死侍与金刚狼（2024）

How?
有棵树刺穿你胸部
Well, technically,you were chest-fucked by a tree, but…
其实是你为了救人电池没电
really, you just ran out of batteriestrying to save someone.
救谁？
Who?
在实验室创造她的贱胚叫她X-23
The shitheels that grew her in a labcalled her "X-23." But…
但她只是个孩子
she was just a kid.
你的年轻娇小版 却更狠毒
A younger, daintier,somehow meaner version of you.
你为了救她而死
You died trying to save her.
很感人
It was beautiful.
听着 朋友 我知道你很伤心
Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'.
我的盲眼黑人老室友盲妇爱儿常说
My blind, elderly, African-American roommate,Blind Al, always says that…
痛苦使我们认识自己
pain teaches us who we are.
有时我们得倾听痛苦 而非逃避它
Sometimes we need to listen to that paininstead of running from it.
哇靠 -她很有智慧
Holy shit. -Yeah, she's wise.
不 你叫她盲妇爱儿？
No, no, no. That's her name?You call her "Blind Al?"
她是瞎子
Well, she's blind.
瞧瞧你
Look at you!
它跟我们走
She's coming with us.
不行 免谈 -它要来
No, she's not. Fuck no!-Oh, yes, she is.
要啦 -抱歉
Oh, yes…-Sorry!
不好意思
Sorry about that!
过来 妹妹
Come here, girl!
你哪位？
Who are you?
我是死侍
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
我猜你也是死侍咯
And I guess you're Deadpool too.
在这里大家叫我善死侍
But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool."
等你看到女死侍就知道 她超正的
Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool.She is gorgeous.
她刚生完宝宝
She just had a baby too. And…
完全看不出来
Can't even tell.
你不应该说这种话
I don't think you're supposed to say that.
没关系
That's okay.
我自认是女性主义者
I identify as a feminist.
好
Right.
那是镀金点50口径沙漠之鹰手♥枪♥？
Are those gold-plated,.50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros?
当然
'Course.
搭配我的耳环
To match my ear huggie.
能给我吗？
Can I have 'em?
除非我嗝屁
Over my dead body.
你真搞笑
You're fun.
你见过玛莉包萍了 也就是死侍狗
And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins.AKA Dogpool.
小心你的手
Careful where you put your hands.
它全身上下都是G点 碰到就知道
She's ninety percent g-spot,and she'll let you know it.
这只好色狗一离开你视线
You let this little flirt out of your sightfor one second and…
就开始找新爸爸
she starts shopping for a new papa.
你不能负责 就不该养这只小可爱
If you can't be a responsible pet owner, thenmaybe you don't deserve this little unicorn.
完全认罪 法官
Guilty on all charges, Your Honor.
下不为例
Shan't happen again.
你干嘛这么好说话？
Why are you so nice?
善良又不花钱
Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.
乖乖闭嘴也免费
Shutting the fuck up is also free.
这是罗根
This is Logan.
他通常打赤膊 但离婚后就开始耍废
He's usually shirtless,but he's let himself go since the divorce.
你的面具呢？
Where's your mask?
拜托
Come on, guys.
这家伙
Ugh, this guy.
我们在找一批幸存者
We're looking for a group of survivors.
他们在
Oh, they're out there.
但良心的建议 最好别碰上死侍团
Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hopethat you don't run into the Deadpool corps.
他们超疯的
Yeah, they're crazy.
会把你碎尸万段 藏在虚空各角落
They will chop you up into a thousand piecesand hide you all over The Void.
如果能克服童年创伤
If they could only processtheir childhood trauma…
他们会展开疗愈之旅
they'd go on one heck of a healing journey.
我们要去边境
Look, we're headed for the borderlands.
知道那在哪吗？
You know where it is?
正西方12公里 交通工具借你们
Yeah, that… That's twelve klicks due west.I can lend you my ride, if you like.
这是我的荣幸
It would be my honor.
不行…绝对不行
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
搞什…不行
Uh-uh. What the…No! No!
上车就是了
Just get in the car.
这不是车
This isn't a car.
这是他妈的本♥田♥奥德赛
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
油门反应烂到爆
Throttle response sucks a cock.
资讯娱乐系统过时
Dated infotainment system.
当初本♥田♥发现菜花又开始大流行
When Honda saw that untreated chlamydiawas makin' a comeback…
就发明奥德赛 看谁更恶烂
they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete.
他妈的给我上车
Get in the fucking car.
它会送你平安抵达
She'll get you there safe and sound.
老贝琪使命必达
Old Betsy always does.
你得把狗还给我
You're gonna have togive me my dog back, though.
我知道 听好 对 孩子
I know. Listen. Yes, child.
如果你想放弃它 或它需要新家
If you ever wanna give her up,or if she needs a new home…
或是你有三长两短
or if somethingshould happen to you…
我乐意当它的新爸爸
I'd love to be her papa.
我会有什么三长两短？
What would ever happen to me?
多着呢
Lots of stuff.
天啊 -不 我们要逃跑
Jesus. -No! We're running away.
给我 -玉米种太密了
Give me that. -The corn was too dense, girl!
抱走 -过来
There. -Come here!
干！ -你好啊
Fuck!-Hello!
掰
Bye.
我就问
Okay, I'm just gonna ask…
你这套战服是怎样？
What's with the suit?
我失败后做的第一件事是
First thing I did when I flamed out…
把我的脱掉 -别说了
I took mine off. -Drop it.
它没那么丑
It's not that ugly.
别再说我的战服 -你自己做的吗？
Stop talking about my suit. -Did you make it yourself?
我也是 -别说了
Been there. -Quit. Now.
X战警逼你穿的？那些狗♥娘♥养♥的
The X-Men make you wear it?Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
他们才不是你朋友
They are not your friends,I'll tell you that.
朋友不会让朋友离开
Friends don't let friends…
一副要帮洛杉矶公羊队开干的样子
leave the house lookin' like theyfight crime for the Los Angeles Rams.
给我闭嘴 不然…
Shut the fuck up about this, or…
嘴巴放干净点 宝贝
Whoa, whoa, whoa.Watch your frown lines, angel baby.
我想培养感情 -那就聊别的
I'm just trying to bond a little bit. -Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else.
好
Fine.
停
Stop it.
如果他们补救你的世界
If they can fix your world…
等你离开这里 最想做什么？
what's the first thing you're gonna dowhen you get out of here?
喝外用酒精 还是雨刷精？
Get some rubbing alcohol shots,maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
你说什么？
What did you say?
等你回去 最想做什么？
I said when you get back,what's the first thing you're gonna do?
不是 在那前面
No, no, no. Before that.
如果他们能补救你的世界？
If… they can fix your world?
什么叫「如果」？
What do you mean, "if?"
就是… -你骗我
I mean…-You lied to me.
你根本不知道他们能否帮我 对吧？
You don't have a fucking clueif they can help me fix things, do you?
不 我是说…
No. I, I mean…
干！干！我没骗你
Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!
你说谎 -没有 那算一厢情愿
You lied!-No! I made an educated wish!
因为我需要你
Because I need you.
这就是原因 这个
This. This is why. Right here.
如果不想办法 他们会死
'Cause if we don't do something, they die.
我对拯救世界一窍不通
I don't know anything about saving worlds.
我何必在乎？
And why would I even care?
因为我的世界就在这照片里
Because my entire worldis right here in this picture.
只有九个人
It's only nine people…
我不知道如何独力拯救它
and I have no idea how to save it alone.
我会为钱打人 但你…
I know how to fuck people up for money.But you…
你知道怎么救他们
you know how to save 'em!
至少另一个金钢狼懂
At least the other Wolverine did.
我竟跟最烂的那个困在一起