麦克斯凯若琳入狱

Ah, it's like I'm back in my mother's womb.
啊 我好像又回到我妈的子♥宫里了
Only, there's food here.
只是这里有食物
Ugh, those e-cigs are so stupid.
电子烟这玩意儿真是蠢透了
I mean, smoking real cigarettes kills you,
抽真烟能要你的命
but smoking fake ones makes me want to kill you.
但是抽假烟让我想要了你的命
They're not smoking. They're vaping.
他们抽的不是烟 是电子烟
Uh-oh. He just passed it to her.
呃喔 他还把烟递给了她
Someone's getting date vaped.
人家都在以电子烟之名约会了
I just figured out the new phones.
我才刚搞清楚新手机咋用
Now I've got to figure out how to smoke?
现在我还得搞清楚怎么抽烟?
If I wanted to learn everything all over again,
要是我想把一切都重新学起
I would have had a stroke.
我早就中风了
Hey guys, sorry, but you're not allowed to do that in here.
不好意思 各位 你们这种举动是不允许的
And I'm not talking about your outfits.
我指的不是你们的装扮
I'll get to those when I bring the check.
我等等给你们找钱的时候再吐槽那个
Relax, it's not a cigarette.
放松点 这不是香烟
It has a battery.
它有电池的
Yeah, so does my vibrator, but...
是啊 我的震动棒也有电池 但是...
can't use that in here either.
那个在这里也不能用
I didn't approve that rule.
但我对那规定也不赞同
Well, I think we ordered too many of our cupcake tees.
我觉得咱们订购了太多的纸杯蛋糕裇衫了
There are more unworn shirts here
这儿没穿过的衣服
than in Matthew MacConaughey's closet.
比马修·麦康纳衣橱里的还多了
Hey, girls.
嘿 姐妹们
Look at me.
你们看看我
I got my Sunday bra on 'cause I just came from church.
我穿上了我的周日胸罩 因为我刚从教堂回来
Was it my church?
是我经常去的教堂吗?
The Church of Latter-Day Sluts?
后荡♥妇时代教堂吗?
Oleg and I are looking for one to get married in.
Oleg和我在找一个地方作为结婚礼堂
And it's got to have a wheelchair ramp
而且那个地方一定要有轮椅坡道
'cause I've got a lot of cousins who were born without leg bones.
因为我很多堂表亲一出来就没腿骨的
I'm so excited for you, Sophie.
我真为你感到高兴 Sophie
You deserve all the happiness in the world.
你理应是全天下最幸福的女人
I mean, so do I, but that's obviously not happening.
我也应当如此 但显然我没这种福分了
Are you done with your pity-party?
你自怜自艾结束了吗?
'Cause I got to speak to Max.
我要和Max说几句话
Max, do you want to be my maid of honor?
Max啊 你愿意做我的首席伴娘吗?
I would rather be eaten alive by a rabbit.
我宁愿被一只兔子活吞了
Which would take a long time and be a lot less embarrassing.
因为这也要好长时间 但不会让我尴尬
And Sophie, you don't really want me
Sophie啊 你不是真心想让我
to be your maid of honor.
做你的首席伴娘的
That's right. I don't.
是啊 我不想
So why are we even talking about it?
那我们还在讲这件事干什么?
Sophie, as honored as I am that you asked,
Sophie 我很荣幸能受到你的邀请
it's just not really my thing, you know, man?
但这事儿真的不适合我啊 你懂吗?
Is this really not your thing?
这事儿真的不适合你?
It's nobody's thing.
这事儿就没有谁适合啊
You just do it 'cause you're supposed to,
因为要你做 你就去做啊
like bleaching your teeth or your anus.
就像刷牙和洗屁♥眼一样
Thank God I'm off the list,
幸好你没考虑我
'cause that bridesmaid spa day is gonna be rough.
因为伴娘水疗日那天一定会难熬极了
Look, I'm sorry, it's just, I was a maid of honor
对不起 我当过首席伴娘
in fifth grade when my mom married her cult leader.
当时是五年级 我妈妈嫁给了一个邪教教主
And then she was my maid of honor
一个礼拜之后我和他结婚
when I married him a week later.
我妈又是我的首席伴娘
So I'm kind of maid-of-honored out.
所以我有点不太想当首席伴娘了
Maybe I'll get one of my old sorority sisters
也许我去找个姐妹会里的旧识
to be my bridesmaid.
来当我的伴娘吧
I'm gonna go home and find out
我要回家去看看
which one is still thin enough to fly commercial.
谁还能瘦得可以坐进商务飞机
All right, where are we gonna store all these shirts?
好吧 我们要把这些衣服放在哪里?
It's already too crowded in here
这里空间已经不够了
with all the cupcakes, shame, and failure.
挤满了纸杯蛋糕 羞辱 和失败
We'll sell some of these at the cupcake window,
在我们自家的纸杯蛋糕窗口可以卖掉一些
of these are already going
这里的件已经被卖给了
to that fancy boutique in Manhattan,
曼哈顿的一家高档的精品时装店
and the rest, maybe we'll get lucky
剩下的么 我们也许会走运
and find a gay little league team.
找到一个同性恋小联♥盟队
Oh, I know!
哦 我知道了!
Let's get drunk.
我们去喝醉吧
That's your solution to everything.
你什么事情都是这个解决方案
Seriously.
我说真的
We need to just take some to that new bar
我们得拿一些去那个新开的酒吧
where idiots pay $ for a drink.
那里的白♥痴花美元买一杯酒
Drunk and stupid, that's our target audience.
一群愚蠢的醉汉 那就是我们的目标人群
And also, the special skills I've listed on my resume.
这特殊技能我在自己的简历里也有写到
So you're saying we're gonna stoop so low
所以你是说我们已经卑微到这种程度了
as to sell T-shirts out of a duffle bag in a bar?
要拿着行李袋去一个酒吧里卖衣服?
是的 我们已经堕落了 Yeah, we're there.
How much do you think this pays?
你觉得这工作有多少工资?
'Cause I can do that.
我♥干得了这活啊
Yes, you can.
是啊 你干的了
All you need is a stepladder and boobs.
你只有一个梯子和一对大胸就行
Feel like the Star Trek: Next Generation bar.
这地方感觉像是星际迷航:下一代主题酒吧
Keep your eyes peeled for Whoopi Goldberg in a crazy hat.
把眼皮给剥了 扮成乌比·戈德堡 再戴个疯帽子
I can't believe I'm selling T-shirts out of a duffle bag
我也无法相信我拿着一个行李袋
in the future, too.
在未来卖衣服
Yeah. I fully support mixing business and pleasure.
是啊 我完全支持把公事和享乐混在一起
Best sex I ever had was with my boss at a Panera Bread.
我最棒的一次性体验是和老板在帕纳拉面包那次
I thought you said the best sex you ever had
我记得你说过最棒的一次
was with a dude with six fingers.
是和一个六个手指的哥们
Same guy.
是同一个人啦
Man, could he make a sandwich crazy fast.
嗨 你想为你的女朋友买一件很酷的T恤吗?
Hi. Want to buy a cool tee for your girlfriend?
天啊 他做三明治像是疯了一样快
Let me see if my girlfriend wants a tee.
我问问我女朋友想不想要T恤
You want a tee, honey?
你想要T恤吗 亲爱的?
Hey! Hey!
嘿! 嘿!
Not so fast.
别走那么快啊
They say "cream filled" on the back.
它后面可写着"装满了奶油"呢
Huh, boys? Anything?
呃 兄弟们? 有感觉吗?
Wow, gays aren't fun in the future.
哇 未来的同性恋可一点都不好玩
Hey.
嘿
Jesus comes back in the future.
耶稣从未来归来
So what's in the bag?
这包里有什么?
I've never met a girl at a bar with actual baggage.
我从来没在酒吧见过一个带着行李袋的女孩
That's funny because you mean like emotional.
真有趣 因为你是想说我情绪丰富
You're really beautiful.
你真的很漂亮
Mmm. You weren't nearly this hot in the book.
嗯 你在圣经里可没那么帅
So can I get you ladies a drink?
可否让我请你们喝酒?
Sure, you could just change this water into wine.
当然可以 你可以直接把这杯水变成酒
Can you, like, do this for me, just, like, once?
你能不能为我 就这样 甩一次秀发?
Drinks on me.
酒算我的
Oh, lucky them.
它们艳福不浅啊
I haven't heard I'm beautiful from a non-homeless person
除了流浪汉之外 我已好久没听过别人
in months.
夸我漂亮了
Well, with that hair, the jury's still out.
从他的发型来看 也难确定身份啊
Hey, can I kiss you?
嘿 我能吻你吗?
I suppose a peck wouldn't...
我想轻吻一下无妨...
Say what?
神马情况?
- 我叫James - 我湿了
- I'm James. - I'm wet.
Because my arm was sitting in water on the bar.
因为我胳膊蹭到吧台上的水了
That was so hot, Max.
太热辣了 Max
I have, like, this animal attraction to him.
他对我有种野兽般的狂野吸引力
What animal? The Horny Nerd?
什么野兽? 饥渴的书呆子?
Look, I'll leave. You stay and do your thing.
听着 我要走了 你留下来浪吧
- But we came together. - Yeah, I know you guys did.
- 但我们是一起来嗨的啊 - 是啊 你们俩挺嗨
It happened, like, the second he kissed you.
他一亲你的时候你就嗨了
I don't do this. I just met him.
这不是我风格 我才刚认识他
Look, Caroline.
听着 Caroline
I haven't read the Bible.
我没有读过圣经
But I know that when Jesus returns,
但是我知道当耶稣归来之时
you must follow him back to his apartment.
你必须跟着他回到他的住所
Let go...
别拘束...
let God...
让主耶稣...
get to third base.
带你走完全程
Max, where's Caroline?
Max Caroline呢?
I haven't seen her all day.
我一整天没见到她了
But I'm guessing she's in heaven.
但我猜她在天堂呢
I'm here, I'm here.
我来了 我来了
Nope, she's in hell.
不是 她在地狱了
Walk of shame, party of one.
彻夜不归 派对荡妹
Girl.
妞
Gir-irl!
小妞儿!
Tell me everything that happened.
把所有情况都告诉我
Leave out no details.
事无巨细
It was insane. I mean, like, so hot.
太疯狂了 太火热了
Like the Caribbean or our shower that one time.
热得像加勒比海 或像我们上次洗澡那样
What are you two celebrating?
你们欢呼什么呢?
I know it isn't a job well done.
我知道肯定不是工作出色
We are celebrating the release
我们在庆祝新的星球大战:第七部
of the new Star Wars: Episode VII trailer online.
预告片在网上上映了
Seriously?
真的吗?
Max, we did everything.
Max 我们什么都做了
We...
我们...
Oleg, can you give us some privacy?
Oleg 能给我们点隐私吗?
What?
怎么?
I can't be in the ladies' room.
我不能出现在女厕
I can't be in the kitchen.
也不能在厨房呆着了
So did you...
所以你们...
No.
没有
Well, did you...
好吧 那你们...
No!
没有!
Well, did you at least...
那你们起码...
Oh, God, no!
天 当然没有!
Well, what did you do?
那你们到底干嘛了?
Water a plant together?
一起浇花?
We had sex.
我们做♥爱了
Last night and today.
昨晚和今天
That's a big thing for me.
这对我来说是件大事
And, yes, it was.
没错 确实大事
Yes. That was obvious in the bar.
嗯 在酒吧时就很明显
Skinny jeans are just boner X-rays.
紧身牛仔裤让下♥体一览无余
Oh, no. Oh, no.
哦 不 哦 不
What, rat in the slaw again?
怎么 沙拉里又有老鼠了?
My rings.
我的戒指
I left them at his place.
我落在他家了
I have to get them back.
我得拿回来
They're half my belongings.
它们是我的半副身家了
So just text him and say, "Yo, I left my rings,
那就发个短信说 "嘿 我戒指忘拿了
nice wiener""" emoji, send.
小弟弟不错" 选个满分的表情 发送
Max, I can't text a guy first.
Max 我不能先给男方发短信
It's bad enough I have a Groupon for intimacy oil.
买润滑油都要团购已经够糟糕了
Look, worst-case scenario, the McRib is gone for good.
最坏的情况 也就是你再也吃不到带"骨"大牛排了
Second worst-case scenario, we can always implement
第二坏的情况就是我们总可以采取
the two-week rule.
两周法则嘛
The two-week rule?
两周法则?
Wait, isn't that how long you have to eat Pad Thai
慢着 就是两周内要吃完泰式炒面
before it becomes bad Thai?
否则会变质吗?
No, you really have to read my book.
不是 你真的该读读我的书
It means if he doesn't text for two weeks,
指的是如果他两周内不发短信
you can break in and get your stuff.
你就可以闯进他家取回你的东西
All that fancy school and you didn't learn nothing.
白读那么多好学校 你啥也没学到
Two weeks and nothing.
两周了屁都没有
I really thought he'd text.
我真以为他会发短信的
I also thought Grown Ups should have won the Oscar.
我还以为"长大成人"会得奥斯卡奖
Still got it.
仍然屡猜不中
Come on.
麻利点
Wait, before I lose the rest of my self-esteem...
等下 在我把剩下的自尊也丢完之前...
Tell that to the wall you're currently straddling.
跟你骑着的那面墙说去
Let me just check my phone one more time to see if he...
让我再查下手机看看他有没有...
Nope.
没有
Self-esteem gone.
自尊心彻底没了
I'm afraid to jump.
我不敢跳
Jump, whore, jump!
跳啊 小贱♥人 给我跳!
I sound like my mom teaching me how to swim.
听起来像我妈教我游泳似的
I did it. I did it.
我做到了 我做到了
That was, like, two feet.
墙才两英尺高
I've snorted lines longer.
我擤的鼻涕都比这长
All right.
哎呀呀
Just another Tuesday.
又是普通的一天
Going all Bling Ring in Jesus' backyard.
悄悄来到耶稣的后院偷戒指
There. That's his bedroom window.
这里 那是他卧室的窗户
I know 'cause we had to close it, since I'm kind of loud.
我很了解 因为我叫得太大声我们得关窗
Oh, what are you like during sex?
你在滚床单时都是啥样啊?
What do I do if he's home?
他要是在家怎么办?
Do you want me to kill him fast,
你是想我手起刀落砍了他
or do you want him to suffer?
还是慢慢折磨他?
And by that, I mean, do you want me to hold him
折磨的意思是 你想让我抓着他
while you ask him why he didn't call?
然后你来问他为什么不打电话吗?
He's not home.
他不在家
According to this Instagram, he's at Chipotle
看他的更新的状态 他在墨西哥餐厅
talking to a guy with a parrot on his shoulder.
和一个肩膀上有只鹦鹉的人在聊天
He had no time to pop off a text to me.
他忙得没时间发短信给我
Oh, it's stuck and I can't fit my boobs through there.
噢 我要被窗户卡住了 胸都过不去
I can barely fit them through the Holland Tunnel.
要知道荷兰隧道才刚刚够我的胸挤进去
Fine. I'm going in.
好吧 我进去
Finally, having no boobs pays off.
终于 飞机场还是有点用处的
Lift my legs up.
把我的腿抬起来
Okay, but your legs in the air
好吧 你一开始来这地方的
kind of got you here to begin with.
契机也是为了要张开双腿
- Uh-oh. - What oh?
- 呃噢 - 噢什么?
I don't remember him having a floral duvet.
我不记得他的羽绒被有花
Or a bedside toilet.
旁边还有一个厕所
Or a dog. Pull me out! Pull me out!
还有一只狗 快把我弄出来!
You've got to read my book.
你真得好好读读我的书
I have a whole chapter on pulling out.
我有一整章写的都是如何弄出来
No, no, no, no, no! Oh, stop licking me.
不 不 不! 噢 别舔我了
Buster? Buster?
Buster? 怎么了
Someone's coming.
有人来了
Someone's coming or getting licked?
有人来了 还被舔了?
Maybe you are in the right apartment.
或许这正是你要找的地方啊
Get out of my house! Get out of my house!
从我的房间里滚出去! 滚出去!
No, no. This is a big mistake.
不 不 你误会了
Ben, call the cops!
Ben 叫警察!
We got another crack addict here!
这儿有个吸毒者!
We don't have crack here!
我们这里没有毒品!
We don't have crack here! And tell your friends!
我们没有毒品! 告诉你的朋友!
If these match the prints found at an Arby's break-in in ',
如果这些指纹和年闯入阿贝餐厅嫌疑犯的指纹相吻合
it's purely coincidental.
那纯粹是巧合
I can't believe this is happening to me.
真不敢相信我会发生这种事
My life is over.
我完蛋了
Look at the camera.
看镜头
I'm so humiliated.
我真是没脸见人了
And turn to the side.
转过身
Ma'am, this isn't "Vogue: Behind Bars."
女士 这不是在拍"时尚:监狱诱惑"
Sorry, Officer, she's a virgin.
对不起 警官 她还是个处女
Me, myself, spent some time in the juvie system
我曾在普罗维登斯的青少年教养院
up in Providence.
呆过一段时间
You know a family court judge named Shelly?
你认识一个叫做雪莉的家庭法院法官吗?
No. Go.
没有 过去
Oh! Officer, hold.
噢! 警官 等一下
Thanks, but stay away during the full-body cavity search.
谢谢 但是全身检查的时候离我远一点
Proceed.
开始吧
You think?
要你命令我?
So you girls broke into an old lady's house,
所以你们两个闯进老婆婆的家里
got halfway through the window, and stole absolutely nothing.
爬进窗户 却什么都没偷
Glad I am protecting the city from you.
真高兴是我来保护这座城市啊
I mean, ISIS who, right?
ISIS组织算得了啥
All right. Let's go.
好了 我们走吧
If he had just texted me, none of this would be happening.
如果他给我发短信 就不会发生这些事
I wouldn't be in prison, I'd be home.
我就不会进监狱 而是呆在家
My other prison.
我的另一个监狱
Uh, wait, if who had texted you?
噢 等下 如果谁给你发短信?
Thanks for asking.
谢谢你的关心
This guy I slept with didn't text me
这个家伙把我睡了之后
for two weeks after we had sex, and I left my rings
就两个星期都没给我发短信 我还把戒指
at his place, so I...
落在他家 所以我...
You did the two-week rule?
你这是遵循两周法则?
Yeah.
是的
But she got the wrong apartment because, knowing her,
但是她找错了地方 你懂的
her eyes were closed the whole time.
她在嘿咻的时候全程是闭眼的
Well, why didn't you say so?
哎 你怎么不早说呢?
We got a two-week rule over here!
这里有一个两周法则的傻瓜!
Stay right over here.
呆在这里别动
We'll get you out soon.
一会我们就能放你们走
I left my billy club at the Captain's house.
我把我的警棍丢在了警长家里
He's got three more days.
他还有三天时间
See? See?
看见了吗? 看见了吗?
It's gonna be fine.
没事的
We'll just chill here for an hour.
我们只需要悠闲地等一个小时
It's like an edgier Lens Crafters.
这里就是警局版的亮视点眼镜店
What am I gonna tell my father?
我该怎么跟我爸爸说呢?
A prisoned prison call?
从监狱打电话给监狱?
I can't be here.
我不能呆在这
I can't be here!
我不能呆在这!
No! No! Come back! We were good!
不! 不! 快回来! 我们没事的!
Dumb move.
愚蠢的行动
Dumber than me and the Captain.
比我和队长还愚蠢
Let me guess, our glasses won't be ready in an hour.
我看 我们的眼镜一个小时是配不好了
I can't believe you got us arrested in jail.
简直难以置信 你把我们关到了监狱里
Where are we going?
我们要去哪儿?
I mean, besides nowhere in life.
生活已经无处可去
You girls lost your get-out-of-jail-free card.
这会儿已不能让你们俩免♥费出狱了
You're gonna have to get someone to bail you out.
得有人保释你们才行
You're going in the holding cell.
你们去拘留室待着吧
Yo! Fresh meat!
嘿! 小鲜肉来了!
Sorry, I have a reputation to uphold.
抱歉 我也得维护自己的威望
Max, I'm scared.
Max 我太害怕了
I got this.
交给我
Yo! She's already my bitch!
嘿! 这婊♥子已经是我的了!
So she can't be anyone else's. Sorry.
谁也别想动她 不好意思了
Hold my belt.
抓着我的皮带
- What? - Do it!
- 什么? - 照我说的做!
'Sup, 'sup?
有事吗 有事吗?
Cool, cool.
酷 酷
women, toilet?
五十个人 一个厕所?
It's like backstage at The View.
这就像是"视野乐团"的后台啊
Max, I can't handle this.
Max 我受不了了
I can't handle this.
我受不了了
I couldn't even watch The Green Mile.
我甚至都不忍心看绿里奇迹了
Relax. This is play-jail.
放轻松 我们只不过是在玩监狱游戏
It's not like we're doing real time.
这可不像是我们平常的游戏
Just put on your game face.
把你玩游戏时的表情摆出来就行了
I don't have a game face.
我哪有玩游戏时的表情
Unless the game is "I Give Up, My Life Is Over,"
除非是 "我不干了 我的生活完蛋了" 这种游戏
then this will do.
我现在就是那种表情
Well, do something, because that's about to get wiped off
那么 做点什么 不然那个正向我们走来
your face by the bruiser covered in tattoos
满身纹身的壮女人
making her way to us right now.
就要撕开你的脸了
Hey!
嘿!
You guys signing up for the talent show?
你们是报名参加才艺秀的吗?
Excuse me?
再说一遍?
Yeah. Some of us have been in here for days,
我们中有些人已经在这儿好几天了
due to prison overcrowding.
都怪监狱的人太多了
So the guards let us put on a show.
所以守卫允许我们搞表演
As long as nobody dies.
只要别死人就行
Wow, prison has changed.
哇 监狱已经变了
Maybe I have a Norman Rockwell idea of prison,
我能想象在诺曼•洛克威尔笔下的监狱了
but, uh, what happened to shanking a snitch
不过要是在排队打饭时往告密者
in the food line?
插上一刀要怎么弄?
Oh, a talent show, that's not scary at all.
哦 才艺秀 这一点也不可怕
You know, I won my yacht club talent show
告诉你 我在游艇俱乐部才艺比赛
three years in a row, in the to division.
到岁的小组里 连续赢了三年
That's crazy!
这太疯狂了!
I'm looking at to for grand theft auto.
我正看着至岁的侠盗车手呢
Where are my manners?
我真没礼貌
I'm Tanaya.
我是Tanaya
I'm Max. This is Caroline.
我是Max 这是Caroline
But you can call us by our gang names,
但你可以用我们组合的名字叫我们
White Lightning and The Blade.
"白色闪电"和"断刀客"
Sophie, I need you to bail me and Caroline out jail.
Sophie 我需要你来保释我和Caroline出狱
We got charged with breaking and entering,
我们因破门入室罪被抓了
which is also what Caroline let a guy do to her,
Caroline也让一个家伙入了她的蓬门
and that's why we're here.
所以我们才进了这里
Oh, jeez, Max.
天啊 Max
I mean, that's a tough call.
你这来电真让我为难
I mean, I don't know if I can.
我不知道自己能不能行啊
Yeah, it's really not my thing.
但这事儿我真的干不来啊
You know, man?
你懂的 哥们儿?
I get it. I deserved that.
我明白 是我活该
I said no to you, so you're saying no to me.
我拒绝了你 所以你也拒绝我
Like the old saying, "Tit for bigger tat."
正如俗话说的"以胸还大胸"
Yeah. Hmm.
是啊 嗯
All right, let's see.
好吧 这样吧
Uh, I would bail my maid of honor out of jail.
我会保释我的伴娘出狱
Fine. Fine.
好 好
I'll be your maid of honor.
我会当你的伴娘
I'll buy you penis straws, and those glasses
我会给你买鸡鸡形的吸管 还有
where the nose is a penis.
鼻子上是个鸡鸡的眼镜
Yeah! And the penis-shaped pasta?
好! 还要鸡鸡形的意大利面?
I'll do it all.
我全都照办
I can handle the slammer, but Caroline doesn't stand a chance.
我不怕坐牢 但是Caroline完全接受不了
I saw a woman looking at her
我看见一个女的在盯着她
like she was a cartoon pork chop.
就像她是个卡通猪排一样
Okay. Well, I'll see you soon.
好了 我们一会儿见
And watch your back.
小心背后
Oh, you know what?
噢 不对哦
It's a ladies' prison, so watch your front.
这是女子监狱 所以小心你的前面
Is this your card?
这是你那张牌吗?
No.
不是
Yes!
是!
Yes, that's my card.
是 这就是我那张牌
Amazing.
太棒了
Okay. What'd I miss?
好了 我错过什么了?
The magic show and the improv troupe.
魔术表演和即兴戏剧
They asked the audience for a word.
他们让观众点评一下
I said, "Help."
我说的是 "救命啊"
Sophie's coming down with bail money,
等Sophie的火鸡出炉了
as soon as her turkey is out of the oven.
她就会带着保释金过来
So , 4 / 4.5 hours, depending on the stuffing.
四小时 或四个半小时 取决于馅料的多少
Thank God.
谢天谢地
Wait. Bail for both of us, right?
等等 保释我们两个人 对吗?
That wasn't her original offer.
她最开始不是这么说的
But after some negotiating, we got there.
但经过一番协商后 我们成功拿下了
What did you have to do to...
你答应她的条件是...
Max, you didn't agree to...
Max 你不会是答应...
Yup.
对
Picture me in something low-cut and peach.
想象下我穿着低胸露点装的样子
A slutty peach.
淫♥荡的样子
You'd do that for me?
你为了我这样做的吗?
I'm touched and shocked.
我既感动又惊讶
I thought you'd have forgotten me, had sex with the door guard,
我还以为你已经把我忘了 跟门卫做♥爱去了
and been halfway across the parking lot by now.
然后现在已经在去停车场的途中
Yeah, well, he wasn't into me, so...
这个嘛 他对我没兴趣 所以就...
Walk of shame, party of two.
蒙羞之旅 二人成双
Girls, I heard you got locked up.
姑娘们 我听说你们被关起来了
Yup. We have to do hours of community service.
是 我们必须做三十小时的社区服务
And Caroline won six minutes of privacy on the toilet
Caroline还在才艺秀里赢得了六分钟的
in the talent show.
私人如厕时间
Well, not so private.
其实也不是那么私人
I had to tinkle while a woman in work boots
我尿尿时还得跟一个穿着工作靴的女人
made heavy eye-contact.
四目相对
I went to prison once for being at the wrong place
我进过一次监狱 因为我在错误的时间
at the wrong time.
去了错误的地方
Meaning, I was down south.
也就是说 我去了南部
Look who's back from the big house.
对你来说 每个房子都是大房子 Han
Every house is a big house for you, Han.
看看是谁从"大房子"监狱回来了
Watch your step, ex-con,
小心脚下 有前科的人
or I'll get the to haul you back in for impersonating a waitress.
否则我会以冒充服务生的名义让你回监狱去
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I missed this place.
我不敢相信我会说这话 但我想这个地方了
When I was up in the pen, doing time with my girl, Tanaya...
我被困在监狱里 和我的姐妹Tanaya一起的时候...
Well, orange you the new black?
所以 你也要参演女子监狱了吗?
So did you two have fun in ladies' prison?
你们俩在女子监狱玩的开心吗?
And tell me, is it anything like the XXX movies
跟我说说 是不是像我的那些
I have with that title?
标着禁的电影一样?
Okay, so I lost two of my best rings.
好吧 我丢了我的两个最好的戒指
So I'm out $11.
所以我连美元都没了
I realized I'm tougher than I thought.
我意识到我比自己想的要坚强
I sang in prison. I had a one-night stand.
我在监狱里唱歌 有了一♥夜♥情
I'm practically Johnny Cash.
我差不多赶上约翰尼·卡什了
Well, Johnny No Cash.
你是约翰尼·没钱