麦克斯的童年小熊

What's your secret?
有什么秘诀吗?
Well, it's my positive attitude,
嗯 其实这要归功于我积极的生活态度
a little bit of genetics,
一点好基因
and knowing how to take care of your body.
还有懂得如何照顾自己的身体
I use jojoba.
我用荷荷葩
What is that, like a lotion?
那是啥玩意儿 类似于乳液?
No, it's a ho named hoba.
不 其实是一个叫荷葩的小姐
She comes over once a week.
她每个礼拜来一次
Max, you just got box delivered at home.
Max 有人给你快递了个包裹到家里
I don't want another box.
我可不想要什么大包裹了
I got my hands full with this one.
这个已经够我受的了
I used to have so many packages delivered to my house,
以前我家里一天到晚收快递
My dad had to buy Fedex just to save money.
我爸为了省钱把把联邦快递都给买了下来
I remember a time before mail.
我记得在邮件被发明之前
You just didn't get stuff.
你什么都拿不到
Nope. I don't want that.
不 我不要
It's a delivery from my mother.
这是我妈给的
The last thing she delivered was me,
我妈只给过我生命
and I'm still cleaning up that mess.
让我到现在还在收拾这烂摊子
Aren't you at least curious what she sent?
你难道不好奇她给你送了什么吗?
Unless it's a brand new childhood,
除非这是一个崭新的童年
I'm not interested.
我不感兴趣
Here, Earl, hold Max's box.
Earl 拿着Max的"大包裹"吧
But she's like a daughter to me.
我可是把她像女儿那样对待啊
Look, Caroline, I brought in my fish tank,
Caroline 你看 我把我的鱼缸带来了
Which Max has been calling my Olympic-size swimming pool.
Max说它是我的奥林匹克规格的游泳池
See, Han? The world's different above sea-level.
Han 看到了吧 海平面上的世界大不一样
Now, come over here and say hello.
过来 打个招呼
I'm saying hello to fish now?
我现在要跟小鱼打招呼?
That's where I'm at?
我已经沦落到这地步了?
You too, Max.
你也是 Max
I want my diner family to meet my fish family.
我想让我的餐馆见人来见见我的小鱼家人
I got an aunt that drinks like a fish.
我有个阿姨水喝得跟鱼一样多
Maybe she's in there.
也许她就在这里面
Oh, no, she's in jail for vehicular manslaughter.
才不会 她因为开车撞死人进了监狱
Please enjoy my ecosystem of love.
来享受一下我的爱的生态系统吧
Never tap on the glass!
不要敲玻璃!
Just look at that meaty paw of yours.
看看你那肉嘟嘟的爪子
It's like an earthquake to them.
这对它们还说就像是地震
Oh, there's my prize.
哦 这是我的奖品
The royal blue tang fish.
这条是皇家蓝吊鱼
Han, I'm not surprised you have to pay for blue tang,
Han 你去找人给你吹箫我并不意外
but $500 seems high.
但五百美元似乎太贵了
Hey Han, jojoba'll do it for 25.
嘿 Han 我那个小姐只要25美元
Well, I hope your fish will be very happy here.
好吧 我希望你的鱼在这里能过得开心
I mean, no one else is, but who knows.
其他人在这都不开心 不过谁知道这鱼呢
Let's go, Max.
我们走 Max
Did Oleg take Liam Neeson's daughter?
Oleg把连姆·尼森的女儿给绑架了吗
I'm breaking up with all my ladies
我正在和全部女朋友分手呢
so I can start up again with Sophie.
这样我才能和Sophie重新开始
And Oksana's not taking it lying down,
可是这个Oksana不肯屈服
or bent over like she usually is.
或是像她从前那样俯低身子
Well, I'm sorry I never got to meet her.
好吧 可惜我没见到她
Just tell her that you and Sophie have decided to be...
就告诉她你和Sophie已经决定...
What's the Ukrainian word for "monogamy"?
在乌克兰语里"一夫一妻制"怎么说?
There isn't one.
没这个词
You're either ugly or you're sleeping with everyone.
你要么丑得没人要 要么睡遍天下
Uh-uh. No way.
绝对不行 不行
Leave it out here.
把它留在外面
Let the bomb-squad figure it out.
让拆弹部队去处理它
Don't you wanna know what she sent you?
你难道不想知道她送你了什么吗?
Maybe there's money in there.
可能那里面有钱
So you're just gonna leave it out in the hall
所以你就打算把它留在走道上
like a room service tray?
就像留给客房服务处理的垃圾?
Oh, my god, I used to have room service.
哦 天啊 我曾经有客房服务
Oh, my god, I used to have a room.
哦 天啊 我曾经有自己的房间
Well, I don't want it in the apartment.
好吧 我可不希望它在我公寓里
This is a place of positive energy and good vibes.
这是一个充满正能量的地方
I'm sending it back to her tomorrow.
我明天把它送回去
I will go to my shallow, unmarked grave
直到我被随便埋葬的那一天
not knowing what's in that box.
我都不要知道这包裹里有什么
Hey, Max, you got a box out here,
嘿 Max 你门外有个箱子
and there's a bear in it!
里面还有只小熊呢!
Oh, my god.
哦 天啊
She kept that?
她还留着那个?
How did my mom ever keep that?
我妈怎么还留着那个?
She can't even keep her teeth.
她连她的牙齿都保不住
That's what was in the box?
箱子里就这个?
A teddy ruxpin doll?
一个泰迪熊玩偶?
Are you registered at mustybears.com?
你在发霉熊网注♥册了?
Not a doll and not his name.
这不是一个玩偶 他有自己名字的
I had it legally changed T-rux.
我把它的名字正式改为T-rux
I used the same lawyer my mom hired
我用的是我妈的那个律师
to declare me native american so she didn't have to pay
他说只要我宣称是印第安人
for parking at the casino.
那么她就不用付赌场的停车费
For six months, I had to answer the phone,
六个月来 我接电话时都得称自己为
"Max Proudfoot."
麦克斯·光荣脚
You know, in Poland, we didn't have dolls.
你知道吗 在波兰 我们没有玩偶
Yeah, we just hired little gypsy kids
我们就雇佣一些吉普赛孩子
and we carried them around.
然后带着他们到处跑
Yeah, mine was called Gurgio.
对了 我的那个叫Gurgio
Yeah, and I think uh, he had a little bit of polio.
而且 我觉得他有小儿麻痹症
Hey, didn't those things talk?
嘿 这种东西不会说话吗?
They did if you had four "c" batteries.
如果给它装上四个栅偏压电池就会说话了
Wait, I think I have some.
等等 我觉得我好像有这号电池
Yup, they came with this adorable teddy bear
是的 这只可爱的泰迪熊
singing cassette, so of course,
本身自带有会唱歌的磁盘
I smashed that with a rock and made my own.
不过我把它砸了 然后自己给安装了一个
Yeah, my Gurgio didn't talk.
我的Gurgio不会说话
I'm not sure he had a tongue.
我都不知道他有没有舌头
But he used to squeeze me really tight.
但他总是紧紧地抓着我
And then I found out later, he was .
后来我发现 他已经岁了
You had four "c" batteries in your nightstand?
你床头柜里有四个栅偏压电池?
From what?
从啥玩意抠出来的啊
Do you wanna hear the bear talk or don't you?
你到底想不想听这只熊说话
Oh, I'm sorry, girls.
哦 女孩们 对不起啦
I gotta take this.
我得接这个电话
It's another guy that I'm breaking it off with.
这是另一个我要分手的男人
I sure hope Oleg's worth it.
我希望Oleg值得我这么做
I just dumped a guy with multiple personalities.
我刚刚甩了一个多重人格的男人
Yeah, and he took it okay,
于是他的三个反应是 没问题
and not great,
不太好
and pretty bad.
以及很伤心
There's no note or anything.
里面连张纸条也没有
This box is really just a well of disappointment.
这就是个让人失望的包裹
Why would your mother send you this?
你妈妈为啥要寄这个给你?
Why would she do anything?
她做事哪有为啥?
Why would she bite our dog?
你说她为啥咬我家的狗?
Why would she make out with our jack o'lantern?
还和我家的南瓜灯亲热?
I don't know.
我哪知道
Well, Max, she did send you your favorite toy
Max 在这么多年之后 她把你最爱的
after all these years.
玩具寄给了你
Maybe she's trying to make amends.
说不定她想做出补偿呢
Oh, make amends?
做出补偿?
She couldn't even make me a sandwich.
她连个三明治也做不出来
Okay, you ready?
准备好了?
I know you are, but what am I?
我知道你是 但我呢?
Oh, my god. Max, is that you?
哦 天啊 Max 那是你吗?
Is that your little Max voice?
那是小Max的声音吗?
Careful, I'm about to open up a can of whoop ass.
小心点 我准备放臭屁啦
It is you! How old were you there?
就是你! 那时你几岁了?
Ten. "whoop ass" was kind of my thing.
十岁 "臭屁"是我那会儿的口头禅
Still is.
现在也是
I mean, I guess I always knew you were a little kid once,
我当然知道你也有童年
But I couldn't picture it till I heard that.
但直到听到你的声音我才想象得到
Like I couldn't picture me eating fruit
就好比我从来想象不到自己
From an Exxon station till I did that.
有一天会从加油站拿水果吃一样
So, are you two ready to order?
你们准备好点单了吗?
Oh, yeah. I'll have the turkey club with fries.
嗯 我要火鸡三明治配薯条
This is why you're single, Rita.
这就是你没人要的原因 Rita
I'm not single. I'm married to your father.
我有人要的 我嫁给你爸爸了
I love you, but stop pushing your lifestyle in my face.
我爱你 但不要把你的生活方式强灌给我
I'll have the salad. Dressing on the side.
我要一份沙拉 配上蘸酱
Obvs.
显然的么
Obvs, obvs.
显然的啦 显然
Well, I'm sending T-rux back to my mother.
我要把T-rux寄回给我妈
He's going right into this empty box
我在Han办公室里找到的空箱子
I found in Han's office.
正好装得下它
And Max, before you send it back,
Max 你寄回去之前
I'm gonna need those batteries.
先把电池还给我
Oh, don't worry, I have no desire to see you
哦 别担心 我没兴趣看你
hugging the milkshake machine.
和震动奶昔机玩抱抱
Oh... my... god!
哦... 我的... 天啊!
Is that a teddy ruxpin doll?
那只是华斯比泰迪熊吗?
Rita, I want that!
Rita 我想要!
Your birthday just passed, Elliot.
你刚过完生日 Elliot
But my coming out party is coming up.
可我的出柜派对就快到了
What is that, like a queen-ceanera?
那是什么 女孩成人礼之类的?
So bitchy. Love her.
真婊 我喜欢她
A vintage teddy ruxpin is worth like, $500,
一只旧华斯比泰迪熊差不多值500美元
And my mom works, so she has to buy my love.
我妈妈有工作 所以她得花钱买我的爱
One more word, and I'm taking away spa day.
再多嘴 我就取消你的水疗日
That's harsh, honey.
真残酷 亲爱的
He's obsessed with the 's.
他对年代特别着迷
But you weren't even born.
那会儿你还没出生呢
I know. I blame her.
我知道 都怪她
She couldn't find a man till late in life.
直到人老珠黄才找到男人
There go the pedicures.
美甲也取消掉了
There go my sandals.
凉鞋穿不了咯
As much as I love watching Will and Grace,
虽然我挺喜欢看真人版"威尔和格蕾丝"
"威尔和格蕾丝", 年美剧, 其中男主角为同性恋, 女主角为异性恋
this guy's not for sale.
但这只熊不卖
I'm sending him back to my mother's place,
我得把它寄回我妈妈那儿
which, according to the Rhode Island parole office,
根据罗德岛假释处的记录
is a cardboard shanty town outside of big lots.
位于必乐透杂货店外面的一个纸板房
Well, here's my card.
这是我的名片
And let's face it, you look like you could use $500.
面对现实吧 你看着就像是及需五百美元
So bitchy. Love him!
真婊 我喜欢他!
I was just offered $500 for T-rux
刚刚一个幼版的基佬安德森·库珀
from baby anderson cooper.
想用500美元买我的T-rux
He has cards?
他还有名片?
I'm jealous of a nine-year-old?
我居然嫉妒一个九岁的孩子?
That's where I'm at?
我都沦落到啥地步了?
Hey, as much as I would like that $500,
嘿 虽然我很想要这500美元
my mother doesn't get to think this bear
可我绝不能让我妈妈以为
gets to make up for my childhood.
靠一只熊就能弥补我的童年
She doesn't get off that easy.
才不能这么便宜了她
Trust me, we shared a pullout couch for nine months.
相信我 我们俩曾经在一张沙发上睡了个月
Girls, can I see you over here?
姑娘们 能过来一下吗?
I can't believe we have to talk to the fish again.
简直不敢相信我又要去和鱼说话了
I can't believe Max hasn't put Han in the tank yet.
简直不敢相信Max竟然还没把Han按进鱼缸里
Max, Caroline, every night from now on,
Max和Caroline 今天开始每个晚上
I need you to move the skimmer along the top of the water
我都要你们用网兜清扫水面
and take out the floating matter.
撇取漂浮物
Han, you know I'm off diner poop patrol for life
Han 自从被迫清扫老人用过的便池后
after I had to clean the booth where the senior left...
我就再也不干餐厅粪便清扫员的活了吧
Well, we'll just call it an elderberry.
打扫那种像烂透了的桨果
Well, Caroline, Max said no, so you have to do it.
好吧 Caroline Max不肯 所以归你了
Han, you're kind of a baller around your fish.
Han 一走到鱼缸边你就成了大佬
All right, I'm gonna do this fast.
好吧 我速战速决
Get in and get out...
冲进去冲出来...
Same thing I do when that bird is in our shower.
就和上次浴室里有鸟一样
Pick up, Max.
拿一下 Max
Look, I'm calling to tell you I met somebody else
我打来是想告诉你 我和别人一起了
so I'm breaking up with you.
所以我和你分手了
Now put your mother on. I'm breaking up with her too.
现在把电话给你妈妈 我和她也要分手
I can't believe this.
简直不敢相信
I'm a cabana boy for fish.
我现在成了鱼的海滨服务生
I guess now I can add "fish poop remover"
这回我能在简历的"最高法院实习生"下面
to my resume next to "supreme court intern."
加上"鱼粪清洁工"这一条了
I feel like there was a fish in that last one.
最后那一下好像舀出了一条鱼
Yup.
没错
Oh, no, it's the expensive one!
哦 天啊 是贵的那条!
That's so me.
真是我的一贯风格
I really didn't expect to see you digging through garbage
我真没想到能在你岁前
till you were .
看到你翻垃圾
Oh! Ah! Ugh! It's still alive!
哦! 啊! 它还活着!
I need to keep her wet.
我得让它保持湿润
Oh, covered in tuna, that's gotta be traumatic for it.
哦 被金枪鱼糊了一身 肯定得有皮肉伤了
I feel like it went down the drain.
我感觉它好像滑下下水道了
It was an accident. I swear.
这是个意外 我发誓
I love fish. I would never hurt one.
我喜欢鱼 我绝不会伤害它们
Unless you count eating sushi, 'cause then I'm like
除非你算上吃寿司 因为我会吃得
Jack the Ripper.
比开膛手杰克杀人还凶残
Caroline 一切都还好吗?
Caroline, are things going swimmingly?
Jack, he's talking to you.
杰克 他在和你说话呢
Uh, oh, yeah. Swimmingly.
呃 哦 是的 一切都好
特别是蓝色那条 Especially the blue one.
He went in his little house.
它躲进自己的小房子里了
He doesn't like to use the restroom
它不想让其他小伙伴
In front of his friends.
看到它在上厕所
Yeah, we're a lot alike.
是啊 我和它很有共同点的
Thank you so much for seeing us so quickly.
谢谢您这么快接见我们
Sure, you guys can just wait in here.
没事 你们先在这等着
Elliot's finishing up with his pilates.
Elliot正在做普拉提 快结束了
Do yourselves a favor.
给你们提个醒
Tell him his core looks tight.
记得赞他的核心肌群相当紧实
Max, I'm so sorry you have to sell T-rux
马克思 对不起 害你要卖掉T-rux小熊
For the fish money because of me.
帮我凑钱买鱼
Talked to the fist, because the face is pissed.
生气中 直接看拳吧
I'm getting attitude from a bear?
连熊都敢给我脸色?
That's where I'm at?
我已经沦落到这种地步了?
I can't believe all this stuff he has from the 's.
他有这么多年代的东西 太神奇了
I can't believe he has to have a party to come out.
他出柜都要开派对 我也是醉了
That kid came out, out.
这娃先出生 再出柜
His umbilical cord is a gucci belt
我猜他连脐带都是古驰的
Oh...t hese toys!
哦... 看看这些玩具!
This is like looking back at my childhood
跟我小时候一样样的
But, you know, a time before rainbows became political.
不过你懂得 我那时候彩虹还没什么政治意义
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
天啊 天啊
Oh, my god.
哦 老天
A my size barbie!
一个真人比例的芭比!
I had ten of these.
我曾经坐拥十个
Not to play with, they were used as decoys
不是拿来玩 是以防遇到绑架之际
In case of a hostage situation.
可以用它们来当替身 迷惑坏人
And now your whole life's a hostage situation.
现在你已经被人生绑架了
Sorry I'm late.
我和我的教练Gary聊
My trainer, Gary, and I got derailed
对不起 来迟了
Talking about the real housewives of Orange County.
聊橘郡男孩里的贵妇的真实生活
Your core looks really good.
你的核心肌群看起来好紧实
I know, honey.
我知道 亲
Now while I get my check book, say hello to the Olsens.
我先找我的支票本 你们跟奥尔森姐妹说说话
You got a lot of toys.
你玩具真多
When I was a girl your age, I only had this.
我在与你相仿的年纪之时 只有这个
I don't suppose I could play with my size barbie
我可不可以和真人芭比玩
For a second.
那么一下下
I feel like that's a "no, bitch."
你的脸上写着"不行 贱♥人"
I'm not... I'm not just talking about the toys.
不... 不只是玩具
You got a pretty sweet set-up.
整个房间的布置都很漂亮
That nice lady out there, giving you everything you want,
你想要什么 外面的那个好心阿姨都会给你
Taking care of you.
照顾你
She's just a mom. Everyone has one.
就是个妈妈 大家都有
Not really. Some people just have bad ass bears.
也不一定 有人只有超酷的小熊
Max 你确定吗?
Max, are you sure about this?
This is the only thing you have from your childhood.
这是你童年的唯一纪念
Not true, I have a dent in my skull
错 我头上还有个坑 圆头锤敲的
From a ball-peen hammer.
也是童年纪念
The last time I change the channel
自此我再也不敢在观看
During Three's company.
"三人行"的时候换台了
Can we fast forward this to me having the bear
我们动作快点好吗?
And you two leaving?
把熊卖给我 你们就可以走了
Okay, just take it, it doesn't matter.
好的 拿去吧 没关系
No, Max. It does matter.
不行 Max 怎么会没关系
We're not selling this.
这熊不能卖
He has enough toys.
他的玩具够多了
I mean, all I wanted to do was touch the life-size barbie.
我是说 人家好像摸摸那个真人芭比
Okay, I see what's happening.
好的 我知道现在是个什么节奏了
I've been down this road with the beanie babies.
我买豆豆娃娃的时候也遇到过这种情况
I'll give you for the bear.
我出六百块
Sold.
卖了
不可以 Max! 那熊是你的童年啊
No, max! That's your childhood.
- 700. - Sold!
- 七百 - 成交!
No, Max!
不行 Max
Caroline, my childhood is not worth $.
Caroline 我的童年不值七百
The most my mother ever got for me was bucks
我妈妈最多给过我四十块
And a big gulp.
加上一个能量杯
But that's "little you" in there, Max.
但是熊里面住着一个小小的你啊 Max
And she's priceless.
她是无价的
And she's about to erased and taped over
这小姑娘绝对会把声音洗掉
by the soundtrack from frozen.
用来录冰雪奇缘的原声
Frozen?
冰雪奇缘?
Who am I? Me, a year ago?
你当我谁啊? 去年的我吗?
No. Can't have her.
不行 不卖
Well, what are we gonna do now about the other child?
好吧 那另外一个孩子要怎么应付?
The one in the diner?
餐馆里那个老小孩
Well, I guess he's just gonna have to grow up.
我想他也该长大了
Grow up? You think if he had that ability,
长大? 你觉得 他要是有那能力
He wouldn't have used it yet?
会留着不用吗?
So what... No bear?
所以... 熊不卖了?
Oh, please! You'll have a bear in your life.
拜托 你会遇到自己生命中的"熊抱"
Trust me.
信姐没错
All right, Max.
好吧 Max
You're gonna help me tell him, right?
你会帮我告诉他 是不是?
You like giving him bad news.
你喜欢告诉他坏消息
No, I like giving him bad news about how he's short
不 我只喜欢告诉他短小
and has a big head.
头又大的坏消息
You know, fun bad news.
你懂的 那种好笑的坏消息
Exciting news!
我要宣布一个振奋人心的消息!
I got the fishies a new house!
我给鱼鱼买了房房
I got it cheap. It was a foreclosure.
是丧失赎回权的抵押品 好便宜的
Uh, Han, can we talk to you over there
嗯 Han 你能过来吗 我跟你说句话
In the booth... The far booth?
去卡座说... 最远的那个?
Can it wait? I want to put in the new condo
可以稍等吗? 我要把房子放到鱼鱼的公寓里
So Max will stop calling me a slum lord.
这样Max就不会管我叫恶房东了
Oh, that can wait, I mean, those fish
哦 这个不急啊
Aren't going anywhere.
这些鱼又不会到处乱跑
Except for the blue one, who's definitely playing
除了那只蓝色的 它绝对
Some kind of twisted game of hide and seek.
是在玩什么诡异的躲猫猫游戏
Oh, yeah, he loves that little house.
是啊 它超爱那个小房子的
He's going to love this one even more.
那这个它一定会更喜欢
Max, can you join me?
Max 你可以过来陪我吗?
I'm pretty busy waiting on tables right now.
人家在端盘子 好忙的
Okay, what's going on?
好了 现在是什么情况?
Max has never waited on a table in her life.
Max这辈子就从来没正经端过盘子
Max, I need you over here.
Max 我需要你 快过来
I'm just putting down this grilled cheese
人家正在端烤奶酪
'Cause I don't want it to get cold.
再不端 就冷了
Now I'm freaking out!
我这会儿要吓尿了!
Max, don't do this to me.
Max 不要这样对我
I know where the bodies are buried, literally.
我知道你把那些尸体都埋在哪里的 真的
I move them every six months.
我每六个月都会挪一次
Well, what is it?
好了 是什么事?
Han, sometimes in life, things happen
Han 人的一生总会碰上一些事情
That you don't want to happen.
一些不如意的事情
Yes.
没错
And even though it's hard, you know,
即使很难面对 但你要知道
You just have to face up to it.
你还是不得不面对
I suppose.
应该是吧
Oh, dear god, this is rough.
天啊 真不容易
And, well...
那个...
Han, I don't wanna have to tell you this,
Han 我真的不想跟你说这事
I know this is the last thing you ever want to hear...
我知道这是你最不想听到的事情...
Oh, just say it!
快说吧!
The tampon machine is broken again.
卫生棉机器又坏了
Later, I'll get my blindfold and fix it.
我等会儿会戴上眼罩去把它修好
Word of advice?
想听建议吗?
When you do finally kill me,
如果你最终真的把我杀了
You gotta work on your game face for the cops.
你要在警察面前摆出一副不正经的样子
Max, please.
Max 别这样
I can't tell Han I murdered his fish.
我没法对Han说我弄死了他的鱼
I can't.
我说不出口
Well, I can't tell him either.
我也说不出口
Oh, hell, I'll tell him.
别争了 我去跟他说
I'm a black man, everyone already assumes I did it.
我是个黑人 大家总会以为是我♥干的
Thank you. Thank you so much.
谢谢 非常感谢
It's just a fish. He'll be fine.
这不过是条鱼 他会没事的
I've decided I'll give blue the new house
我决定待会儿在小蓝鱼的生日派对上
at its birthday party later.
送它一间新房子
It's the damn fish's birthday?
今天是那条鱼的生日?
I'm out.
我不干了
And you're all invited.
你们都被邀请了
Blue's two years old today.
小蓝鱼今天两周岁了
They don't usually live that long.
它们通常活不了那么久
No, they do not.
对 确实活不了
That's it, we can't tell him.
看他这样 我们怎么说得出口
Even at Han's age, which I am guessing
虽然我猜Han的年纪
is somewhere between and ,
是在到岁之间
Some kids just aren't ready to grow up.
但有些孩子还没准备好长大
What are we gonna do?
我们要怎么办?
We're gonna run out and buy a new one.
我们应该跑出去 买条新的
Where are we gonna get the money?
我们去哪儿弄钱?
Oleg, you know how two years ago
Oleg 你还记得两年前
you offered me $, for a back rub?
你付一千美元让我给你按背吗?
Of course.
当然
Caroline will do it for $.
Caroline给你按背 只收五百
Deal. One last hurrah.
成交 最后的狂欢
Over the clothes, above the waist,
隔着衣服 只按腰部以上
And I don't know why, but you have to wear a condom.
虽然说不上理由 但你必须穿避孕套
Yes, father Dominic Rosello, please.
没错 请找Dominic Rosello神父
Oh, he's celebrating mass?
他正在庆祝弥撒?
Oh yeah, could you just tell him that Sophie Kachinski
好吧 你能不能告诉他Sophie Kachinski
is converting to monogamy?
正向一夫一妻转变?
And uh, she won't be kneeling at his altar anymore.
她不能再跪倒他的圣坛前面了
Oh, yeah, yeah, he'll understand.
对 就这么说 他会明白的
Where's Han and does he know?
Han在哪儿 他知道了吗?
No, but I can't keep pretending I see that fish.
不知道 但我没办法继续假装我还看见那条鱼
I'm a pot-head with a touch of glaucoma.
我有青光眼又整天抽嗨了
I'm seeing stuff that's not there.
我看见不存在的东西
Not seeing stuff that's there
却看不见存在的东西
It's confusing.
我都糊涂了
Okay. Come on, come on.
好吧 过来
Put it in, put it in, put it in.
放进去 放进去
I have a whole new respect for every guy
我对每一个跟你约会过的人
that's ever gone out with you.
产生了新的敬意
Happy birthday, blue!
生日快乐 小蓝鱼!
Happy birthday. Happy birthday, blue.
生日快乐 小蓝鱼
Where's blue?
小蓝鱼在哪儿?
I haven't seen her all day.
我一整天都没看见它
I just saw it.
我刚刚看见了
Yeah, it was definitely there.
对 它肯定在那里
You're not gonna give blue that cupcake
难道你不给蛋糕拍个照
without a photo-op, are you? Where's your ipad?
就直接给小蓝鱼? 你的平板电脑呢?
I just saw it. Yeah, it was definitely there.
我刚刚看见了 没错 它肯定在那里
Yeah, Han, go!
是啊 Han 去拿平板!
You need a pic so you can post it on facebook
你需要拍张照 这样你就能放上脸书
or fishbook or whatever.
或者鱼书之类的
Good idea. Here, hold this.
好主意 给你 拿着蛋糕
Hey, Caroline, you look less flat.
嘿 Caroline 你看起来没那么平了
You finally get that boob job you needed?
你终于去做了隆胸手术了?
I feel like the baggy broke.
我觉得是袋子破了
Yup, that's what happens when you get the cheap implants.
对 你用便宜填充物的话就会这样
Oh, my god, there is definitely something
天啊 真的有东西
moving around in my bra.
在我胸罩里动
Well, it's good you can still recognize that feeling.
你还认得这种感觉 也算是件好事
It's right... Oh! Oh! I touched it!
没错... 哦! 哦! 我摸到了!
Gross!
真恶心!
Someone, put your hand in my bra and help me.
来人把手伸进我的胸罩来帮我啊
Why now? Now that I'm off the market!
为啥是现在? 现在我已经不干这行了!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
不不不
I'm afraid I'm gonna squish it and kill it again.
我怕我会把它挤扁然后又弄死了
Okay, just get up on the counter and drop it in the tank.
好了 直接爬上柜台 把它倒进鱼缸里
What?
什么?
Get up on the counter, spread your legs,
爬上柜台 打开你的腿
And just let it fall into the tank.
然后让它直接掉进缸里
You know what?
你知道吗?
Forget the back rub. After this, we're square.
把擦背的事忘了 做完这个 我们就扯平了
Okay, straddle the tank, pull out your uniform,
好了 在鱼缸上叉开腿 拉起你的工作服
And let it go.
然后让它去吧
Now I owe you money.
现在我欠你钱了
Just squat over the tank like you're delivering
直接在鱼缸上蹲下 就像你正在生
A fish baby.
一条鱼宝宝
I'm delivering a fish baby?
我在生鱼宝宝?
This is where I'm at?
我已经沦落到这种地步了?
Stop asking. That's where you're at.
别说话了 你已经走到这地步了
Okay, now that I saw, right?
好了 现在我确实看见了 对吗?
Caroline, get down!
Caroline 下来!
It's not that kind of party.
这不是那种派对
Max, you're really still gonna send t-rux back?
Max 你真的还要把T-rux送回去?
After we got bullied by a kid
在我们被一个小孩用
with a Tiffani Amber Thiessen pillow?
蒂凡妮·西森的枕头欺辱之后?
Relax, T-rux is right over there by the register.
别紧张 T-rux还在收银台那里
And by the way, he's our first employee.
对了 他是我们的第一个员工
Anytime we get a bone-head customer, he can say,
一旦我们遇到挑事儿的顾客 它就会说
"talk to the fist...
"看拳吧...
'cause the face is pissed."
因为正在生气中"
I'm just sending my mother something
我就是给我妈妈寄了一些东西
to say thank you for everything she gave me
感谢她在我的童年时期
when I was a child.
给予我的一切
Aww, what's in there?
那里面有什么?
Nothing!
啥都没有!
Earl, can I borrow your paper?
Earl 能借你的报纸看看吗?