Hot food from a hot man.
Max a woman in my section wants to know
if we do anything gluten free.
What do I tell her?
Tell her she's not allergic to gluten
she's just masking an eating disorder.
Look alive people.
Club sandwich burger medium
and a shrimp salad for the gamblin' man.
I asked for salt and pepper.
I wanted mayonnaise and mustard.
You forgot my diet soda.
I'm sorry I'll be right back with
Never doubt me.
Here's my last check Earl.
Look here Max.
That lady just slipped me her number.
Like i need another menopausal white woman
scratchin' at my window like a cat in heat.
God I love money.
I know I'm so sorry it broke up with you.
Look! This week's new Ipad just came out.
Spread the words.
I saw that on the wire.
Max three weeks in a row
you have not yet accepted my request to be a Facebook friend.
Max? I am talking to you.
I didn't hear you I have my earbuds in.
What are these?
Okay you had to bust a move and get "the truth" on my ass?
Fine let's go there.
Han I'm never gonna be your Facebook friend.
Hard to hear.
Well I accepted you Han.
没关系 我加了你 憨
Yes thank you. You make my heart sing.
Hurts me still.
That was like watching someone club a baby seal.
Why wouldn't you just say yes to his friend request?
Because I never check Facebook why would I?
So some girl I worked at a movie theater with in 2005
can tell me it's raining and she's "totes bummed?"
能给我留言 今天下雨 她"灰常郁闷"吗
Caroline! Better check Facebook page.
Maybe someone just post on your wall.
"Han Lee has tagged you in 25 photos?"
Wanna borrow my seal club yet?
I've lost like 300 Facebook friends since my father was arrested.
Well your father's probably made that many new friends in prison
so it all evens out.
Okay ready to go?
Do we have to? It's so hot outside.
When did heat get so hot?
Stop fighting it just give in to it.
I don't know why I'm quoting a rapist.
Can't we just stay a little bit longer? We don't have any A.C. At home.
I have an A.C. You girls can use.
You have an air conditioner that works?
Oh it works.
That's like an A.C. That just had salami.
There's more salami where that came from.
And my feet hurt.
Well you gotta stop wearing those stilts and get a pair of skechers
like normal broke ass waitresses.
Skechers? How dare you.
Besides I can't afford new shoes.
These cost $900.
Well then that's not pain that's karma.
Look I will help you out okay?
I know a place we can go that has designer things at good prices.
Like a Barney's Warehouse?
Welcome to my place!
We're shopping at the Goodwill?
You led me to believe we were real shopping.
I couldn't wait to see your face when you saw this place.
Do the face again.
I love it!爽♥死♥我♥了
Okay what's that smell?
It's gonna be your smell from now on.
Now pay attention I know where the good stuff is.
I know where the good stuff is.
Madison and 57th.
Clever bitches hide stuff they want to come back and buy
'cause sometimes they don't have $3 to buy it at the time.
Who doesn't have $3?
Last week I hid a dope vintage blazer
in the back of a nightstand and
Six bucks clever bitch. Bang bang!
六块钱 心机女 手到擒来
All right well we're here. I'm gonna make the best of it
好吧 既然都来了 我就好好淘淘吧
but first I need a basket without a sno cone in it.
Not for day to day but at the country club.
You're kidding but you're right.
When you find something check the pockets for pills.
At a thrift store downtown
I found a purple one once and took it.
Fell asleep for eight hours.
That was my vacation that year.
I can't believe I just said "yay" in Goodwill.
Look don't freak. Shoes can be funky
but I have a special spray at home that makes them like new.
Did you get it from a wizard?
Oh my God.
Oh my God these Brian Atwoods were mine.
I donated these to charity
'cause I was photographed wearing them twice.
Okay they were $800 when I bought them now they're $8?
Oh my god.
I've been reduced.
I'm sorry it just all became so real to me.
I mean I can't believe it.
Didn't you see me crying?
Lots of people cry at Goodwill.
You go to France you eat snails. You come here you cry.
That's odd you didn't even react.
You need to react when people cry.
I did I rolled my eyes.
Look eventually you'll learn to do that on the inside.
Okay well just FYI
when i used to cry in front of my other girlfriends
they'd be like "what you cryin' about C line? "
她们会说 小琳琳 你在哭什么呢
Look at you girl you're fierce you got your glam on.
Are your girlfriends black drag queens?
Oh awesome Strokes tee.
I went to this concert but I couldn't afford the shirt.
Oh we're done with me.
I went to see them on this tour the summer after my junior year.
It was a really warm night and I snuck out of the house
and we all ma ahem.
What did something great happen the night you got the T?
Look at me does it look like something great ever happens?
Hey cute tee. Had my eye on it.
I was just bringin' my girl back to see it.
She was in the bathroom.
I had to throw up.
So hand it over. You know the rule.
Turn the back on the rack you're under attack.
That's not me that's the law of the 'will.
Yeah you better walk away.
That was intense.
Just another Wednesday at the 'will.
You said to look in things right?
Max look. On my first try!
麦克斯 瞧 初战告捷
Ooh slick. Whoever hid those is gonna be pissed.
Fabric sturdy no mysterious crotch stains
nice work Nancy Drew.
And look they're designer.
Summer 2009. $350.
And for me today...
$5. That's a reduction I like.
$5 $5 $5 $5...
五块钱 五块钱 五块钱
How are you Max?
I'm good how's your mom doin'?
Good. She really appreciated the cupcakes you made her.
Hi Maria I'm Caroline Max's friend.
你好 玛丽亚 我是麦克斯的朋友卡洛琳
Any way we can get the price down a bit for these?
I think $8 is steep
considering their condition.
I happen to know the heel has been replaced.
I cannot believe you're trying to shoe her down.
I can do $6. Deal.
Oh you happy? You haggled a charity.
You're turning Goodwill into bad will.
My T shirt's gone.
It's not here.
I bet it was that Puerto Rican girl
who was who was eyeing it.
Maria can we call security?
I'm sure one of the cameras must have captured the theft.
It's gone Caroline.
She must have stolen it while I was watching you
do your stupid $5 dance.
I didn't turn my back on the rack why am I under attack?
See this is why I shop alone
this is why I eat alone
this is why I'm leaving alone.
Maria I'll pay for these.
You don't have to box themyou can just use tissue paper.
Even as I'm saying this I know it's not gonna happen.
Hot as a mother right?
So hot so take off all your clothes
I am gettin' so hot
I'm gonna take my clothes off
You might want to keep your voice down.
This building has three registered sex offenders.
It's gettin' hot in here
So leave all that Strokes tee shirt drama behind
Come on it's our night off.
Let's go get drunk in air conditioning.
We won't even have to pay for drinks.
These "shotes" is gonna pay for our drinks.
You are literally a $5 whore right now.
I thought I told you to keep your dumb tragic ass out of here.
The only thing that isn't tragic about me is my ass.
And who's the blonde bony skank?
Dude she's not in on this.
I'm so sorry Miss. I'm Johnny I'm Max's friend.
抱歉 女士 我是麦克斯的朋友强尼
I'm Caroline. I'm freaked out.
This is something we do.
To remind us of our families.
Excuse me for a second.
These guys tip more if I high five 'em when we talk about chicks.
Vagina! Yeah!阴♥道 万岁
Girl your bartender friend is cute.
Look at those arms. Nice guns.
He's not just a bartender this dude is legit.
He's a street artist goes by "Jpeg".
Well right now he's cutting up limes and cleaning glasses.
Well you're an heiress
who's slinging burnt hash and stale toast.
Touche. Douch ay.
These are from the gentleman with a sweet note
"nice ass nice rack."
If that's your tequila noise
God knows what your orgasm sounds like.
Same face no sound.
Oh my God.
I can't believe it it's the girl from the 'will.
I got your back gir r r.
What is she doin'?
She thinks Goodwill has made her tough.
How are you?
I just wanted to talk to you about that shirt at the Goodwill.
See my friend really wanted it
and well your friend has it.
What are you sayin' bitch?
Okay I think we might have got off on the wrong foot.
Do you want to feel my foot bitch?
Well I guess we know what your favorite word is.
Those are not extensions bitch!
I should break this up I should break this up.
No no no give her like four seconds to learn her lesson.
Okay ow! All right. All right!
哎呦 放手 放手
Okay okay okay.
Okay come on come on. It's okay.
好了 别闹了 没事了
Those are not extensions bitch!
Are you still laughing 'cause it wasn't funny.
It was so funny. It was like Looney Tunes funny.
It was like Bugs Bunny getting shot in the face funny.
Only in your version bugs bunny tries to have a dialogue with the shotgun.
I was trying to get your T shirt back.
I wanted you to have it
because you lit up at the 'will when you saw it.
I do not light up okay?
There's no light inside me.
What you're seeing is probably radiation from the summer
I collected uranium tubes by the train tracks.
That was good money.
Thanks for looking out for me Caroline. You're welcome Max.
谢谢你为我出头 卡洛琳 别客气 麦克斯
It's a T shirt it's gone.
I don't get attached to things.
My nail practically got torn off back there by Kat Von D minus.
I'm gonna have to sleep with it elevated.
Is there a nail place around here?
Well this is new york so there's probably gonna be one right...
Here. Love when that happens.
Look a two for one girlfriend special. Genius.
瞧 闺蜜价买一送一 太棒了
Go with me tomorrow before work it'll be cheaper if we both go.
I really need one.
Plus you need one too.
Well I can't. I have my own day of luxury already booked.
I'm doing a laundry and then the tasting menu at Wendy's.
Come on. You and me nails and air conditioning.
来嘛 我和你 享受空调加美甲
It'll be fun. You're doin' it gir r rl.
肯定不错 就这么定了 姐妹儿
Me and my friends used to love getting manicures.
'Cause they are black drag queens
It's about that time?
Let me get the pooper scooper.
All right. Let's do this.
Let me ask you something.
How is it that you a horse
and Caroline are both living with me
and you're less of a problem for me?
I mean you tell me you've known her longer.
What is up with that?
I don't know man I'm just used to it.
我也不知道 伙计 我早就见怪不怪了
That's what you'd sound like if you talked.
I agree with you by the way.
Everything you say is right Max.
Thank you Chestnut.
You should kill her.
Chestnut! I can't do that.
It'll be easy. We could kill her and eat her.
All right buddy here's your spot.
好了 伙计 你的拉屎宝地到了
Come on do your business.
Come on ches.
Come on! Come on chestnut I got a lot of crap to do today.
快点啦 栗宝 我今天忙得要死呢
And so do you.
Jeez don't be shy buddy...
天啊 别害羞 尽量拉 伙计
I hope you're happy.
I look like a cambodian stripper.
These cost $70.43.
She forced me to get tips
and then tip her for the tips.
See and all because you never showed up
I didn't get the two for one discount
because I was waiting alone for you.
Max I have really tried to be girlfriends with you
but you obviously have some issues.
Follow me to the walk in.
Good let's get it out.
I thought we were gonna talk.
No we just didn't have any chocolate cream in the case.
Why didn't you show up?
You told me you were gonna be there.
Well I had a lot of crap to do.
Well you gave me the impression you were going.
I gave you the impression? I don't do impressions.
Well wait that's not true I do one my mom.
等等 其实也不是 我会模仿我妈
But to do that. I need a christmas tree
a gallon of vodka and a lit cigarette.
So are we gonna be girlfriends or not?
Look I'm gonna give this to you straight up.
I am never gonna be the type of girlfriend you're used to.
I am not your gir r r or your gir r rl
and I am definitely not someone's
two for one girlfriend crap at a nail store.
In fact think of me as a dude.
So o o are we good?
Yeah. We good.
I get it. You're not a girl's girl.
I can be a girl's girl.
Caroline please do not take advantage of me with your horse.
My trash pick up company charged me extra
because my dumpster is full of all your horse droppings.
How would that be possible?
I see your good friend Max walking your horse every morning
and dropping droppings in my dumpster.
Did you walk my horse today?
Yeah and every other morning.
That's so sweet. I wish I had known.
Well what was I gonna do post it on your facebook wall?
"Ha walked a horse again today. Totes gross."
"唉 今儿个又遛马 恶心屎我了"
Besides who did you think was doing it?
I've always just had things done for me
I've never really thought about the people doing them.
Yeah and I've never had things done for me so I just do them.
Like now how I'm making the coffee
and you're just standing here watching me.
Still I wish you would have told meso I could say thank you.
Well it's not really my style.
You are one complicated dude.
Pick up borscht.
How you guys doin'? Cute Strokes tee.
Probably look better on me
considering it's mine.
You snooze you lose puta.
一不留神 人事已非 贱♥货(西语)
You kiss your obviously closeted boyfriend with that mouth?
You know what? I wouldn't even want it now.
Now that it's been on you
might as well have been a Kenny G shirt.
And now I walk.
You can't just let her win.
Forget it it's over.
Borscht! Pick up pick up.
罗宋汤 上菜 快上菜
I'll be right with you.
Esta camiseta me costo cuatro dolares! Te voy a cortar.
Lo siento. Todo es mi culpa.
I'm still a little clumsy it's my first week.
I'll bring you some soda water but seriously
your boyfriend will come out before that borscht stain does.
That was awesome. Yeah.
I kinda just do stuff.
Like I just did
while you were standing there watching me.
Thank you gir r rlfriend.
Oh no What is she coming for me?
糟糕 怎么 她来报仇了吗