死侍与金刚狼（2024）

This is your way home.
我该报答救命之恩 但来点好玩的
I do owe you for saving my life.But let's keep things interesting.
进艾利奥斯的肚子前 你们有四秒钟
I'd say you have about four secondsbefore you're Alioth's food.
看谁跑得快
Race ya.
跩迈汽车
我们有标准的…
And as I saidwe've got a standard three-year…
三年全车保固
bumper to bumper warranty.
很高兴你们给我第二次机会
Glad you gave us a second chance.
放心 韦德和我一组 他会拿到…
And don't worry. Wade and I are a team,so I'll see he gets half the commission…
感觉是起亚
That feels like a Kia.
是起亚嘉年华吧？
It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it?
哇塞 那是死侍
Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
那是金钢狼
And that's Wolverine.
正确答案
You're damn straight it is.
福斯杀了他
Fox killed him.
迪士尼让他复活 逼他拍到90岁
Disney brought him back. They're goingto make him do this 'til he's 90.
走吧
Let's go.
我帮你打下班卡
I'll clock you out!
永远
Forever!
永远
Forever.
起床咯
Wakey-wakey.
上帝？
God?
你给我肚子吃了这么多子弹
Now you put all these bullets in my belly…
我要查出原因
and I'm gonna find out why.
我自己招
I'll just say it.
你手指不必伸进来
You don't have to stick your fingers in me.
天啊 偶尔先问一下
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
好啦
Fine.
真假？
Really?
手放口袋
Hands in pockets.
有个人叫悖论
Guy named Paradox.
他说能带我离开虚空
He said he'd get me out of The Void.
我只知道他在时变局工作
All I know is he works for the TVA.
时变局
The TVA.
我们讲好的
We had an agreement.
那家伙才不管
I don't think this guy cares.
他会的
He will.
各位
Hey, people!
时间开膛手要多久才能启动？
How much longerbefore the Time Ripper is active?
要进行最后安全检查
We're running the final safety checks.
好 辛苦了 雷夫
Okay. All right.Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph.
慢慢来 -真的吗？
Take your time. -Really?
才怪 你这个蠢蛋
No, you drooling boob!
不 有人来了
No! We have company.
取消安全检查 马上启动
Cancel the safety checks.We need to be live now!
我恨死你了
I hate you so much.
地铁服务目前暂停
不 站住
No! Stop!
滚蛋 你们太迟了
Piss off! You're too late.
你完了 -索尔在哭什么？
You're fuckin' done. -Why was Thor crying?
你们好大的胆子
How dare you!
没人能从虚空回来
No one comes back from The Void.
去跟卡珊德拉·诺瓦说
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
悖论 我们有麻烦了
Paradox.We have a problem.
悖论
Paradox.
你比火人想的高大
Well, you are doughier thanyou looked in Pyro's head.
你想杀我
You tried to kill me.
我根本不知…
I literally have no…
擒贼就得先擒王
You come for the king,you better kill the king.
欢迎体验颅内性♥爱♥按♥摩♥ 悖论
Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox.
你知道她不洗手的
You know she doesn't wash that hand.
这是什么？
What's this?
时间开膛手？
A Time Ripper?
你坏坏 -我们正要去
Naughty boy. -Oh, no. We're on it.
过去拆掉那玩意
We're gonna head downand dismantle that thing now.
我们罩你 你继续玩
We got ya, boo.You just keep playing those keys.
我不要摧毁它
I don't want to destroy it.
我要利用它
I want to use it.
快走 爸妈有话要聊
Now, shoo.Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation.
好笑的是
You know, the funny thing is…
我在虚空里很快乐
I was happy in The Void.
你送垃圾给我 我和艾利奥斯负责清理
You sent your trash to me.Alioth and I cleaned it up.
皆大欢喜
Everyone was happy.
但你非得来我的地盘撒尿
And then you had to goand piss on my side of the fence.
现在只好拆掉围墙
And so now the fence must come down.
我要用你的时间开膛手
I'm going to use your little Time Ripper.
我会摧毁这个宇宙
And I'm going to destroy this universe…
以及下一个、下一个、下一个…
and the next and the next and the next…
直到剩下虚空为止
until all that's left is The Void.
我能扮演上帝
And I get to play God.
走
Come on.
你教我怎么用那台高科技装置
Now you're going to show me howto use this fancy gadget of yours.
放心 我请朋友别让人来打扰
And don't worry, I've called some friendsto make sure we're not disturbed.
抱歉 有个东西你非看不可
Sorry to bother, madam,but there's something you need to see.
迹象显示10005号♥地球上
We're getting indications of an unsanctioned
有未经核准的时间开膛手启动
Time Ripper activating on Earth-10005.
那是谁负责的区域？
Whose district is that?
悖论
Paradox.
时间开膛手可操作
感谢你帮忙 亲爱的
Well, thank you so muchfor your help, darling.
天啊 摆脱那颗头真爽
God. Good to get out of that head.
乱七八糟
What a mess!
利菲尔德足骨科
站住
Stop!
先等临演跑光
Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear.
快…天呐
Go, go, go!Oh, my God!
天呐 -干
Oh. My. God. -Fuck.
是它
It's her!
过来 妹妹
Come on, girl!
过来 妹妹
Come on, girl!
我的小宝贝
That's my girl!
我们再也不必分开 再也不要…
We don't have to be apart ever, ever again.Never, ever…
抱歉 -干！
Sorry!-Fuck!
美发教父来做什么？
What's Café Gratitude doing here?
不好意思
Sorry about that.
别发抖 玛莉包萍 我来应付他
Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins.I'll handle him.
过来 爸爸来了
Come here, girl.Papa's here.
别侮辱这只狗的自主性
Hey, do not insultthis animal's autonomy.
它自己决定谁是它爸爸
She can decide who her papa is.
你选谁 妹妹？
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
《留级之王》还是《绿灯侠》？
Original recipe or Van Milder here?
真好笑 我也能打破第四面墙
That's funny.I can gently tap the fourth wall too.
《假结婚》
The Proposal.
搞屁啊？
The fuck was that?
你以为我会那样？ -两个都闭嘴
Bitch, you think that's what I do? -Both of you shut up.
有闻到什么吗？
You smell somethin'?
有 你
Yeah, you.
好多个你
A lot of you.
就跟你说外面有一堆死侍
Told you there werea lot of Deadpools over there.
情况不妙
That's bad.
我看来者不善
I take it they're not friendly.
天啊 真的
Goodness, no.
抱歉了 兄弟 寡不敌众
Sorry about this, boys.Mission over.
死因 杀红眼的百名死侍
Cause of death,one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools.
他们很蠢
They're dumb.
但他们能打 我不行
But they can fight.Not me, though.
我想参一脚 可惜骨质疏松
Would love to get in the mixbut I have low bone density…
而且我靠脸吃饭
and I have to keep my face safe.
抱一下 -天啊
Hold, please. -Oh, God.
听好
All right. Look.
各位
Guys!
我是头号♥死侍
Deadpool Prime here.
我们不想打你们… -喂