死侍与金刚狼（2024）

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look,I can see this isn't going well.
拜托别写了
Please stop writing. Look, I, I…
我想成为复仇者
I'm just… I wanna be an Avenger.
我想当复仇者
I wanna be an Avenger.
为什么想当复仇者？
Why do you wanna be an Avenger?
你看看这里 他们是万中选一
Look around you. I mean, they're the,they're the best of the best.
他们的贡献很重要
And, and what they do matters.
我需要成为复仇者
I need to be an Avenger.
我的女人受够我了 如果我不…
Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick,and I, if I don't, you know…
有所改变 善用我的天赋
turn things aroundand do something with my gifts…
我们的感情恐怕不保
I don't think it's gonnareally work out for me…
那我也不能怪她
and I wouldn't blame her.
复仇者联盟是一批很独特的超级英雄
Avengers are a very unique groupof superheroes…
东尼史塔克有心脏的证据
象征的意义
that stand for something…
不只是打斗和穿战服
more than just fighting and wearing costumes.
人们敬仰我们 孩子崇拜我们
I mean, people look up to us.Kids look up to us.
你说「我们」？
They…-I'm sorry. "Us?"
我不晓得你也是复仇者
I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger.
应该算类复仇者
Avengers-adjacent, technically. -Oh, wow.
你的超能力是并排停车吗？真抱歉
What's your superpower?Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry.
我太毒了
That was cruel.
我一紧张就嘴贱 下不为例
I lash out when I'm nervous.Won't happen again.
我们切入重点 -麻烦
Let's cut to the chase. -Please.
你刚刚才说
You just said moments ago…
你想当复仇者 因为有需要
that you wanted to be an Avengerbecause you need it.
是的 没错
Yes, sir, I do.
复仇者联盟出任务不是他们需要
But the Avengers don't do the job becausethey need it.
而是民众需要他们
They do the job because people need them.
发现差别了吗？
Do you see the distinction?
有
Yes, sir.
拜托 霍根先生
Please, Mr. Hogan.
我不想一生只会一招闯江湖
I don't wanna spend the rest of my lifelike an annoying one-trick pony.
好吧
All right.
天呐 你站起来了
Oh, my God, you're standing.
这时该站起来了
Yeah, now's the time that we stand.
完蛋
Damn it.
问题可能在于
Now, the problem might be that you're…
你有点好高骛远
reaching a little, little too high.
务实一点才不会失望
Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss.
你很有心 我相信你的话
Right? I think you got a good heart.I believe what you're saying.
并非人人能拯救世界
But not everybody's the world-saving type.
我不能 却还是快乐
I'm not, and I'm happy.
对吧？我找到了我的定位
Right? I found my place.
找出你的定位
Find your place.
继续努力
All right? Get back out there. -Mm-hmm.
我们会继续关注你 加油
We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck. -Okay.
去开车 我想去汉堡店
Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack.
我被拒绝就想怒吃
Rejection makes me hungy.
不要？ -不了 拜托
Really? No? -No, no. Please.
不了 谢谢 -好
Yeah, no, no, no. Okay, thank you. -Oh, okay.
俗话说得好 塞翁失马…
You know what they say.When one door closes…
10005号♥地球
工作就来
your locker at work opens.
六年后
韦德 业务顾问
我们来卖♥♥原厂认证中古车 操♥你♥妈♥…
Now let's go sell some certifiedpre-owned vehicles, motherfu…
严格来讲嘉年华不是迷你厢型车
Technically, the,the Carnival's not a minivan.
它是多功能休旅车
It's an MPV.
跟本♥田♥奥德赛相比
So how does the Kia compare to…
起亚如何？ -奥德赛？
the Honda Odyssey? -The Odyssey?
问得好 他妈的毫不逊色
That's a great question.It doesn't fucking suck.
回答时不必乱爆粗口
You know, you can answerthe question without swearing.
抱歉 谭美 我没小孩
I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't, I don't have kids.
不是我不想要
Not that I haven't dreamt of that…
只是我很少吃鲍鱼
but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex.
跩迈汽车
下次就会成交了
You'll get 'em next time, pal.
你随时都能回去当超级英雄
And look,you can always go back to superhero-ing.
我很想看你再穿上那套劲装
I mean,I know I'd like to see you back in the suit.
我放在柜子里不是想穿
I don't keep it in my lockerso that I can wear it.
而是为了再出任务
I keep it in my locker in casewe need to saddle up again.
喂…放在里面干嘛？
Hey, hey, hey. What?What is that doing in there?
我不干了
I'm done.
放弃了
I'm done.
心无罣碍 彻底放下
And I'm fine with being done.
当业务最理想吗？
Look, is sales the best match?
应该不是
Probably not.
这是我向往的生活吗？怎么可能
Is this the life thatI always imagined for myself? Fuck no.
但这适合我 小糖熊 真的
But this is the right fit for me,Sugar Bear, it is.
好吧 威尔逊先生
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
反正我们一个月出趟任务
I'm just saying, once a month,we could go on a little mission.
我们是人类 渴望有目标
We're human beings. We crave purpose.
毕竟我们是死侍
After all, we're Deadpool.
别说了 我们不是死侍
Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool.
我早就不是了
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
如果要面对中年危机 就搞大的
Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis,go big.
几年前
A few years ago…
有个朋友在奶头上穿钛链
a friend of mine got his nipples piercedwith a titanium chain…
一路往下连到他的鸡鸡
that goes downand attaches to his Van Johnson.
你生日到了才这么焦躁吗？
Are, are you feeling grumplestiltskin'cause it's your birthday?
什么？
What?
不是
No.
不是
No.
惊喜！
Surprise!
算你们走运 我没带武器
Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed.
过来
Get in here.
要是六年前 你们就都挂了
If this were six years ago,you'd all be dead.
他下了出租车 你绝对不相信
So then, he gets out of the cab,and you will not believe it.
我转身 发现什么？ -无线耳机
I turn around, and what do I find? -AirPods.
他的无线耳机 -他的无线耳机
His AirPods. Come on. -His AirPods!
好扯的故事
Crazy story.
每次都一样 -屡试不爽
Every time. Come on. -Every single time.
今天有业绩吗？
Make any sales today?
明知故问
You know I didn't.
你有卖♥♥掉补梦网吗 你干哪一行？
Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsyor whatever it is that you do?
三天后缴房♥租 韦德
Our rent's due in three days, Wade.
我不能一直帮你垫
I can't keep carrying you.
放轻松 老子有钱
Relax. I have the money.
我卖♥♥了掉在地上的过期血压药
I sold some old blood pressure medicationI found lying around.
你是想害死我吗？
You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker?
把吃盐当吃补的可不是我
I'm not the one dousing everything in salt,motherfucker.
我每天都祈祷
I pray every day that…
大火烧上你的身体
fire finds your body…
帮上帝完成
and finishes the job…
祂没种完成的事 -好伤人
God didn't have the nuts to do. -That's hurtful.
如果你能看见我的脸 就懂我多可怜
If you could hear the look on my face,you'd smell how sad I am.
看了什么好看的吗？
You watched anything good?
《英国烘焙大赛》
Great British Bake Off.
哇塞
Oh, goddamn.
那节目连续十年阻止我自杀成功
That show stood between me and suicidefor ten years.
那是我的感受 对堕胎、宗教自♥由♥
Those are my feelingson abortion, religious freedom…
动物权、隐私权、疫苗
animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines…
自♥由♥市场资本主义、全球气候变迁
free-market capitalism,global climate change.
别急 你没台词 巴克
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.No, no speaking lines, Buck.
雪绪
Hi, Yukio.
韦德
Hi, Wade.
栩栩如生的假发
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
这是手刷染 来自法文
It's a summer balayage. From the French.
模仿天然的强烈阳光
It's meant to mimic thenatural highlights of the sun.
那是假发 -自然系植发
It's a toupée. -It's a hair system.
我喜欢你的自然系植发 -谢谢
I love your hair system, Wade. -Thank you.
要不要来点可♥卡♥因♥？
Wanna do some cocaine?