麦克斯为猫寻生父

Here you go.
给你
And I hope you enjoyed dinner and the show.
希望你好好享受这顿晚饭 还有我的表演
The show being me pretending I'm happy as a waitress.
就是我假装我在这里当服务员很开心
Caroline, where is Max?
Caroline Max在哪?
And I've already checked the bowels of hell.
我已经把十八层地狱都翻了个遍
Yeah, I know where I work.
是啊 我知道我在什么鬼地方工作
Max is going to be late today
Max今天得迟到了
'cause she got stuck on the subway.
因为她被困在地铁上了
But you said yesterday she was late
但昨天你也说她迟到
because she was stuck on the subway.
是因为她被困在地铁上了
No, I believe I said yesterday she got stuck under the subway.
不对吧 我记得我昨天说的是她被卡在地铁轮子下面了
Oleg, a little help.
Oleg 来帮帮忙
Oh, Max?
哦 你说Max?
Today she got stuck on a bus.
她今天被困在公交车上了
And you said that the day before yesterday.
你前天也这么说
- Earl? - She got stuck between the moon
- Earl? - 她被困在月亮
and New York City.
和纽约市的中间了
I know it's crazy, but it's true.
我知道这有点疯狂 不过这是真事
Sorry I'm late.
对不起我迟到了
I couldn't find our cat, Nancy.
我找不到我们的猫Nancy了
Also, I was stuck on the bus or under the subway.
我还被困在公交车上 或者是卡在地铁轮子下面了
Unless they told you something different,
如果他们说的和我的不一样
then I was doing that.
那以他们的为准
Oh, come on. That excuse was less satisfying
哦 拜托 那个借口
than the end of Serial.
比"系列"广播剧结束还糟
Max, really, what do you take me for?
Max 说真的 你到底是怎么对我的?
Well, I know where I can't take you.
嗯 我知道我不能怎么对你
On the big rides at Disneyland.
我不能带你去迪士尼乐园玩
Nancy still hasn't come home.
Nancy还没有回家
I'm freaking out.
我要疯掉了
She's the only thing I love.
我这辈子只爱她一个
Whatever.
管他呢
I had a cat once. He was cool.
我以前也有一只猫 他很酷
He was black and very sexually active.
他是黑色的 而且非常性活跃
Oh, wait, the cool cat I'm talking about was me.
哦 等等 我说的这只酷猫就是我
Earl, be careful, at your age, you could die having sex.
Earl 小心点 你这把年纪了 性♥爱会要你命
I know.
我知道
Those ladies don't know whether I'm coming or going.
那些女士不知道我是否来或者去
I think Nancy might be gone for good.
我觉得Nancy可能再也不会回来了
I just can't believe she didn't take me with her.
我就是无法相信她竟然没带我一起走
We had a deal.
我们都约好了
Max, she'll come back to the apartment,
Max 就算她不想回来
even if she doesn't want to.
她也会来的
I mean, I always do.
我是说 我就是这样的
I am not surprised you're not worried.
我完全不讶异于你的淡定
You never really liked Nancy.
你一直都不怎么喜欢Nancy
You call her "that cat."
你总是叫她"那只猫"
As in, "that cat" peed on my pillow.
还说"那只猫"在我枕头上撒尿了
While I was sleeping on it, Max.
就在我睡觉的时候 Max
Well, blame me. I got her drunk.
好吧 怪我咯 我让她喝醉的
Hey, everybody!
嘿 大家好!
Look, girls, I got your pussy in my purse.
姑娘们 你们那玩意儿在我包里
Either that's a cat, or you two got to keep better track
她要么指的是猫 要不然你们两个人就得
of your belongings.
找找自己的器官了
Yay!
耶!
That cat's back.
那只猫回来了
See, Max?
看到了吧 Max?
I am excited.
我很激动
Oh, I missed you so much.
哦 我想死你了
Oh, yes, I did.
是啊 是啊
That's not Nancy.
那不是Nancy
That is a boy.
这是只公的
Well, Max, sorry I don't check out a cat's junk
好吧 Max 对不起 我没有第一时间
the second it comes through the door.
就去检查那只猫的器官
Yeah, you only look at the face.
是啊 你只看脸
That's the difference between you and me.
这就是我们俩的差异所在
See, look, the name tag says "Cinnamon."
你看 这个名牌上写着"小肉桂"
No wonder that little girl kept crying and saying,
怪不得那个小女孩一直在哭个不停 还说
"Give me Cinnamon, Give me Cinnamon."
"把肉桂给我 把肉桂给我"
I looked her right in the eye and I said,
我看着她的眼睛说
"I don't carry spices in my purse."
"人家包里没有携带香料"
Max, you are completely overreacting.
Max 你完全反应过度了
- It's just a... - Oh! Just a what?
- 这只是... - 哦! 只是什么?
Say it!
说啊!
It's just a cat.
只是一只猫啊
You!
你!
Hey, I'm the one who fronted us that dollar to get her name tag.
嘿 它的名牌还是我花了一块钱给它弄的
Thanks to me, someone's gonna pick her up,
多亏了我 会有人把她捡起来
look at it, and say, "Oh, you must be lost,
看着她 然后说 "哦 你一定是迷路了
little... cat."
小...猫"
Nancy!
她叫Nancy!
Nancy! Her name's Nancy!
Nancy!她的名字叫Nancy!
I know her name!
我知道她叫什么!
It got momentarily pushed out of my head
我只是暂时想不起来了
to make room for those , cupcake T-shirts
因为我们还有件纸杯蛋糕T恤衫
we can't unload or pay for.
卖不掉 而且付不起
You think I don't wake up screaming
你以为我没有几乎每天晚上
four or five nights a week about those T-shirts?
都为了这些T恤衫尖叫着醒过来吗?
But I know our cat's name.
但是我知道我们的猫叫什么
You don't wake up at night ever.
你才不会半夜醒来呢
No, I sleep like a dead baby, it's my one gift.
当然不会 我睡得和死婴一样熟 这是我的天赋
Oh, the phone!
哦 电话!
Unknown number. This could be it!
未知号码 可能就是它了!
I like my numbers like my condom expiration dates, unknown.
我喜欢未知来电 正如不知啥时过期的避孕套
Hello?
你好?
- Yes? - Who is it, Max?
- 怎么了? - 是谁啊 Max?
You have her? Yay!
她在你手上? 耶!
Oh, sure, great.
哦 好的 太棒了
- Thank you. - He has her?
- 谢谢 - 她在他手上?
He has Nancy?
Nancy在他那里?
Please, too little, too late.
算了吧 晚了
Max, we're in $, worth of debt
Max 我们欠债一万美元
and you spent money on new kitty litter?
你还花钱去买新的猫砂?
Relax, I'm going to pee in it, too.
放松点 我也要在里面撒尿的
Well, I guess it beats that Sprite bottle
好吧 我猜它比你在你房间里用的
you've been using in your bedroom.
那个雪碧瓶好多了
It's just such a long walk to the bathroom
从房间走到厕所太远了
that every time I have to go,
我每次走的时候
it's like I'm raising money for MS.
都感觉像是在为多发性硬化症筹钱
Oh, I have good news.
哦 好消息
I found your lost bra in the litter box.
我在这个猫砂盒里找到你丢失的胸罩
Don't think I'm not still wearing it.
别以为我还会再穿了
I mean, why not?
为什么不呢?
I ate a hot dog that rolled under a car the other day.
我还曾吃过一条被车碾过的热呢
I left a couple of big clumps in,
我还在这里留下了几块土
just to help you out a little.
让你穿得更自信一点
Oh, okay, that's Nancy.
哦 好的 Nancy来了
Here's a chance for a fresh start for you two.
这是你们两个重新开始的机会
And don't bring up the bra, we don't know why she wanted it,
别提那个胸罩 我不知道它为什么想要
but I'm sure she had her reasons.
但是它肯定有自己的理由
Fine, I'll be on my best behavior.
好的 我会好好表现的
But you watch and see how she treats me.
但你得看看它是怎么对我的
It's a two-way street.
这是双向的
Hi, I have your cat.
你好 你们的猫在我手里
And surprisingly, your doorknob.
而且你们的门把手也在我手里
Oh, that gum wore out already?
哦 那个口香糖已经没用了?
Hi, buddy!
你好啊小兄弟!
Hi, I'm Caroline. This is Max.
你好 我叫Caroline 这位是Max
Thank you so much for bringing back...
多谢你帮我们找到...
- Nancy! - 我知道!
- Nancy! - I know!
And please note, she did not even look at me.
还有别忘了 它都没正眼看过我
Hi. I'm Owen.
嗨 我是欧文
Well, we are "Owen" you a big thank-you.
我们"欧"你一份人情啊
Kind of low on cash, how would you feel
我们最近有点缺钱 请问你愿意
about , cute cupcake tees?
买一千件可爱的"纸杯蛋糕"T恤吗?
Yeah, I don't need , pink T-shirts.
我不需要一千件粉红衣裳
My dad's already mad at me I don't care about sports.
我不关注体育就已经惹我爸不高兴了
How do you get this thing open?
怎么打开这玩意?
We usually just take Nancy around
我们一般带Nancy出去
in an old vacuum cleaner bag.
是装在旧的吸尘器袋子里
Also doubles as my "going out" purse.
同时也用于我的外出包包
Pardon me, may I get past?
不好意思 可以借过吗?
Oh, manners.
这种礼仪
In our doorway?
出现在我家门前?
I don't know what to do.
我都不知所措了
What's next, a front stoop with no discarded heroin needles?
接下来会出现没有随意丢弃吸毒针头的门廊吗?
Yeah, I just came up there.
我刚从那走上去的
Not today.
不是今天
Here, let me help.
让我帮你吧
I mean, I'm the dumb one who paid $2,000 for a cat carrier.
我就是一个花了两千块买个装猫袋的傻瓜
Hmm. I miss being that stupid.
我怀念自己曾经也这么傻
You know, my cat can't get this open either.
我的猫也打不开这袋子
It must be the lack of thumbs.
肯定是没有拇指的缘故
猫一般只有四个指头 拇指退化了
Rich, funny, and in a suit at 9:00 A.M.?
大清早的遇到个穿西装的"高富帅"?
I really don't know what to do.
我真不知所措了
You know, my cat, Dickens, loves your cat.
我的猫 狄更斯 喜欢你的猫
Oh, Dickens, after the author?
狄更斯 跟那作家同名?
查尔斯·狄更斯 英国作家 代表作"雾都孤儿"
狄更斯著作名为"圣诞颂歌"
Dickens, after the author, Max.
狄更斯 跟大作家同名 Max
Yeah, I know who that is.
我知道他是谁
The guy who wrote Muppets Christmas Carol.
写了"木偶圣诞颂歌"的那家伙
There. I knew I'd get it.
好了 就知道我打得开
'Cause I have thumbs.
因为我有拇指
Oh, there she is.
它在这呢
So I take it by the cat, you're single?
从养猫来看 你是单身?
Big time.
再单不过了
So, do you and Dickens live alone?
那你就和"狄更斯"住一起吗?
Oh no, she's trying to flirt.
糟了 她打算要调情
I travel a lot for work.
我经常因工作出差
I'm a venture capitalist.
我是个风险资本家
So you know how it is.
所以你也了解情况
Oh, I do. I absolutely do.
我了解 非常了解
- I... - Here it comes.
- 我... - 要炫耀了
- Went to Wharton. - Boom.
- 我上了沃顿商学院 - 砰
Well, if she gets lost again, you know where to find her.
要是再找不到它 你知道去哪找
She's been hanging around outside our window
最近几个月 它每天都在
every day for the last couple of months.
我们窗外转悠
So I let her in. I hope that's okay.
所以我放它进来了 希望没事
Is that okay? It's awesome.
哪是没事? 简直棒极了
I hope your girlfriend didn't mind.
我希望你女朋友不会介意
We just broke up.
我们刚分手
So I'm single.
所以我是单身
And I better get going.
我得离开了
I've got a 10:00 meeting.
我十点要开会
Max, give the man his case.
Max 把箱子还他
He has a 10:00 meeting.
他十点要开会
She doesn't want to get out of cushy this thing.
它不想离开这舒适的地方
I totally get it.
我完全理解
I had to be dragged out of that massage chair
我在布鲁克斯东坐按♥摩椅的时候
at Brookstone by mall security.
得让保安把我拽下来
Well, here's my card, just give me a call
这是我的名片 如果你想让我过来拿箱子
when you want me to pick up the case.
打电话告诉我一声
You have a card?
你有名片?
A card, a meeting, a suit, a joke?
名片 开会 西装 笑话?
Are you the next bachelor?
你是下一个"白马王子"吗?
Well, thank you, Owen Charles Boyd,
谢谢你了欧文·查尔斯·博伊德
for bringing back our beloved...
帮我们找到我们心爱的...
- Her name's Nancy! - I know her name.
- 它叫Nancy! - 我知道它的名字
Why do I have to say it so fast?
有必要说那么快吗?
She's joking, she's just not as funny as you.
她开玩笑的 只是没你这么风趣
Well, it was nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
Bye, Nancy.
拜拜 Nancy
Okay.
好吧
Yes, I was flirting.
我是在调情
But I was doing it for our business.
但是在为咱们的生意着想
You should really be doing it for your business.
你真应该为你自己的"生意"着想
'Cause your business is going out of business.
因为你的"生意"就要"失业"了
He has a card.
他有名片
And it's not for medical marijuana.
而且还不是卖药用大♥麻的
He's a venture capitalist.
他是个风险资本家
That's the kind of fat cat
是个能帮我们
that can help us get back on our feet.
说起"傍大款" Nancy看起来
Speaking of fat cats, Nancy's looking like
站稳脚步的"大款"
she might need to give Jenny a call.
要给Jenny打个电话
Hey, girls.
嘿 姐妹们
Oh, you found Nancy.
你们找到Nancy了
I knew she'd come back pregnant.
我就知道它会怀胎而归
Wait, Sophie, how can you tell she's pregnant
等等 Sophie 你怎么知道它是怀孕了
and just not fighting the same battle Jonah Hill is fighting?
而不是像乔纳·希尔那样与发福抗争
Well, her fur is thicker, she's got a little sparkle in her eye,
它的毛发增粗了 双眼炯炯有神
and there's a little kitten head about to pop out of her patoot.
还有只小猫咪要从它屁屁探出头来
Come on. Push, Nancy.
拜托 用力 Nancy
Come on, we all know what you did.
别这样 我们都知道你干的好事
Now is not the time to be shy.
现在可不是害臊的时候
You do know what you're doing, right, Sophie?
你知道你在做什么 对吧 Sophie?
This isn't like the time you told us
这不会像上次你跟我们说的
you could do your own bikini wax with a candle?
你能用蜡烛自制脱毛蜡那样?
'Cause I still have the vanilla-scented scars from that.
因为我还留着 上次那香草味伤疤呢
Don't worry.
别担心
In my village, all the Kuchenskis women
在我村子里 所有库金斯基女人
acted as animal midwives.
都给动物当产婆
It was the best way to meet guys.
那是钓汉子的最佳方式
Strap in, girls.
快点 姐妹们
Ah! She's crowning!
啊! 它要生了!
I can't believe it.
真不敢相信
I thought Nancy was smarter than this.
我还以为Nancy会聪明点
But it turns out she's just like the rest of the women
结果跟我家其他女人
in my family.
一个样
Screwed by some stranger she met in the dumpster.
被垃圾堆边遇到的陌生人搞大肚子
Okay, here we go.
好了 要生了
Oh, there goes my ring.
哦 这下戒指丢了
I... sorry, Nancy.
我... 抱歉 Nancy
Oh, here we go!
哦 要生了!
Come on, girls, I need some hot water and fresh towels.
快点 姐妹们 我需要一盆热水和干净的毛巾
We do, too. For, like, four years.
这些我们都需要 想要了四年
Uh...
呃...
how about some of these T-shirts?
用这些T恤怎么样?
Oh, sure why not use those?
有何不可呢?
They used to be our bright future.
它们曾是我们的美好未来
Now just a ShamWow for illegitimate cats.
现在就只是擦猫崽子的清洁布
Oh, my God, that must be the sound
天啊 那声音一定是
of a surrendering cat uterus.
猫的子♥宫在"求饶"
Well, it's the first time a uterus has surrendered
这也算这么久来 第一次有子♥宫在那床上
in that bed in a while.
"求饶"了
I don't know why I'm not throwing up.
我居然还不想吐
Oh, wait. I'm starting to.
等等 要吐了
Well, I'm off Korean dumplings for life.
我这辈子都不吃韩国饺子了
This one... this one won't come out.
这一只... 这一只不肯出来
It's like the Queen Latifah of kittens.
它就像猫界的奎因·拉蒂法
奎因·拉蒂法曾被爆出柜
Sophie, I got your text that you were in bed with Nancy.
Sophie 我收到你的短信说 你跟Nancy在床上
Who is this Nancy,
这个Nancy是谁
and when did we go back to doing three-ways?
我们啥时又开始玩三人行了?
Nancy's a cat.
Nancy是只猫
Mm, that's a no.
唔 那我拒绝
I've got to draw the line somewhere.
我还是有底线的
Well, I heard the news.
我听到消息了
Looks like you two are grandmothers before you're .
看来你们俩要在岁前当外婆了
Can't say I'm surprised.
说不出我有多惊讶
Okay, before you even ask,
好了 你们问都不用问
I don't pay for cat maternity leave.
我不会照付猫产假的工资
This isn't Google.
这里可不是谷歌
This isn't even Ask Jeeves, Han.
这里连"问杰"都不是 Han
一种人工操作目录索引的美国著名搜索引擎
Well, I can help you get the kittens good homes.
我可以帮你们 给猫咪们找个好住处
The people in my building are very nice.
我楼里的居民都非常友好
Except if you don't recycle one bottle of sparkling cider,
但如果是你忘记回收一个泡苹果酒的瓶子
then nobody talks to you in the elevator.
那你在电梯里 没人会跟你说话
Han, we're not giving the kittens away.
Han 我们不打算把猫咪送走
Nancy landed herself a rich cat,
Nancy让自己成了一只富裕的猫
we're gonna be living off a hefty kitty support.
我们打算靠巨额的猫咪赡养费维生
Only you two would be desperate enough
只有你们俩会绝望到
to try and find a sugar catty.
想找一只招财猫
So has Owen called you back yet?
欧文给你回电话了吗?
Um, we're trading.
呃 我们在博弈呢
"We're trading"?
"我们在博弈"?
"We're trading" is lonely white girl talk
"我们在博弈"是单身白人女孩的说法
for "he hasn't called me back."
意思是"他没给我回电话"
I can't believe this. He's a deadbeat dad.
我真是不敢相信 他是个不负责任的爹
Max, he's just busy.
Max 他只是忙
And I think you might be projecting a little
我觉得你也许是在投射个人情绪
because of your dad.
因为你爸爸的缘故
Not that I'm a therapist.
而我不是治疗专家
I mean, I can't even afford a couch.
因为我连心理咨询用的长沙发都买不起
I'm not projecting.
我这不叫投射
I just know a deadbeat dad when I don't see one!
我最拿手识别不负责任的爸爸了!
Where's his card?
他的名片在哪儿?
I don't remember where I...
我不记得放在哪儿...
Max, let go! I've got this.
Max 放手! 我来搞定这事
That guy can really help us with our business.
那个人真的能帮到我们的生意
Please, let me handle this.
拜托 让我来处理吧
Look, Ryan Gosling.
看 瑞恩·高斯林
- I got this. - I got this.
- 我来 - 我来
- I got this. - I got this.
- 我来 - 我来
Keep going, girls, I'm almost there.
继续 姑娘们 我快要高♥潮了
I got this, Max.
我来 Max
And when he comes to get the cat carrier,
等他来拿猫笼的时候
I'll talk to him.
我会跟他说
You're way too emotional.
你太容易激动了
You just went to third base with my apron.
你连我的围裙都下手了
Sitting on this stoop is nice.
坐在这台阶上也挺好的
How come we never sit out here?
我们怎么就一直没来这里坐坐呢?
There it is.
这就是原因
Oh, please, it's just Rico.
拜托 只是Rico而已
Rico looks good. I think he got another tattoo.
Rico看起来不错 我想他又多了个纹身
Look, when Owen gets here, should we still be alive,
听着 欧文到这儿的时候 我们应该还活着
please let me do the talking.
请让我来进行谈话
Kittens aside, Owen can help us.
猫咪的事先放一边 欧文可以帮我们
A venture capitalist buys companies
一个风险投资人会买多家公司
and turns them around.
还能让它们起死回生
Yeah, I've seen Pretty Woman.
拜托 我看过"风月俏佳人"(电影)
That's how I realized I wasn't charging enough.
那让我意识到 我的收费还不够高
Go, Max, here he comes.
走 Max 他来了
All right, but I'll be watching inside from the window.
好的 但我会在窗户里面看着
It's probably better, because I don't trust Nancy alone
这样可能更好 因为我不放心Nancy独自
with those kittens.
和其他猫在一起
She's got some serious postpartum.
她有一些严重的产后症状
When I left the room, she was lighting a Menthol
我离开房间后 她曾用一只颤抖的爪子
with a shaky paw.
点燃了薄荷油
Hi.
嗨
Crazy we live walking distance from each other.
我们居然能够活着走向彼此
We don't. The Uber driver
不是的 是"优步"司机
wouldn't go past the fire hydrant on the corner.
不愿意经过拐角处的消防栓
The one with the bloody shoe hanging from it?
挂着只血淋淋的鞋子的那个吗?
That's the one.
没错
You know what? I'm just gonna take the cat carrier.
那什么... 我就是来拿那个箱子的
Before you go...
在你走之前...
we have this small cupcake company
我们有个小型的纸杯蛋糕公司
that's just begging to be an empire,
希望成为一家大企业
and I wanted to pick your brain about some business stuff.
我想跟你讨教下 生意上的一些事
猫 钱 婊♥子
Okay, so your Dickens got our cat pregnant,
好吧 你的狄更斯让我们的猫怀孕了
and she just had five kittens.
而它刚刚生了五只猫咪
And at her age, it's a miracle we didn't have to pay
以它的年龄 我们不用付钱做体外手术
for in vitro.
真是个奇迹
How do you know they are Dickens's?
你怎么知道是狄更斯的孩子?
I'm not saying that Nancy's easy,
我不是说Nancy很随便
it's just, I've seen her go in and out
只是 我看见它进进出出
of a lot of windows.
很多窗户
Did he just drop a gun?
他刚刚掉了一把枪?
It's fine. He has more.
没事 他还有很多
Okay, call my assistant, you can pick my brain.
好吧 给我助理打电话 你可以跟我讨教
I just don't want it to be off the sidewalk.
我只是不想在人行道边聊
Really, I got to go. I can't get killed.
真的 我得走了 我不能死
I'm wearing new suede loafers.
我穿的是新款的绒面革乐福鞋
Uber, an assistant, and suede loafers?
"优步" 助理 绒面革乐福鞋?
Are you for real?
你是真实的吗?
I hope I'm not intruding.
希望我没有打扰你
No, come in.
没有 请进
I was just brushing my new loafers.
我刚刚在刷我的新乐福鞋
I bought them as a break-up gift for myself.
我买这双鞋 当作是给自己的分手礼物
But unlike my ex-girlfriend, these have a sole.
与我前女友不一样的是 我能填满它
I didn't wanna mention the cat situation to your assistant.
我不想跟你的助理提猫的事
Next thing you know, it's all over the lunch room:
你知道的 接下来整个食堂就会议论
Owen Charles Boyd's cat is a raw-dogger.
欧文·查尔斯·博伊德的猫很滥交
My business partner stepped on them.
被我的生意伙伴给踩了一脚
Said it was an accident.
说那是个意外
Didn't feel like one.
感觉不像
One shoe yes, but both?
一只鞋有可能 但两只?
Highly unlikely.
非常不可能
Owen, sometimes in life, it's not just an innocent cat
欧文 有时候在生活中 不仅仅是一只
that gets screwed.
无辜的猫被♥操蛋了
A girl can get screwed as well.
一个姑娘也会被♥操蛋
Oh, hey, hi. What's happening?
哦 你好 有什么事吗?
As in, screwed by one bad business decision.
比如 被一个错误的商业决策给毁了
My partner, Max, and I recently invested
我的合作伙伴Max 还有我
all our savings in... well, here, take a look.
最近把我们的所有积蓄投资到... 这里 看看
Oh, my coffee!
哦 我的咖啡!
- Oh. - My loafer!
- 哦 - 我的乐福鞋!
My coffee's on my loafer!
我的咖啡洒在我的乐福鞋上了!
Here, let me.
让我来
No, you dab. You don't wipe suede.
不 轻轻擦 不能猛擦绒面革
You dab.
轻轻擦
Dab. Dab. I'm sorry.
轻轻擦 轻轻擦 抱歉
I used to know that.
我从前懂的
That's Rich .
这是富人必修课
Let me just go find some water
我去弄点水
and I'll dab, not wipe, this out.
然后轻轻擦它 不会猛擦它
We're not done yet. I'm going back in.
我们还没聊完 我会回去的
It's going really well though.
进行得非常顺利
Where's water?
哪儿有水?
Do you know how to unsend an email?
你知道怎么撤回邮件吗?
If I did, my rich ex-boyfriend would've never found out
要是我知道 我那有钱的前男友就不会发现
what I thought of his lisp
我嫌弃他口齿不清
and I'd be living in the "thouth of Franth" right now.
我现在也就会住在法阔蓝部了
Where is he?
他在哪?
He needs to see these adorable bastards.
他得见见这些可爱的小混♥蛋
Max, how did you find me here?
Max 你怎么知道我在这儿?
I told you I was going on a "think walk."
我跟你说 我正在进行一场思维漫步
I followed you.
我跟踪了你
I never noticed how much you check yourself out
我以前都没发现你喜欢在商店玻璃前
in store windows. You have a problem.
照镜子 你这是毛病
Do either of you know a way to turn the phrase,
你们知道怎么把 "自私透顶的蠢猪"
"self-absorbed, ridiculous pig" into a compliment?
变成赞美之词么
If I did, I'd still be on The Apprentice.
如果我会的话 我就能上"飞黄腾达"这节目了
Owen's going to see that email
欧文马上就能看到这封邮件了
and I'm going to get fired.
我要被炒了
I have to start paying attention to details.
我必须得学着注意细节了
I'm just gonna go back in.
我要进去了
What? I don't care.
什么? 我才不在乎呢
Not without me you're not.
要是不让我进去 你也休想进去
Max, please, let me handle this.
Max 求你了 让我来处理吧
I'm begging you.
我求你了
We're getting close, look, I'm holding his shoe.
我们马上就能成功了 看 我已经拿到他的鞋了
If he doesn't step up here,
如果他不拿出点行动来
these kittens will feel neglected,
这些小猫就会觉得被忽视了
and it is only a matter of time
然后它们迟早会成为服务员
till they are waitressing or worse.
或者比这更糟
Max, you're wrong.
Max 你错了
There's nothing worse than waitressing.
没有什么比服务员更糟的了
Max, stop!
Max 冷静!
You'll ruin everything.
你会把一切都搞砸的
I can fix this and us.
我能搞定这事 拯救咱们
We are beyond help.
我们没救了
It's all about these kittens.
是要帮这些小猫
- Now move, I got this. - No, I got this.
- 现在 闪开 我来处理 - 不 我来
- I got this. - I got this.
- 我来 - 我来
I...
我...
Oh, my God.
噢 天呐
What the hell is happening?
发生了什么?
That's right. I came to your office with a basket of cats.
没错 我带着一篮子的小猫来到你的办公室
Max, I'm so sorry.
Max 不好意思
Yeah, well, he's the one who should be sorry.
嗯哼 他才是那个应该觉得抱歉的家伙
I want you to look these kittens in the whiskers
我要你看着这些小公猫
and tell them that Dickens is not their father.
告诉他们狄更斯不是他们的父亲
What makes you think they're mine. Why?
你凭什么觉得他们是我家的 凭什么?
Because they look just like Dickens
就因为他们长得
when he was a tiny baby kitten.
跟狄更斯小时候一模一样吗
Oh, and this one's even cuter.
噢 这只更可爱了
And that one.
还有那一只
I'll take them all.
我会照顾他们的
But not that one. Seems a little off.
除了那一只 看起来有点傻
Not quite as alert as the others.
不像别的那么机灵
Oh, she's not good enough for you?
噢 她配不上你吗?
- Max. Projecting. - I'm not projecting.
- Max 你在感情投射了 - 我没有
He said she's not good enough for him.
他说她配不上他
What?
什么?
Just because she was unplanned and not good at math?
就因为她是意外怀孕所生 而且数学不好吗?
Developed boobs way too early?
或者是因为胸部发育的太早?
Okay, fine. I'm projecting.
好吧 我是在感情投射
What is going on?
发生了什么?
Caroline, are we gonna hook up or what?
Caroline 我们不是准备上床吗?
This is, like the weirdest foreplay ever.
这或许是 最奇怪的前戏了
Hook up? What would make you think I want to hook up?
上床? 你凭什么认为我想跟你上床?
Oh, because I business flirted?
噢 因为我的商业调情?
That's Wharton .
这是沃顿必修课
It was more than business flirting.
这可不仅仅是商业调情
You begged to come to my office,
你哀求着要来我的办公室
show up wearing a see-through shirt.
穿着透视装出现在我面前
That was not by choice.
这是因为我没别的衣服可穿了
It is cheaply made.
便宜货都这样
I came here to talk to you about our business,
我过来是想跟你谈生意的
and possibly get you to invest in a small, but spirited...
让你能给我们投资 哪怕就一点点也是好的...
Invest? This is the financial capital of the world.
投资? 这可是世界金融中心
Yes, it is.
是 没错
Why would I invest in a desperate little cupcake shop?
为什么我要去投资一个快倒闭的小蛋糕店?
You!
你!
That's it!
够了!
No cats for you.
不许你收养小猫了
You know what?
你知道吗?
You are a self-absorbed, ridiculous pig.
你真是一个自私透顶的蠢猪
Says you.
你随便说
And your assistant.
你的秘书也这么认为
Check your email.
查收邮件吧
I was able to unsend it.
我刚把邮件撤回了
Yay!
耶!
Yeah, might want to re-ignite that LinkedIn profile.
好吧 或许你还会想重新点♥击发送
You're gonna be home a lot more, you want a cat?
你应该常常一个人在家吧 需要一只小猫吗?
Thanks for taking the kittens, Han.
Han 谢谢你照顾这些小猫
I feel like you have an understanding
我觉得你对小动物都很有同情心
of small creatures, being one yourself.
因为你自己就是
Have no fear, my building is loaded with lesbians.
放心吧 我公寓里都是女同
They take home rescue cats
她们收养小猫的速度
faster than they take home other lesbians.
远远快于收养同性恋
Okay, let's discuss my terms.
好的 现在让我们讨论下我的收养条款吧
Unlike all my non-animal children,
与我那些非人类的孩子相比
I want to know they're taken care of.
我希望它们能得到悉心的照顾
What part of lesbian don't you understand?
你们难道不了解女同吗?
They'll be swaddled in a flannel shirt by nightfall.
夜晚来临的时候 她们甚至会用法兰绒把小猫包好的
Okay, now this one, I call Junkie.
好的 这只名为瘾君子
'Cause he's got a serious Catnip problem.
因为它痴迷于猫薄荷
Oh, so you raised a drug addict within a week.
噢 所以你在一周之内就培养了一名吸毒爱好者
Sounds about right.
不错嘛
These two should try and stay together.
这两只应该在一起
We call them Game of Thrones One
我们叫他们 权力的游戏第一部
and Game of Thrones Two.
和权力的游戏第二部
'Cause they're siblings and lovers.
因为他们是兄妹又是恋人
This one's the boy.
这只是公的
Watch him and learn what humping looks like.
看看他 跟他学学怎么性♥交
This one's pretty bland.
这只超级温柔
She lays around, doesn't meow much,
她总是趴着 也不叫
and when she does, she's kind of phoning it in.
当它叫唤起来像是电话响个不停
We call her Amy Adams.
我们管她叫艾米·亚当斯
Yep.
没错
This last one gets special attention.
最后一只要格外注意了
She's the smallest, but she's got potential.
虽然她最小了 但是很有潜力
我是说 看看这些乳♥头 I mean, look at those nipples.
And now the nipples are all I see.
现在我满脑子都是乳♥头了
Have a nice life.
祝你好运
I'll find you on Instagram.
我会上图片分享网看你们的
Check out Grumpy Cat.
还有看看"暴躁猫"
Do what he does.
跟他学学
Well, bye, kitties.
那么 再见了 小猫咪们
And remember, stripping isn't dancing.
记着 脱衣舞不是舞蹈
And now all I can see is them wearing pasties.
现在我满脑子都是它们穿着胸贴的样子了
You know what, Max?
你知道吗 Max?
We don't need that rich guy to fix our business.
我们不需要那个有钱人来帮我们
We can do it ourselves.
我们可以靠自己
Who am I kidding? Our business is in worse shape
我在骗谁呢? 我们的生意还不如
than two retired guys in a golf cart.
高尔夫球场手推车的老头呢
Well, you know what we'd better fix?
你知道咱们得先修理什么吗?
Nancy.
就是Nancy
'Cause he was right, she's a slut.
有钱人说的没错 她就是个荡♥妇
Someone just found her -ing a tabby in the alley.
有人发现她正在小巷里和一只虎斑猫玩式