蛋糕T恤的危机

Here's your check, Mr. ZZ and Mr. Top.
您的账单 ZZ先生和Top先生
Would you like a to-go box,
您是要个打包盒
or are you just gonna put it in your beard
还是打算把剩下的三明治
with the rest of your sandwich?
直接塞胡子里带走?
We're in a beard-growing contest.
我们参加了个"留胡子"大赛
They happen all over the country.
是全国性的
It's a pretty big deal.
这可是件大事
What's first prize?
头等奖是什么?
Blindfold for your girlfriends?
送女友的眼罩?
I'm kidding, I know you don't have girlfriends.
我瞎说的 一看就知道你们是光棍
Actually, this level of hair-art
事实上 像这样的发艺
takes months of hard work and commitment.
需要数个月的辛苦付出
鸭子王朝: 美国真人秀节目 主角大多留着长胡子
Well, quack, quack, Duck Dynasty.
嘎嘎 "鸭子王朝"
My left armpit could beat you both.
还没我左侧的腋毛长呢
Let me tell you something on behalf of women everywhere.
我代表所有女人奉劝你们一句
We. Don't. Like. Beards.
我们 很不 喜欢 胡子
又作蓄须随从 即陪伴已婚男子与女友约会 用以掩人耳目的人
Caroline? Beards?
Caroline? 胡子?
I never liked being one.
我向来不愿给人当
Ladies, if his name is Trace, get the hell out of there.
姐妹们 要是那男的叫Trace 就趁早闪人
See? So, shave losers.
看到了吧? 赶紧剃了 衰货们
If you're chinless or chin-plentiful,
就连没下巴或多个下巴
it's better than what you've got going on.
都比你们现在的模样强
There's your tip, be generous with mine.
给您的建议 待会给小费也请大方点
You actually insult people and then expect them
你居然骂了人还指望人家
to give you money?
白白送你钱?
That's how it works with you and me.
你我不就是这样嘛
Thanks.
谢谢惠顾
Everyone's loving our new cupcake T-shirts.
咱们新出的纸杯蛋糕T恤真是抢手
I've sold four in the last hour.
光过去四个小时就卖了四件
Three more and we can afford that towel we've had our eye on.
再卖三件就买得起咱们相中的毛巾了
These T-shirts keep selling.
这些T恤大卖
That means more money.
意味着财源滚滚
Mo' means mo' success.
越是有钱 越是有本事
Mo' Success?
"有本事"?
I think I dated his cousin, Les.
我应该和他表弟"没本事"约过会
Hey, everybody.
嘿 各位亲
Mind if I stop for a breather?
我能先喘口气吗?
I've been "briding" my ass off.
我可是"忙新娘"忙坏了
Sophie, are those all your bridal magazines?
Sophie 这些都是你买的新婚杂志吗?
That's only half.
这里才一半
Come on, Oleg!
快过来 Oleg!
Look, if those are too heavy, how are you going to be able
听着 要是这些都嫌重 你打算怎么
to push the wedding donkey down the aisle?
把喜驴一路推过走道?
Wedding donkey?
喜驴?
My excitement level for this wedding just skyrocketed.
我对这场婚礼的期待值刚刚爆表了
Relax, Sophie.
别担心 Sophie
If I know how to do anything, it's how to move an ass.
要是我只会做一件事 那就是怎么推屁♥股
That's true. Yeah.
这话不假
Wow, you're carrying more heavy issues than Amanda Bynes.
哇 你手上的杂志数量比阿曼达·拜恩斯的心理问题还多
Look at all these. Beautiful Bride,
看看这些 "佳丽新娘"
Modern Bride, City Bride?
"时尚新娘""都市新娘"?
And do you really need African American Bride?
你真得需要"非裔新娘"吗?
Well, I haven't ruled out cornrows.
我这不还没完全放弃玉米辫嘛
Cornrows and a donkey?
玉米辫配喜驴?
RSVP yes.
请告诉是真的
Oh, yeah.
对了
This one's hot.
这妞性感
Save that one for later.
待我留着回头欣赏
Oh, I forgot I'm getting married.
我差点忘了我是待婚之人
Keep her.
留着她
I might need a Tuesday off.
我周二可能要请个假
Sophie, why don't you get some help from your Maid of Honor?
Sophie 为什么不找你的伴娘帮忙?
I will kill you.
我要杀了你
Or a wedding planner?
或者雇个婚礼策划人?
Oh, Sophie, my cousin, Svetlana, is a wedding planner.
想起来了 Sophie 我表妹Svetlana就是策划婚礼的
Okay, but she better be good.
那好 她最好在行
Because I want everything to be perfect on my big day.
因为我的大婚之日要求万无一失
Our big day.
我俩的大婚之日
Yeah. Sure.
是 行
I can't believe this.
真是难以置信
They're getting married and I don't have a wedding donkey
他们就要结婚了 而我的喜驴
anywhere on my horizon.
却不着天际
OMG, you sell these T-shirts?
天啊 你们卖这款T恤?
I just bought one.
我刚买了件
Did I just sell you that shirt and already forgot?
我是刚卖完你衣服 就忘了这事吗?
I knew that nine-cent deodorant
早知道那瓶九分钱的除臭剂
was going to give me brain lesions.
会给我大脑创伤的
Well, the label did have a picture of a brain
标签上的确贴了张大脑图
with "No Bueno" written on it.
还标明"不带甲酮"
No, I bought it at a store in Manhattan
不 我是在曼哈顿的一家店买的
on East Ninth and Broadway.
就在东九道和百老汇那
I know because I'm OCD and it was 67 steps
我是因为强迫症才知道的 它离街角
and 14 sidewalk cracks from the corner.
一共隔了67步和14条人行道
Max, someone else is selling our shirts.
Max 有人在卖我们的衣服
I know.
我知道
We're getting hosed by some other hoes.
我们被别人坑了
I can't believe they stole our shirt.
他们竟敢抄袭我们的衣服
The one thing we made that people actually wanted to buy.
我们唯一受顾客青睐的产品
I feel like MySpace.
跟"我的空间"一个遭遇
I haven't seen anything this upsetting in a window
我好久没对一个展柜如此气愤了
since that time I accidentally caught a reflection
上一次还是我不小心瞥见镜中
of myself in my waitress uniform.
自己穿服务生制服的样子
We need to talk to someone
我们得找♥人说理
about those damn shirts you jacked.
评评这些被抬高价钱的衣服
We about to rumble.
我们来闹事的
What she means is, we wish to speak to someone
她的意思是 我们想找♥人谈谈
about the adorable cupcake T-shirts in the window.
展柜里那些可爱的纸杯蛋糕T恤
Or, we will be about to rumble.
不然就要闹事
I'm just working here till I get my PhD
我在这不过是打点零工
in the Eco-Social Dynamics of Western Civilization.
就等着考上西方文明社会经济学博士
So, forever?
也就是说 等一辈子?
Those T-shirts are our design
这些T恤是我们设计的
and we need to know why they're here
我们想弄清为什么这里有卖
and who knocked them off.
以及是谁剽窃的
It's the granddaughter of the woman who owns this shop.
是本店老板娘的孙女
She's kind of a monster and she's walking in right now.
她算个折腾精 而且她要进来了
Hi, Kemberly and Ashlin.
嗨 Kemberly和Ashlin
These ladies are interested in your T-shirts.
这两位女士对你的T恤很感兴趣
Aren't they cute?
挺可爱的吧?
So cute.
可爱死了
Yeah, super cute.
是 可爱得不得了
We designed them.
我们设计的
Yeah, we designed them.
对 我们设计的
What?
什么?
Yeah, what?
对 什么?
Ashlin and Kimberly, is it?
Ashlin和Kimberly 对吧?
It's Kemberly, with an "E""
是Kemberly 带字母E的
I changed it myself 'cause I'm original.
我自己改的名 因为我很独特
Yeah, she's an original.
对 她是独特的
You know what's not original?
你知道什么不算独特(原创)吗?
Those shirts. You stole them from us.
这些衣服 你们抄袭我们的
We did not steal your idea.
我们没剽窃你的创意
Yeah, we did not steal your idea.
对 我们没剽窃你的创意
We copied it from this lame cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
我们抄袭的是布鲁克林一家破纸杯蛋糕店
Wait a minute...
等等...
we have a lame cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
我们就在布鲁克林开了一家纸杯蛋糕店
Ashlin, you talk too much.
Ashlin 你太多嘴
This is why everyone knows about my lap-band.
大家就是这么知道我做了胃束带手术的
I think they know about it because you lost 200 pounds
我觉得他们之所以知道 是因为你短短一个春假间
over Spring break.
瘦了200镑
It's hard to believe she was once twice this obnoxious.
真不敢相信她过去比现在还可恶两倍
If you don't stop selling our T-shirts,
若不停售我们的T恤
we're gonna have to get our lawyer involved.
就只能让我们的律师接管了
Yeah, we're gonna have to get our lawyer involved.
对 让我们的律师接管
And he's gonna kill you.
然后他会杀了你的
I don't know what lawyers do.
我不知道什么是律师
We're totally not doing this for us.
我们绝不是为了私利而为
We're rich.
我们很有钱的
Yeah, we're rich.
对 我们很有钱
A percentage of every shirt that we sell goes to charity.
每卖出一件衣服 就有一部分善款捐给慈善组织
Yeah, it goes to charity.
对 捐给慈善组织
We are the charity that it needs to go to.
我们就是需要被捐助的人
You're old and desperate for money.
你们又老又缺钱
And I totally get it.
我很能理解
My aunt's one of the Real Housewives of New York.
我姑姑也是纽约的"绝望主妇"之一
But, sorry.
但是 抱歉
It's the one without the leg.
是缺一条腿的那个
What just happened here?
刚刚在这里发生了什么?
That girl just called you old.
那姑娘刚刚说你老
Earl, I don't think I'm going to be buying you that pinky ring
Earl 我想我最近一段时间不会给你买
you wanted any time soon.
你要的尾戒
No rush, Max, you got plenty of time.
不急 Max 你有的是时间
I got like, six or seven months before I turn to dust.
在我入土之前 我还有六七个月的时间
It's 'cause our T-shirts got ripped off
这是因为我们的衬衫
by a couple of prep school girls in Manhattan.
被几个曼哈顿的预科学校的妹子给剽窃了
It's like a bad 's movie.
就像一部年代的劣质电影
I don't know whether to date James Spader
我不知道该去跟詹姆斯·斯派德约会
or teach this town how to dance.
还是去教镇上的人跳舞
This is so unfair.
这太不公平了
Those girls can't just steal from us.
那些姑娘不能就这么偷我们的东西
This isn't -Eleven.
这又不是-便利店
Max, I can't believe your naivete?
Max 我没想到你居然这么天真
What does my body spray have to do with anything?
这跟我飞溅的口水有什么关系?
Look, there is no reason to be so upset
听着 我们没理由对那俩姑娘
about those two girls.
感到不爽
They're not going to affect our business.
他们不会影响我们的生意
Plus, they have to live with themselves.
而且 他们不得不自我煎熬
And karma is a bitch.
因果报应向来很准
I mean, I littered once and look what happened to me.
我是说 我曾经乱丢垃圾 再看我遭了什么报应
Hey, everybody.
嘿 各位亲
I'm up to my nuts in bridal junk.
婚礼的废品把我弄疯了
There she is.
她来了
The love of my life.
我一生的挚爱
The yin to my yang.
她是我勃起时要的阴♥道
The zing to my wang.
也是我阳痿时的性奋剂
Save that gold for the vows.
把你的金句留到宣誓再说
I am Svetlana, Oleg's cousin.
我叫Svetlana 是Oleg的表姐妹
Well, darling, it could be worse.
亲爱的 还能更糟点
You could be his sister.
你可以当他的亲姐妹
Svetty!
嗨 Svetty!
And you must be Sophie.
你一定就是Sophie
Yeah.
是
No.
不
But you haven't even heard any ideas.
她还什么都没说呢
Caroline.
Caroline啊
Sophie, why did you just say my name?
Sophie 你为什么叫我的名字?
Oh, it's Oleg's and my safe word.
哦 这是我和Oleg的暗号
Yeah. It means no.
意思是"不"
It's the one word we both agreed we would never say during sex.
这是我们一致同意不会在做♥爱过程中说的话
Are you sure?
你确定吗?
Because I give free oil change with every wedding.
因为预定婚礼策划附赠汽车换油保养一次哦
Caroline.
Caroline啊
All right, well, I'll be in my booth.
好吧 我要坐我的位置
You know, this wedding planner thing is as crappy as the movie
婚礼策划人和同名电影"婚礼策划人"
of the same name.
一样垃圾
Girls, I forgot to tell you,
姑娘们 我忘了告诉你们
a man came by today with this letter for you.
今天来的一个男人拿了封信给你们
This reminds me of when I was a young, hot-shot courier.
这让我想起自己还是年轻能干的快递员的时候
I was a young, hot-shot courier once, too.
我以前也是年轻能干的快递员
I used to deliver drugs to my mother at work on my tricycle.
我曾经踩着三轮车 给正在上班的我妈送毒品
Oh, my God, Max, you're not gonna believe this,
天啊 Max 你不会相信的
but those two girls have issued a Cease and Desist order.
但那俩姑娘已经申请了停止不正当竞争的命令
Those bitches.
那俩贱♥人
What's that?
那是什么?
They're saying we have to stop selling our T-shirts.
她们要求我们必须停止出♥售我们的衬衫
That's what I told them we were going to do.
这正是我告诉他们 我们要做的事
They even copied this idea.
他们连这个想法都抄袭了
We need to get a lawyer.
我们需要一个律师
How? We can't even afford Law & Order on iTunes.
怎么请? 我们连iTunes上的"法律与秩序"(美剧)都买不起
Hey, do you think we could afford that lawyer
嘿 你觉得我们请得起地铁广告牌上的
on the subway billboards?
律师吗?
The one who has a gavel in one hand and a chicken in the other?
一手拿着锤子一手拿着只鸡的那个?
I think he just does accidents.
我想他只会导致交通事故
What is going on here?
这是什么情况啊?
There's food waiting in the window,
菜在窗口晾着
periodicals strewn about.
杂志四处散着
Someone's on his periodical.
某人大姨夫又来了
Han, we just got served.
Han 我们刚刚被人摆了一道
At least someone in the diner has.
至少餐厅里还有人被招待
You're lucky your boss is so chill.
你们很幸运 你们的老板这么冷静
Of course you're chill, you're one of Mr. Popper's penguins.
你当然冷了 你是"波普先生的企鹅"中的一只
How about this?
这么着怎么样?
We'll do the jobs you already pay us for
如果你同意假扮我们的律师
if you agree to pretend to be our lawyer.
我们就会完成你付了工钱的工作
You have a suit, right?
你有西装 对吧?
Why would I pretend to be a lawyer?
我为什么要假扮律师?
You can't even pretend to be waitresses.
你们连假扮服务员都不会
No one's gonna believe Han's our lawyer, anyway.
不管怎样 没人会相信Han是我们的律师
He can't pass the bar, he can barely see over one.
他无法通过律师资格考试 他连眼睛都不够吧台高
That's it! I've had it with you two and your non-work ethic.
够了! 我受够你们俩和你们那套不工作的理论了
And this area is for customers.
这里是为顾客服务的
I want these out of here!
我要这些东西出去!
Ow!
嗷!
Uh-oh.
完了
Max?
Max吗?
I suppose I could dig up a suit if that could, somehow,
只要这样做你能忘了我砸你这件事
make this boss striking his employee thing go away.
我想我会想办法翻出套西装来
Max, of course these girls go to Dalby Hall,
Max 这些姑娘当然会去Dalby Hall
all my archenemies did.
我的所有敌人都去了
I guess Lady Gaga won in the end, though.
但是我猜Lady Gaga最后会赢
In other news, I kind of like this eye-patch.
另一则新闻 我有点喜欢这个眼罩
I know you do, you were pretending to be
我知道你喜欢 你刚刚一直在地铁里
the pirate queen of the subway.
假扮海盗女王
Well, no one arrrrrgued with us.
没人敢跟我们撕逼
How long did the eye doctor say you have to keep it on?
眼科医生说你得带着它多长时间?
And by eye doctor, I mean that first-year med student
我说的眼科医生是我们送了免♥费点心给他的
we gave the free dessert to.
那个一年级医学生
A few days, which is a bummer, 'cause only seeing half
难过的日子只有一只眼能看见
of how sad we are is kind of a blessing.
也算是种幸福
How are we gonna find them?
我们要怎么找到她们?
Follow the scent of our decaying T-shirts business?
循着我们没落的衬衫生意的气息吗?
According to Instagram, they're in the cafeteria, see?
根据Instagram 她们在自助餐厅 看见没?
Ashlin just posted a pic of a mini-pizza.
Ashlin刚刚发了一张迷你披萨的照片
#thatpizzalife
#披萨生活
They have mini-pizzas here?
这里有迷你披萨?
My high school didn't even have heat.
我的高中连熟食都没有
Sorry I'm late. I had to pick up a suit
抱歉我迟到了 我得去男士服装大卖场
at the Men's Warehouse.
买套西装
Don't you mean the Not Quite A Man's Warehouse?
你说的是"不完全是男士"服装大卖场吗?
Han, I love your lawyer costume. So authentic.
Han 我喜欢你的律师服 很逼真啊
Only thing missing is the hole where your soul should be.
唯一缺少的就是你的灵魂
Well, as I always say, if you're going to do something...
我一直都说 如果你要做某件事...
Do it with your left hand so it will feel like someone else?
用你的左手做 这样就会觉得是别人做的?
No, if you're going to do something, do it right.
不是 如果你要做某件事 就好好做
Last Halloween, I went as Sprout from the Green Giant commercial
去年万圣节 我扮演的是"绿巨人"广告里的豌豆芽
and I even put pea pods over my pee-pee.
我还把豌豆荚放在我的鸡鸡上
You laugh, but I won $500.
你们笑了 但我赢了五百美元
Okay, I created my own Cease and Desist order.
好了 我写了份自己的停止不正当竞争的命令
Where did you get this?
你从哪儿来的这个?
Same place Max printed out that fake,
和Max打印那份假的
"I don't have herpe" doctor certificate.
"我没有疱疹"的医生证明是同一个地方
It works.
还生效了
And here's your business card.
这是你的名片
Where? Where is it?
哪儿? 在哪儿?
I can't see.
我看不见
Here. And Han, I hope you're a better actor than Max.
给你 Han 我希望你是个比Max更好的演员
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is a better actor than Max.
巨石强森(摔角选手)是个比Max更好的演员
Mr. Lu Su?
鲁诉先生?
That's what you came up with?
这就是你想出来的?
Mr. Lu Su?
鲁诉先生?
Well, you're a lawyer, so the "Su" part is totally on point.
你是个律师 所以"诉"这个字完全符合
But Lu Su?
但是鲁诉?
No Asian was ever named that.
从来没有亚洲人叫这个名字的
Maybe not in this galaxy,
这个星球上也许没有
but might I remind you of a Mr. Sulu.
但我可以提醒你有个苏鲁先生(星际迷航)
Oh, yeah. I mixed it up. Genius!
没错 我把它重组了 天才啊!
Han, you don't have to use the cards.
Han 你不必用这些名片
I can make it work.
我会好好利用的
Two Halloweens ago, I was an Ewok
两年前的万圣节 我扮演的是伊沃克人(星球大战)
and turned an orange bath-towel into a turban.
然后把橙色的浴巾变成了穆♥斯♥林的头巾
Second place. $250.
二等奖 奖金美元
And next Halloween, you can wear that
明年万圣节的时候 你就能穿着那个
and goes as a lesbian minister.
扮成蕾丝边了
Okay, so the plan is, we go in there
好吧 我们这么办 我们进去
and calmly confront them with our attorney.
和我们的律师一起 冷静地和她们对质
I'll do the talking.
我来负责说话
Han, you stand there and try to look smart.
Han 你站着 装作你很聪明就可以了
Ah. I'm already Asian. So, done.
啊 我是个亚洲人 所以这事已经搞定了
Wow, this brings me back.
哇 这让我想起了过去
I had a seat at the popular table, the Debate Team table,
我曾和校园风云人物 辩论队
the Student Council table,
学生会的人
and the Waiting For Marriage table.
还有一起等结婚的人坐过一桌
But that table kind of fell apart
但是那一桌后来就散了
when everybody got pregnant but me.
因为除了我以外 所有人都怀孕了
I ate in the school parking lot with a wino.
我和一个酒鬼在学校的停车场里一起吃饭
He was so nice to me, I thought he might be my dad.
他对我非常好 我还以为他可能是我爸呢
But then he never made a move on me,
但他一直没有对我动手动脚
so I guess he wasn't.
所以看来他不是
Attention everyone, attention.
各位注意一下
Yeah, attention everyone, attention.
是啊 各位注意一下
Ashlin and I are here today to sell our T-shirts
Ashilin和我今天来卖我们的T恤衫
and to talk about bullying and how it's not cool.
并告诉你们 欺负人是件很不好的事
It's so not cool.
太不好了
I was talking, Ash.
我在说话呢 Ash
Yeah, she was talking.
是啊 她在说话呢
Their charity is bullying?
她们是为校园欺凌筹钱?
That's like Kanye West trying to raise money for laying low.
这就好像坎耶·维斯特为低调而筹钱一样
A $3 donation will be made to our anti-bullying fund
每买一件我们的超可爱T恤
with each purchase of one of our super, super cute tees.
就会给我们的反校园欺凌基金捐款3美元
Super, super cute tees.
超级 超级可爱的T恤
My super cute tee!
这是我的超可爱T恤!
Best idea I ever had.
那是我这辈子最好的主意
Right up there with the bong with a chin strap
还有就是一个下巴带
so you could be hands-free to change the channel.
可以让你把手空出来换台
So buy a shirt right now and then we'll be back later
赶紧买一件T恤吧 我们马上回来
for the rest of the anti-bully talk.
继续我们的反校园欺凌演讲
Yeah, buy them or my dad won't pay
是啊 你们要是不买
for the lacrosse equipment this year.
我爸爸今年就不给大家买长曲棍球装备了
Let's go. They are making a fortune on us.
我们走 他们在利用我们赚大钱
And if I'm gonna get screwed, it better be by someone over 21.
如果我要被人搞 那最好也是21岁以上的人
Yeah, that sounds like a job with a two drink minimum.
是啊 这好像只需要两杯酒就可以搞定了
Han, don't mess this up or you'll be eating those glasses.
Han 别把这事搞砸了 否则就让你把这眼镜吃了
Might I interest you in an anti-bullying pamphlet?
你想要反校园欺凌的小册子吗?
Might I interest you in a seat on my finger?
你想坐在我的手指上吗?
Hey, how did you two get in here?
嘿 你们两个怎么进来的?
The school pays guards out front to keep out the homeless.
学校花钱请了门卫 不放流浪汉进来呢
Yeah, well, jokes on you.
是啊 真好笑
'Cause they just let us walk in.
因为他们刚刚就直接让我们走进来了
Hello, girls. You can "Cease and Desis"
你们好啊 小姑娘 你们可以停止
selling our T-shirts as of now.
售卖我们的T恤了
This is our attorney, Mr....
这是我们的律师 他叫...
Lu Su.
鲁诉先生
And he is holding our Cease and Desist
他手里拿着我们的禁止令
to counter your Cease and Desist.
来回应你们的禁止令
Okay, well, first, your lawyer looks like a teacher
好吧 首先 你们的律师看上去像个
on a Disney show.
迪士尼里的老师
Is that a bad thing?
这不好吗?
And if you have anything further to say,
如果你们还想说什么的话
you can take it up with my lawyer. Her dad.
你们可以去找我的律师 也就是她爸爸
And he's real good.
他真的很厉害
He got that CEO guy who admitted he killed his whole family
他用了技术手段帮一个承认自己杀了他全家的
out on a technicality.
首席执行官脱了罪
I forgot how mean girls can be.
我忘了女孩们能有多恶毒了
How? I'm your roommate.
这怎么会? 我可是你室友啊
Thank you, Kemberly. Thank you, Ashlin.
谢谢你 Kemberly 谢谢 Ashilin
A little help.
能帮帮忙吗
Hello, girls, you all look very nice.
姑娘们 你们好 你们看上去人挺好的
What is he doing?
他在干什么?
Hopefully a tight ten and then he'll bring up the headliner.
希望他干得漂亮点 然后就能吸引到人给来个头条
This may be hard to believe, looking at me
也许看着我 穿着这么帅气的西装
in this totally awesome suit,
会很难相信
but I know a little something about being bullied.
我比较了解被欺负的感受
As a little child...
当我还是小孩的时候...
And as a slightly bigger adult.
还是一个稍微大一点的成人
Seriously? In the middle of his bullying speech, you're bullying?
你怎么这样? 他在进行校园欺凌演讲 你还要欺负他?
Kind of surprised even myself.
我自己都有点吃惊
I have someone who bullies me.
有人欺负我
Okay, let's get out of here while I can.
好吧 趁来得及我们先出去
It's not just the hitting and the name-calling.
这不仅仅是打我和叫外号
Although, not gonna lie, that's a real bummer.
虽然 说实话 这很令人沮丧
You see, girls, the bad thing about being bullied
但你们看 姑娘们 被欺负的坏处在于
is that every time it happens, it steals a little piece
你每一次被欺负 生命的一小部分
of who you are.
就会被偷走
And then, if it happens enough, little by little,
反复多次之后 一点一点的
you become just a little less of who you were meant to be.
你就会变得不如你能成为的那种人
And that's not cool.
而这很不好
And these two girls up here, without knowing it, I'm sure,
这里的两个女孩虽然还没意识到 但我相信
stole a little piece of Max and Caroline.
她们在偷走Max和Caroline的创意时
when they stole their little idea.
也偷走了她们生命中的一小部分东西
And that's so not cool.
而那也很不好
Yeah, that's so not cool.
是啊 那太不好了
Max, Caroline, we'll stop making the shirts.
Max 还有Caroline 我们不会再做这些衬衫了
Ash, I never said that.
Ash 我可没这么说过
Ah, no, Kemberly. I did.
不 Kemberly 我说了
And I liked you more before the lap-band.
而且我更喜欢接受胃束带手术之前的你
When you were still Kimberly with an "I."
当时你的名字还是带I的Kimberly
Max, did Han just save us?
Max 刚刚Han是不是救了我们?
I wasn't listening, I was putting mini-pizzas
我没在听 我忙着把小披萨
in my pocket.
偷装进口袋呢
Girls, your shift started minutes ago.
姑娘们 你们四十分钟之前就该开始上班了
What are you doing here so early?
Earl 我们有好消息 现在我们是
Earl, good news. We are now the sole owners
你们那么早来干什么?
of all those cupcake T-shirts.
纸杯蛋糕T恤的唯一销售商了
And, literally, nothing else.
我们也没别的东西了
Maybe I could rent a parrot and pick up some shifts
也许我可以租一只鹦鹉 然后去
at Long John Silver's.
梅因餐馆上几天班
Hey, girls.
嘿 姑娘们
I'm about to meet another wedding planner.
我马上就要见一个新的婚礼策划了
And this one's gonna be good!
这个人会很棒的!
He's gay.
他是同性恋
Sophie Kuchenski?
Sophie Kuchenski吗?
Yes, God!
是啊 天啊!
From the second I walked in here, I said to myself,
我刚走进这里 我就对自己说
"That has to be her." And I can see it.
"那肯定是她" 我看得出来
We're going to make magic together.
我们要一起创造魔法了
Yeah, what's gay for no?
是啊 同性恋怎么说不?
Okay.
好吧
Wow, I think we just survived a "Torgaydo""
哇 我感觉我们刚刚经历了一场"同卷风"
Where am I gonna find another gay wedding planner
我现在在纽约去哪里再找一个同性恋
in New York now?
婚礼策划啊?
Just throw a tantrum in a Crate & Barrel,
在Crate & Barrel家装店发一次脾气
and five of them will come running.
就会有五个跑着过来了
Hey, nice legal work today.
嘿 今天法律工作干得不错
You should be on the Little People's Court.
你都能上儿童法庭了
Yeah, from now on, I'm calling you "Hanny Cochran""
是啊 从现在开始 我要叫你Han大律师了
Okay. Next time you want to thank me,
好吧 下次你们想感谢我
just send me an Edible Arrangement.
就给我送一份爱蒂宝甜点吧
I don't know many times I have to drop that hint.
我都不知道暗示你们多少次了
But that's just, like, a two-inch drop.
但那就好像是个两英寸的暗示了
Sorry. I can't help myself.
对不起 我忍不住
But I'm going to try because I know I was the bully
但我还是想问问看 因为我知道我就是
you were talking about in that speech.
你在那个演讲里说的那个欺负你的人
What? I was talking about the doorwoman in my building.
什么? 我说的是我那栋大楼的门房
I have to submit to a purple-nurple
我每次要拿邮件
just to get my mail.
都得被揪奶头
There's another woman?
你还有别的女人?
Max, I think Han has a side bully.
Max 我觉得Han有个二房
Well, I'll just have to try harder.
好吧 那看来我得更努力了
Because if anyone is gonna mercilessly nurple you
因为如果有人要揪你的奶头
into an early grave, it's got to be me.
那也得是我
I'd like to think so, Max.
我也想这样 Max
You'd also like to ride in a car facing forwards.
你还想坐车头朝前的车呢
Back to normal.
又是老样子