谋杀疑云

-我说的是奥黛丽 -不 你没有
- I said Audrey! - No, you didn't.
艾莉森是她演的那个角色 在
Allison is the character she played in the...
记得吗 我们一起看的那个电影
Remember the one? We watched it together.
里面有个美女 结果她是个机器人
Where it's a beautiful lady, it turns out she's a robot?
-还有那个胸罩 -她就是那个机器人
- And there's the bra... - She's the robot!
-你的胸罩里还有枪伸出来 -对
- There's guns coming out of your bra. - Yes!
《性机器姬》 我的成名角色
Sex Machina. My breakout role.
太棒了 看啊 就在我们面前啊
So good. Look at this, right in front of us!
我现在感觉有人踢了我肚子
I feel like I got kicked in the belly right now!
我都失了智了
I lost my wind!
我们去抹点防晒霜吧
Let's go put on some sunscreen 'cause it's...
你之前已经给我抹过防晒霜了
You already put the sunscreen on me earlier.
不 我们要 我们要再抹点防晒霜
No, we're gonna... we're gonna reapply the sunscreen.
-我们还要抹吗 -我们再抹一次
- We're putting more on? - We're gonna reapply.
好吧 我们再抹点
All right. We'll put more on.
-真是幸会 -难以置信 这太棒了
- So nice to meet you. I can't believe... - This is great!
-他太激动了 -我们在一条船上
- He's so excited. - We're on the same ship!
你看 这上面说她不姓巴拉德
Look at that. It says that her last name isn't even really Ballard.
那又如何
Well, so what?
要怎么才能看起来那么美啊
How do you just come out looking that beautiful?
-她全都整过了 -什么
- Oh, she's had it all done. - What?
嘴唇 鼻子 下巴
Lips, nose, chin.
不是吧
No!
真的有人去整下巴吗
People really get their chins done?
你这么针对我讲 真讨厌
That was so directed at me, it was disgusting.
你想让我去整下巴吗 我不是
'Cause you want me to get my chin done. And I'm not...
你什么样我都爱你 不过还是可以考虑
I love you for who you are. Although it's an option.
我能失陪一下嘛
Would you guys excuse me for a moment?
-我得去和王公打个招呼 -当然
- I should say hello to the Maharajah. - Absolutely.
-每个人都这么说 -你敢相信我们在
- Everyone's saying it. - Do you believe we're on a boat
一条还有人会说
where the guy said,
我要去和王公聊聊 的船上吗
"I'm gonna go have a conversation with the Maharajah?"
-真挺扯的 -这是真的吗
- That was big. - Is this real?
不好意思 女士
Excuse me, ma'am?
莫里斯在这吗 我要饿死了
Is there a Maurice here? 'Cause I'm hungry as hell.
是的 先生 他在准备吃的呢
Yes, sir. He's preparing.
他在准备呢 好吧 他还能准备完吗
He's preparing. Okay. Is he ever gonna finish?
请告诉莫里斯快一点
Please tell Maurice to step on the gas.
亲爱的 亲爱的
Oh, honey, honey, honey.
好吧 别回头看 有个特吓人的人
Okay, um, don't look right now, but there's a really scary man
还戴着个眼罩
with an eye patch...
在盯着我们
...who's just staring right at us.
我说了别看 你就不能不看嘛
I said don't look and you can't not do it.
你说他戴眼罩还吓人 我忍♥不住看了
You say eye patch and scary, I'm gonna look.
抱歉 这是没法忍♥住的生理反应
I'm sorry. It's physically impossible not to.
好吧 他现在朝我们走来了
All right. Okay. He's walking at us.
-亲爱的 亲爱的 -冷静
- Honey, honey. - Play it cool.
嗨 哥们儿 什么事 你好吗
Hey, fellas. What's up? How are ya?
-谁让你俩上船的 -你说什么
- Who let you two on board? - Excuse me?
现在怎么回事
What is happening right now?
他们是我的客人 上校
They're my guests, Colonel.
-这个周末只限家里人参加 -是嘛
- This weekend is for family only. - Really?
我可不记得你是家里人啊
The last time I checked, you're not family.
那个苏联楚巴卡也不是啊
Neither is Soviet Chewbacca over there.
尼克 奥黛丽 这边来吧
Nick, Audrey.
是啊 你肯定不是家里人
Yeah, you're not family for sure.
老天 我看还他俩有一个带着枪
Jesus. So I see one of them was packing heat.
我是不是应该带枪来
Was I supposed to bring a gun?
我都怀疑他那个有没有子弹
Oh, I doubt it's even loaded.
那位是纳♥米♥比♥亚♥国防部的
That's Colonel Charles Ulenga
查尔斯·乌兰格上校
of the Namibian Defense Force.
马尔科姆最好的朋友
Malcolm's best friend.
他在94年一场轰炸中救了他一命
He saved his life from a bombing attempt in '94.
当时他失去了那只眼 还有他的
That's where he lost his eye and his...
还有他的老二吗 他的老二也没了吗
And his dick? Did he lose his dick?
亲爱的 怎么说话呢
Honey, why?
我以为可能是他的老二啊
I thought that maybe it was his dick.
另一位是谢尔盖·瑞琴科
And that's Sergei Radjenko,
前俄♥国♥特种部队的 是他的保镖
former Spetsnaz, and his bodyguard.
狂躁眼罩哥还用保镖啊
Crazy eye patch guy needs a bodyguard?
我去 他的手
Whoa! The hand!
那是一只手 但已经不在他身上了
There's a hand. It's not on his body anymore.
瞧啊 他现在开始抽他的老二了
Oh, look at this. Now he's smoking his dick!
他在抽他的老二
He's smoking his dick!
不 天哪 你别说了行吗
No. Oh, God. Would you stop it?
我只是在找乐子啊 我们在游艇上呢
I'm just having fun. It's a boat.
我能问你个问题吗
Can I ask you a question?
王公到底是什么啊
What exactly... is a maharajah?
你为什么不自己问他呢
Why don't you ask him yourself?
别吧
No.
维克 我要向你介绍两位客人
Vik, I have some guests I'd like you to meet.
尼克和奥德莉·斯皮茨夫妇
Nick and Audrey Spitz,
我来介绍尊贵的王公
I present the exalted Maharajah
来自孟买♥♥的维克拉姆·什万·戈文丹
Vikram Shivan Govindan of Mumbai.
我的天哪 这真是
Oh, my gosh. It's so...
太荣幸
So nice to...
-荣幸 -我们
- Nice... - We're...
那太滑稽了
That was very hilarious.
鞠躬来鞠躬去的
With all the bowin' and shit.
你懂吧 一个棕色人鞠躬的时候
You know, when a brown person bows,
白人鞠躬回敬 是不是
white people bow back, innit?
-来 击个拳 -抱歉
- Up high. How about... - I'm sorry.
他在和你 致敬
He's giving you... Respect!
-刚才真好笑 有意思 -开玩笑的
- That was very good. Very funny. - That was a joke.
奥黛丽有个问题想问你
Audrey has a question she'd like to ask you.
说来听听
Let me hear it.
我们只是想知道 王公到底是什么
Oh. We were actually wondering, what exactly is a maharajah?
你是怎么 你需要去个学校取得头衔吗
How do you... Do you have to go to a school for that?
这是家族世袭的
Yeah, I was born into the game.
-你是世袭的啊 -好吧 世袭的
-Oh, you're born into it -Okay, born into it.
尼克 你是做什么的
What do you do, Nick?
-我是 -尼克是警探
-I am... -Nick's a detective.
不错嘛 你有射过别人吗
Tight! You ever wet up anyone?
-什么 -就是 你知道的
-What's that? -Yeah, you know,
就是一枪爆头 血溅四方
like drill, bust a cap, waste. You're like...
他很有趣 不过我从来没有射过别人
He's funny. No, never shot anybody. No! God!
这是件好事
Which is a good thing.
尼克他 好吧 他的枪法很糟糕
Nick is... Well, it's just that you're a terrible shot.
他的枪法太烂了
He's a terrible shot.
他差一点就没能从警♥察♥学院毕业
He barely got out of the academy
因为他连最起码的
because he couldn't even meet,
枪法都达不到
like, his minimum marksmanship skills.
奥黛丽有乳糖不耐症
Audrey is lactose intolerant.
-她还在睡觉的时候打嗝 -什么
-She also burps in her sleep. -What?
我只是觉得既然我们现在要来揭短
I just thought 'cause we are discussing each other's flaws right now,
你想把事情摊开来说
you wanted to put it on the table.
抱歉 我没想到这对你是敏感的话题
I'm sorry I... Listen, I didn't think that was a sensitive subject...
这没那么敏感 我只是不喜欢你到处
It's not a sensitive subject, I just don't like you telling
-讲给所有人听 -抱歉我不该提的
-everybody we meet. -I'm sorry I brought it up. Never mind.
我的天哪 看那个
Whoa. Oh, my gosh. Look at that.
看看这个样子 哇 宝贝
Look at this crazy. Wow. Babe.
这个房♥间和你看起来一样漂亮
Well, this room is as nice as the way you look.
你看起来美极了
You look stunning.
谢谢 亲爱的 小嘴儿真甜
Thank you, honey. That's so sweet.
怎么了
What?
所有人都穿着西装
Everybody's in tuxedos.
真希望你有让我给你带上
I wish you'd let me pack.
我应该穿袜子的 你说的对
I shoulda wore socks. You're right.
-胡安·卡洛斯 -嗨
-Yo! Juan Carlos! -Hey!
-哦 祝你好运 老兄 -嗨
-Oh, good luck, man. -Hey.