麦克斯的童年小熊

Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner Awards Night!
欢迎来到威廉斯堡餐厅颁奖之夜
And here's your host, Neil Patrick Hairless!
这是我们的颁奖嘉宾 尼尔·帕特里克·光头!
This is the night where everyone is recognized
今晚我们要表彰各位
for their, well... let's call it work.
感谢你们的辛苦... 姑且说是工作吧
Nice suit, Han.
西装不错 Han
I loved you in The Penguins of Madagascar.
你在"马达加斯加企鹅"里的表演深得我心
Here we go. The award for
好了 获得
Worst Excuse for Being Late to Work goes to...
最佳迟到借口奖的是...
"I died."
"我死了"
It was true.
是真的啦
I was dead for a full seconds.
我死了整整秒
And the Foreign Film Award goes to...
获得最善用薄膜奖(最佳外语片)的是...
Oleg, for always being covered in a foreign film.
Oleg 因为他总戴着套套
Yeah. I have so many bacteria to thank...
恩 我要感谢那些细菌...
but a special shout-out to streptococcus!
特别鸣谢链球菌!
And the winner for Best Lie Told to Get a Bigger Tip
获得最佳骗取小费谎话奖的
goes to...
是...
Good luck, girl.
祝我们好运
It's an honor to share this category with you.
很荣幸能跟你一同提名这个奖项
It's Max... for showing customers pictures
得奖的是Max... 得奖理由是经常性的
of her three small children on a regular basis.
向顾客展示她三个小孩的照片
Wow. Oh!
哇 哦
This award is dedicated to the lights of my life...
今天我能获得这个奖 要感谢我生命中的光辉...
Maxine, Max Jr.,
小马 小小马
and Maxi-Pad.
和马布斯
I know only one of you can see and hear me,
我知道现在你们中只有一个看见我 听到我
so please tell the others I... love... you.
所以请转告另外两个 我... 爱... 你们
And the award for Best Waitress goes to...
获得最佳女服务员奖的是...
It better not!
我不想要!
- Caroline! - 不要!
- Caroline! - No!
Well, I guess it's true... women only win awards
好吧 我猜女人只有扮演自取其辱的角色
when they take on roles that are humiliating.
才能得奖的说法是真的
And the Best Animated Short goes to Han Lee!
获得最佳动画"短"片奖的是Han Lee!
Here's your menu.
这是彩蛋
I'll be right back with your water and a stomach pump.
我马上给您上水和洗胃器
Keep it. I know what I want.
别忙了 我知道自己要什么
Me too. But it just seems like
我也知道 但是
Taylor Swift is never going away.
泰勒·斯威夫特就是死赖着不走
You're funny. Yeah. I'm not in the mood for funny.
你很搞笑 但是我现在没心情看你搞笑
I will take tomato soup, house salad
我要马铃薯汤 特选沙拉
extra croutons. And you can charge me extra...
多放点面包丁 你可以叫我多付钱...
if you have no heart behind those gazongas.
如果你那对巨♥奶之后没有良心
It's cool. The guy at the counter
没事 柜台上的那个人没有牙
has no teeth, so you can have his.
我把他的烤面包放到你的沙拉上
Less funny... more salad. Right?
少说笑... 多给点沙拉 好吗?
Maybe the blonde one should bring it.
等会儿就让那个金发妞上菜吧
Oh, you want her to bring it?
哦 你要她上菜?
Maybe clear your calendar.
那你可能要等到月底吧
Uh, the lady in the booth doesn't like my attitude
恩 卡座上的女士觉得我态度有问题
and wants you, so I guess what I'm saying is
要你上菜 我想说的是
I still got it!
我还是宝刀不老啊!
Wait, a customer asked for me and didn't follow it with,
等等 有个顾客点我的名字 后面没加一句
"I'd also like to see the manager"?
"顺便把老板叫来"?
That's a first for me!
人生初体验啊!
Yo, Blondie!
喂 金发妞!
Croutons!
面包丁!
Pick up. Tomato soup, house salad.
上菜 番茄汤 特色沙拉
And I'm also running a special on D batteries.
我还在做D型电池特卖
Buy both, and I'll thrown in this bootleg copy
两盒一起买 送恐怖老板续集的
of Horrible Bosses II.
盗版碟
Here comes Horrible Bosses Too small.
哦 短小版恐怖老板来了
Need some new batteries to keep walking and talking?
你要装点新电池才能继续走路说话吗?
No, Max, I'm not powered by double Ds like you.
不 Max 我不像你 是靠胸口的双D供能
Preach.
你又说教
Don't buy batteries from that guy
别从那人手里买电池
unless you want your heart to stop on the bus.
搞不好在公交车上起搏器就没电了
Oleg, this is supposed to have extra croutons.
Oleg 这上面要多放面包丁的
It's for my regular.
给我的常客
Yeah, you heard me. It happened.
是啊 你没幻听 姐我有常客了
Oh, no, "Extra Croutons" is here again?
天啊 那个"多放面包丁"姐又来了?
Make sure you charge her extra.
一定要多收钱
I'm not made of stale bread!
我又不是陈面包做的 能免♥费送!
No, you're made of Legos, right?
不 你是乐高积木搭起来的 对吧?
We are not charging her extra.
我们不能多收她的钱
She looks like she can't afford it.
她貌似没钱付的样子
If she could, why would she be eating here?
如果有钱 她怎么会来这吃饭?
Well, don't judge a book by its cover.
我们不能以貌取人
- People look at me and... - Think you're bad in bed?
- 别人一看到我... - 就会觉得你床技堪忧?
What's your point?
你到底要说啥?
For your information, Max, I'm not bad in bed.
让我告诉你 Max 我床技不错
In fact, I'm quite the stud in my Sims community.
实际上 我可是虚拟人生社区里面的种马
You wouldn't be a stud in a retirement community.
你在养老院都没法当种马
Hi! Here's your salad...
嗨! 这是你的沙拉...
Uh... five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
等等... 五六七八九十
Uh, continue.
好 再接再厉
And I wanted to introduce myself.
我想自我介绍一下
I'm Caroline, you're regular waitress.
我叫Caroline 是你惯用的服务生
Ah.
啊
Oh! My turn. Sorry.
哦! 到我了 对不起
I live alone, and my plants aren't this needy.
我独自生活 我的植物没有这么穷
I'm Nola.
我叫Nola
And this is Max. Max, this is Nola.
这位是Max Max 这位是Nola
'Sup, Lola?
你好吗 Lola?
It's Nola.
是Nola
See, this is why I like the blonde one.
懂了吗 这就是我喜欢这个金发妞的原因
She listens.
她懂得倾听
May I please have a cheesecake?
可以给我来块芝士蛋糕吗?
Sure. And thank you, Nola.
当然了 谢谢你 Nola
I think it's important to listen to people.
我觉得倾听很重要
Coming right back with that cherry pie.
马上给你上樱桃派
I'll tell her if she ever stops listening.
如果哪天她忘记倾听了 我会提醒她的
I think Nola knows I'm more than just a waitress.
我觉得Nola知道 我不只是个服务生
She can see right through this uniform.
她可以看透这制服后面真实的我
And so can I... in just the right light.
我也行啊... 如果光线对头的话
- Close the door! - Oh, my God!
- 把门关上! - 天啊!
Sophie, you scared me!
Sophie 你吓到我了!
You're scared?
你被吓到了?
I just saw the expiration date on this milk!
我刚刚看到那个牛奶的保质期 我才被吓到了!
Come on, close it, quick!
快啊 把门关上 快点!
I'm in here hiding from Oleg.
我正在躲Oleg
If you wanna get away from Oleg,
如果你回避Oleg
just go anywhere they sell floss.
只要去卖牙线的地方就可以了
I think that Oleg is cheating on me.
我觉得Oleg在背着我偷吃
- Look. - Oh, God!
- 看 - 天啊!
Now she's gonna start whipping it out?
所以现在她是想掏就掏了吗?
Look...
快看...
he has a second secret phone.
他还有一个秘密电话
It's a boner phone.
一次"性"手机
You mean a burner phone.
你是说一次性手机
Same thing.
都是一样的啦
Sophie, how do you know
Sophie 你怎么知道
he just doesn't use it for long distance or...
他不是用来打长途电话或者...
Or for the woman that I'm calling right now?
或者打给我现在拨通的这个女人?
Oh, put her on speaker.
哦 开免提
I've nothing else to do. I'm at work.
我正在上班 正好没事情做
Da? Oleg?
喂? Oleg?
Uh... ah...
恩... 啊...
Oleg?
Oleg 怎么了?
Uhh... ah!
哦... 啊!
That... is a terrible Oleg.
真是学得一点都不像啊
He is not that articulate.
他发音没有那么清楚
Hah! That old whore!
哈! 这个老婊♥子!
What did she say?
她说什么了?
I have no idea!
完全没听懂
I don't speak Russian, but...
我不会说俄语 但是...
I do speak "old whore".
但我很会说"老婊♥子"这三个字
Tell me, what is his problem?
他到底是什么毛病?
He has a sweet, young filly like me at home
家里有我这个宇宙无敌美少女
and he needs to go out and plow
为什么还要去外面
some old Russian field?
啃什么俄国老帮菜?
Well... I'd ask what you three are doing in here,
恩... 我本来想问问你们三个在这里干嘛
but it's never gonna top
不过绝对不会比我
what I'm imagining you're doing in here.
幻想中你们三个会做的事精彩
I can't believe Nola didn't come in tonight.
真不敢相信Nola今晚竟然没来
This is exactly what happened with my Starbucks barista guy.
简直跟我在星巴克的咖啡师一个样
One minute, he's suggestively arranging the bananas at me,
前一分钟 他还暧昧地冲我摆香蕉
and then next minute, he's face-down,
后一分钟 就一头倒地
dead in a puddle of soy milk.
死在一滩豆奶里
Max, what if something happened to her?
Max 万一她出意外了呢?
More croutons for us!
那咱就不愁面包丁啦!
She said, "I'll see you tomorrow."
她说了"明天见"
That doesn't mean anything. It's just an expression
那是空话 不过是一句场面话
like, "Employees must wash hands."
就像"员工必须洗手"
Or... or, "The baby is yours."
或是... 或是"这娃是你生的"
Hey, everybody!
嘿 各位亲!
Oh, Sophie, it's just you.
哦 Sophie 别大惊小怪的
You're poor!
你个穷光蛋!
And now we're even.
这下扯平了
Look, I stole it again. Where's Oleg?
瞧 我又把它偷来了 Oleg在哪?
I'll tell you where he's not...
我来告诉你他不在哪...
Culinary school.
烹饪学院
He's on break.
他在休息
Oh, she's gonna be sorry!
那女的会后悔的!
Oh... no one comes between Sophie and her man.
哦... 没人敢夹在Sophie和她男人中间
You know... unless we pay them to.
除非是我们花钱请的
Couple things...
说几件事...
A... does anyone ever work here?
首先... 有人在认真工作吗?
Caroline, stop worrying. Extra Croutons is fine.
Caroline 别操心了 "多放面包丁"姐没事
She just called to order some diner food to be delivered.
她刚打来电话 交了个外卖
Oh! So she wants to die at home.
哦! 原来她想死在家里啊
I said we don't do deliveries.
我说过我们不送外卖的
I told her you two can barely get the food
我告诉她 你俩连把餐点
from the window to the tables!
从窗口递到餐桌都做不到!
Max, I had to stop by
Max 我必须跑一趟
and bring Nola her salad and croutons.
给Nola送来沙拉和面包丁
I mean, she's kind of my biggest fan right now.
我是说 她现在也算是我的超级粉丝了
True... 'cause you just lost me.
确实... 因为你刚失去我这个
I know you think this is crazy,
我知道你觉得这太过了
but there's something about the way Nola looks at me.
但Nola看待我的方式很特别
It's like she's seeing something in me.
就好像看见了我的闪光点
The woman wears two pairs of glasses.
那女人戴着两副眼镜
To her, you're just a chatty yellow and orange blur.
她眼里的你 不过是团啰嗦的黄毛球
I was told you didn't deliver.
有人说你的服务不尽人意(不外送)
By who, her old boyfriends?
是谁 她的前男友们?
Are you two gonna kill me or something?
你们俩打算杀了我还是怎样?
Because if you are,
因为是的话
I would like to put on a different hat.
我想先换顶帽子
No, no, no. She got worried.
不不不 她有点担心你
See, you're her first regular.
听着 你是她第一个常客
I'm just here for the story.
我只是过来凑热闹的
I figured there'd be something freaky behind this door
我原想这门后肯定藏着什么怪诞的东西
like a -foot python and what's left of the UPS guy.
比如英尺长的蟒蛇 还有快递员的残骸
And Earl guessed you were a man.
而Earl猜你是个男的
No man.
没男的
No, just me in here with my vagina and my photographs.
就我和我的阴♥道 还有"艳照"
Oh! You're a photographer?
哦! 你还是个摄影师?
I love photography!
我喜欢摄影师!
And I love privacy.
而我喜欢隐私
And I love pot.
我喜欢大♥麻
Oh, I thought we were going around.
哦 我还以为要轮番说一遍呢
Come on. You better come in too.
行了 你也进来吧
You're the Yin to her Yap.
你的嘴"阴"配她的嘴"痒"
Hey, careful where you step.
嘿 当心脚下
I can't find my third pair of glasses.
我找不到我的第三副眼睛了
- It's on top of your hat. - No, that's my fourth pair.
- 它就在你帽子上 - 没有 那是我的第四副
Hey!
嘿!
This is Billy the bum!
这是乞丐Billy!
He used to live in a box around the corner from my apartment.
他之前住在我楼角的一个箱子里
He even let me stay over once
他还让我住了一晚
when I had to get away from this bad roommate.
好暂时摆脱我那烦人的室友
- Oh, the one before me? - No, it was you.
- 哦 我前面那个? - 不 说的就是你
You two are a riot together.
你们俩在一起真逗
You remind me of me and my old photographer friend
这让我不禁想起了我和我的摄影老友
Annie Leibovitz.
就是Annie Leibovitz
Course, this was before...
当然 这是在...
Before she got famous?
在她成名前?
No. Before she hit on me.
不是 是在她对我表白前
I told her I wasn't into girls.
我告诉她我不是弯的
But... I think she was confused by the derby.
但... 她一定是被我的高帽搞糊涂了
Yeah. I think we're all a little confused by it.
是啊 我们都被它搞得有点糊涂
Nola, I want to ask you if you've ever had any success,
Nola 我想问问你有什么成就
but I don't know how to do that without insulting you.
但却不知如何不伤你的自尊心
That's correct. You don't.
你说得对 你不知道
Oh! You're having a gallery show in SoHo?
哦! 你要在索和区办画展?
Good-bye.
再见
Uh, it was nice of you two
呃 你们俩真是贴心
to, uh, come over, check on me.
还特地过来看我
Uh... weird, but nice.
呃... 有点怪但很贴心
Perhaps we could come to the opening.
或许我们能参加开幕仪式
Oh. Oh, you don't need to do that.
哦 你没必要参加
I know we don't need to,
我知道我们没必要
but maybe I want to support you and your amazing work.
但我就想支持下你和你的佳作
- And Max would enjoy the free wine. - Yes, I would.
- 而且Max会享受那的免♥费酒品的 - 我会的
No.
别
Oh, I would.
哦 我会的
No as in, "No, don't come."
"别"是指"别到场"
Now, if you'll excuse me,
现在 劳驾二位让开
I wanna eat my croutons
我要享用我的面包丁了
without the vaudeville stylings
并且免受两位的杂耍表演
of Shecky and Nosy.
"烂到家"和"管闲事"
Here.
给你
Oh, yeah, good. I was looking for this.
哦 好极了 我还在找这个呢
I can't believe you're doing all this
真不敢相信你为了个常客
for a diner regular.
如此大费周章
I haven't seen you this desperate since Monday,
我上次见你这么拼命还是这周一
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
周二 周三 周四和周五呢
I know... on the weekends, I just give up.
我知道... 一到周末 我就懒得管了
Look that title!
快看那标题!
"伟大的底层人民" "The Great Unwashed."
Are Oleg's balls here?
这有Oleg的蛋蛋吗?
Max, it's the "art scene."
Max 这是"艺术展"
Class it up. At least say testicles.
有范点 至少要说睾丸
Evening, ladies.
晚上好 女士们
Earl, what are you doing here?
Earl 你在这干什么?
And, Han, your sweater's eating your head.
还有 Han 你快钻进毛衣里去了
I'm here for the champagne
我是为了喝香槟而来的
and because I couldn't find my way out.
还有就是我找不到出口了
I just walked into a picture of a door.
我刚才就撞上了一扇画着的门
Some of these are going for thousands of dollars!
这里有些画都价值数千了!
That Nola bitch is rich, and I bet she has
Nola那贱富人 我打赌
a frigging summer house made out of my free croutons!
她白拿的面包丁够盖个见鬼的度假屋了!
Han, it's the art scene. Class it up.
Han 这是艺术现场 有范点
At least say "freaking." Also, "testicles."
至少要说"该死的" 还有"睾丸"
Well, I'm not wasting this new turtleneck on you two.
为了你俩浪费这全新的高领毛衣真不值
I'm going to go mingle.
我要去四处转转
A high fashion model was giving me the eye.
一位高端时尚嫩模刚对我抛媚眼呢
Then she'd have to be high.
那她一定是喝高了
Uh, Han, I believe I'll stay here.
呃 Han 那我得留下了
Nobody wins with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
有谁比一个忍者神龟
as a wingman.
更会僚机呢
Oh, hey, everybody.
哦 嘿 各位亲
嘿 Sophie和Oleg
Hey, Sophie. Hey, Oleg.
So can I class it back down now?
我现在可以拿下"范"了吗?
Sorry we're late. I was just over there
抱歉迟到了 我刚刚在那边
admiring the photo of the happy couple under the bridge.
羡慕那张"桥底的恩爱夫妻"的照片
Happy couple? Sophie, they're two junkies
恩爱夫妻? Sophie 他们是对瘾君子
sharing a needle.
在共用一个针管
Yeah, well,
是啊 不过
at least the lady junkie knows where his needle's been.
至少那个女瘾君子知道那男的管子插过哪
I don't even think she knows her name.
我觉得她都不知道自己的名字
Well, she knows more than she's letting on.
她那是深藏不露
She knows everything.
她其实什么都知道
You guys had been here for a while.
你们在这待了有段时间了
Where's the best place to steal some food?
这地方哪里偷吃最方便?
- Max! - Sorry, sorry.
- Max! - 抱歉 抱歉
Classing it up: Testicles some food?
有范点 那就"睾"点吃的?
Oh, Max, I can tell by your sassy demeanor
哦 Max 看你这厚脸皮的举止
you haven't seen your photo yet.
肯定没看见你的照片吧
What photo? I haven't bounced any checks here.
什么照片? 这里没退过支票呀
Yep, that's me, all right.
没错 果然是我 好吧
I recognize that "I don't care" pout
我认出了这"无所谓"的翘唇
and the Thousand Island dressing in my hair.
还有我那肆意随性的卷发
Max, just because you're hanging on a wall
Max 虽然你的照片被挂在
among the poorest, most lost souls in our city
这个城市最穷苦最底层人群中间
doesn't mean that your life is...
但这并不能说明你的人生就是...
I'm hanging right behind me, aren't I?
我的照片就在我身后 是吗?
Oh, my God!
天啊!
It could be worse. You could be naked.
也没那么糟糕 你还穿着衣服呢
This is worse than being naked!
这比裸体还糟糕!
I'm wearing polyester!
我穿着聚酯的衣服!
It's bad enough I'm a waitress in Brooklyn.
身为布鲁克林的服务生已经够糟糕的了
Now I'm a waitress in Manhattan,
现在整个曼哈顿都知道我是服务生了
and these guys didn't even tip!
而且这些家伙当时连小费都没给!
No, no, no, it's a photograph so it's more symbolic.
不 不 不 这是摄影作品 所以它是有象征意义的
It's called "Waitress"
这幅画的名字是"服务生"
and I'm holding a checkpad.
而且我拿着点菜本
What do all these blue dots mean?
这些蓝点是什么?
Is my picture in trouble?
我的照片有问题吗?
That's how many time your print has been purchased.
是说有多少人买了你的照片
Over here, Max, away from that phatetic blonde lady in the waitress uniform.
这边 Max 离那个穿着工作服的金发服务生远点
Will you relax? No one even recognized you.
放轻松 好吗? 没人能认出你
No one? What about that art critic
没人? 那个说"我的微笑
who said "my smile on the photo
很好地表达了绝望至极
"was a study of tragic, foolish optimism
走投无路的悲惨人生"的艺术评论
in a hopeless, dead-end life"?
又是怎么回事?
Oh, him.
他啊
"Hopeless, dead-end life"? And then worse, no one buys me?
"绝望至极 走投无路的人生" 更糟糕的是 居然没人买我的照片
I'm not even a success as a failure?
难道作为一个失败者我也不够成功吗?
You're totally a sucess as a failure.
你是一个非常成功的失败者
Then where are all the blue dots , Max?
那么为什么没有蓝点 Max?
people bought you.
个人买了你的照片
Whatever you do, don't turn around.
不管你做什么 千万别回头
Look at these dots!
看看这些蓝点!
I am going home with all these people...
我要跟这些人回家...
man, woman, black, white.
不管是男人 女人 黑人 白人
It's like a key party at Joe Namath's house in the 's.
就像七十年代在Joe Namath家里的性派对
Hey, Shecky!
嘿 搞笑妞!
Why are you putting the dots by your friend's photo?
你为什么要把蓝点放在你朋友的照片下面?
How many extra croutons can you buy
凭这些照片赚来的巨款
with the buttload of money you're making from these photos?
够你买多少面包丁?
A buttload.
不计其数
Okay, okay, I get it, you're mad. Tell you what.
好吧 好吧 我知道你很生气 这样吧
I will give you a free print of your photo.
我免♥费给你一份照片的副本
Look, keep the photo.
听着 留着你的照片吧
I don't want a picute of me marrying ketchups.
我可不想要一张跟番茄酱的结婚照
I don't want a picture of me marrying anybody.
我不想要一张和任何人的结婚照
But you can pay me back in another way.
但是你可以用另一种办法补偿我
I told you. I'm not a lesbian. I just wear hat!
我跟你说过了 我不是同性恋 我只不过戴了顶帽子!
Your friend said you hated your photo.
你的朋友说你讨厌你的照片
No! I enjoyed being secretly photographed
不! 我非常喜欢在给某人
while I'm stealing someone extra, extra croutons.
偷拿超多额外面包丁的时候被偷♥拍
For the record,
我郑重声明
I never saw your smile as foolish.
我从来不觉得你的微笑是愚蠢的
I saw it as, uh...
我只不过觉得笑得 呃...
just a little big.
有点过头
Uh... I'm trying to pay you a compliment.
呃... 我是想夸奖你来着
Well, you failed.
那你失败了
All this time, when you looked at me,
这么长时间 当你看着我的时候
I thought you saw something special,
我以为你发现了我的与众不同
but all you really saw was someone reading the specials.
但是你真正看到的却是在看打折信息的穷妹子
I have a question for you.
我有个问题
Okay, fine. I wear the derby
好吧 我坦白 我戴帽子
because I have a little bit of a bald spot.
是因为我有些秃顶
Why didn't I sell?
为什么没人买我?
The picture sucks.
这张照片太逊了
One of my worst.
是我最差的作品之一
If you're still trying to give me a compliment,
如果这也是你的赞赏
you're still failing.
你还是失败了
Look, a good photograph
听着 好的照片
captures the truth.
能抓住真实
And I guess no one really believes
我猜没人真的相信
you as a waitress.
你是一个服务生
That is the single nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
这是我听过的最动听的话了
So it's not where you wanna be... I get it.
这不是你想要的人生... 我知道
Look, it's taken me years to be where I am.
听着 我用了五十年去发现我自己
And you are still so young.
而你还这么年轻
That is the second-nicest thing
这是我听过的
anyone's ever said to me!
第二动听的话!
The road is long, and trust me,
人生路还很长 相信我
it can be really hard.
这条路也非常艰难
So whatever you do,
不管你做什么
you hold on to that foolishly hopeful smile.
你都要保持你那傻傻的充满希望的微笑
And... your funny friend.
还有... 和那个搞笑朋友的友谊
- Yes? - Yes.
- 好吗? - 好的
Uh, everyone, tonight we are witness
大家好 今晚我们
to the amazing work
共同见证了
of Nola Anderz.
Nola Anderz令人惊叹的作品
Why don't we all just stand here quietly
为什么我们不站在这里
for a moment and let Nola's pictures speak.
安静地聆听Nola的作品
That's my phone. Where is it?
我的手机 在哪?
Baby, why is my phone in your bra?
亲爱的 为什么我的手机在你的胸罩里?
Shh, please!
嘘 请安静!
It's your secret phone! I know all about it.
这是你的秘密手机! 我全都知道了
You took it? Give it to me.
你把它偷走了? 还给我
Who is she, Oleg? Who is this skanky old whore?
她是谁 Oleg? 那个可恶的老婊♥子是谁?
Security! Security!
保安! 保安!
What... no, no, no! Stop, stop... she has my phone.
什么... 不 不 不! 住手 住手... 她拿了我的手机
It's his boner phone, everybody!
各位 这是他的一次"性"手机!
It's his boner phone!
是他的一次"性"手机!
And you had the testicles to think
你够"睾"明 知道我
I was gonna embarrass you.
差点让你难堪了
Hey, Sophie.
嘿 Sophie
Hey, girls.
嘿 姑娘们
Did you hear that?
你们听见了吗?
It sounds a little bit like... I don't know.
听起来像是... 我不确定
The sound of cheating.
像是偷腥的声音呢
You guys haven't made up yet?
你们还没和好吗?
Don't make up here.
别在这儿和好
No. I slept on the couch.
没有 我在沙发上睡的
I missed her so much, I watched a romcom
我太想念她了 我看了一部浪漫爱情片
while eating a whole box of her edible underwear.
吃了一整盒她的可食用内衣
Still not talking to me, Sophie?
还是不跟我说话吗 Sophie?
For the last time, there's nobody else but you.
最后一次声明 除了你 我没有别的女人
- I use that phone... - Yes?
- 我用那个电话... - 怎么了?
- To... - Go on.
- 去... - 继续啊
- I use it to call... - Cut to the chase!
- 我用它... - 干脆利落点!
My mother.
给妈妈打电话
Is there no one he won't sleep with?
有他不睡的女人吗?
I didn't tell you because
我没告诉你是因为
I didn't want you to think I was a mama's boy.
我不想让你觉得我恋母
Except when we play "Mama and Boy."
除了我们玩"妈妈和孩子"游戏的时候
Well...
好吧...
I'll tell you what I told that girl
我的跟你说我在扬基蜡烛店
at the Yankee Candle store.
跟那个女孩说的话
"I'm not buyin' it!"
"我不会买的!(我才不信呢!)"
It's true, Sophie.
是真的 Sophie
I'm afraid I'm... losing my hair.
我有点害怕... 我正在掉头发
Oh... Oleg.
哦... Oleg
But don't you know...
但是你不知道...
I mean, you could be balder than Jeremy Piven was
我是说 即使你比十五年前的杰里米·皮文
years ago, and I'd still love ya.
头发还秃 我依然爱你
Where's my...
我的电话呢...
Busted.
被发现了
Caroline, I have something for you.
Caroline 我有东西要给你
I'm not signing another one of those
我不要再在巨大的生日卡片上
giant birthday cards again.
签名了
It's my picture.
是我的照片
Great. Now I have two of you that don't wait on tables.
没错 现在我有两个不工作的你了
"Thanks for the croutons. Nola."
"谢谢你的面包丁 Nola"
Max, where are we gonna hang me?
Max 我们把我挂在哪里呢?
Maybe you should hang yourself in the bathroom
或许你可以把自己挂在洗手间(在洗手间上吊)
like I thought you would three years ago.
我三年前就认为你会这么干了
Yep. I lost $20 on that bet.
没错 我还赌输了二十块钱
You know, Max,
要知道 Max
maybe I have to stop running away from this part of my life
或许我该正视并接纳我的生活
and embrace it, see it as part of my journey,
把这段日子当作我的经历
my... beautiful, exciting journey.
我... 美丽又激动人心的旅程
If you don't shut up, I'm gonna hang you right here.
如果你再不闭嘴 我就把你吊死在这里
Max, guess what Han's doing at the counter?
Max 猜猜Han在柜台做什么?