影星杰·凯利（2025）

杰把你开了? - 不 是本
Jay fired you? - No. Ben.
杰把爸炒鱿鱼了? - 不 是本 回房♥间去
Jay fired Dad? - No, Ben. Go back inside.
那个混♥蛋♥
That motherfucker.
你帮他争取到这次致敬典礼和一切
And you got him this tribute and everything.
我知道
I know.
你还有杰 对吧?
You still have Jay, right?
对 我还有杰 如果我能说服他继续拍这部电影的话
Yes, yes, I still have Jay.
If I ever get him back to do this movie.
可以说你爱我吗 拜托? - 什么声音?
Can you just say it, please? - What is that sound?
钟声 到处都是死亡和...
The bells. It's all death and...
炒鱿鱼!
firing here!
罗恩 我刚在《第六页》上 看到关于杰的新闻
Ron, I just saw the thing on Page Six about Jay.
等等 什么新闻?
Wait. What-- What thing?
杰怎么了?
What thing about Jay?
洛伊丝?
Lois?
为什么要我过来 帅哥?谁退出了?
So why am I here, Studly? Who dropped out?
没人 我邀请你来
Nobody. I invited you.
对
Oh? - Yes.
这么多年来 帅哥第一次带我来这么热闹的活动
First time in years Studly's brought me to a ratfuck.
1990年代 我在金球奖典礼上露面时 他感觉被威胁了
He got threatened when I showed up at the Globes in the '90s.
才不是的
That's not true.
杰爸当年帅到天际
Jay's dad was his most handsome back then.
苏珊·萨兰登对我有意思
Susan Sarandon had a little crush on me.
我很高兴你来了
Well, I'm glad you're here.
她还给我发了一段 小象和父母团聚的视频
She even sent me a video of a baby elephant reuniting with his parents.
父母见到小象高兴吗? - 这才是重点
And were they happy to see him? - That was the point.
很可爱 也很温馨
Very cute. Very tender.
这是要干什么?
What's this for?
没什么 是个礼物
For nothin'. It's a present.
这个嘛... - 是毛衣!
Well-- - It's a sweater!
不错
Nice.
不错
Nice.
是一件毛衣 还是羊绒的
It is a sweater. Cashmere, no less.
你穿吧
You have it.
织数太高 不适合你老爸 - 不 是给你买♥♥的
Too high a thread count for your dad. - No, I got it for you.
收下毛衣吧
Take the sweater.
我孙女呢?
Where's my granddaughter?
罗恩说她会来
Ron said she'd be here.
她在做自己的事 她这个年纪就是这样
She's doin' her own thing. She's at that age.
你记得18岁时是怎样的
You remember bein' 18.
我记得百利发乳 “一点就好”
I remember Brylcreem. "A little dab'll do ya." Huh?
凯利老爷子?
Mr. Kelly padre?
你也是艺人吗 跟你儿子一样?
Hmm? - Are you also an artist, like your son?
艺人?不
Artist? No.
给人打工
Working stiff.
在约翰迪尔公♥司♥干了35年
Worked for the John Deere corporation for the past 35 years.
退休后 那些混♥蛋♥只给我 一份少得可怜的养老金和一支钢笔
Retired, and all those assholes gave me was a shitty pension and a fountain pen.
没给你老爸发奖杯 也没芝士蛋糕
No trophy or cheesecake for your dad.
你辛苦工作 所以你儿子才能实现梦想
You toiled so your son could have his dreams.
我喜欢你这么说 这么说真不错
I like that. I like how you put that.
对 他小时候
Yeah, when he was a boy,
我以为他长大后 我能跟他一起喝啤酒
I thought he'd grow up to be somebody that I'd like to have a beer with.
而不是...博若莱葡萄酒
Not, uh, Beaujolais.
对 我演硬汉 在现实生活中就不必逞强了
Yeah, I played tough guys so I didn't have to be one.
动作片都是胡扯 全是假的
Action movies are bullshit. It's all fake.
你向来都知道杰会成为明星吗?
Did you always know Jay was going to be a star?
这个嘛 他五岁前几乎不怎么说话
Well, he barely said a word till he was about five.
然后一天早上 他起床后来吃早餐
Then one morning, he gets up, and he comes down to breakfast,
就开始用滑稽的南方口音说话
and he starts talking in this funny southern way.
表现得很笨拙
And he's acting very clumsy.
他妈以为他疯了
His mom thought he'd lost his mind, but I said,
但我说:“塞莉亚 不 别担心 他只是在扮演一个角色”
"Celia, no, no. Don't worry. He's just playing a character."
我在模仿我的马克叔叔
I was impersonating my Uncle Mark.
对 他一直说:“真的”
Right. He kept saying, "Seriously."
简直跟马克叔叔一模一样
Which was Uncle Mark to a fuckin' tee.
“你是个好孩子 真的”
"You're a good kid. Seriously."
好像不加这句就不是真心的 - 天啊 我笑死了
As if he didn't mean it otherwise. - Oh, God. I broke up.
我从没见过你笑得这么开心 妈妈也是
I've never seen you laugh so hard. Mom either.
她喝酒时 总是很难过
She was always so sad when she drank.
马克叔叔在哪里? - 因为邮件诈骗入狱了
Where is Uncle Mark? - In jail for mail fraud.
“真的?” - 真的
"Seriously?" - Seriously.
这真是...
That's a...
不好意思 有点失态
We are sorry to gawp, but you are all over the internet right now.
但你现在火遍全网了
有个视频
There is a video.
你手♥机♥上有吗? - 我们的手♥机♥上都有
On your phone? - On all of our phones.
一场戏剧化的争斗 - 跟另一个人
A dramatic altercation. - With another man.
“演员杰·凯利 成了现实生活中的英雄
"Actor Jay Kelly becomes real life hero
他戏剧性地抓住了一名罪犯
as he apprehends criminal
场面堪比电影情节”
in dramatic fashion, worthy of the cinema."
瞧瞧你 穿着时髦的鹿皮鞋奔跑
Look at you, running in your fancy moccasins.
快跑 杰!快跑!
Run, Jay! Run!
“没人喊开拍 也没人喊卡 杰·凯利从火车上一跃而下”
"There was no 'action' or 'cut' as Jay Kelly leaped from the train."
我谴责暴♥力♥
I deplore violence. Haven't we evolved beyond hitting and kicking?
我们不是 进化到不用动粗的地步了吗?
但他得自卫
But he had to defend himself.
上面说那人是个发疯的小偷 穿着紧身衣的疯子
It says here the man was a crazed thief, a lunatic in Spandex.
他不是疯子 他...
He wasn't a lunatic. He was--
说不定是性威胁 - 不!
It was perhaps a sexual threat. - No!
不 不是的
No. No. It wasn't.
你终于把裤子弄脏了 帅哥?
You finally manage to get your trousers dirty, Studly?
现在是时候带我们的真英雄
It is now time to take our real, live hero
去参加真正的现场派对了
to the real, live party.
知道这片乡村让我想起了什么吗?
You know what this countryside reminds me of?
加州的贝克斯菲尔德 那里很美
Bakersfield, California. Beautiful place.
但那里的人都失业了 真令人痛心
But everybody's out of work there. So sad.
我以前在贝克斯菲尔德做过很多生意
I used to do a lot of business in Bakersfield.
我靠
Fuck me.
他来了
There he is.
他来了
He's here.
杰·凯利 好帅!
Jay Kelly, so handsome!
方正的下颚线 像超人一样
With the square-cut Superman jaw.
你去哪儿了? - 我们说好在派对上会合
Where were you? - We said we'd meet at the party.
不 我们说好在晚餐时会合 然后一起来派对
No, we said we'd meet at the dinner and go to the party.
不是的 你说你去吃晚餐 我会去派对
You said you'd go to the dinner, and I'll go to the party.
你说:“给我留一块提拉米苏”
You said, "Save me a tiramisu."
提拉米苏味道如何? - 是芝士蛋糕
How was the tiramisu? - It was cheesecake.
看到那个视频了吗? - 我们的朋友在火车上拍的
Did you see the video? - Oh. Our friends on the train filmed it.
效果很好 恭喜 - 叫我英雄 太丢人了
Great result. Congratulations. - Calling me a hero. So embarrassing.
你是英雄 小宝
You are a hero, puppy.
如果是另外那件事 我就是反派 不是英雄
If it was the other story, I'd be the villain, not the hero.
听着 过来 我希望你来听听
Listen, listen. Come here. I want you to hear this.
你要去哪里? - 过来
Where are you goin'? - Come here.
你好
Hello.
艾伦 我们是罗恩和杰 不好意思 致敬典礼上有点吵
Alan, you got Ron and Jay. Sorry for the tribute noise.
把消息告诉杰 - 已经处理好了 杰
Tell Jay the news. - It's been taken care of, Jay.
什么处理好了? - 提姆西的官司 鼻子的事
What has? - Timothy, the lawsuit, the nose.
所有的一切
Everything.
都搞定了
It's all done.
我们发现他在1990年代 有一项未决的毒品指控
We discovered a pending drug charge from the '90s
会让他事业尽毁
that would destroy his business.
搞定了? - 都过去了 你自♥由♥了 杰
It's done? - It's gone away. You're free, Jay.
你这么年轻 不可能是他爹
You are too young to be his daddy.
哎呀 谢谢
Why, thank you.
你年轻得不可思议
And you're too young to be young.
我想道个歉 - 跟谁?提姆西?
I want to apologize. - To who, Timothy?
不行 杰
That can't happen, Jay.
他是我的朋友 - 已经不是了
He's my friend. - Not anymore.
我建议你放手吧
My counsel is to let it go.
是吗? - 是的
Yeah? - Yeah.
已经解决了 他不会再联络你了
It's settled. You won't hear from him again.
杰 好好享受你的致敬典礼 你实至名归