谋杀疑云

好的
Okay.
还有
And...
你想怎样 迪什
What's up, Dish?
不许动 我会开枪打你那六块腹肌的
Stay still! I'll shoot you right in the six-pack!
-听到没 贱♥人♥ -冷静点 宝贝
- You hear me, bitch? - Calm down, babe.
你敢乱动试试看
Make a move! I dare you!
我看你敢
I dare...
我的天哪
Oh, my God!
-他死了 -他已经死了
- He's dead. - He's dead.
-好的 他已经死了 -哦 天哪
- Okay, he's dead. - Oh, my God.
我勒个去
What the hell?
天哪 这案子又得重头查了 宝贝
Oh, God. Case reopened, babe.
他们一定是在他的酒里下了毒
They must have poisoned his drink!
尼克
Nick!
你看他的脸 这个
And look at his face. It's...
我想说 除了口吐泡沫他看起来还挺帅
I mean, besides the foaming mouth, he still kinda looks good.
这个人到底怎么回事
What is with this man?
我们报♥警♥了 我们还专门叫他们过来
We told the police. We called the police. We told 'em to come here.
-是的 -我们必须阻止他们
- Yes. - We've got to stop them.
亲爱的 这可不像取消披萨订单一样
It's not like canceling a pizza, honey.
你告诉警♥察♥来 警♥察♥会来的
You tell 'em to show up, they show up.
如果他不是凶手 到底谁是凶手
If he's not the killer, who is the killer?
警♥察♥来之前我们还不知道凶手是谁的话
And if we don't know who the killer is before they get here,
我们就完蛋了
we're screwed!
你明白吗
Do you understand this?
凶手一定在这栋房♥子里
He's gotta be here in this house.
这墙纸真漂亮
This is gorgeous wallpaper.
这是布料的吗 还是浮雕的
Is that fabric? Is this embossed?
亲爱的 你快失了智了
Sweetheart, you're losing it!
你也快把我搞发疯了
You're making me nuts right now!
不 我知道 等等 好的
No, I know. Hold on. Okay.
好吧 这样好多了
All right, it's good.
你还好吧 你能正常呼吸吗
You all right? You breathing?
-我要保持呼吸 -看看我
- I have to breathe through this. - Look at me.
-我们得自首 -等等 什么
- We gotta turn ourselves in. - Wait, what?
警♥察♥待会就来
They're all gonna show up.
如果我们逃跑的话他们会开枪的
If we run, they're gonna shoot us.
什么意思 我们要去坐牢吗
What do you mean? We're gonna just go to jail?
总比挨子弹好吧
It's better than getting shot, ain't it?
我感觉 我觉得不舒服
I don't feel... I don't feel good.
-亲爱的 -天哪
- Babe. - Oh, God.
反正是意大利监狱
It's an Italian prison.
你知道起码牢饭会很美味的
You know the food's gonna be incredible.
我们可以吃到肉丸啊意面酱什么的
We'll have meatballs and pesto sauce and all that.
亲爱的 这里没有混合监狱 好吧
It's not co-ed, honey. All right?
我们 我们不会被关在一起的
We're... We're not gonna be in jail together.
我知道
I know.
你之前为什么骗我
Why did you lie to me?
因为我
'Cause I was...
因为我觉得很丢脸
I was, uh... I was embarrassed.
在我面前觉得丢脸吗
With me?
为什么
Why? I...
有什么事我们可以一起去面对啊
I could've helped you figure that out.
这就是我们要在一起的原因啊
That's why we're together.
我知道
I know.
记得我付不起美发沙龙房♥租的时候
Remember when I couldn't pay my rent at the salon,
然后你就说 这样
and then you were like, "Oh, okay."
然后你帮房♥东卸掉了那个车轮锁
You got that boot off my landlord's car.
房♥东给我宽限了一个星期
That got me another week.
是的 我记得
Yeah, I remember.
还记得你的胆固醇超标的时候
Remember when your cholesterol was through the roof?
我就逼你吃蛋白 你讨厌蛋白
And then I made you eat egg whites? You hate egg whites.
我逼你吃了 然后我也和你一起吃
And I made you do it, and I did it with you.
你帮我不再想吃蛋黄了
You helped me not miss yolks anymore.
对 就是这样 我们有难同当
That's right. That's what we do. We do things together.
所以我们现在齐心协力解决这个问题好吗
So can we please just figure this out, too?
可是我们不知道是谁干的呀
We just don't know who did it.
但是尼克 我们知道是谁不是凶手
But Nick, we know who didn't do it.
-好吗 -好
- All right? - Right.
所以我们下楼去假装我们已经知道了是谁
So let's just go downstairs and act like we figured it out.
如果我们真要这样做
If we're gonna do that,
那么 我们要看起来足够自信
we gotta... we just gotta look confident.
好吧
All right.
如果我们想看起来自信那就要穿的像样
If we're gonna look confident, we've gotta dress it.
我已经知道我想穿什么了
I already know what I wanna wear.
什么
What?
傻子们你们好啊
What's up, fools?
我们破案了 想不到吧
Okay, we solved the case. Boom.
你从哪弄的衣服 有点过了啊
Yo, yo! Where'd you get the clothes? It's a little much.
我这件漂亮的裙子是从柜子里翻出来的
I found this beautiful dress in a random closet.
顺便说一句 你美翻了
You're looking gorgeous, by the way.
谢谢 宝贝
Thanks, baby.
至于他这身帅气的西装
And he got this stunning tux...
是从
...off a...
有什么好美化的
Oh, why candy-coat it?
一具尸体身上扒下来的
A corpse.
还有另一具尸体
There's another corpse?
我的天 不好意思 是的
Jeez! Sorry, yes.
楼上 左边数第八间
Upstairs, eighth door on the left.
这具尸体是谁
To whom does this dead corpse belong?
对啊 你们还不知道
Oh, yeah. You guys don't know.
各位 坏消息
Bad news, guys. It's terrible.
卡文迪什死了
Cavendish is dead.
你从查理的尸体上扒的衣服
You stole the tux off Charlie's dead body?
而且非常适合 说实话 胯部有点紧
And it fits perfectly. Little tight in the crotch, to be honest.
好吧开玩笑 他比我大 比我大
Just kidding. No, he's got me beat. He's got me beat.
等等 苏西呢
Wait. Where's Suzi?
-她死了 -死了
- She's dead. - Dead.
我的天哪
Oh, my God!
你们就像曼森家族的缩影
Y'all are like the miniature Manson Family!
-不不不 -尼克还有奥德莉·斯皮茨
- No, no, no. - Nick and Audrey Spitz,
-你们被捕了 -听我们说
- you are under arrest. - Listen.
请你闭嘴 是这么说的吧
Ferme la bouche. Is that what it is?
-给我们点时间 -我们能搞定 走
- Just give us a second. We got this. -We got this. Let's go.
谢谢
Thank you.
女士们先生们 我们来回顾一下案情
All right. Ladies and gentlemen, let's review the facts.
马尔科姆·昆斯 第一名受害者
Malcolm Quince, he was the first to get murdered.
我们都认为是托比
We all assumed it was Tobey.
不是 我们都以为是你干的
No, we all assumed you did it.
好吧 可是托比恨死了他的父亲
Okay. Yeah, but Tobey hated his father,
他一直隐忍♥着是为了继承百亿家产
and he stood to inherit billions of dollars.
直到他顶上开了花
Until he caught some lead to the dome.
你明白我说的吗 拉扎
Can you feel me, Raja?
-没错 -然后
- There it is. - And then,
谢尔盖被杀之前 他告诉我们凶手是上校
before Sergei was shot, he told us that the Colonel did it.
他说啥
He told you what?
不过我们知道不是你 上校
But we know you didn't do it, Colonel,
因为那晚我们在你窗外跳舞的时候
because we saw you flossing your teeth
看到你在剔牙
when we were shimmying by your window that night.
你们两个在卫生间里监视我
You two were spying on me in my bathroom?
相信我 我 那晚我们看到了很多
Trust me, I did... We saw a lot of shit that night
我们并不想看到的东西
that I did not want to see.
提前道个歉
I mean, apologize ahead of time.
我们还看到了你俩啪啪
We had to see you guys having sex.
你们
You, um...
你们 看到了
You... saw that?
王公 给你个小建议
Maharajah, some advice for you.
抓住屁♥股♥ 用力捏
Maybe grab the bottom and squeeze.
我记下了
Huh. Word.
不管怎样
Anyway...