挑选伴娘服

Oleg, the people at Table Two
Oleg 二号桌的客人问
want to know what's in the veggie burger.
蔬菜汉堡里都放了些什么
No. They don't.
他们不会想知道的
Eh. That's fine.
呃 没关系
They wanted refills, so I'm probably not
他们想要续杯 所以我大概
gonna go back there anyway.
不会再去那桌了
Where's Max?
Max呢?
This plate has been here so long,
这盘菜已经放了很久了
the salmon is turning into Salmonella.
三文鱼都要变沙门菌了
She took a break with the new dishwasher.
她和新的洗碗工去休息了
Max, I thought you slipped out the back.
Max 我以为你从后门溜出去了
He did for a minute, but I popped him back in.
他的确溜出了我的后门 但我把他塞回去了
This just in, work is so much more fun
我得说 和同事上床之后
when you're sleeping with a co-worker.
工作就变得有趣多了
Max, that was good.
Max 刚才太爽了
It was five Hail Marys good.
和连诵五遍圣母经一样爽
I think we made these dishes dirtier.
我觉得我们把盘子弄得更脏了
Max, he's cute, but how can you even stay hard with that accent?
Max 他的确可爱 但对着那口音 你怎么硬得起来?
"Come here, Max. I wanna hump ya a wee bit".
"过来 Max 我要和你嘿咻一把"
What can I say, I always had a thing
只能说 我一向很喜欢
for the guy on the box of Lucky Charms.
幸运符麦片盒子上的男孩子
Hey, everybody.
大家好
Look, I got me a Fitbit.
瞧 我买了个运动腕带
13 14 15
十三 十四 十五...
Only , more steps before I get a bit more fit
再走二十万步 我就能在婚礼上
for my wedding.
显得苗条一点
That's impressive.
真厉害
I couldn't even make it through steps.
我连十二步都走不了
Hey, Max.
嘿 Max
How's my maid of honor?
我的伴娘今天好吗?
Hey, Caroline.
嘿 Caroline
How's my run-of-the-mill wedding guest?
我毫不出众的婚礼嘉宾今天好吗?
I'm doing great. Did that sound convincing?
我很好 你信吗?
'Cause I've been practicing it in the bathroom mirror
因为我每天早上都要在浴室镜子前
for an hour every morning.
练习这句话一个小时
I know, I've got to stop sitting on the toilet
我知道 因为你一练习
while you do that.
我就得从马桶上起来
Max, let's talk bridesmaid dresses.
Max 我们商量下伴娘裙的事
I don't care, I'll wear anything.
我无所谓 穿什么都可以
I wore a Greyhound Bus driver's uniform to my prom.
我穿了件灰狗长途车司机的制服去参加的毕业舞会
I was coming straight from work.
因为我是下班直接过去的
Well, I have decided to wear
我决定穿
Grandma Kuchenski's wedding gown.
祖母的结婚礼服
Yeah, all of the women in my family wore it.
我家所有女人都穿那件出嫁的
Everyone except aunts Svetti and Letti,
除了Svetti和Letti阿姨
'cause, well, they're attached at the abdomen.
因为她们是连体儿
There she is.
你来了
The hot sauce for my Huevos Mancheros.
让我男式火腿更添味道的宝贝
Hey, Sophie, baby, I got you what you want.
嘿 Sophie宝贝 我弄到你想要的东西了
Oleg, no one wants Hepatitis.
Oleg 没人想要肝炎病菌
It's official.
定下了
Our wedding's gonna be in The Times.
我们的婚礼会被登上纽♥约♥时♥报
Oleg, how are you gonna be in The Times?
Oleg 你怎么可能上纽♥约♥时♥报?
The Times tends to be picky
纽♥约♥时♥报很挑剔的
and you tend to be more "picky your nose."
而且你只喜欢挖鼻孔
You know, my second wedding made The Times.
要知道 我的第二次婚礼就上了纽♥约♥时♥报
'Cause my first wife showed up and shot me in the leg.
因为我的第一任妻子朝我的腿开了一枪
That's Vlanka, my sister.
是我妹妹Vlanka发来的
She's my other bridesmaid.
她是另一个伴娘
Yeah, we're not that close, but I feel bad for her
我们的确关系不亲密 但我很同情她
'cause she's one of those adults with freckles.
因为她长大了 脸上还是有雀斑
Max, you're going to be in The Times!
Max 你要上纽♥约♥时♥报了!
In The Times, wearing God knows what Sophie will pick.
但得穿Sophie挑的衣服上纽♥约♥时♥报
I mean, she has a drawer full of diamond tiaras for the gym.
我是说 她有一抽屉健身时候戴的钻石冠冕
Hello, what are you two talking about?
嘿 你们俩在聊什么?
Deciding which tables to ignore?
决定忽略哪几桌的客人吗?
We're talking about Sophie's taste.
我们在说Sophie的品味
Oh, bitch, please. Come on.
两位毒舌婊 拜托
My morning fiber cookie has better taste than Sophie.
我的早餐纤维曲奇都好过Sophie
Girls, Vlanka's out.
姑娘们 Vlanka下岗了
She has an attitude and freckles.
她在闹情绪 脸上还有雀斑
Yeah. I mean, that's too far.
我知道 这些八竿子打不着
So, Caroline, congratulations!
所以 恭喜Caroline!
You're my new bridesmaid!
你是我的新伴娘!
Okay, I found a bridesmaid's dress that I like.
好了 我找到条喜欢的伴娘裙
But the only way we can afford it is if I sell you
但要想买得起 我只能把你卖给
to that Armenian guy on Craigslist.
分类广告网上的那个亚美尼亚人
No way.
没门
I get sick of hummus after four bites.
我最多只能吃四口鹰嘴豆泥
Max, we have to take charge of this.
Max 我们得掌控局面
Because whatever bridesmaid's dress Sophie picks
因为无论Sophie挑怎样的伴娘裙
is like a Tyler Perry movie.
都会像泰勒·派瑞演的电影里的
泰勒·派瑞: 美国演员 导演 编剧
I don't have to see it to know it's gonna be awful.
我不用看都知道肯定很糟糕
We'll find something classy, and beautiful,
我们得找些经♥典漂亮的裙子
and just shove it down her throat.
然后直接塞给她
Who's shoving what down whom?
是谁要给谁塞什么呀?
And if you don't have a story, I do.
如果你们没经历 我有哦
John, Max and I got roped into being bridesmaids.
John 我和Max被绑去当伴娘了
Stop.
别说了
You had me at rope.
捆绑我喜欢
You lost me at bridesmaids.
但我不喜欢伴娘
I'll be at the hostess stand, looking at dresses
我去前台站着看礼服了
and silently wishing for an asteroid
然后默默希望有颗小行星
to wipe us off the planet.
能把我们从地球上抹去
If wishes made things happen, we'd been in the middle
如果希望都能成真 那我们现在
of a zombie apocalypse right now.
就会被一群僵尸围着了
Hey, girls.
姑娘们好
My dress just arrived from Poland
我的礼服从波兰送过来了
and I'm bustin' for you to see it.
我很想让你们看看
See it while I eat one of your $ puddings.
你们慢慢看 我在一边吃个十四刀的布丁
Sophie, I've been looking at color choices,
Sophie 我考虑了一下伴娘服的颜色
and how would you feel about us in a nude?
你觉得我们穿裸色的伴娘裙如何?
Max could go nude but you don't have the rack to pull it off.
Max裸着还行 可是你没什么好裸的啊
Does anyone have a knife?
有人有刀吗?
Max, why do you have a switchblade
Max 你在甜品站工作
to work in a dessert bar?
带着把弹簧刀干什么?
My mother always told me to carry protection.
我妈一直教育我说要做好保护措施
Wait till you see Grandma Kuchenski's dress.
等着看Kuchenski祖母的婚纱吧
They don't make them like they used to.
虽然做工也许大不如前了
You know, forced gypsy labor is illegal now.
你懂的 现在强迫吉普赛劳工干活是违法的
Here we go.
好了 瞧
- Oh. - Uh...
- 呕 - 额...
Sophie, was your grandma the Crypt Keeper?
Sophie 你祖母是看守地窖的吗?
What's going on out here?
这里什么发生了什么?
What's all that white powder in the air?
空中飘着这么多白色粉末是什么情况?
I'm trying to run a restaurant, not an 's disco.
我开的是餐厅 不是年代的迪厅
Oh, put a sock in it.
哦 闭上你的嘴吧
I'm buying one of your freaking overpriced puddings.
我可是消费了你那迷之昂贵的糕点的
I'd get mad but I'm mildly attracted to you right now.
我本该生气 但我现在有点儿喜欢你了
Just mildly?
才一点点?
I mean, now I'm getting mad.
老娘这下生气了
Sorry. Wedding drama.
对不起 都是婚礼惹的祸
Her dress just fell completely to pieces...
她的婚纱刚刚碎成一片片的...
like I'm assuming I'll do in the near future.
就像我预想着未来的自己也支离破碎
Whatever you need bridal,
任何跟婚礼有关的东西
go to Rosenfeld's in Brooklyn.
都能在布鲁克林的那家婚
That's where I got my dress when I was broke and straight.
在我破产又喜欢男人的时候就在那里买的婚纱
So you weren't always into women?
所以说你不是一直喜欢女人的吗?
Of course I was.
我当然一直喜欢的女人
Except those three years in Scientology.
除了在我信奉科学教的那三年
Well, it looks like the three of us
好吧 看来我们三个
are going to go dress shopping now.
要一起去淘点伴娘裙了
Yeah. And you know, I got to go wash my hands
哦 我必须要先去洗个手
'cause they're covered in old lady DNA.
它们上面沾满了老女人的死皮
Well, that's that.
好吧 就这样咯
Shopping with Sophie is like when I worked
和Sophie一起购物 就像是我之前
in a Thai massage parlor.
在泰式按♥摩店工作那样
We are going down.
我们要完蛋了
Not if we go before Sophie
除非我们比Sophie先去那家店
and hide every ugly bridesmaid's dress that Sophie would like.
把所有她会看上的难看伴娘裙都藏起来
If she can't see them, she can't make us wear them.
只要别让她看到 她就不会让咱们穿了
How did you come up with that so fast?
你脑子怎么转得这么快?
It's the same plan I used in
当我年为切尔西·克林顿(前总统克林顿女儿)
when I was a bridesmaid for Chelsea Clinton.
当伴娘的时候用的也是这招
Bad dress and then her father followed me into the coat room.
难看的伴娘裙 然后她爸还尾随我进了更衣室
Oh, wow.
哦 哇哦
Look at this place.
瞧瞧这里
It reminds me of that movie.
它让我想起了一部电影
- Bridesmaids? - No, Nightmare on Elm Street.
- 是"伴娘"吗? - 不是 是"猛鬼街"
I don't know what you're worried about, Caroline.
Caroline我实在不知道你有什么可担心的
I think they're all quite lovely.
我觉得这些婚纱挺漂亮的
Nash, please.
Nash 拜托
You're a poor person from Ireland.
你就是一爱尔兰穷小子
I'll ask your opinion when I need to know where to go
等我想要申请免♥费的腿支架时
to get free leg braces.
我会向你咨询
You were right, Max.
你是对的 Max
She can be a real "B" sometimes.
她有时候确实挺贱的
I'm sorry, but I don't even know why he's here.
抱歉 但我真不知道他为啥也跟着来
Bonin' O'Brien here...
这位山寨版的奥伯里恩
is gonna distract the sales lady
能够帮我们拖住那些女销售
while we hide the ugly dresses.
好让我们去把难看的伴娘裙藏起来
你们好 女士们 Hello, ladies.
Same plan.
计划不变
Who's the lucky bride?
哪位是幸运的新娘?
Or should I say, who's the lucky cradle robber?
或许我该说 哪位有幸地吃到小鲜肉了?
Don't mind me.
别管我
It's just my crazy sense of humor.
我的幽默感太澎湃了
Oh, the ladies here love it.
这里的女士们都爱死我的幽默感
The call me "Crazy Carl."
她们管我叫"狂野Carl"
"Did you hear what Crazy Carl said?"
"你刚听到狂野Carl说什么了吗?"
They just love it.
她们就是爱死我了
I'm Caroline.
我是Caroline
This is Max and he isn't the groom.
这是Max 而他不是新郎
No, no, no.
没错
He's single and gay. Yes.
他是一个单身同性恋
So gay, he got kicked out of One Direction.
太弯了 以至于他被单向组合乐队给踢了出来
Why don't you two walk off somewhere
你们俩何不出去走走
and share poignant coming-out stories.
聊聊辛酸的出柜史呢
Go.
快去
- But Max... - Oh, you heard the women, go.
- 但是Max... - 哦 听话 快去吧
Can do.
倒也可以
Ladies, look around, we'll be back...
女士们 你们随便看看 我们...
in about a month.
一个月后回来
Tahiti anyone?
有人想去大溪地度假吗
I'm just Crazy Carl.
我就是如此疯狂的Carl
The ladies love it.
女士们爱死我了
Bridesmaid's dresses should be called what they are.
好的伴娘服就该有伴娘服的样子
Really expensive donations to Goodwill.
捐给慈善机构的昂贵捐赠啊
Is this one bad?
这件丑吗?
No. That's a Vera Wang.
开玩笑 这件可是国际名牌
But this is a very wrong.
但是这件 绝对不行
Hide it.
藏起来
Ew. And it's evil twin.
咦 还有一个一样丑的姐妹装
Oh, I didn't know Hazmat suits came with feathers.
哦 居然还有带着羽毛的救生衣
Oh my God.
天啊
This the worst thing I've ever seen.
这是我见过的最可怕的东西了
And I've seen a prostitute change her tampon
我甚至见过一个妓♥女在人行道上
on the sidewalk.
换卫生棉
Who are you calling a prostitute?
你叫谁妓♥女呢?
This, we've got to hide.
快 我们一定得把这件藏起来
I can't get this dress off.
我脱不下来
Just tell it you work at Google
只要跟她说 你在谷歌工作
and you're thinking of settling down.
而且你想定居下来 就会有人帮你脱衣服了
Lift it up. Lift it up. Dump it back there.
抬起来 抬起来啊 把她丢进去
Stop!
住手!
You put Butterscotch Betty down.
把可爱的黄油贝蒂放下来
Oh, we were just looking for a price tag.
哦 我们只是在找价格标签
I know what's going on here.
我知道你们在干什么
You're hiding the good dresses
你们想把漂亮衣服藏起来
to make sure no one else can get them
让别人找不到 好等到我们明天
at our annual half-off sale tomorrow.
年度半价活动之时来抢购
Yeah, that's what we're doing.
没错 我们就是这么打算的
We're hiding the good dresses.
我们要把漂亮衣服藏起来
In fact, I just caught another Sneaky Sue.
其实 我刚还抓到另一个人也是这样
Oh, I'm Sophie.
哦 就是我 Sophie
Oh, wow, wow, wow.
哦 哇 哇 哇
Oh, look at the color.
哦 看看这个颜色
That's not color. That's radiation.
那不是颜色 那是辐射
That dress is a one of a kind.
这件裙子是独一无二的
Meaning there's only one?
就是说 只有一件?
No, we have two.
不 我们有两件
And I have two bridesmaids!
我正好有两个伴娘!
I love it when life works out perfect like this.
生活如此完美 我真是太开心了
Look at this place.
看看这个地方吧
There are more desperate women crammed in here
这么多绝望的女人挤在这
than the splash zone at a Kenny Chesney concert.
比肯尼·切斯尼演唱会飞溅区的人还要多
I know. It's like Black Friday at Walmart
没错 就跟沃尔玛的黑色星期五一样
And like Black Friday, hopefully someone will trample me.
我宁肯在踩踏事件中丧生
Cause thanks to these dresses, my life is over.
多亏了那些裙子 我的人生就这么完蛋了
Max, did you hear me?
Max 你在听我说话吗?
My life is over.
我的人生完蛋了
You said that when the Chinese food place
那次中国餐厅忘了给你鸭酱
forgot the duck sauce.
你就是这么说的
Well, I'm sorry, but I had a whole other scenario planned
好吧 对不起 我只是想以一个全新的形象
for my return to The Times.
重返时代杂志
"Entrepreneur rises from the ashes."
"重振旗鼓的女强人"
Now, I'm just going to be in The Times,
可现在 我只能像小丑一样
looking like a stupid ash.
出现在杂志里
Shoot, girl, just push on through.
往前挤啊 大姐 给点力啊
I'm pushing, girl. I am pushing.
我正在挤呢 我在挤啊
Excuse us.
借过
Excuse us.
借过
Excuse us.
借过
Just go, girl.
往前走啊 大姐
I don't want anybody else to get those
我可不想别人把那两件
two yellow dresses.
黄色裙子抢走
Max, did you hear that?
Max 你听见了吗?
Someone has worst taste than Sophie.
有人比Sophie的品味还差
Now we just have to hang back here
我们躲到她们后面去
and let them get to those dresses first.
让她们先把裙子买了
Yay! My life is good again.
耶! 我的人生又重见天日了
Max, Caroline, up here.
Max Caroline 这里
What was that, like, a second?
什么 只让我开心一秒吗?
I saved you a space upfront.
我给你们占位子了
Come on.
快过来
Well, it's over.
好吧 看来没希望了
As soon as they cut that ribbon,
一旦他们剪下缎带 开始营业
Sophie's going to Marshawn Lynch everyone who
Sophie就要把任何挡在我们和
gets in the way of us and those dresses.
黄色裙子中间的人给撂倒了
There's only one way out of this.
只有一个办法
And you called it earlier.
就是你刚才提到的
You have to let them trample you.
你得制造一起踩踏事件
I'm serious.
我是认真的
I'm not about to be trampled on purpose.
我才不要故意摔倒被人踩呢
See if you still feel that way
如果听见下面这些话
after I say these next few words:
你会做何感想
"Pictured from left, Caroline Channing."
"图中左一 Caroline Channing"
Try to fend off any heels you see heading for my eyes.
把那些试图往我眼睛上踩的高跟鞋推开
Attention, ladies.
注意了 女士们
As you see, I have the big scissors,
如你们所见 我手上有一把大剪刀
which can only mean it's time...
也就意味着 是时候...
to trim some nose hairs!
剪鼻毛啦!
That Carl is crazy.
真是疯狂的Carl
The annual bridal sale...
年度婚纱特价销售活动...
- is now... - Max, hold my hand.
- 现在... - Max 抓住我的手
Open!
开幕!
Ladies, ladies, one at a time.
女士们 女士们 一次一件
Oh!
哦!
Well, I may be limping down the aisle,
虽然我是蹒跚着走完过道的
but at least I won't be limping in something Swiffer might sell
但至少我不是在速易洁清洁公司卖的
to dust off ceiling fans.
吊扇除尘器下走过
Oh, my God, girl! here she comes!
天啊! 她来了!
Here she comes.
她来了
My girl, Rhonda, had that dress first.
我朋友Rhonda 她先拿到裙子的
Oh, your girl is gonna have to
哦 你们必须
pry it out of my cold, dead hands.
从我冰冷的死亡之手里把它撬出来
Hey, Max, Caroline!
嘿 Max Caroline!
Try it on! Try it on!
试穿它! 试穿它!
Follow me to the changing room.
请跟我来更衣室
I'm never coming out in this dress, I'm scared.
我不要穿着这条裙子出去 我害怕
So on the count of one, two...
我数 一 二...
Maybe it's not that bad.
也许没那么糟
It's bad.
很糟
Okay. So you're telling me,
好吧 告诉我
Versace got murdered,
范哲思被杀了
范哲思1978年创立Versace奢侈品牌1997年被谋杀
but no one's taken out whoever made these?
却没有人把设计这衣服的人杀了?
I know.
我懂
I feel like Tweety Bird is gonna sue us
我感觉翠迪鸟要起诉我们
黄色小鸟的卡通形象由华纳出品
for copyright infringement.
侵权了啊
I feel like we should have giant toilet paper rolls under here.
我感觉我们应该在下面放巨型的厕所卷纸
Well, maybe we'll like these better
也许没有这强光之后
when we're out of this bright light.
我们会更喜欢这衣服
Max, we are the bright light.
Max 这强光就是我们自己
Ladies, you forgot the matching hats.
女士们 你们把配套的帽子给忘了
There's more?
还有吗?
Oh, if anyone finds a Xanax, it's mine.
对了 要是有人发现一片赞安诺 那是我的
赞安诺一般用于治疗焦虑和失眠
It was knocked out of my hand by two women duking it out
两个女人争夺一条印花鱼尾裙时
over a chintz mermaid dress.
药片在我手里被撞掉了
Oh, now it looks good.
哦 现在好看了
There's Xanax on the loose and I'm just standing here?
赞安诺在外逍遥 我却站在这里?
At least if I was high, I'd have an excuse to be wearing this.
除了我磕高了 我才有理由穿这种衣服
Here pilly, pilly.
药啊 药啊 到这儿来
Here pilly, pilly, pilly.
药啊 药啊 到这儿来
Girl, for real, you look like straight up crap
妹子 说真的 你们穿上这裙子
in that dress.
真是烂透了
For real.
真的
You white girls can't pull that color off.
你们白人女孩撑不起这种颜色
That's a waste of poppin' lemon yellow.
真是浪费了耀眼的柠檬黄
I know.
我知道
I am way too white for this.
我太白了 不能穿这个
She's also too white to say "turnt up" all the time,
她也因为太白了而无法一直学黑人说"畅饮"
but that hasn't stopped her.
但她还是会说
This dress was not my choice.
这条裙子不是我选的
I hate everything about it.
我一点也不喜欢它
This is a disaster.
这就是个灾难
This is "Dressageddon."
这就是"末日裙子"
Yeah, but in a good way.
对 但这是褒义
You two don't want to wear the dresses.
你们俩不想穿这条裙子
You don't have to.
你们不一定要穿
But I thought you wanted us to match
可我以为你想要我们
the balloons and the ducks.
跟气球和鸭子搭配
Max, she said we don't have to wear the dress.
Max 她说我们不必穿这裙子
Don't question her!
别质疑她!
That's like questioning a prison guard
就像在监狱的守卫说你可以走了时
when he says you're free to go.
你却在质疑他一样
Sophie, are you sure you don't care?
Sophie 你确定你不介意吗?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
是啊 当然
Yeah, they're all yours, Destiny's Child.
裙子是你们的了 命运的宠儿
This is ten pounds of ugly junk.
这丑陋的垃圾货有十磅重
Reminds me of this bartender, Pete, I used to date.
让我想起我曾经约会过的酒保Pete
Come to think of it, that made me gag, too.
仔细想想 那也把我噎住了
Okay. Done.
好了 搞定
Listen, crying in a women's dressing room?
你听 女更衣室里有哭声?
Whoever it is, girl, big butts are in.
不管你是谁 姑娘 知心大妈来了
That's Sophie's cry.
那是Sophie的哭声
I know, 'cause I hear it through the vent
我知道 是因为她在看"下一站歌后"时
when she watches Nashville.
我从通风口听到过
Sophie?
Sophie 是你吗?
No.
不是
Are you okay?
你还好吗?
It's not me, but I'm okay.
不是我 但我没事
Sophie, why are you crying?
Sophie 你为什么哭?
When I heard what you said about the dresses...
我听到你们对那裙子的评论时...
It's just...
只是...
It's almost, kind of like,
就是 有点像是
you think I have bad taste or something.
你们觉得我品味很差之类的
No.
不
Caroline thinks you have great taste.
Caroline觉得你品味很棒
She does?
是吗?
Well, then she should say so.
那她就应该这样说啊
Now.
马上
Well, Sophie, I think you have your own unique style.
Sophie 我觉得你有自己独特的风格
And I think...
我觉得...
that I didn't hear the words "great" or "taste."
我没有听见"很好"或者"品味"这些词
Sophie, what do you even care what I think?
Sophie 你介意我的想法干嘛?
Just say it!
你就直说吧!
Sophie, I think you have great taste.
Sophie 我觉得你品味很好
You do?
真的吗?
Then, what are we doing sitting here?
那我们还坐在这儿干嘛?
Let's go and get those dresses back!
我们去把裙子拿回来!
Come on. Help me!
快 帮我!
Those other girls already took them.
裙子已经被别的姑娘拿走了
What?
什么?
Well, at least we don't have to wear those ugly,
至少我们不用再婚礼上穿着
yellow bridesmaid dresses at the wedding.
那些难看的黄色伴娘裙了
Yup. Now, you only have to wear
是啊 现在 你只需要
ugly, yellow dresses here, every night.
每晚在这里穿难看的黄色裙子
This is the best thing that's happened to me
自从我意识到我手臂上的怪痣
since I realized that weird mole on my arm was just a Grape-Nut
是葡萄果仁麦片 而不是癌症
这是我遇到最好的事了 and not cancer.
Girls, great news.
姑娘们 好消息
You stuffed Han in the microwave
你们把Han塞进了微波炉
and you're ready to hit power?
现在准备插电了吗?
Come on. We've tried.
拜托 我们试过了
You know he doesn't fit.
你知道他进不去的
The one thing he's too big for.
这是唯一让他显得体积太大的东西
No, I got Ilia Jorbich to be our wedding photographer.
不 我请了Ilia Jorbich来当我们的婚礼摄影师
He's the best photographer at The Warsaw Times.
他是华沙时报最好的摄影师
Well, he's the only one who still has both arms.
也是唯一还有两条手臂的人
Wait, it's the Warsaw Times?
等等 是华沙时报吗?
All this time, I've been thinking
这么久以来 我一直以为是
it was The New York Times.
纽♥约♥时♥报
New York Times?
纽♥约♥时♥报?
This is much more exclusive.
我这个更加独家好吗
You can only get it in two places.
你只能在两个地方找到它
Poland and the deli in New Jersey that sells missiles.
波兰以及新泽西州卖导弹的熟食店
This is amazing.
太不可思议了
My comeback in The New York Times
我在纽♥约♥时♥报的复出
has been preserved.
被保存下来了
Max, I'm gonna go ahead and smile.
Max 我要微笑着继续前进
My life is good again.
我的生活又美好了
Don't smile yet, 'cause Sophie told me
先别笑 因为Sophie跟我说
that because you said she had such good taste,
因为你说她品味很好
she's designing our dresses herself.
她正亲自设计我们的裙子
What was that, like a second?
什么 只能开心一秒钟?
Yup. You just went from the best of times
是的 你刚刚从最好的时报
to The Warsaw Times.
走到了华沙时报