兼职工作

Move over, I want to slide in close to you,
坐进去，我想跟你坐靠近
so we can take the picture for our new website.
然后拍张照片放我们网站上
Look, if you want to get all lesbian with me, just go for it.
你想跟我搞拉拉情就直接上
You don't have to pretend it's for the website.
别用网站照片当借口
It is.
我是说真的
And for the record, in 2009, when Katy Perry Kissed a girl and liked it
顺带一提 09年凯蒂·佩里在高歌"我亲了个女孩，我好喜欢"时
I kissed one and didn't.
我也亲了，不过我不喜欢
Ready? One... two... and...
准备好了吗？一，二，拍...
Perfect. Perfect?
完美？完美个屁
This photo does not say "let us do your child's birthday party."
这不是"请让我们承包孩子的生日派对"
It says "we're an AC/DC tribute band, and you can pay us in cocaine."
这是"我们是荒唐的摇滚乐团团员，用可卡因当酬劳就行"
Oleg, will you take a picture of us for our website?
奥列格，能帮我们拍张放网站的照片吗
You realize you just asked a man who only takes pictures of his penis?
你知道你是请一名只会拍自己下♥体的淫男拍照吗
Yes. But it's always well-lit, and perfectly in focus.
当然知道。可他拍的照片光照适宜，聚焦准确
You won't be disappointed. I take lots of website pictures.
包君满意。我给很多网站拍照过
Yeah, but we're not wearing just bras and chicken masks.
可我们没有只戴鸡面具跟穿胸罩啊
We have time.
有大把时间，会到的
Maybe we should rethink the "coke whore" picture.
要不再考虑下刚才的"毒瘾浪♥女"照吧
Well, good night, ladies. Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.
晚安啦，女士们。祝你们一夜好梦，别来无恙
And I remember a time in New York when that was more cute than accurate.
我记得当年在纽约，这话是祝福语而不是担心有恙虫
Good night, Earl. Good night.
晚安，厄尔。晚安
Earl, I have come across a $6 inaccuracy in tonight's total.
厄尔，今晚的帐有六块钱对不上数
You must go over all checks again.
你得留下再算一次
Han, I'm just on my way home.
阿憨，我都要准备回家了
But it is not yet 2:00 A.M.
两点才下班呢
I hate to play the heavy, but you must sit down and go over checks again.
我不想当黑脸，不过你得乖乖留下重新算好账
Han, I am 75 years old.
阿憨，我都七十五岁了
I don't even have enough time left to wipe twice.
我老得拉屎都舍不得多擦两次屁♥股
Well, well. Hello there.
哎哟妈呀，女士您好
Such a gentleman. And what a well-behaved boy.
真绅士。这小孩也好乖啊
Oh, there are the girls.
女孩们在这啊
Sophie, hello. You look pretty.
苏菲，你好啊。今天依旧光彩耀人啊
Oh, I know.
我知道
Oh, sorry, the kitchen's closed.
真抱歉，厨房已经关了
What? Kitchen was closed... but can now be open again for such a beautiful woman.
怎么会，厨房本来是关了...但厨房今始为君开
Hello. I am the chef.
你好，我是大厨
Oh, here we go. Ukraine's going to try to invade Poland.
烂戏又要上演了。乌克兰要入侵波兰了
It's double D-day.
诺曼底登陆2之大胸脯登陆
Oleg, this is our neighbor, Sophie.
奥列格，苏菲是我们的邻居
I would like to have a plate with sausage on it while I look over the menu.
我想要先点一盘香肠，然后我再慢慢看菜单
Yowza. You are like someone super-sized Victoria's secret angel.
亲娘咧。你就像个大号的维多利亚秘密女模啊
I'd like to Gisele on your Bundchens.
我好想要"挤塞儿"你的"膀衬"
You're going to act like a dog, I'll treat you like a dog.
有人不当，想当狗，我就把你打成狗
Well, there goes his photography career.
他的"拍照"事业一去不复返了
Do you still want the sausage?
你还要点香肠吗
Yes, of course. Why should sausage suffer?
当然啊，干嘛迁怒无辜的香肠
You know how to handle yourself. Impressive.
你真是应对得宜啊。叹为观止啊
That was like a game of "rock, paper, pervert."
刚就像是你在玩"剪掉，石砸，变态"游戏
Sophie, thank you for coming in.
苏菲，谢谢你特意过来
Max and I wanted to talk to you about taking you up on your offer to work for your cleaning company.
麦克斯和我想跟你谈谈接受邀请去你的清洁公司工作的事情
Yeah, she wants to do it for money to pay for our website,
她想打工赚我们做网站的钱
and I want to do it because I like rummaging through strangers' medicine cabinets.
我想打工是因为我喜欢把陌生人家的药柜翻个底朝天
Have you cleaned houses before?
你有打扫过房子吗
Well, I had a house, and it was very clean.
我有过别人打扫得非常干净的房子
But whatever the task, you won't be sorry.
无论你给我们什么任务，我们都会胜任
Max and I are a great team, and when we set our mind to something, we accomplish it.
麦克斯跟我是黄金搭档，只要我们下定决心，就一定能完成任务
And if you consider giving us... Oh, stop.
如果你考虑给我们... 少废话
This is not a dental school interview.
这又不是牙科学院面试
Come on, this is scrubbing toilets. In or out?
拜托，就是刷马桶的活儿，干还是不干
We're in. All the way.
加入，跟你干到底
In my experience, when someone has to tell you they're all the way in,
按我的经验，当要靠对方告诉你他们已经"干到底"了
you'd better hope their tongue works.
你只能祈祷他的舌头还算"能干"
So dirty.
好黄好欢乐
We can start tomorrow. Just tell us where to go, and we'll be there.
我们明天就能开工，跟我们说个地点，我们会准时出现
Oh, okay.
好的
Well, uh, you walk out your door,
首先走出家门
you take right, you go upstairs,
右转，上楼
you open my door, and you clean my apartment. Is audition.
打开我家门，然后打扫我的公寓。这算试镜哦
Can't I just take off my shirt like in Fame?
我能像《名扬四海》那样，直接脱衣就好吗
Excuse me. Here is your non-sexual appetizer.
打扰一下，这是你的无骚扰开胃菜
You and I will start small. You like?
我们从新慢慢认识吧，意下如何
Yes. Good boy. Now go.
行。乖狗狗，走开吧
Forced to clean Sophie's apartment? This is getting dicey.
被迫去打扫苏菲的公寓。这事越来越危险了
Next thing you know, we're locked in a crate on our way to the far east.
很快的，我们就会被关在运往远东的装货箱里
Max, we're going to spend this money on our website.
麦克斯，我们得花钱做网站
That's the future of our company.
那可是我们公司的未来呀
But the future is so far in the future,
可是未来在遥远的未来
and I need this money now for real stuff, like gummi bears and eye liner.
我现在需要花钱买真实的东西，比如小熊软糖和眼线笔
How do you think you get to the future?
你觉得你将如何抵达未来
Uh, Marty McFly and a Delorean?
马帝·麦克佛莱和一台德罗宁的跑车
Besides, we don't need the website yet.
再说了，我们目前还不需要网站
We got the birthday cupcake job tomorrow without it.
没有它，明天照样有人请我们做蛋糕
And where do you think we got that job?
你觉得为什么会有人请我们
I don't know, the job fairy?
我不知道，有仙女帮忙吗
What? I don't pay attention to the business stuff.
干嘛啊，我本来对生意的事就不怎么上心
I got the order at the web design company when I overheard someone say it was his son's fifth birthday.
我是在网站设计公司不小心听到有人说他儿子要过五岁生日了
Gross. Using children for your own profit. Way to go, China.
真恶心，利用孩子来获利，挺有中国的风范嘛
Well, here we are.
我们准时到啦
Why is this big news? Come in.
这有需要昭告天下吗？进来吧
So, if this all works out today,
如果今天一切顺利的话
I have two possible jobs for you.
就有两份工作等着你们
Both at the same building.
而且在同一栋楼里
Two? That's amazing.
两份，太棒了
This is the only way that I can make sure that you don't ruin my company's good name.
这是我确保你们不毁坏我公司好名声的唯一办法
'Cause I work hard to build "Sophie's choice."
毕竟"苏菲的选择"是我辛苦打拼出来的
Now, uh, one of you take bathroom and one of you take out here. Who does which?
现在，你们一个去打扫厕所，一个打扫客厅。自己选一个吧
Bathroom. I'm going to go with bathroom. I love a challenge.
厕所，我就选厕所吧。我喜欢有难度的活儿
If not perfect clean, no job. Begin.
如果达不到一尘不染，就没活儿。开工吧
Watch out, ladies. I'm about to go H.A.M on this b-room.
留神啦，女士们，我要给这间厕所一点"颜瞧"了
What is this "H.A.M"?
什么叫"颜瞧"
Hard as a mother.
就是给点"颜♥射"瞧瞧
Max, I love when you're dirty.
麦克斯，我好喜欢你讲的荤段子
Oh. Very impressive.
令人激赏啊
You clean like bull. Roar of cleaning.
你打扫时力大如牛，咆哮出清洁的战歌
No big deal.
没什么啦
I was lifting up couches when I was six to help my mom look for change and her boyfriend's tooth.
我六岁的时候就能举起沙发了，当时是帮我妈妈找零钱和她男友的牙齿
I'm almost finished in here!
我快完工啦
This one like to make big announcements about nothing, yes?
这家伙就喜欢屁事也要昭告天下，是吧
Yes. Hey, does that electric cigarette work?
是啊。你那电子烟好使吗
Yes, yeah. I smoked for seven years, and then I quit when I was 12.
挺好的。我抽过7年的烟，直到12岁时我决定戒烟
Yeah, I didn't want to die of lung cancer before I was teenager.
是啊，我不想还没青春期就死于肺癌
Can I get a hit?
我能抽一口吗
Oh, yeah, please, try.
当然可以，试试吧
I have many more in the drawers.
我抽屉里还有很多呢
I smoked the summer I shucked oysters on a gay cruise.
我去同性恋游船上剥牡蛎的那个夏天抽过烟
Ooh, glamorous.
哇，真有"基"情啊
Almost done. Two-minute warning. Be prepared to be amazed.
快好了，倒数两分钟。准备好大开眼界吧
Max, you shouldn't smoke. You'll get...
麦克斯，你不该抽烟，你会被...
What, electrocuted?
什么，电死吗
This is silly.
电子烟真蠢
If I'm going to suck on something this hard and get no pleasure out of it, I should just date.
如果想"吸"根这么硬的玩意儿，又没半点爽感，去约会不就行了
I think you're going to be thrilled.
我觉得你会眼睛一亮的
Oh, she stinks.
她弱爆了
Spritz, spritz. She is sprayer. All mirror, no toilet.
这儿喷，那儿喷，她就是个喷头。喷的全是镜子，马桶置之不理
Well, you know, she's sort of new to this kind of work.
她在这种工作上还是个新手
She was born rich,
她曾是个富家女
but her father stole a bunch of money from people,
可因为她爸拐了好多人的钱
and she was thrown out of her townhouse and disgraced.
她才被赶出别墅，然后沦落至此
Yes, well, she clean like rich girl.
没错，她打扫时的确像个富家女
"Hey, everybody, look, look what I'm doing. Oh, spritz, spritz."
"大伙儿快看呀，我在干活呢，左喷喷，右喷喷"
See, you not born rich, and you... you're like "roar".
而你，虽然出身贫寒，却有猛牛的霸气
Right? Well.
没错吧？不敢当
Cleaning's not her thing, but she has other strengths.
她不擅长打扫，她有别的专长
Mm, I don't see them.
反正我是没看见
Uh, so do we not have the job?
所以我们面试失败吗
No, I give you job, because one bull equal two girls.
不，我给你工作，因为一头猛牛能顶俩姑娘
But why you need her, I don't know.
可你非得搭上她，我就不明白了
You can make much more money on your own.
你自己出来单干，钱只多不少
Yeah, well, we're kind of a team.
话是没错，可我们是一个团队
Listen, Max. Let me tell you something.
听着，麦克斯，跟你说件事
She is like rock, tied to you, balloon.
她就像块石头，绑在你这个气球身上
See, she hold you down.
她拖你的后腿
You cut her loose, and...
一旦你摆脱她，就能...
Yeah, well, she's not weighing me down.
她没有把我拖垮啦
I had lover who was rock. And I let him go, and...
我曾经有个石头爱人。我跟他分手后，我就...
I'm finished, and I have to say, that bathroom? Nailed it.
我做完啦，而且我不得不说，那间厕所简直一尘不染
Don't push it. She saw it.
别费口舌了，人家有眼看的
She barely looked at it. I saw you in the mirror.
她根本就没看，我在镜子里看见你了
Your eye never even looked down.
你的眼睛完全没有往下看
Yes, that's because this eye doesn't go down. See, I'm trying.
没错，那是因为这眼睛不能往下看。瞧，我尽力了
Yeah, I have blind spot from accident as child.
我小时候发生过意外，眼睛有盲点
When I was six years old,
那年我六岁
while working in Polish knock-off of McDonalds in Warsaw,
在华沙的一家波兰山寨麦当劳店打工
I fell on hot McStick.
我跌倒在炙热的"麦肉♥棒"上
How did you fall on a hot stick?
你怎么会跌在一根炙热的棒子上呢
Not a stick that is hot. A hot McStick.
不是棒子炙热，是销量炙手可热的"麦肉♥棒"
It's meat on a stick, and it's very popular.
是把肉串在棒子上，非常受欢迎呢
They only have it, like, two times a year. It's like Mcribs.
一年两次，限时推出的，就跟麦当劳猪排堡一样
Sophie, I'm so sorry, that's awful.
苏菲，我真为你感到难过，这太惨了
Yeah, but I bet that McStick thing is delicious. It is.
是啊，但我敢说那个"麦肉♥棒"一定很好吃吧。的确
Well, that must have been hard. I admire your courage.
那给你生活制造了不少苦难吧。我真佩服你的勇气
What are you, counsellor from UNICEF?
你是谁啊，联合国儿童基金会的辅导员吗
You are acing this interview.
这面试你表现"真好"
Do you know where we are?
你知道我们是在哪儿吗
This whole building is models.
这整栋楼住的全是模特
Life is so funny.
真是无巧不成书啊
When I lived in Manhattan, I used to come to model parties here all the time.
想当年我还住曼哈顿时，天天来这里参加模特的派对
And now you clean up their poop. You're right. Life is funny.
然而现在你却得清理他们的大便。还真是无巧不成书啊
Here's the apartment upstairs tomorrow.
明天要打扫的是楼上的公寓
10j. Here it is. How do I look?
10J。就是这儿。我看起来如何
Maybe he's the Abercrombie model from the Christmas ad Abercrombie And Fitch
没准他是AF圣诞节广告里的模特
in the white sleigh with the open fleece jacket and the eight-pack.
踩着白色的雪橇，穿着敞怀的绒绒外套，露出八块腹肌
I don't think it's him.
貌似非你所想
Hi, I'm Big Bill. Come on in, girlies.
你好，我是胖子比尔。进来吧，姑娘们
How many packs did you say?
你刚说几块腹肌来着
Oh, what a lovely... oh!
你家真不错，哇
Oh, my God. Look, Max, he's a figure skater.
天啊。瞧，麦克斯，他是花样滑冰运动员
Go ahead, take it all in.
慢慢欣赏，在脑中慢慢品味吧
How could you not?
谁会"不想欣赏"啊
It's okay, I'm a model. I'm used to it.
没关系，我是个模特，早就习惯了
Hey, I know you. You're the Big Bill.
我认得你了，你是那个胖子比尔
You're the guy from the gag greeting cards.
恶作剧贺卡上的那个人
Yep. I sold 2 million of that particular card.
没错，那张卡我一年能买二百万张呢
On the front it says, "You're on,"
卡面正面写着"你的生活如履..."
when you open it up... "thin ice"! Right.
打开卡片就会看见"薄冰"。没错
Oh, I've got to go in my bedroom and change. I'll be right back.
我得回卧室换衣服离开了，马上就好
Wow, Big Bill!
哇，胖子比尔
No, big bye-bye. We're not staying here.
哇，风紧扯呼。此地不宜久留
If that's what's on the wall, who knows what's on the floor.
墙上都敢挂出这种画，谁知道他地板上能有什么
Or trapped underneath it.
或是地板下关着什么
This is an uncomfortable work environment.
这工作环境真让人不舒服
You were going to be on all fours scrubbing a toilet.
你本来就得趴在地上刷马桶了
It was always going to be an uncomfortable work environment.
到死都不会是个舒服的工作环境呀
Okay, if we're staying, that's three times the amount of man.
好吧，如果真不走，你得想想这胖子是普通人的三倍大
We should get double the money.
我们应该得到两倍的钱
I'm calling Sophie right now and telling her we should get more.
我现在就打电话给苏菲，告诉她我们要涨钱
Um, I would not suggest you complain to Sophie. It's not a good idea.
我不建议你跟苏菲抱怨，这可不是个好主意
Why? Do you know something I don't?
为什么，有什么隐情吗
She thinks you don't know how to clean, that you spritz, spritz.
她觉得你不会打扫，你只会喷来喷去
And what does she say about your cleaning skills?
那她怎么评价你的打扫能力
I'm a bull and I roar.
力大如牛，效率奇高
I knew she didn't like me. She only has eye for you.
我就知道她不喜欢我，眼里只看得到你的好
Who cares what she thinks. Just clean better today.
谁管她怎么想，今天好好打扫就行了
You do the living room. I'll do the bathroom.
客厅归你，厕所归我
No, I'll do the bathroom, just to prove a point. I mean, reprove it.
不，厕所归我，我要证明给她看，再一次证明
This is just like when they made me take the S.A.T.S again, away from all the Asian kids.
感觉就像当年他们让我重考高考一样，得证明自己不是靠隔壁的亚洲人
Oh! Oh, my God!
我的神呀
Why are you freaking out? You've already seen him naked.
你叫个屁啊。他的裸体你不是早见过了吗
It's not him. Have you seen the size of this toilet?
不是他啦。你见过这么大的马桶吗
That is a big-ass toilet. Literally.
这个坑真♥他♥妈大呀。真正的大坑啊
Max, I'm finished.
麦克斯，我做完了
The floor is so clean you could eat off it, and I'm sure he will.
这地板干净到都能在上面吃饭了，那胖子肯定会这么做的
Come on in, I want you to see it.
快进来，我想让你见证一下
No, no, no, no, no, no. Go down, go down, stop.
别，别，别，别。下去，下去，快停下来
Never mind! Don't need you to see it. Everything's okay.
算啦，不需要你来见证了，一切顺利
How's it going out there?
外面打扫得怎么样了
Either your water just broke, or you pee like a smurf.
你是羊水破了，还是能尿出蓝精灵尿啊
My shoes.
我的鞋
No, you did not flush a whole roll of paper towels.
不是吧，你一次冲了整卷厕纸啊
No, you did not just use that tone with me when my good shoes are wet.
不是吧，这种时候你还这语气指责我，我的好鞋都被弄湿了
Shut off the valve.
关掉水阀
The valve?
什么水阀
Oh, God, what is wrong with you?
天啊，你是怎么搞的
How can you not know where a toilet valve is?
怎么会连马桶水阀在哪里都不知道啊
I was rich.
我是个富家女好吗
But you have to admit, the mirror? Nailed it.
但你得承认，那镜子，一尘不染哟
Wake up, you lazy bitch!
起来，你个懒货
What? Fire!
什么？火
I'm fired? Why, because of the toilet?
工作付之一炬了吗，就因为个马桶啊
Look at the oven, the cupcakes.
你看看烤箱，我们的小蛋糕
I'm sorry. I fell asleep. I was just going to lay down for five minutes.
抱歉，我睡着了。我刚只是想躺个五分钟
I asked you to do one thing while I went out to get more milk.
我出门买牛奶前，就拜托你做这么一件事
Take the cupcakes out of the oven.
把小蛋糕从烤箱里拿出来
"Happy Birthday, kids. From Max's homemade cupcakes.
"生日快乐，孩子，这是麦克斯自制小蛋糕
You can learn more about us and our blackened cupcakes on our expensive website."
如想更了解我们，及我们的招牌碳烤蛋糕，请点♥击我们的高价网站"
I'm sorry, Max. I just really needed a little siesta after all that cleaning.
对不起，麦克斯。打扫了那么久，我真得睡一下
How are you so good at Spanish and so bad at cleaning?
为什么你的西语这么好，打扫却这么烂啊
What is that smell? I grabbed my purse and ran.
这是什么味道？我都抓起钱包要避难了
Caroline burned cupcakes.
卡洛琳把蛋糕烤糊了
Oh, so sad. Look at all those burnt cakes.
真可怜。看看这些烤糊的蛋糕
What happened here?
发生什么事了
Just a little mishap.
发生了点小意外
I was so tired from cleaning that bathroom earlier,
今天打扫厕所太累了
that I laid my head down for five minutes and ended up falling asleep.
我就跑去躺个五分钟，没想到就睡过头了
Such a shame. Oh, look Max.
好可惜哟。瞧，麦克斯
These cupcakes, they're hard as rocks.
这些蛋糕，就跟"石头"一样硬
All you have to do is throw the rock away, and whee!
你只需扔掉石头，就可以...
I don't think Sophie likes me.
我觉得苏菲不喜欢我
What are you talking about? She loves you.
你瞎说什么，她可喜欢你了
No. I don't think she has a blind spot.
她眼睛并非有盲点而看不见
I think she has a blonde spot... for me.
完全就只是单纯对我有意见
Well, I think we've found the place where red bulls come to die.
我觉得我们找到红牛墓场了
Man, why do I never get invited to parties like this?
真是的，怎么都没人邀请我来这种派对呢
Look. Do you know what that means?
快看，知道这意味着什么吗
Yeah, this building has a real shirt shortage.
知道，这栋楼极度缺少上衣
Oh, my God, do you think this might be the Abercrombie model's apartment?
天啊，你觉得这会是AF模特的公寓吗
I doubt it's the Abercrombie model's apartment.
我持怀疑态度
Here's a note. It's addressed to "Cleaning dood," "Dude" Spelled "D-o-o-d."
还给咱们留了张条，是给"清洁土人"，把"工人"写成"土人"
It definitely might be the Abercrombie model's apartment.
这肯定是模特儿的公寓啦
"Wake me when you get here." He wants us to wake him.
"来了就叫醒我吧"，他说让咱们叫醒他呢
So, do you think he sleeps in the nude?
你觉得他是裸睡吗
Yeah, "Nood", "N-o-o-d."
对，"果睡"，"赤果果"
Come on, let's go look.
快走，咱们去看看
Oh, oh, oh, so what, seeing this guy naked is no longer an "uncomfortable work environment"?
哎哟，所以现在看这个家伙的裸体就不算是"不舒服的工作环境"吗
It's still uncomfortable, but in that exciting uncomfortable way.
还是不舒服啊，不过是爽得让人不舒服
I think it is him.
我觉得就是他了
It's the guy who put the "abs" In Abercrombie. And he's naked. The good naked.
在AF广告中露腹肌的那个人。而且他裸睡，撩人的裸体啊
Should we lift the sheet?
我们该把床单撩起来吗
Why not? I already lifted it in my mind.
此时不撩更待何时，我心里早把它撩开了
Max, I got this. You start cleaning up the mess out there.
麦克斯，这里交给我吧。你开始打扫外面吧
No, you start cleaning the mess out there... I got this.
不，你去打扫外面，我来处理这里
The bedroom's attached to the bathroom, and I always do the bathrooms, and he's my ideal type.
卧室连着厕所，我总是打扫厕所，而且他还是我喜欢的类型
And by "doing" the bathrooms do you mean flooding them, and by "Ideal type," do you mean unconscious?
你说的"打扫"厕所，是指让厕所发大水吗，"喜欢的类型"是指不省人事的吗
We can talk about this out here. You're going to wake him.
我们去外面说。你会弄醒他的
That's what we're supposed to do.
叫醒他本来就是活的一部分
But as usual, you don't want to do the job.
不过你一如往常，不想干活
What's wrong with you? You're acting weird.
你怎么了，今天这么奇怪
Well, why should I have to do all the heavy lifting while you just get to nap and see free model penis?
为什么我要干所有的重活，而你又能小睡，又能免♥费"赏鸟"
All the heavy lifting? Where'd you get that from?
所有的重活，谁说的
No one. Sophie.
没谁。苏菲
I knew she didn't like me.
我就知道她不喜欢我
It's not that she doesn't like you, she just doesn't think you're...
这跟她喜不喜欢你无关，她觉得你...
What? Doing anything? She thinks I'm not pulling my weight? She thinks I'm a dead weight?
怎么，一事无成吗？她觉得我没有出力吗？她觉得我是累赘是吧
Not dead weight, more like... a rock... to my balloon.
不是累赘，更像是...石头，而我是气球
What is that, some kind of Polish haiku?
那是什么鬼，某种波兰俳句吗
What does that even mean?
那到底什么意思啊
She thinks if I cut the rock loose, I'll go...
她觉得我如果剪断绑石头的绳子，我就能...
Wait, so you're siding with a woman you met a week ago over me?
所以你要抛下我，去跟一个才认识一周的女人结盟吗
I'm not siding with anyone. I'm just saying...
我没有跟任何人结盟，我只是说...
I know what this is. This is "pick on the rich girl." It's a poverty smackdown.
我懂了，就是"百般刁难富家女"嘛。这是穷人的自卑心作祟
I heard you two talking while I was in her bathroom, spritz spritzing.
我在她厕所打扫时，就听见你俩说话了，左喷喷右喷喷
You think you do everything? Fine, do everything.
你觉得所有的活都是你干的。好啊，那你全干吧
You can "balloon" All over this place, 'cause the "rock" Is leaving.
这地方全归你这"气球"，因为我这块"石头"要走了
Who is it?
谁呀
You're the rock! I'm the balloon!
你才是石头，我是气球
Without me lifting you out of your negative rockness,
要不是我拯救你这块消极的臭石头
you wouldn't even have a cupcake business.
你哪来的小蛋糕生意啊
I'm the reason we even have cupcake jobs.
咱们能有今天，全是我的功劳
Oh, oh, you're the reason?
都你的功劳是吗
Who stayed up all last night baking 24 more cupcakes while you were sleeping?
那谁在你昨晚呼呼大睡时，彻夜不眠重烤了二十四个蛋糕呢
You did. And who delivered the cupcakes this morning while you were sleeping?
是你，又是谁今早在你倒头大睡时去送这二十四个蛋糕呢
I did. Me. The balloon.
是我，我这个气球
I floated over there and got paid for the job that I got us from the website that I'm trying to pay for.
我飘去收了靠我努力赚♥钱付的网站给我们找来的工作工资
And now, I'm going to float down this hall
现在，我要飘过走廊
and wake the hot model up 'cause, contrary to what you and your poverty gal-pal might think,
去叫醒那位帅哥，因为跟你和你那位穷人朋友想的相反
I always do the job I'm hired for.
我总是能做好我的本职工作
Oh, no! I am going to wake him up.
不，我要去叫醒他
Free model penis is my reward for doing everything and being tied to a rock like you.
免♥费"赏鸟"是我♥干所有的活和被你这样的石头拖累的奖励
Oh, see? I can't get away, because you're the rock and you're heavier than my balloon.
看见没，我甩不开你，因为你才是石头，你拖累了我这个气球
Hey, stop! This is cleaning job, not gorgeous ladies of wrestling.
住手。我是叫你们来打扫，不是玩什么美女摔跤
Good thing I stopped by to check on you.
幸好我路过来看下你们
What is all this? You explain it. I'm going to go wake the hot model up.
这是怎么回事。你来解释。我要去把帅哥叫醒
He left a note. Just doing my job. As usual.
他留了张纸条，我只是尽本分而已。一如往常的尽本分
So, you think I'm holding Max back?
你觉得我拖了麦克斯的后腿吗
What kind of question is this? Yes.
这是哪门子问题啊。没错
Well, you're wrong. We're a great team.
你错了，我们是黄金搭档
And, yes, there are some things she's better at.
没错，是有些事情她比我擅长
But there are other areas where I excel.
但我也有做得比她更好的地方
Well, I don't see them.
反正我是没看见
That's probably because of your eye.
鼠目寸光的人有盲点也正常
Did you wake him up?
你把他叫醒了吗
Uh, no. I think he might be dead.
没有，他貌似是死了
Oh, no, not the hot one! Aw, he's my favorite.
天啊，别是帅的这个啊。他是我的最爱
This is all I need on Yelp.
我还要靠他在点评网给我好评呢
We should call 911.
我们打电话叫救护车吧
No, I got it.
不必，我有办法
What are you going to do?
你要干什么
I'm going to give him mouth-to-mouth.
我要给他做人工呼吸
I didn't know there was so much tongue involved.
我还真不知道人工呼吸要用到舌头的
This is not working.
不行啊
But, you know what? I know he's still alive,
不过，我知道他还活着
because his manhood is knocking on my lady door.
因为他的男根正顶着我的水帘洞
He must have taken too many of those pills on the table.
他肯定是吃了太多桌子上的药片
Pills? I got this. Max, go get some hydrogen peroxide.
药片，我有办法了，麦克斯，去拿点双氧水
Sophie, step aside, now. Oh, all right.
苏菲，麻烦让开，好的
You sure you know what you're doing?
你真的知道自己在干嘛吗
My friend Candace Travelstead od'd like three times in college, and I brought her back twice.
我朋友坎迪丝大学时有过三次服药过量，我把她救回来过"两次"
There you go. Bring him up.
交给你了。把他弄醒
Max, you hold his head back, open his mouth. Back up.
麦克斯，你把他的头往后拉，弄开他的嘴巴。后退
I'm starting to see your worth.
我开始看出你的价值了
What? You're being subway creepy.
干嘛，你就像个地铁痴汉
I have to say, when you were punching that almost-dead guy in the stomach,
不得不说，当你用力揍那个半死模特的胃时
that was a serious balloon move.
还真像是气球之举
The truth is, we're both balloons.
其实我们都是气球
Yeah, but mine is, like, way cooler than yours.
对，可我的比你的酷多了
It's like one of those silver ones that never goes out of air.
就好比那种从来不会漏气的银色气球
They don't make those anymore. They're toxic.
那种气球都不生产了，它们有毒
Exactly.
正是在下
Max, you know you won't let me come into the kitchen and help you bake, right?
麦克斯，我知道你是保护我不让我进厨房帮忙烘培的，对吧
And you know that I know that without you,
你也懂我心里清楚，没有你
the job fairy would never show up, right?
才不会有什么"仙女"赐给我们工作的吧
But if you ever need me to help you bake, I could.
如果有天你需要人帮忙烘焙，我乐意之至
No, it's cool. You do your thing, I'll do mine.
没关系。你做你的，我做我的
Hey, get your phone.
把手机拿出来
We should capture this near-death victory moment as our website picture.
我们应该记录这个"起死回生"的一刻，作为我们的网站图片
Totally. On the count of three, think..."we made $200."
就是。数到三，然后想"我们挣了两百块哦"
One... two...
一，二
Hold up. Sir, if you want to go home with that hand, get it off my ass.
等等。先生，如果你不想断手断脚的回家，快把淫手从我屁♥股上挪开
Okay, three.
好了，三