旅行的意外收获
Max, look out, you're so tired you're spilling batter all over yourself.
麦克斯，小心，你都累得把面粉糊洒自己身上了
I knew it was only a matter of time before I became a battered woman.
我就知道这天迟早会来，我成了洒面糊的笨女人
This is a huge disappointment. I heard that.
这真是太让人失望了。我听见咯
You don't even know what I'm referring to.
你又不知道我是指什么
Oh, I just assumed we were talking about everything.
我就当你是指这一切好啦
I'm referring to our expensive new cupcake website. Not one job offer.
我是在说我们所费不赀的小蛋糕网站。一笔找上♥门的生意都没有
You want a website that will make you feel better about yourself?
想看个能让你心情爽一点的网站吗
Go to models-falling-down.Com. Number one: Klum goes boom.
去模特跌倒网看看吧。最好笑的是"名模克劳姆狗吃屎"
It's 3 A.M. Who would be coming over now?
半夜三点，谁会这个时候来敲门呀
I don't know, my dealer, my other dealer?
不知道，我的药头吧，或药头二号
That guy who always asks if I know where my dealer is? Who is it?
或老问我，我药头上哪去的那个男的。谁啊
You can't handle what's on the other side of that door.
门外的东西你承受不起
Yesterday, I saw a guy on a stoop frenching his cat. I can handle anything.
昨天，我看见一个男人在阳台上跟他的猫舌吻。我还有什么承受不了的啊
Oleg, what are you doing here? And you put the, "oh, no," in kimono.
奥列格，你这么晚来干嘛？和服都让你穿成"合吐"了
Your upstairs neighbor Sophie is allowing me to have sex with her.
你们楼上的邻居，苏菲，恩准我跟她上床
And I came down to borrow some sensual oils. Preferably, ones that you can eat.
我下来借点按♥摩油。可外用内服的为佳
How did you get out of apartment? You know the rules.
你怎么出来了？不是跟你说过规矩吗
I came down to borrow sensual oils.
我下来借按♥摩油嘛
Yeah, but no peppermint. It makes his tongue swell.
对哦，不能别含有薄荷成分哦。不然他的舌头会肿
And let's face it, his tongue is the best part about him.
不怕直说，他全身上下最管用的就是那条舌头了
You're right, I can't handle that.
你说得对，我的确承受不住
Those nice smelling men in booth two just asked me if I was on the down-low.
2号卡座那两位香喷喷的男士问我是不是"密柜中人"
What does this mean?
那是什么意思啊
Uh, brother, I'm gonna need a little more context.
兄弟，得有上下文才能解读啊
They said, "are you on the down-low, because we have a friend who is a big-time rice queen."
他们问："你是不是密柜中人啊，我们有个朋友是超米后哟"
Again, coming up dry.
还是理解不能
Rice queen, is it, like, a Korean dairy queen? Kind of.
米后，是跟韩国的奶品皇后差不多咩？差不多吧
Here's table seven's check, Earl.
7号桌结账，厄尔
Max, the guys at booth two just asked Han if was on the down-low. They think he's gay.
麦克斯，2号卡座的两个男的刚问阿憨是不是密柜中人。他们以为他是小基佬呢
That's a step up. Usually people think he's a lesbian.
不错啊，比以前好了。一般人家都以为他是拉拉
Here you go, Sophie.
给，苏菲
Uh, Max, Caroline. Yeah, about last night, I hope we can keep that just between us girls.
麦克斯，卡洛琳。昨晚的事情...我希望你们能保守秘密
I'm sure we have all done things in the dark late at night with men that we'd like to forget.
大家都有过夜半时分跟男人背地里"干"一些羞于启齿的事情
Why stop at late at night in the dark? How about early morning?
干嘛说得只有在夜半时分才干？大清早就没做过吗
Or a nooner at the port authority bus terminal?
大中午在港务局的巴士站干的就不算吗
Oh, good. And you too understand, Caroline?
你理解就好。你也能理解吗，卡洛琳
Actually, no, sorry. I haven't ever done anything with a man that I'm ashamed of.
老实说，不理解，抱歉。我还没跟男人干过任何让我羞于启齿的事
Oh, yeah. But your father did steal millions and millions of dollars.
是吗。你老爸不也骗过人家好几百亿嘛
So... don't forget that.
别忘了这档事哟
Han just sat your favorite gays.
阿憨刚才服侍了你最爱的基佬们哦
Max, their names are Steven and Michael. And it's not very P.C. to reduce people to a stereotype.
麦克斯，人家是叫史蒂芬跟迈克。自动就把人归类成基佬，政治立场不太正确吧
Hey, girl. What's up, care bear?
姑娘们好啊！还好吗，小可爱们
Yeah, they're not stereotypes.
是啊，他们真不是典型的基佬
What would you say if they called you
要是人家称你为
"The big-boob waitress from the wrong side of the tracks who had sex with everyone in high school"?
"那个生于贫民窟，睡遍全高中的巨♥乳服务生"，你又会作何感想
I'd say, "that's why I love the gays. They get me."
我会说："就是这样我才爱基佬，他们真懂我"
Come over and say hello.
过去打个招呼吧
They're the first and practically the only people that ever hired us to do a cupcake job.
人家可是我们的第一批顾客，也是唯一请我们做小蛋糕的人
Do I have to? Can't I just stand here and judge from afar?
不去不行吗？我不能就远远站着，对他们品头论足吗？
Come on, and let's not mention how bad we're doing.
来嘛，千万别说咱们生意不好
We want them to think we're a big success, so they'll recommend us for their friends' events.
要让他们觉得我们大获成功，他们才会放心推荐我们给朋友
Yeah, because you know the gays, they party about everything.
也对，基佬嘛，什么破事都能开个派对
And there's another stereotype. Hi, guys.
又不是每个基佬都这样。你们好吗
Happy leap year! F.Y.I., people are still talking about those cupcakes you made for our wedding shower.
闰年快乐啊。对了，我们朋友们现在还对你们做的婚前派对小蛋糕赞不绝口呢
Everyone. How's business?
人人夸哟。生意如何
Fabulous, amazing, killing it.
太好了，超棒的，忙得累死累活
Or it's killing us. We're not quite sure.
或是搞得我们生不如死，说不准啊
I'll go grab some menus for you girls. Max.
我去帮你们两姑娘拿菜单过来。麦克斯。
Sorry. I'll go grab some menus for you ladies.
抱歉。我去帮你们两女士拿菜单过来
Love her... so Madeleine Stowe in revenge. Oh, she is.
爱死她了，超像玛德琳·斯托在《复仇》里角色。真的呢
I don't watch that.
我不看那个剧。
We love it. It's all about a young blonde woman who's out to seek revenge on everyone for destroying her family.
我们超爱看的。讲的是一个年轻的金发妹，要向那些摧毁她家庭的人展开复仇的故事
Yeah, too close to home.
不看是对的，太感同身受了
Max, guess what.
麦克斯，你猜怎么了
Caroline, you're not supposed to tell me I'm on intervention until the actual intervention.
卡洛琳，批斗会还没开始之前，你不能先告诉我我要被批斗啊
I just got offered $600 to stay at Steven and Michael's apartment
史蒂夫和迈克要出远门，他们刚说给我600块，
and watch their dogs while they're out of town for two days.
让我去他们家呆两天，帮看家兼养狗
Why would anyone pay $600 to watch dogs for two days?
怎么会有人愿意花600块请人帮忙养狗呀
Well, because, you know, they want a certain amount of attention to be paid to the...
因为...他们希望自家的狗得到悉心的照料...
Just say it, they're gay and they think their dogs are their children.
不就是基佬们都把小狗当成自己的孩子养嘛
Max, you have to stop doing this.
麦克斯，别再说这种话了
I'll stop when they stop.
他们不基，我就不说
This is so exciting. It'll be like a paid vacation at an amazing hotel.
我好兴奋啊。这就跟在高档酒店带薪度假一样
And I need to get as far away from here as possible.
而且我也想离这地方越远越好
Oh, where do they live? Four blocks away.
他们住哪里？四个街区外
Well, have a good time.
祝你玩得开心
And while you're four blocks away having your vacation, I'll be home maybe taking a little masturbacation.
当你在四个街区外爽爽地度假时，我会在家动手给自己"爽爽"
What are you talking about? I wouldn't go on vacation without you.
你说什么呢？我怎么可能抛下你，自己去
We'll split the dog money to cover the shifts we take off from the diner.
平分看狗的钱，整好够补上请假时间的薪水
Well, thanks, but I don't do that thing where you take off work.
谢了，不过我不是请假去玩的人
"Hi, I'm Max, I can't go to a fancy apartment and have fun.
"你好，我是麦克斯。我不爱去豪华公寓享乐
I'd rather work in a steel mill and sing Bruce Springsteen songs."
我宁愿留在炼钢厂边工作边哼歌"
Max, when was the last time you had a vacation?
麦克斯，你上次度假是什么时候
Never. Unless you count the summer I hid under the front porch from my mom's new boyfriend.
没休过。除非算上有一年夏天我在前门阳台下，躲我老妈新男人那次
We really need to get out of here. This is more than just spring break.
我们真得脱离这个环境。这不只是春假
It's a break from the diner, from the cupcake business, from being poor, from everything depressing right now.
而是暂时远离餐馆，远离小蛋糕事业，远离贫穷，远离一切不顺心的人事物
Things aren't that depressing.
哪有这么凄惨啊
Yeah, well, I'm sure we have all done things with men in kitchens that we are not proud of.
我想大家都有过在厨房里跟男人干一些羞于启齿的事
Spring break is the greatest time ever.
春假是最美好的时光
You just go crazy and do shots and throw all the rules out the window.
可以无所顾忌，疯狂喝酒，把一切教条置之脑后
Oh, I've done that. But when you're poor, you just call it Tuesday.
我也玩过啊。不过咱们穷人称那为"周二"
Why are you walking like that?
你干嘛那样走路
This is my spring break walk.
这是我的春假步
These shoulders have shimmied like this all the way from Majorca to Ibiza.
我曾从马略卡岛一路一路晃到伊比沙岛
Try it, Max. Shake a little. Shake.
试试嘛，麦克斯，晃一下。晃嘛
That's cool. I'll just wait till I get the DTS later.
是挺酷的。等我享受了环绕音响再晃也不迟
Maybe I don't have the right key.
钥匙是不是不对啊
Oh, hi. Sorry, I think we might be at the wrong door.
你好啊。抱歉，我们貌似是开错门了
That's a bummer for the door.
你说找错，门都伤心死了
It's over there, 12d. We're house-sitting for a few days.
我们是在那边，12D。我们来帮朋友看几天家
Cool, I'm Brendon.
太好了，我叫布兰登
Hey, Brendon. I'm Ashley. And...
你好啊，布兰登，我是艾希莉。这位是...
I'm surprised. And also Max.
我是"好惊讶"。也是麦克斯啦
I'd shake your hands, but I kind of stink.
虽然我很想跟你们握手，但我有点臭
I've been at my microbrewery most of the day, so I am sorry if I smell like yeast.
我大部分时间都呆在自己的家酿酒厂里，原谅我满身的酵母味
Hey, that's my apology.
有酒味就怪我吧
Whoa, all right, cool. Well, I will see you guys around, yeah? Yeah, totes.
好的，那行。那我们回见吧，会见到吧？当然，会会的
You have something you want to tell me, Ashley?
有什么话想对我说吗，艾希莉
I never use Caroline Channing on vacation for security reasons.
为安全起见，我旅游时从来不用真名
I was almost abducted at gunpoint for a ransom in Mexico city.
我有次在墨西哥城差点被人用枪指着，要求赎款呢
Wow, gunpoint. Were you using the word, "totes" at the time?
哎哟，还用枪指着呢。你那时候也说了"会会的"才被人用枪指的吗
Can you take out the paper that has the alarm code on it?
能帮忙拿出有警报器密码的纸吗
Wow, this place is amazing. It's, like, the cover of gay gay gay magazine.
这地方也太赞了吧。不给《超基基基杂志》当封面，真是可惜了啊
Max, you have to stop reducing them to that gay stereotype.
麦克斯，别再把人家贬低成基佬中的大路货
Now, read me the security code. It's..."Liza."
快念警报器密码吧。是"丽莎"
A lot of different types of people like Liza Minnelli.
很多不同类型的人都喜欢丽莎·明尼利啊
Oh, look, it's a poodle in a tutu. That's not gay, right?
瞧，穿着芭蕾舞短裙的小贵宾狗。这一点都不"基"情四射，对吧
Lots of... lots of different types of people have a poodle in a tutu... Named Barbra Streisand.
很多...很多人都有穿着芭蕾舞裙的小贵宾狗，名字都取"芭芭拉·史翠珊"
Oh, there's the book of instructions.
看家指南在这里
"Hey, girl. Hey, care bear. Have fun with Barbra Streisand and Wynonna Judd.
"嗨，姑娘，嗨，小可爱。好好跟芭芭拉·史翠珊与维诺娜·贾德玩吧"
"Wynonna is a little temperamental and tends to stay in the bedroom.
"维诺娜有点脾气不好，喜欢待在卧室里不出来
We didn't have time to purge her anal gland before left. Instructions on page two."
我们临走前来不及帮她清理肛♥门腺，清理方法详见第二页"
I'm starting to understand the $600.
我开始明白为啥给这么多钱了
"Don't worry, it's easy. We do it all the time."
"不用紧张，很简单，我们常弄"
No wonder Wynonna's so temperamental.
难怪维诺娜脾气不好了
"Help yourself to anything in the fridge. There are portable saunas in the closet."
"冰箱里的东西想吃就吃，衣橱里有家用式桑拿"
Portable saunas? Love it, what is it?
家用式桑拿。爱死了，那是什么东西来着？
This is so cool. I'm hot like I'm at the beach, but I'm not stepping in any used condoms.
这也太酷了。就像置身在海滩上一样热，又不用担心踩到用过的保险套
Yeah, these are great. My friend Candice Travelstead used one to make weight for prom.
是啊，这是挺不错的。我以前有个朋友坎迪丝，靠这个为毕业舞会瘦身
Are you done with that? Yeah, switch?
你看完了吗？看完了，交换吧
On spring break, I always loved spending the day at the beach.
以前春假，我很喜欢在海滩上赖一整天
Just the chilling and the girl talk.
沐浴着春风，跟闺蜜聊天
Yeah. Tell me again, about the sound the anal gland made when you squeezed it.
那你再跟我形容一下刚才挤肛♥门腺时发出的声响吧
Please, stop. I already told you twice. And now, Wynonna Judd won't even look at me.
求你别问了。我都说过两次了。维诺娜·贾德现在都不愿意看我一眼了
Well, not without her lawyer in the room. I'm hungry. What do you eat on vacation?
她律师不在场，哪敢靠近你啊。我饿了，你假期都吃什么的啊
Anything we want. Let's see.
爱吃什么吃什么。来看看吧
I bet their refrigerator is stocked with all kinds of pates and cheeses and those parm crisp things.
他们的冰箱应该装满了各种意大利面，起司和起司脆饼之类的吧
By the way, nice suit. You look like someone should be pouring a 40 on you in a rap video.
泳衣挺好看的啊。你看起来像饶舌MV里全身被人淋满酒的浪妹子
Thanks. There's nothing. I mean, come on, what kind of gays are they?
多谢夸奖。里面没吃的。不是吧，他俩当基怎么当的这么失败
All anal gland and no cheese.
只有肛腺，其余免谈
I just expected everything to be better.
我本来对这里满怀期待
You know, champagne on ice, thousand thread-count sheets.
冰镇着的香槟，上千针的高级床单
I mean, the towels... They're not even bath sheets.
他们的毛巾，连浴巾都算不上
Wait, the towels aren't good? Because I already stole two.
什么，那些毛巾不好吗？我都偷了两条了
They're fine, they're just not what I was expecting.
其实还行啦，只是跟我期望的有出入而已
What's happening over there? You could use a little shoulders.
你是怎么啦？摇摇肩膀，甩掉坏心情嘛
You're right, enough, we're on vacay.
你说得对，不抱怨了，好好享受假期
Come on, let's go get dressed and find someplace to eat.
来吧，穿好衣服，我们找地方吃饭去
Are you crazy? I am not leaving this thing.
你疯啦，我才不出来
This is the happiest I've ever been in my life.
我这辈子从来没这么舒服过
Okay, we'll order in, pretend it's room service.
好吧，叫外卖，假装是酒店客房服务
They must have a menu drawer here somewhere.
应该有个抽屉是放外卖单的吧
Plus, we'll never find a restaurant with a portable sauna section.
而且，肯定没有可以携带家用桑拿入内的餐厅
"Food network party tonight to celebrate the release of a cookbook, food and drink provided."
"美食频道派对之夜，欢庆食谱出版，提供食物与饮品"
Free foodie food, free foodie drinks?
免♥费美食家特选食物与饮品呢
Yay, let's go. No, I like it in here. It's amazing.
太爽了，走吧。不要，我要待这里面。太舒服了
Ashley wants to go. Ashley wants to go.
艾希莉想去嘛。艾希莉真的想去嘛
Fine, but can I bring the dog?
好吧，我能带着狗一起去吗
I've always wanted to be one of those girls
我一直梦想有天能当那种
who brings a tiny dog to a public place and just looks at everyone, like,
抱着小狗去公共场合的女人，然后藐视众生，对所有人说
"Yeah, I have a tiny dog, so what?"
"老娘就带小狗来，怎么着"
You can be whoever you want to be. You're on vacation.
你想当什么人就当什么人。假期中就有这权利
I'm gonna go invite Brendon to come. You gotta have a crush on spring break.
我要邀请布兰登一起去。平生春假不邂逅，若称放假也枉然
Well, I'm sitting in my crush. Hey, shouldn't you put something on?
我已经坐在我的邂逅对象里了。你不用多加件衣服吗
Uh, it's spring break.
假期就应该露
Barbra, get help. Go, Barbra Streisand, go.
芭芭拉，快去找人来救我。上啊，芭芭拉·史翠珊，冲啊
Hey, look at the book title, 306 degrees of heaven: Bacon.
瞧这书的书名，《306度的天堂:培根》
Heaven bacon. That's good wordplay.
天堂"培根"，这双关不错
It's okay. Not much of a crowd. Party's a little disappointing.
还好吧，人不多。派对又有点小闷
Bacon truffle, Barbra Streisand? Yeah, I'm feeding my tiny dog a truffle, so what?
吃松露培根吗，芭芭拉·史翠珊？我就喂我的小狗吃松露，怎么着
Miss, miss. Excuse me, what are these things for?
小姐，小姐。不好意思，这东西是干嘛用的
Oh, it holds your drink while you get food. No! Yeah.
您拿食物的时候，可以把饮品放上面。不是吧。是的
Yeah, these are great when you see them for the first time.
这东西不错，第一次见到都会挺惊奇的
For me, it was on a yacht in the Mediterranean.
我第一次见，是在地中海的一艘游艇上
You know what else these are good for? Frees up your shoulders to shimmy.
你知道这玩意儿还能干嘛吗？解放的你肩膀，让你尽情摇摆
You shimmy. I'm gonna walk over here and find us a bigger, shinier something to do later.
你慢慢摇，我要去那边看看有没有什么更好玩的事物
Later? We're going home to our amazing apartment.
还玩，不是准备回我们超舒服的公寓吗
Or not. Come on, Max, it's spring break.
谁说的？放松嘛，麦克斯，春假时间
Let's not get tied down. I'll be over there.
就应该尽情享乐。我去那边看看
Yeah, we'll be over there.
对，我们去那边看看
Hi. You're not allowed to have dog in here. Unless he wants to buy the book.
抱歉，这里不允许带狗进来。除非小狗想买这本书
What are you, some kind of foodie bouncer?
你谁啊，美食保安吗
Worse. I wrote the book.
更惨，我是这书的作者
Yeah, nice sleeves. You get those in the tattoo gold rush of '09?
你的手臂刺青不错。09年刺青潮的时候刺的吗
I'm Zeke. What's your name?
我叫齐克，敢问芳姓大名
I'm Max. This is my tiny dog. I take her everywhere, so what?
我叫麦克斯，这是我的小狗。老娘带着她到处跑，怎么着
Hey, Max, you wanna try my thick-cut bacon?
麦克斯，想试试我的"厚片培根"吗
Maybe. Let's just take things slow.
再说吧，别猴急嘛
I'm telling you, it serves the best vegan stew anywhere. You really should put it in your blog.
相信我，那里有全世界最好吃的素炖菜。强烈推荐你写上你的博客啊
Oh, if I write one more article about something vegan,
我再多写一篇有关素菜的博客
all of my devoted 10,000 readers will hold hands and jump collectively out a window.
我成千上万的粉丝就要手牵手一起跳楼自杀了
And I know you like to find what's new and what's next. Chocolate bacon?
我知道你喜欢发掘新鲜事物，引领新潮流。要吃巧克力培根吗
I just need a minute over there. Hi, couldn't help but overhear.
我过去跟人家谈一下。抱歉，不小心听到你们的谈话
If you're looking for what's new,
如果你想寻找美食界的新潮流
I found these two adorable girls who run a cupcake business out of their home in Williamsburg.
我认识两个可爱的女孩，她们在威廉斯堡的家中有个自营的小蛋糕生意
I know how that sounds, but trust me, totally fresh and not at all over exposed.
我知道听起来不靠谱，但她们真的是未成名的新星，未经雕琢的璞玉
And you're someone I should listen to because...?
你是什么身份，我为什么要听你...
Sorry, didn't introduce myself. Ashley Emerson, style editor for Elle.
抱歉，忘了自我介绍。艾希莉·爱默生，《世界时装之苑》的时尚编辑
If you're interested, I think I might have a card in here somewhere. Was holding on to it for Martha.
如果你有兴趣的话，我包里好像有她们的名片。本来是要留给玛莎的
Mr. Bacon action figure. A world of bacon sampler.
培根先生人偶。世界各地培根的试吃包
And I want to apologize for the food network trucker hat,
抱歉里面还有一顶美食频道的潮帽
which has nothing to do with bacon and everything to do with me being a sellout.
其实跟我这书半点关系都没有，完全是在突显我为五斗米折腰
Guess what. Ashley just gave our card to a woman who's such a bitch she must be important.
你猜怎么着。艾希莉刚把我们的名片给了个女人，她拽得跟二五八万一样，肯定是号人物
She's a food blogger. It's a long shot, but we need to get some exposure.
她是个美食博客写手。虽然希望渺茫，但是我们真的需要打响招牌
Whoa, we are on vacation. No business talk. That was the deal, right?
我们不是在放假吗？说好了不谈公事的，还记得吗
This is Zeke, chef-slash- author-slash-corporate sellout.
他是齐克，厨师/作家/为五斗米折腰的男人
We were, uh... We were thinking about going back to the apartment to hang out.
我们...我们刚想回公寓玩会儿呢
Oh, sounds fun. Can I see you alone for a second?
感觉挺有意思啊。我能单独跟你谈两句吗
Well, not alone. I bring my tiny dog everywhere, so what?
没办法单独。老娘狗不离身，怎么着
Come on, I heard of an after-party in Soho and an after-after-party in dumbo.
我听他们说要去苏豪区办庆功宴，再到登波区办庆功宴的庆功宴
So, let's go-ho. Have fun and get this vacation started.
咱们就去"舒好"吧。大玩特玩，让假期真正开始
I'm holding a tiny dog at a bacon-book party and laughing with a guy who wrote a book about bacon.
我抱着小狗在一个培根食谱的派对上跟一个写培根书的男人有说有笑
I think my vacation's already started.
我的假期早就开始了
All right, well, have fun. I'm gonna go par-tay.
好吧，那你自己玩的开心点。我要去派对一番啦
Eh, did your thing, Ash.
小艾艾，想干嘛就去吧
I don't want to say that I'm hot. But the bacon in my pocket is done.
我不想说我炙手可热。但我兜里的"培根"已经熟了
We said turns were five minutes, you bastards.
说好五分钟一换的，你们俩混♥蛋
Oh, hi. More sauna fun. Max, can I see you in the hall for a second?
你们好，在享受桑拿吗？麦克斯，能出来说句话吗
But it's my turn to sweat my balls off.
但该到我蒸蒸我这两球了呢
Don't think the clock's not running while I'm out there.
别以为我出去了，就不给你们计时了
We're going on a real vacation. How quickly can you pack a bag?
我们能去度个真正的假期了。你打包行李的速度能有多快？
And don't worry about appropriate evening wear.
不用担心没有合适的晚礼服
Every Four Seasons has a Gucci near the Bulgari store in the lobby.
四季酒店的大厅里都有古琦跟宝格丽的专卖店
None of those words made any sense. I think you've had a spring break stroke.
完全听不懂那些字眼。你是不是春假中风发作了
No, seriously, there's a car waiting downstairs to take us to a private plane.
我不是闹着玩的，楼下有车等着我们，要载我们去搭私人飞机呢
We can be at Teterboro in 20 minutes and Tahiti in 8 hours.
坐车到机场只需要20分钟，然后飞8小时就能到大溪地了
The Greek is paying for everything.
一切费用，那个希腊人全包
What did they give you? What's the last thing you can remember?
他们喂你吃了什么药？你能记得的最后一件事是什么
Nothing. I just had some cristal.
不是啦。我就喝了点水晶香槟
Some cristal meth?
是水晶冰♥毒吧
No, I'm just really excited. I went to the after-party and this shipping magnate.
不是啦，我只是挺兴奋的。我在庆功宴上碰到这个船运大亨
Don't worry, it's not gonna be sexual. More like a father thing.
别担心，不是卖肉傍大款。而是干爹情
Anyway, let's go... finally got us a good vacation.
就跟我走嘛，能好好度假了
But we're having a good vacation.
我们已经有个好假期了啊
Max, don't take this personally, but you don't know what a good vacation is, because you've never been anywhere.
麦克斯，恕我直言，但你根本不懂好假期的定义，你一生坐井观天，犹如井底之蛙
I mean, you walked into that apartment and your face lit up, like... like it was amazing.
走进这间公寓时，你都能眼神一亮，好像这是皇宫
And that's because you don't know that it's not. Trust me. I've been everywhere.
这单纯只是因为你见识的好东西太少了。相信我，我周游过列国
And I'm telling you, this is the worst vacation ever.
我很肯定的告诉你，这里的假期烂爆了
So let's ditch the bacon freak and the beer bro,
甩了培根怪胎跟酿酒兄吧
get on that plane, spend one great day at the beach, and then come back and make $8 an hour.
我们搭上飞机，去享受海滩一日游，然后回来过一小时8块的生活
That sounds fun. You kind of skipped over the part where we get abducted
听起来不错。不过你少说了，我们被绑架后
and Nancy Grace covers the year-long search for our bodies.
南希·格蕾丝的节目会花一年来协寻我们的尸首
It must be Constantine. He's gonna be upset. You never keep a Greek waiting.
应该是康斯坦丁打来了，他等的不耐烦了吧。希腊人最讨厌等待
Oh, my God, Max, we just got an email on our website from that food blogger at the book party.
天啊，麦克斯，我们收到封邮件是今天的美食博客写手发的
She said if we drop off four cupcakes by tomorrow morning,
她说明早给她送4个小蛋糕过去
she'll consider writing about them for her column that day.
她就考虑在她的美食博客上美言几句
Well, what's it gonna be, Caroline or Ashley? Cupcakes or Tahiti? Your call.
左右为难啊，要当卡洛琳还是艾希莉呢？小蛋糕还是大溪地，你挑吧
Is the Greek still waiting?
那个希腊人还在等吗
He just pulled away. I'm sure he'll come back here for Ashley sometime.
刚开走。有空他会回来找我的吧
And when that happens, I wouldn't want to be her.
不过等他回来，我也不想当艾希莉
Well, after tomorrow, you won't be. What can I do?
明天过后，你就被打回原形了。我能怎么办啊
You mean after your two personalities meet and kill each other?
你是问，当你的两种人格相遇并自相残杀，该怎么办吗
Max, I told you I needed a break. I just didn't know it was gonna be a psychotic one.
麦克斯，我说过我需要放个假。只是没想到一放假，我就精神分裂
You really need to chill.
你真的要冷静一下了
You can't keep freaking out because you're not where you want to be on vacation or in our business.
你总是动不动就崩溃，就因为天不从人愿，事不从你心
I mean, it's life. Lower your expectations.
人生就是如此，别总是期望太高
This microbrew is actually really good.
这个家酿啤酒还挺不错的呢
Tastes better in the batter. Hey, crumble up some of that maple bacon for me.
混入面粉中更美味。帮我把那些枫蜜培根弄碎
Sorry about that stuff I said about you never having gone anywhere.
说那些话真是对不起，我不是故意说你是井底之蛙的
Why? I never have gone anywhere or done anything.
干嘛道歉，我的确是井底之蛙，坐井观天
And now I'm thinking that's kind of a good thing,
我觉得我这样其实也不错
because I can still get excited and make a face when something's new to me.
至少我看见新事物还能兴奋，还能惊讶地合不拢嘴
'Cause, basically, everything is. That must be nice.
因为对我来说，一切都是新事物。这感觉一定很好吧
All right, here, taste it. My beer-batter, maple bacon, spring break cupcake.
来吧，试吃一下。混酒面粉加枫蜜培根的特制春假小蛋糕
Oh, my God, you made the "something new" face.
天啊，你脸上有"新事物"的表情
I did, because you made something new. It's delicious.
没错，因为是你创造了新事物。太好吃了
Do the face again.
再做一次那表情
Oh, there they are, the world travelers.
回来啦，环游世界姐妹花
Shouldn't people be throwing confetti or something?
大家怎么还不起身鼓掌撒花啊
I'm all out. I snorted mine in the power outage of '65.
我的花都用光了。65年大停电的时候我当毒品吸掉了
How was your vacation?
假期玩得开心吗
Well, it turned out to be more of a daycation, but we had a great time, didn't we, Max? Yes, we did.
虽然假期后来变成了一日游，不过我们还是玩得很开心，对吧？是挺开心的
Max, things sure are dull around here without you.
麦克斯，你走了之后餐厅了无生气啊
Everyone walking around all P.C., nobody called me black. Hell.
周围的人嘴巴都干净得很，他娘的，都没人叫我黑鬼了
I haven't left once since you've been gone.
你走后我都没离开店过呢
When it comes to this job, you are my vacation.
工作上，你就是我的假期
And that, Earl, is why I got all five of these gift bags for you.
就知道你这么好，所以给你带了五个礼物包
Welcome, again, to the Williamsburg diner. This way, please.
欢迎再次光临威廉斯堡餐厅。这边请
I have looked up "down-low" and "rice queen" on wikipedia.
我去维♥基♥百♥科查了"密柜中人"跟"米后"了
And, no, I'm not a secret homosexual or a man who chases only Asian men.
我不是未出柜的同性恋，对亚洲男人也没有特殊的基情
I'm great, I'm straight. Get used to it.
我很好，我很"直"，接受现实吧
Hi, guys. How was your vacation?
你们俩假期过得如何啊
Great. Did you have fun at our place?
很好啊，你们在我们家玩的开心吗
Totes. Your saunas are sick.
当当然，你们家的桑拿爽歪了
I know. Could they be any gayer?
我懂，基爆了对吧
No. Just one thing. Wynonna's still a little upset about the anal gland event.
不是啦。不过那天帮维诺娜清肛♥门腺后，她还一直心情低落呢
What? I told you she wouldn't know it was a joke.
什么？我说了她不会懂我们是闹着玩的
How could she not know it was a joke?
她怎么会不懂我们是闹着玩的呢
I mean, who would ask someone to squeeze their dog's pooper?
谁会叫别人去挤狗的肛♥门啊
We're paying you another 50.
我们再多付你50吧
Dude, she went second knuckle deep in your beagle's back door for only another 50? 150.
兄弟，她插♥入你家小狗菊♥花的深度有两个指节呢，你就多给50块而已啊。150块吧
Thank you. And just one other thing.
谢了。还有件事
Our business is actually not that great right now,
其实我们的生意挺惨淡的
so if you could recommend us to any of your friends, that would really help. Good for you.
如果你们能帮忙介绍给朋友，我们会感激不尽。够诚实
I'm sure business will pick up after that blog blurb. Wait, blog blurb?
博客一宣传，生意就会蒸蒸日上了吧？什么博客宣传？
About your beer-battered maple bacon spring break cupcake. We just read about it.
宣传你们的混酒面粉加枫蜜培根特制春假小蛋糕啊。我们都在网上看到了
Yeah, in that foodie bitch's blog.
是啊，就是那美食贱♥货的博客
Max, it worked. Let's go look at the blog on Han's computer. Excuse us. We'll be right back.
麦克斯，成功了。快去用阿憨的电脑看看那篇博客吧。失陪一下，我们马上回来
We got a little break and a big break.
刚放完小假，立马有大突破啊
Yeah, I did it again.
是的，我又堕落了一次
Welcome back. You missed the best two days of my life.
欢迎回来。你们错过了我人生中最美妙的两天