货车
they find random girls on the street, and they invite them into a van...
然后在货车里面纵情做♥爱♥
...and then they bang them in the van.
好像是13美元一个月
It's like 13 bucks a month...
同时还有其它站点的访问权限
...and you get access to other sites.
有一个拉丁裔站 一个亚裔站
Like one's Latina, one's Asian,
还有一个是关于特殊癖好的
you know, there's one for fetishes...
比如恋足癖 屎尿癖之类的
...like feet and pee-pee and shit and stuff like that.
太恶心了 你这个禽兽
That's disgusting. You're like an animal.
我 恶心 你才奇怪呢
I'm...what? I'm disgusting? You're the weird one, man.
别让我觉得我喜欢色情小♥电♥影♥是一件奇怪的事情
Don't make me feel weird because I like porn.
你不喜欢色情你才奇怪呢 我就像一坨屎那么正常
You're weird for not liking porn. I'm normal as shit.
在别人身上小便 那正常吗
Peeing on people. That's normal?
埃文 我没说我要看那种东西
Evan, I'm not saying I'm gonna look at it.
我只是说这是那个网站附送的
I'm just saying that it comes with the site, okay?
我不知道十年后我会变成什么样
I don't know what I'm gonna be into 10 years from now.
我只是对那些素♥人♥图倒胃口了
I'm just sick of all the amateur stuff.
我的意思是如果我付了大钱 我就希望物有所值
I mean, like, if I'm paying top dollar, I want a little production value.
比如有些编辑 有些过渡 有些音乐
Like some editing, transition, something. Some music.
好吧
Yeah, well,
我很遗憾科恩兄弟不导演我喜欢看的情♥色♥电影
I'm sorry the Coen brothers don't direct the porn that I watch.
这些很难掌握
They're hard to get ahold of, okay?
再说你父母会看账单的 傻瓜
Plus your parents are gonna be looking at the bill, dipshit.
好吧你说对了
Yeah, you're right.
我也许该找个名字听起来最不淫秽的网站
I probably should pick the one with the least dirty name.
这也是现实存在的色情站点
那么 Perfect10如何
what about, like, Perfect Ten?
类似那样的
Something like that, you know?
像Perfect10那样的
Like Perfect Ten?
因为这数字可能代表任何东西
Because that could be any number of things.
他们不知道你在干嘛
They can't really get you for that.
比如可能是一个保龄球网站
That could be, like, a bowling website.
是 但是他们不会有插入的镜头 这个是关键
Yeah, but they don't really show dick going in, which is a huge concern.
好吧我没意识到
I didn't realize that.
另外 你见过真实的阴♥道♥么
Plus, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
我没有
Not for me.
嗨
Hi.
-谢谢你带他过来 塞思 -不用谢 简
-Thanks for taking him, Seth. -No.No problem, Jane.
-近况如何 -不错
-How are you? -Good.
真好
Beautiful.
-别碰那个 -你在
-Don't touch that. -what are you...?
-我可不是省油的灯 -你们两个真有趣
-I'm not a piece of meat. -You two are funny.
我不能想像明年你们分开之后 你们打算干什么
I can't imagine what you're gonna do without each other next year.
埃文告诉我你没有进达特茅斯
Evan told me you didn't get into Dartmouth.
我进了其他学校 不错的学校 所以我不会有事的
I got into some schools, some pretty good ones. So I'll be fine.
-你们会想对方么 -不会的 想对方 不会的
-You gonna miss each other? -No. Miss each other? No, thank you.
我不会 我不会想对方的
I don't...I don't miss each other.
我每晚会含着眼泪入睡
I'm gonna cry myself to sleep every night.
-我也会 -当我没有去派对玩的时候
-Me too. -when I'm out partying.
孩子们 上学吧
Go to school, boys.
-妈妈再见 -简 再见
-Bye, Mom. -Bye, Jane.
我真羡慕你小时候 可以吮吸那对奶头
I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
好吧 至少你可以吸你♥爸♥爸的鸡♥巴♥
Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick.
塞思 你不能在教工停车区停车
Hey, Seth, you can't park in the faculty lot.
伙计 别像个娘们一样 我要在上课前喝一听红牛
Don't be such a vagine, man. I gotta get a Red Bull before class.
你这个傻瓜 你不应该在那里停车的
You're being an idiot. You shouldn't have parked there.
操 我都快毕业了
Fuck it. I'm about to graduate.
他们应该来舔我的蛋蛋
They should be sucking on my ball sac.
这是他们浪费我三年人生的最起码补偿
It's the least they could do for stealing three years of my life.
-天哪 -看看那些乳♥头♥
-Oh, fuck me. -Look at those nipples.
看上去像婴儿的脚趾
They're like little baby toes.
这不公平 她们可以卖♥♥弄乳♥头♥
It's not fair they get to flaunt that stuff...
而我每次勃起了都得藏着掖着
...and I have to hide every erection I get.
你知道我怎么做么 我把它翻上去 束在我的裤带里
You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband.
这样可以藏起来而且感觉很棒
It hides it and it feels awesome.
我差不多在我肚脐上面射了一大堆
I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.
我的意思是 想象一下
I mean, just imagine
女孩们不会因为我们硬了而大惊小怪
if girls weren't weirded out by our boners...
而是巴不得想看见这样
...and just, like, wanted to see them.
这才是我想生活的世界
I mean, that's the world I one day wanna live in.
上次我亲眼看到女人的乳♥头♥ 已经是两年以前的事情了
It's been two years since I've seen an actual human female nipple.
肖娜 肖娜已经是两年前的事情了
Shauna? Shauna was two years ago now?
对
Yeah.
我想也是 但是她真是火♥辣♥
Yeah, I guess so. But she was insanely hot.
非常正确 她太热辣了 这就是问题
Exactly. She was too hot, okay? That's what sucks.
那怎么会是问题呢 如果我泡到她我会发疯的
How can that suck? I'd be psyched if I got with her.
她好像为你打了二十几次手♥枪♥
You got, like, two dozen handjobs.
对 还有四分之三次吹♥箫♥ 但是谁会去数
Yes, and three-quarters of a blowjob, but who's counting?
这是我泡妞生涯的巅峰
Look, it was the peak of my ass-getting career...
但是却来得太早了
...and it happened way too early.
《公民凯恩》的编导和主演
-你就像奥逊?威尔斯一样 -正解
-You're like Orson welles. -Exactly!
如果我按部就班来的话 至少我能和一个好看的女孩
If I'd paced myself, I'd be having at least steady sex...
有稳定的性关系
...with a decent-looking girl.
我真的明白为什么奥逊?威尔斯会暴饮暴食把自己搞死了
I honestly see now why Orson welles ate his fat ass to death.
在大学你会有性关系的 所有人都有
You'll have sex in college, everyone does.
但关键是在你进大学之前你就得善于做♥爱♥
But the point is to be good at sex by the time you get to college.
你不会希望女孩们觉得你对肏屄♥♥不在行
You don't want girls thinking you suck dick at fucking pussy.
我觉得你和朱尔丝还有机会
I still think you have a chance with Jules.
去年夏天之后她出落得太标致了
She got incredibly hot over last summer...
而且她显然还没有意识到这点
...and she obviously hasn't realized it yet...
因为她还是和你说话和你调情
...because she's still talking to you and flirting with you.
你疯了吗 看看朱尔丝约会的对象吧
Are you out of your mind? Look at Jules' dating record, okay?
她和丹?瑞米克约会
She dated Dan Remick,
那个家伙从幼儿园开始就有一个超大的鸟
who's had a six-pack since, like, kindergarten.
杰森?斯通 看上去他妈的像扎克?莫里斯
Jason Stone, who looks like fucking Zack Morris. And Matt Muir.
某系列美剧中女友无数的帅哥
还有马特?缪尔 他是有史以来最有吸引力的小子
Matt Muir. He's the sweetest guy ever.
你和他对视过吗
Have you ever stared into his eyes?
就好像我第一次听披头士的音乐一样
It was like the first time I heard the Beatles.
她为什么要和我一起度过最后的高中时光呢
why would she end her high school career with me?
贝卡和埃里克?罗斯科兰茨交往两年了
Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz for like two years.
没错 但是他是个傻瓜 你比他要高一个档次呢
Yeah, but he's a fucking idiot. You're a step up from that dick-load.
所以说你别 你帮我付一下帐好吗
That's why you need to stop...will you get this?
所以说你别再像个娘娘腔 应该赶快搞定她
That's why you need to stop being a pussy and nail her.
在你离开之前可以操她两个月
You could bang her before you leave.
换了我决不会犹豫的 她看上去经验丰富
And I'm not gonna dance around it, she looks like a good fucker.
听你这么说她我很烦 伙计
I'm tired of you talking about her like that, man.
什么 难道你可以整天谈论她
what, you can talk about her all day
但是我说了一点点就是对她的亵渎
and if I say one thing, it's blasphemy?
我不会没完没了地侮辱她
well, I don't constantly insult her.
我不想侮辱她
I'm not trying to insult her.
我只是说她看上去经验丰富
I'm just saying that she looks like a good fucker, okay?
她看上去很耐操
She looks like she can take a dick.
有些女的以自己的耐操能力为荣
Some women pride themselves on their dick-taking abilities.
耐操能力 你觉得这样说一个人好吗
Dick-taking abilities? You think that's good to say about someone?
见鬼 我就觉得这样很好 不是吗
The fucked-up thing is, I actually do, okay?
如果有女的夸我金枪不倒
If a woman tried to compliment me on my dick-giving abilities,
我会乐疯的
I'd be psyched.
塞思
Hey, yo, Seth.
什么事
what?
你知道下周六我要办一个盛大的毕业派对吗
Did you hear I'm having a big grad party next Saturday?
-不知道 -好吧
-No. -Yeah.
-天哪 -你不许来
-Oh, shit! -You're not coming.
告诉你那个该死的基佬朋友 他也是不受欢迎的
Tell your fucking faggot friend he can't come either.
杰西要我告诉你
So Jesse wanted me to tell you...