特别情人节

Max, Caroline, I have announcement.
麦克斯，卡洛琳，我有事情要宣布
You're actually much shorter and are walking on stilts?
你是因为踩着高跷，才有这样的身高吗
I have made a special menu for tomorrow's Valentine's night dinner.
我为明天的情人节晚餐制作了份特别的菜单
Han, that's so romantic.
阿憨，真是浪漫啊
Yeah, romantic and wrong.
没错，既浪漫又白目
This place isn't When Harry met Sally. It's "When Harry met Salmonella."
这地方不是在演《当哈里遇见萨莉》，而是"当哈里遇见沙门氏菌"
Max, Club Sandwich. And heads up... I lost a band-aid.
麦克斯，总会三明治。先提醒你，我有个创可贴下落不明
Theme menu means I can charge one bigger price, like in top restaurants.
有主题菜单，我就能合理抬高价格，就像高档餐厅那样
See? "Prick fix."
看见没？"套子定价"
Oh, Han, it's pronounced "prix fixe."
阿憨呀，这个应该念"套餐定价"
Have you seen our chef? It's definitely "prick fix."
你瞧见咱们主厨了吗？铁定是念"套子定价"
Tomorrow night, Cupid will come to Williamsburg diner.
明天晚上，丘比特会飞来威廉斯堡餐馆哟
Didn't have the heart to tell him Cupid is dead.
懒得告诉他其实丘比特早死了
Yep, hit by a mack truck crossing the Brooklyn-Queens expressway.
没错，他在飞过高速公路时被一辆重型卡车撞得稀巴烂
His fat, diapered baby ass splattered all over the windshield.
他那裹着尿布的婴儿肥臀溅满整个挡风玻璃
I love Valentine's Day.
我爱情人节
That's your reaction? I killed Cupid.
你就这反应啊，姐杀了丘比特呢
You're either romantic or not. I'm not even going to try to convince you.
无论你有无浪漫情怀，我都懒得花力气去说服你
Oh, he's dead. And the proof...
他的确死了，证据就是...
When's the last time you knew anyone who fell in love?
你上一次见人坠入爱河是什么时候
Real love, like Ice Loves Coco.
真爱哦，好比《冰冰爱可可》
How about them? They've been holding hands and romantic whispering all night.
那他俩呢？他们整晚都拉着手，浪漫地耳语
Their romantic whispering goes like this. "I own nipple clamps."
他们的浪漫耳语其实是"我有乳♥头夹"
Plink! Cupid's not dead.
咻，丘比特没死
Plink! There goes his little arrow. Plink, plink!
咻咻，爱神之箭飞射过去。咻咻咻
Clamp, ouch! Clamp, ouch! Clamp, clamp! Ouch, ouch!
我夹，哎呦，我夹，哎呦。我夹夹夹，我爽爽爽
Max, since it's just after midnight, it's now officially Valentine's Day.
麦克斯，既然十二点已过，现在就算是情人节啦
I've got something in here for you... guess what it is.
我这里给你准备了点东西，你猜是什么呀
Well, judging from that smile on your face,
从你脸上的淫笑判断
I'd say it's a finger-sized hole in your apron.
我猜是你的围裙里面有个手指宽的"洞"
Candy hearts! Here, hold out your hand. Let's get our heart on.
心型糖果，来，把手伸出来。咱们来尝点甜头
I'm way ahead of you.
我的"头"早就准备就绪
"Be mine"... classic. What's yours say?
"做我的爱人"，真经♥典，你的是什么
"Caroline Channing is lame.
"卡洛琳·钱宁逊爆了
"I hate you for giving me this. Valentine's Day is the worst."
我讨厌你给我糖。情人节去死吧"
Ooh, cinnamon. Mmm.
哇，肉桂味的
Good evening, Earl.
晚上好，厄尔
My, my, my, Sophie, seeing you in that dress makes my heart race.
天啊，天啊，苏菲。香衣配美人，我心跳加速难自持
Two scoops of ice cream in a one scoop cone.
腰肢如竹子，胸前结椰子
Oh, Earl, you make me smile.
厄尔，你真会逗我开心
I wish we had black people in Poland when I was growing up.
波兰要是能多点黑人就好了
Too bad. We really would have enjoyed segregation and Hitler.
是很可惜，咱们黑人肯定会喜欢种族隔离与希特勒呢
Oh, hi, building neighbors.
你们好呀，邻居们
Well, I was just driving by, and since it was raining,
我刚好开车经过，看到正在下雨
I thought I could offer you two girls a ride home in my town car.
就想说用我的加长轿车送你们俩妹子回家
The last time someone offered me a ride, I ended up in a drainage pipe in Jersey.
上次有人说要送我回家，结果我被扔进新泽西的下水道
Sophia, you rent a town car?
苏菲，你租了辆加长轿车吗
Yes, but only when it's raining,
对啊，不过只有在下雨的时候
because, you know, I got hair extensions and nail extensions,
你看，我去做了接发，接指甲
and, you know, I... I'm too extended to walk.
所以我..."接着"就不屑走路了
Hello. I saw you from kitchen.
你好。我从厨房里看见你
You turned pick-up window into painting. Plink!
你让上菜口变得如诗如画。咻
Velvet painting of nude at counter. Clamp, ouch!
吧台上的裸体绒画。我夹，哎呦
The girls tell me you own cleaning service.
那俩姑娘说你有一家清洁公司
I would like to hire you to clean my house.
我想请你来打扫我家
Oh, yeah, this is possible.
没错，这个可以有
I will send girl. What is your address?
我会叫个姑娘去，你的地址是哪里
I don't want some girl. I want you to come clean.
我不要别的姑娘。我就要你来打扫
Oh, you cannot get me to come.
想我来，你没那本事
Oh, I can get you to come.
我当然有本事让你"来"
No, I can no longer come anymore.
不可能，我不上门很久了
No, Max and Caroline can come.
算了，麦克斯和卡洛琳可以来
No, no, we're not coming.
不，不，我们才不来
So no one can get you to come?
所以没人能让你"来"吗
Well, some people can get me to come... Just not you.
当然，有些人可以让我"来"，但不是你
Hard to get... I like it.
傲娇难泡，我喜欢
Go get the coats. I'll get this check.
你去拿外套，我去结账
Here's the last check, Earl.
这是最后一笔单子了，厄尔
Oh, Max, can you take care of that for me, please?
麦克斯，你能帮我入下帐吗
Sure. Why?
可以，为什么
Uh, nothing pressing... Just having a heart attack. I'll see you tomorrow.
没什么急事，就是心脏病发而已。明天见
Wait, you're having a heart attack?
慢着，你心脏病发了
Most definitely. I've had three in my life. We're old friends.
确定肯定及一定。我这辈子病发过三次，跟老朋友一样熟
Earl, you're having a heart attack.
厄尔，你可是心脏病病发呀
I'll be fine. Have you seen my tangerine?
没事的，你看见我的橘子了吗
I had a tangerine set aside for my walk home.
我特意留个橘子，准备回家路上吃
Forget the tangerine. Earl's having a heart attack!
别管那橘子了。厄尔心脏病发了
Sophie, we're taking the town car to the hospital.
苏菲，我们得用你的轿车送他去医院
Earl, when did the pain start?
厄尔，你什么时候开始疼的
When I saw Sophie in that dress.
我看见穿裙子的苏菲时
Oh, hell, no!
靠，不是吧
Why is this line so long? Did the new iPhone come out?
怎么这么多人排队，新iPhone出来了吗
Let's just get him over there.
咱们把他扶过去吧
Max, anything you can do to move this along?
麦克斯，你能把这些人弄走吗
Move! Celebrity coming through. Morgan Freeman having a heart attack.
走开，名人来了。摩根·弗里曼心脏病发了
He is having a heart attack.
他心脏病发了
On a scale of one to ten, what's your pain?
疼痛级别从一到十，你是几级
Uh, two, we were just in the neighborhood, looking for a place to have jell-o.
二级，我们只是刚好经过，想找个地方吃果冻
I was talking to Morgan Freeman.
我是在问摩根·弗里曼说话
Take him now!
现在就治他
Sir, he has a history of heart trouble.
先生，他有心脏病史
All right, we'll get him in.
好吧，把他送进去
Earl, go with the nurse.
厄尔，跟护士去吧
Damn, it's a man.
靠，居然是男护士
We'll be right out here, Earl. Everything is gonna be okay.
我们就在这等，厄尔。一定会没事的
Have a seat and wait.
去那边坐着等吧
Look at me, gingerbread.
看着老娘，小弱鸡
If anything happens to him, I will staple your nut sack to that chair.
如果他有什么三长两短，我会用订书机，把你的阴囊钉在椅子上
That's right... it's me again.
没错，又是我
For the tenth time, he's fine.
都说过九遍了，他没事
He had a minor attack, but he's in good hands.
他只是轻微病发，也有人会妥善照顾
I would know... I had both of my heart attacks here.
请相信我，我在这里心脏病发过两次了
I want to go back there and see for myself.
我得亲自进去看了才放心
Family members only.
只准家属进去
Well, I'm his daughter. Oh, really?
我是他的女儿。真的吗
It says here he's 75 years old...
病历上说他已经七十五岁了
Well, he started late.
他晚婚晚育
And African-American.
还是个非裔美国人
He started late with a honky. I'm one of those combo babies.
他跟个白鬼晚婚晚育不行啊。我就是传说中的杂交婴儿
Here... You need proof?
给，你不是要证据吗
My last name is Black, see? Max Black.
我姓布莱克。看见没，麦克斯·布莱克
He's black. I'm Black. It'd be dumb if we weren't related.
他是黑人，我姓黑。如果我们俩不是亲人，才有鬼咧
Can I just get back to playing Angry Birds?
我能继续玩"愤怒的小鸟"了吗
You are yammering on here about nothing while the love of my life is back there alone and scared.
我此生挚爱在里面独自担惊受怕，而你除了会说废话，什么都不会
You said he was your father. Now he's the love of your life?
你刚说他是你的父亲，现在又成了你此生挚爱了
He's both. We're from the South.
两者皆是，我们是狂野的南方人
Have a seat.
回去坐着吧
I got us two lattes. It took forever.
我为了买这两杯拿铁，等了好半天
The guy in front of me missed his kidney transplant waiting for a mocha frappuccino.
我前面那哥儿们，为了等一杯摩卡星冰，都错过了他的肾脏移植手术了
Any news? The same.
有新消息了吗。没有
But they won't let me back there.
他们也不让我进去
I even told him Earl was my father.
我甚至说厄尔是我父亲了
Now's my chance. Nurse Chewbacca's on the move. I'm going back there.
机会来了，楚巴卡护士离开座位了。我要偷溜进去
If you see anyone about to notice me sneak by, draw all the attention to yourself.
如果你发现有人注意到我，就帮我把大家注意力都转移到你身上
Max, I don't know if I can do that.
麦克斯，我不知道我是否做得来
You're right. That's kind of my thing.
你说得对，这是我的专长
Okay, let me think. You don't have time to think.
好的，我想想。没时间想了
Just throw the coffees against the wall.
直接把咖啡扔墙上就行
That's ridiculous. I graduated top of my class at Wharton.
这太离谱了。我可是沃尔顿商学院的毕业尖子生
I can do better than that.
我的本事比这大多了
Paging Dr. Bender. Paging Dr. Bender, please.
呼叫本德尔医生，呼叫本德尔医生
Oh, my God!
天啊
Those were not nonfat.
这咖啡居然不是脱脂的
Earl!
厄尔
You in here? Max, is that you?
你在里面吗？麦克斯，是你吗
Ain't you sweet? But you didn't have to wait around for me.
你真好。但你不必等着我了
This is Narcissus.
这位是小水仙
She's from the Fiji Islands and gives one hell of a sponge bath.
她来自斐济群岛，刚刚帮我擦一个暴爽的澡
Hi. Can we have a minute alone?
你好，能让我们单独说句话吗
Earl, do you think this is a good time to have a sponge bath... I mean, in your condition?
厄尔，你觉得现在让人帮你"擦澡"合适吗，就你这虚弱的小心肝
Max, when they look like that, there's never a bad time for a sponge bath.
麦克斯，当护士长这样时，擦澡没有合不合适，只有爽不爽
So are you doing okay now? Pretty good.
那你现在没事咯？好得很
The doctor said it was a mild one,
医生说这次是轻微的
but I'm going to have to stay here a couple nights.
但我得留院观察几个晚上
Could you find out how much extra for me to get my own room?
你能帮我问问自己住一间要加多少钱吗
A private room?
单人房吗
The last time I was in one of these places,
上次我睡在这种集体病房时
the guy in the bed next to me thought he was a parrot
我隔壁床的家伙以为自己是鹦鹉
and asked me for crackers the whole damn night.
整晚都在管我要饼干
Done. I'll get you your own room.
好的，我会给你找间单人间
And don't worry about the expenses. I got a little money stashed away for a rainy day.
别担心钱的问题。我留有点钱，以备不时之需
I am not using your money.
我才不用你的钱呢
But let me guess, "rainy day" is a strain of weed?
我猜"不时"指的是大♥麻的一种吧
Now you're getting it.
你果然懂我
I'll see you later. Don't die, or I'll kill you.
晚点再来看你。不许死，不然我杀了你
So what, now you want a private room?
你又闹哪样，现在又想要间单人房了
How's he going to pay for that?
他怎么付得起钱呀
Oh, so that old man has to be the only man in America who has to pay his medical bills?
所以那个老人是全美国唯一一个得自己掏腰包付医疗费的人吗
Mr. Freeman's done a lot of successful movies.
弗里曼先生演过很多成功的电影呢
I don't think your sarcastic attitude is very professional.
我觉得你这挖苦的态度太不专业了
"Professional"?
"专业"
Um, an hour ago, your little thug friend here threatened to cut me so deep, I'd have a vagina.
一个小时前，你的流氓朋友恐吓我说要劈我一刀，把我劈出个阴♥道来
That offer still stands.
我说到，就敢做到
She's upset. And vagina's her go-to.
她心情不好就会把阴♥道挂嘴边
Well, the only reason I haven't called security is they were laid off two weeks ago.
我之所以没叫保安是因为他们两周前被炒鱿鱼了
What is your name?
请问你的大名是
Tig. And it's fake, so good luck with that.
缇格。是个假名，祝你好运
Sir, you're representing the Shecter family wing of this hospital.
先生，你可是代表着薛柯特家族医院的形象
My family knows the Schecters.
我们家族认识薛柯特家族
In fact, their son David interns here, and if I made a call, he would not be pleased.
事实上，他们的儿子大卫也在这实习，如果我给他打电话，他可会不高兴哦
If you know them, why are we talking to this lump behind a desk?
如果你认识他们，咱们干嘛还跟前台的二货废话呀
Suck it, red face! We're going over your head!
去死吧，红脸猪，我们要骑在你头上了
How do you like me now, bitch?
现在是不是气得牙痒痒呀，贱♥人
Hey, get your phone.
快打电话
See if he can swing Earl a private room.
看看他能不能给厄尔安排间单人房
I think I still have his cell number.
我应该还有他的号码
We went out a few times until I realized he was serious about going down that pro Bono route.
我们约过几次会，后来我发现他真的要走无偿服务那条路
Did you two have sex? No.
你们俩睡了吗？没
Sweet, that's what you can offer him for the room.
太棒了，人情债你可以肉偿了
That's amazing.
真厉害
Someone found a florist that delivers after midnight.
居然还有花店大半夜送花上门
That's not so amazing.
这有什么厉害的
I know a guy named "Sticky Icky" Ricky who delivers exclusively after midnight.
我认识一个叫"粘得要死斯基"的家伙，专门半夜送货上门
You know, I just realized this is the first Valentine's Day
我刚意识到这是我首个
I won't get flowers from my father.
不会收到我父亲玫瑰的情人节
Aw, that's cute, with a big old side of creepy.
又感人又带着一如既往的乱♥伦恶心
No, it's sweet.
不，多贴心呀
Every year from the time I was a baby,
我出生后的每一年
and even when I had boyfriends,
即使当我有男朋友的时候
I'd get flowers from my father with a card that says,
我都会收到父亲送的玫瑰，卡片上写着
"You'll always be my Valentine."
"你永远都是我的情人"
I got a sweet Valentine from a guy I liked in high school.
高中时，我收到过心仪对象的情人节卡片
It said, "I'll give you five bucks to lift your shirt."
上面写着"把T恤拉起来，就给你五块钱"
Caroline... Hey, I'll be right with you.
卡洛琳，我马上过来
There he is. Cuter than I remember.
他来了，比我记忆中帅多了
When I heard your voice mail, I couldn't believe it.
我听到你的语音留言时，简直不敢相信
Yes, well, I wasn't sure you'd want to come down, because... you know...
我也不是很确定，你是否愿意来见我，因为...你懂的
You dumped me two years ago?
你两年前甩了我吗
Well, "dumped" is a strong word.
"甩"这个词有点重吧
Tore my heart out, shook it in front of my face. That any softer?
当着我的面，把我的心撕成碎片扔掉。这样有轻点吗
Hate to interrupt the "perfect white teeth" convention, but we're in a hurry.
抱歉打断你们"强颜欢笑假客套"的对话，但我们赶时间
David, this is my friend Max.
大卫，这是我朋友麦克斯
A friend of ours was admitted, and we were hoping to get him a private room.
我们的朋友入院了，希望你能帮他安排间单人房
Oh, so you're not here to return my Dartmouth t-shirt you stole from me.
所以你不是来还我你偷走的达特茅斯大学T恤的吗
You gave that to me.
是你自己送我的
No, I didn't! I love that shirt.
才不是，我爱死那件T恤了
I feel like I lost custody of it in a divorce, and now I'm like a deadbeat dad.
感觉就像我离♥婚时失去了孩子的监护权，而现在反倒成了不付赡养费的爸爸了
How about the room? Any chance? Please. Pretty please.
那房间呢，能行吗？拜托，求求你了
Oh, well, since you said "pretty please," I'll see what I can do.
好吧，既然你都开口求我了。我看看我能做点什么
We should be clear. We can't pay.
先声明一点，我们没钱
We're broke... both of us. But I'm sure you heard that somewhere.
我们破产了，我们俩都是。但我相信有人跟你说了
Yeah... Everywhere.
是呀。大家都在说
David, I hope your family didn't lose any money with my father. Did they?
大卫，我希望我父亲没有造成你们家族的任何损失，有吗
Nope, still filthy rich.
没有，我们仍旧富得流油
And I can do my best to burn some filthy off that rich, by getting your friend a V.I.P. room.
我可以行行好，分点我家的油花给你，帮你朋友弄间贵宾房
I'll just drop some names. By that, I mean my own.
跟人报几个名字。其实，是报我自己的名字
Shouldn't be a problem.
应该就能搞定
I love Jews.
我爱犹太人
Yeah, we're generous. Spread the word.
没错，我们慷慨大方，麻烦广而告之
Uh, if you wouldn't mind giving Narcissus my whereabouts?
可以的话，记得告诉小水仙我的去向
Did you see the look on that desk lump's big, red face when I pushed you by him?
我推你经过前台时，看见那二货他又肥又红的脸上的表情吗
I did, but I think throwing him the finger was a tad out of line.
看见了，但我觉得对他伸中指有点小小的过分了哦
Wow, Dr. David really hooked us up.
哇，大卫医生真是说到做到呀
Yeah, this is like an episode of Cribs I.C.U. Edition.
是呀，感觉就像美剧里的重症监护病房一样
So, Earl, what do you think?
厄尔，你觉得怎么样
Good lord, is that a Matisse?
上帝呀，那是马蒂斯的作品吗
I believe so. Then, mama, I'm home.
是吧。亲娘咧，我到家了
Here, ladies, put these suckers in your station.
给，女士们，把这俩棒棒糖放进你的围裙里
I think I might get a late Valentine dinner crowd.
等会说不定有情人节夜的二次就餐高峰期
You also think you might get a late growth spurt, but that's not happening either.
你还觉得你可能会迎来身高二次发育呢，但这两样都是不可能的
At best, you'll get three single girls waddling over at midnight to cry into some tapioca.
最多会有三个单身女人，半夜踉跄地走进来，边痛哭流涕边吃木薯
True. I need to cut the crap.
的确，我还是别骗自己了
Valentine's dinner is bust.
情人节大餐梦破碎
And look, I have sacrificed my manhood for no cash value.
瞧，我牺牲了我的男子气概，却无半点盈利
But your wings are adorable.
可你的翅膀好可爱哟
Yes, but matching panties are suffocating the boys.
没错，但成套的内♥裤让我的"小弟们"憋死了
Come on, close early.
好啦，早点关门得了
We've only got one table of twi-hards. I want to go see Earl.
我们只有一桌暮光脑残粉。我想去看厄尔
Oh, what the hell? I love my man Earl, too.
好吧，我也爱我的兄弟厄尔
So screw it. Let's fly over there.
不管了，我们飞过去吧
Ooh, this isn't like the hospitals in Poland.
这里跟波兰的医院真不一样
The lights are working.
灯居然都会亮耶
Okay, sit down. I'll take you in one at a time.
好了，坐下吧，我每次带一个人进去
All right, Cupid, you're first.
来，丘比特，你先来
Oh, don't wake him. Go back out.
别吵醒他，快出去
Angels. Oh, lord, no. Thank God it's you, Han.
天使，天啊，不要啊。幸好是你，阿憨
I saw the wings, and I thought heaven was filled with chunky Chinese cherubs and no jazz.
我刚看见翅膀，还以为天堂全都是矮胖的中国天使，还没有爵士乐
Oh, okay, great. I'll see you in five.
好，太棒了，五分钟后见
I'm gonna go meet Dr. David.
我约了大卫医生
Oh, wait a second.
等下
If you're going to go meet man, you need lip gloss.
如果你要去见男人，你得来点唇彩
Oh, thanks, Sophie. Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay.
谢谢，苏菲。别，别，别，好吧
I have Valentine gift I want to give you.
我有份情人节礼物要送你
Oh, hepatitis "C"?
丙型肝炎吗
Happy Valentine's Day.
情人节快乐
Look at me. Now look at you. Now look at me again.
看看我，再看看自己。再来看看我
Does this look right to you?
你觉得合适吗，搭吗
Hard to get... I like it.
傲娇难泡，我喜欢
Oh, hey. So how's your friend doing?
你的朋友怎么样了
Good. And thanks for that V.I.P. room.
很好，贵宾房的事谢谢你
He feels like a million bucks, which I'm sure is what it costs,
他过得像个百万富翁，我相信得花不少钱吧
so I brought you a little thank-you gift.
所以我给你带了份谢礼
That is not my Dartmouth shirt.
这不是我的达特茅斯T恤
No, that's held hostage at the townhouse.
对，那件衣服还被关押在别墅里呢
This says Williamsburg. That's where I live now.
这件上面写着"威廉斯堡"，我现在住那里
No way. That's where I live.
不是吧，我也住那里
Yeah, I moved there just to piss my father off, but I wound up loving it.
我最初搬去那里是为了气我的父亲，但我后来爱上了那里
I wound up loving it, too.
我后来也爱上了那里
Hey, maybe we could see each other there sometime... You know, go out?
我们有时间可以见个面...约个会什么的呀
Yeah, I don't think so.
别想了
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, what?
抱歉，你刚说什么
Look, Caroline, it's been really great getting to reconnect with you, but...
听着，卡洛琳，能重遇你真的很开心，但...
I don't see this happening again.
我们之间爱火重燃是不可能的
I mean, it's my parents.
我父母肯定不同意
With your father in prison, the whole scandal, I could never bring you home.
你父亲蹲大牢，丑闻满天飞，我永远也不能带你回家
Not even just to piss off your father?
当是气你父亲也不行吗
I mean, me dating Caroline Channing... What would people think?
我跟卡洛琳·钱宁约会，人们会怎么想啊
I hope you understand. Oh, hey, thanks for the tee.
希望你能明白我的难处。对了，谢谢你的T恤
Nice of everyone to stop by.
大家都过来看我，真好
Didn't see Caroline. She busy tonight?
没看见卡洛琳，她今晚很忙吗
Oh, no, she's here.
没事，她就在这儿呢
She's out there running around,
她在外面忙乎
trying to swing a boyfriend situation with her doctor friend who got us the V.I.P. hook-up.
想跟那个给咱们搞了间贵宾房的医生朋友重燃爱火呢
What about you, Max? No sweetheart on Valentine's Day.
那你呢，麦克斯？在情人节也没个情人
I worry about you. Be nice if you had someone special.
我担心你。如果你有心仪对象，要对他好一点嘛
I already do.
现在不就是吗
Ah, Max, I'm only going to be around another 30 or 40 years.
麦克斯，我就只剩三四十年可以活了
You better widen the net a bit.
你最好把网撒大一点
Visiting hours are up. Friends have to leave.
探视时间到，友人请离开
She can stay, nurse. She's family.
她可以留下，她是家人
Earl, I'm family?
厄尔，我是家人吗
Yes, and the best kind of family. You don't want my money.
对，最好的那种家人。你不会图我的钱
Hey, Earl. You look really good.
厄尔，你气色好多了
So did you and Dr. Dave do it in a hospital closet? All very "Grey's Monotony"?
你跟大卫医生有在医院的衣橱里开搞吗？就跟《实♥习医生格雷》里的套路一样
No, that won't be happening.
没有，我们不可能了
I asked him out and he said he could never date me,
我约他出去，他说他不可能跟我约会
because of my father and quote "what would people think?"
因为我的父亲，还说"人们会怎么想"这种话
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, what?
什么，你说什么
I feel like I was just hit by the same mack truck that killed Cupid.
我感觉好像被撞死丘比特那辆重型卡车碾过一样
Well, somebody's about to get hit by a truck... A Max truck.
现在有人真要被卡车撞了。麦克斯超大型卡车
Hey, you, Dr. I-Forget-Your-Name.
喂，就是你，我不记得你名字医生
How? It's written on every wall.
怎么可能，我的名字随处可见
Okay, Dr. Exit. What is wrong with you?
好吧，出口医生。你有什么毛病
Doctors are supposed to be sensitive.
医生不是都很善解人意的嘛
I mean, it's Valentine's Day, and she has nothing.
今天是情人节，她一无所有
Couldn't you be like every other guy on the planet and just lead her on and not call her the next day?
你就不能像其他男人那样，先哄她上她，隔天再断绝联♥系吗
That is the decent thing to do.
这才是得体的做法
And for the record, she is so hopped up on candy hearts, you would have gotten some tonight, fo' sho!
顺便告诉你一声，心型糖果让她昏了头，你今晚本可以尝到"甜头"的，真的
You just made the biggest mistake of your life.
你刚犯下了这辈子最大的错误
Well, I guess nobody knows me better than you, girl I've never met before.
我猜你比任何人都了解我，这位素未谋面的姑娘
And now I would like to speak to the pro bono part of you,
现在我想跟做无偿服务的那个你谈谈
who understands that nothing I just said should affect that man in the V.I.P. room.
他会理解我刚才说的话，不会去迁怒贵宾房里的那个人
That was actually a very cool thing to do.
你帮我们安排病房的行为，的确很酷
Earl is fine. Don't worry. And as far as Caroline goes, I'm sorry, but...
厄尔没事，别担心。至于卡洛琳的部分，抱歉
Her father hurt a lot of people.
可她的父亲伤害了很多人
Whatever you put out there comes back to you.
善有善报，恶有恶报
What now... you gonna threaten to feed me my nipples again?
又怎么了...你又想恐吓我，要把我的乳♥头塞我嘴里吗
No. Actually, someone just said something about the things you do coming back to you,
不是。其实是因为刚才有人说善有善报，恶有恶报
and I decided the smart move was to apologize.
所以我决定应该放聪明点来跟你道歉
Thanks, but it's not necessary.
多谢，但没必要
Actually, you're the nicest person I've dealt with tonight.
其实你是今晚我碰过对我最好的人了
Ugh. Rough job, dude. Here, Happy Valentine's Day.
苦差事啊，伙计。给，情人节快乐
You want to go out sometime?
你想找个时间出来坐坐吗
Why would... Yeah, give me your number. I'll call you tomorrow.
我♥干嘛要...好啊，号码给我，我明天打给你
Sleeping in that hospital chair all night wasn't that uncomfortable.
在医院的椅子上睡一整夜也没那么难受嘛
No, the chairs weren't. Your sad Valentine whimpering was.
对，椅子还好。让人难受的是，你的情人节啜泣
So how you feeling this morning?
你今天早上感觉好点了吗？
Pretty good, considering I survived the very first Valentine's Day I didn't get flowers from my father.
好多了。鉴于我撑过了没有父亲送花的第一个情人节
So you got one year under your belt. Don't get so cocky.
所以你度过了首个无爱的一年嘛。别太骄傲
You still have to make 23 more to tie me.
你还有二十三年才能追平我呢
You know, all this time, I've been feeling sorry for you
一直以来，我都为你觉得惋惜
'cause you didn't know your father, but after seeing how you took care of Earl...
因为你不认识自己的父亲，但看见你对厄尔悉心照料后
I feel sorry for your father that he didn't know you.
我为你父亲不认识自己的女儿而惋惜
You would have been a wonderful daughter.
你会是一个好女儿
Don't hold that thought. I don't want to cry till after we break open the tapioca.
千万别这么想。没坐到木薯粉前，我可不哭
No, I didn't just win a beauty contest.
不是的，我没获得选美比赛冠军
No, these were left on the front doorstep.
这些是我在前门楼梯上发现的
They're both addressed to Caroline. Sorry, Max.
都是送给卡洛琳的。抱歉，麦克斯
Oh, no, that's cool. Wouldn't want to break my winning streak.
没关系。这样我才能保持"连续无花记录"
Oh, well, just look at it this way.
你可以这么想嘛
She got the flowers. You got the knockers.
花是她的，我是你的
All right, girls, well, I'm off to buy scratchers before all the Puerto Ricans get them.
好啦，姑娘们，我得去买痒痒挠了，不然都被波多黎各人买走了
"You'll always be my Valentine. Love, Daddy."
"你永远都是我的情人。爱你的爸爸"
The other one from Dr. Dave? Change his mind after I tore him a new one?
另一束是大卫医生送的吗？在我撕碎他的心后，改变心意了吗
It's from my father as well, but it's written to you.
也是我父亲送的，不过是给你的
"Thank you for taking such good care of my sweetheart. M. Channing."
"谢谢你对我的宝贝照顾有加。马丁·钱宁"
That is so sweet.
真贴心
Roses from a man. Now I'm starting to get it.
男人送的玫瑰花。现在我算懂了
Is it weird that I kind of want to have sex with your dad? Plink!
如果我说我想跟你老爸上床，会很怪吗？咻