感恩节的精灵药水
Oh, you look pretty sharp tonight, Earl.
厄尔，今晚打扮得很犀利嘛
You going somewhere special?
有什么特别的活动吗
Max, I am free black and 75.
麦克斯，我是位七十五岁的"黑"钻王老五
Who knows what the night will bring?
我的夜晚有无限的"可能"
Well, here's a twenty.
给你张二十
Can you break this the way you just broke my heart?
如你弄碎我的心般，把这钱弄成碎银子给我吧
Pop-pop.
一半，两半
Look at all this.
瞧瞧这堆钱
People really tipped us well tonight.
今晚大家小费给得真多呀
Yeah, well, don't get used to it.
是啊，不过年是不会天天过的
Thanksgiving is almost here,
等人们意识到感恩节的来临，
and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts,
自己得在礼物上花多少钱
their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.
他们的钱包就会像金·卡戴珊的两腿一样，一领完婚礼捞来的钱，就"夹得紧紧的"
I've always loved this time of year--spiced pumpkin lattes, bringing my winter furs out,
我喜欢每年的这个时期，香料南瓜拿铁，拿出我的冬日皮草
then bringing my winter furs to the dry cleaner's to get the red peta paint out.
然后拿着我的冬日皮草去干洗店，把人道对待动物协会泼的红漆弄掉
For me, it was jumping into a pile of leaves and finding a used condom.
节日之于我，就是跳进一堆叶子，像寻宝一样找一个用过的套子
What's up, children of the corn?
怎么了，玉米田的小孩
I will stay tonight and decorate diner for American holiday of Thanksgiving.
今晚我会留下熬夜装饰餐厅，为美国节日感恩节做好准备
I'm surprised you got the right holiday decorations.
我很意外你居然能拿对装饰物
Last month, you put out Easter bunnies for Yom Kippur.
上个月赎罪日，你居然把复活节的兔子给摆出来
So many Jewish holidays, I cannot wikipedia them all.
犹太节日太多，我没空在维♥基♥百♥科上逐个搜
What, like I don't got a life?
笑屁啊，我的生活又不是只有这餐馆
My father and I had a very special Thanksgiving tradition every year.
我和我爸每年感恩节都有一个特别的传统
Oh, let me guess. You'd fly someplace like the Bahamas, lay by the pool,
我猜猜，你们飞到巴哈马之类的地方，在泳池边逍遥
and he'd light other people's stolen money on fire?
然后把你爸骗来的钱当柴火烧吗
No. We'd rent out the Waldorf Astoria ballrooms and feed the homeless.
不，我们会在华尔道夫酒店租出一间宴会厅，然后宴请那些无家可归的人
Don't look at me right now.
我现在没有脸见你
And after, we'd fly down to our home in St. Barts for two weeks.
之后我们就会飞到圣巴特岛，度两周假
Okay, you can look at me again.
好吧，我又有脸见你了
I stayed at the Waldorf Astoria once-- beautiful hotel.
我曾在华尔道夫酒店住过一次，酒店很漂亮
$50 for a hamburger?
汉堡出身名贵，身价五十
For that money, it should eat me first.
让那汉堡吃我还差不多
Okay, ready to go?
好了，准备走了吗
Han, if you'd really like to do something in the diner to honor the spirit of Thanksgiving,
憨，如果你想在餐馆做点什么来纪念感恩节的精神
you can open your doors and feed the homeless.
你可以打开门，让流浪汉们饱餐一顿
Yeah, put your money where your cornstalk is.
对啊，把你的钱放在你的"玉米秆"那儿
Caroline and I will work for free.
我和卡洛琳可以免♥费帮忙
Isn't it enough that when I see them on the street,
我在街上看见他们，会朝他们微笑
I smile and pretend to fumble for change?
并佯装找零钱，这还不够吗
No, it isn't.
不，不够
You can afford to open the diner for one night.
就免♥费开放一晚，你还承受得起吧
You can't put a price tag on those kind of emotional rewards.
帮助别人，情感上的满足是无价的
Yes, I can. $18 for 16-pound turkey, and I will need many of them.
可以，一只十六磅重的火鸡要十八块，而且到时候得要很多只
There--price tag.
瞧，都是"有价"的
Here, I will pay for turkeys.
给，火鸡钱我来出
Jeez, dude, where'd you get that?
老天，兄弟，你哪来这么多钱
I sell cigarettes from New Hampshire to schoolkids in New York.
我从新罕布什尔洲运香烟到纽约，倒卖给学生
It is a good profit and beautiful drive.
收益不错，而且一路上风景也很美
I love the leaves.
我爱死那些落叶了
All right.
那好吧
I'm feeling y'all. I'll bring the pie.
我感受到大家的热情了，那我出派
My mother used to make the best chocolate pie.
我妈妈以前做的巧克力派是全世界最好吃的
I remember one time she got so mad at this white woman she worked for,
我记得有一次她特别气她的老板，一个白人女人
she took this chocolate pie into the bathroom--
她把巧克力派带进厕所
No, hold up. That was from the help.
慢着，这好像是《相助》里的情节
I know it's not Burberry like we're used to,
我知道这不是我们以前用的高级货
but I'm telling you, used moving blankets are gonna be in this year.
相信我，搬家包家具的毯子今年将会是时尚尖端
Who's a trendsetter?
创造潮流，非你莫属啊
We're really lucky November is so warm.
今年到11月还这么暖和，真是幸运
Another thing I'm giving thanks for this Thanksgiving-- global warming.
今年感恩节我还要感谢一样东西，就是全球暖化
I think the three remaining polar bears would disagree.
我想仅存的三只北极熊可不同意
Max, it's time to teach me how to bake.
麦克斯，是时候教我烘培了
Okay, well, if we're doing that, first I have to go get baked.
可以，不过要我教你的话，得先等我抽爽了
I'm serious.
我是说真的
It's the beginning of the holiday season,
节日季开始了
and with all the potential Christmas cupcakes and festive gift baskets,
到时候没准会需要圣诞小蛋糕和节日礼品篮
you're gonna need as much help as you can get.
你会需要一个帮手的
Festive holiday gift baskets?
节日礼品篮
No way.
不要
I'm not into all that crap.
我才不想掺和进这些破玩意儿
Oh, no. Are you gonna be one of those,
别啊，难道你是那种
"I am too cool to believe in the wonders of Christmas" type of bitches?
"我成熟到不再相信圣诞节的神奇"的贱♥人吗
I am so many types of bitches,
我是很多种类型的贱♥人
I've lost count.
多到我数不过来
And the only wonder of Christmas I'm aware of is...
我唯一注意到的圣诞奇迹是
I wonder how you're gonna keep up that attitude through Christmas this year.
我好奇你这种心态是否能保持到今年的圣诞节
Why, because this is my first holiday without any money?
为什么，因为这是我第一次一贫如洗地过节吗
Uh, yeah.
正是如此
Money isn't what makes the holidays special, Max.
节日的特别不是靠钱堆砌出来的，麦克斯
Uh, yeah.
正是如此
The holidays are totally about money.
节日完全是靠钱堆砌出来的
It's about spending money to buy things to stuff into the giant black sucking hole
花钱买东西来塞进我们心中那个深不见底的黑洞，
in the center of each of us that reminds us life is hard and then we die.
以此来提醒我们在死之前，日子都不会好过
And that's my Christmas card.
这就是我圣诞卡的祝语
Max, I'm aware this holiday season will be challenging,
麦克斯，我知道这个节日季节会不好过
will I miss my 20-foot Christmas tree decorated by ten gay men? Yes.
我会想念我们家由十位男同精心布置的高达二十英尺的圣诞树吗，会
Will I miss those ten gay men outing my cousin Steven before he was ready? No.
我会想念十位男同在我表弟斯蒂芬做好心里准备前就逼他出柜吗，不会
My holiday spirit is bigger than my money.
我的节日精神更胜我的钱
So come on, teach me how to bake.
所以拜托，教我烘培吧
We only have a couple weeks.
我们只剩两周时间了
Fine. Pour a cup of milk into the mixer.
好，倒一杯牛奶进搅拌器
This will be fun.
这肯定会很好玩
When I was little, I used to make my father cakes in my easy-bake oven.
当我还小，我常常用我的儿童简易烤箱做蛋糕给我爸爸吃
My easy-bake oven was repossessed.
我的儿童烤箱被人没收了
So, um, speaking of your father, are you doing okay?
既然说到你爸，你还好吧
I mean, this is a hard time of year for people who have feelings, and just...
我是说，每年的这个时候人们最容易胡思乱想了，而且...
With your father in prison, how are you doing?
你爸还在监狱，你真的没事吗
I'm doing great.
我没事
I actually just found out that since it's Thanksgiving,
其实我刚发现正因为是感恩节
they're allowing me to come see him for the first time.
他们准许我第一次去看他
Well, that excitement will probably taper off after the full-body cavity search.
那股兴奋劲儿很快就会随全身洞口搜查而逐渐变弱
I don't know. I might like it.
不知道，或许我会喜欢呢
It's been a while since I've had any cavities searched.
很久没人给我做"洞口"搜查了
All right, pour the milk, slut.
好啦，倒牛奶吧，小骚货
One cup milk.
一杯牛奶
There, how's that? Good.
搞定，怎么样？不错
Now into the mixer.
放进搅拌器
There, how was that?
搞定，怎么样
Uh-uh. We're not playing "Rich girl gets a trophy every time she does something normal"
我们又不是在玩"富家女每做一件正常事就赢一座奖杯"的游戏
Just cover the bowl with the towel so it doesn't splash out, and turn it on.
用布把碗盖起来，这样就不会溅出来，然后打开开关
Oh, it's not plugged in.
电源忘插了
Right.
收到
No, not without the towel!
不，别把毛巾拿开
Christmas comes but once a year, and I think it just did.
一年一度的圣诞节刚刚大驾光临了
These high-end mixers are a lot of money.
这些高端搅拌器真贵
I thought if we came to a big department store,
我以为如果来家大商店
there'd be a lot of them, and the prices would be better.
不但种类齐全，价格也会合理
We can't afford these.
结果我们全买不起
How much did you think they'd be?
那你觉得应该是多少钱
I don't know.
我不知道
I guess I'm not used to looking at prices.
我可能不习惯看价签
I usually just point, pout, and it's purchased.
我通常是用手一指，嘴一撅，就手到擒来了
Yeah, I had a version of that, only it was more like,
对，我有另一个版本的，只不过更像是
point, and when they look the other way, stuff steaks down your pants and run.
用手一指，当店员看向别处，赶紧把东西塞进裤裆，然后立马开溜
Come on, there has to be a mixer here we can afford.
拜托，肯定有咱们可以买得起搅拌器
There is.
的确有
Here.
这个
A $5 spoon? That's what we can afford?
五块钱的勺子，我们就只买得起这个吗
Yeah, if we put it on layaway, work hard for a few years.
是啊，买这个只需要分期付款，努力干个几年...
I'm used to being poor around your stuff, but not around stuff that I want.
在你想要的东西附近，我很习惯"买不起"，可在我想要的东西前，我不想穷啊
What happened to all your "money's not important" holiday spirit now?
你那"钱不是万能"的节日精神跑哪儿去了
Max, it feels like you want me to be depressed about the holidays.
麦克斯，怎么感觉是你想让我对节日感到沮丧
No, no. I'm just saying that it's okay for you
不，不，我只是说如果你没那感觉
not to be all up and everything around me if you're not feeling it.
就不用装出一副积极向上的样子，没关系啊
It's all right to let your dark side out.
露出你的阴暗面没有关系
Come to the dark side.
快弃明投暗吧
Oh, my God. Look, they're hiring elves.
天啊，快看，他们在招聘精灵
Why would I go to the dark side when I could go to Santaworld?
如果我能去圣诞乐园，为什么还要弃明投暗呢
Let's go get in line. I've always loved Santaworld.
快去排队吧，我从小就热爱圣诞乐园
Me too, as a David Sedaris story, not as an actual real-life option.
我也是呢，不过我是说笑的，就像大卫·赛德瑞斯的笑话那样
Come on. If we get hired,
拜托啦，如果我们被录用了
we could use our employee discount to get one of the really good cake mixers.
我们就能用员工折扣购买一台质量上乘的蛋糕搅拌器
And then it'd be like it came from Santa!
然后就感觉像是圣诞老人送的一样
Come on, Max, we'd be great elves.
拜托，麦克斯，我们会是很棒的精灵
I have the holiday spirit. You're great with kids.
我有节日精神，你跟孩子处得来
And we're both so desperate for money, we'll wear other people's tights.
而且我们缺钱缺到愿意去穿别人穿过的紧身衣
Max, I've been coming to this store at Christmastime with my father since I was little.
麦克斯，自小我爸爸每年都带我在圣诞节期来到这家商店
I'd get all dressed up in my fanciest winter coat and hat
我会穿得漂漂亮亮，戴上我最美的帽子
and then stand in line to see Santa with my hands in my muff.
然后把手放进我的暖手筒，排队等着见圣诞老人
And they didn't throw you out?
他们没有把你赶出商店吗
There is nothing Christmas-y about this hallway.
这个走廊一点圣诞气氛都没有
It looks like the place Santa sends promiscuous elves to get the results of their S.T.D. test.
这里像是圣诞老人把滥交的精灵送来拿她们性病检查结果的地方
Okay, that's the kind of comment that almost got us knocked out of the first round.
够了，就是你这种言论，第一轮就害咱们差点被刷下去
You're lucky I edited your application.
还好有我帮你"美化"申请书
Why, what was so bad?
为什么，哪里有写得不好啊
You requested to work in Santa's sex toy shop.
你申请去圣诞老人的性♥爱玩具店工作
Max, that's not even a thing.
麦克斯，这根本不存在
Tell that to my candy-cane-shaped vibrator.
这话跟我拐杖糖形状的电动棒说去
Max!
麦克斯
I call it "Santa's big helper."
我称它为"圣诞老人的神来之手"
Please try and get into the holiday spirit.
请努力有点节日精神好吗
I know. If we get hired, we'll go right home and watch Miracle on 34th Street.
我想到了，如果我们应聘成功，我们就马上回家看《34街奇迹》吧
It'll be a miracle on 34th Street
如果我们能在这艘精灵运奴船上
if we make it out of the bottom of this slave ship without elf scurvy.
成功下船而不染上精灵坏血病那才是真正的奇迹呢
Hi.
你好
I couldn't help but overhear you mention Miracle on 34th Street.
我不小心听到你提到《34街奇迹》
That's my absolute favorite Christmas movie.
那是我最最喜欢的圣诞电影
Mine too!
我也是
My second favorite is it's a wonderful life.
我第二部喜欢的是《生活多美好》
Mine too!
我也是
I've got Schindler's List on Blu-Ray.
我有蓝光的《辛德勒的名单》
Hi. I'm Mary. I'm Caroline.
你好，我叫玛丽，我叫卡洛琳
Hi. I'm Mary.
你好，我叫玛丽
It's cool. We don't need to talk.
没关系，无须假客套
That's Max. She's kind of a Grinch about Christmas.
她是麦克斯，她挺讨厌圣诞节
Oh, like my brother Patrick--
就像我哥哥派翠克
He's always teasing me about loving Christmas.
他总是耻笑我对圣诞节的热爱
He calls me "Mary Christmas."
他总是称我为"圣诞玛丽"
Get it?
懂吗
It's 'cause my name is Mary.
因为我的名字叫玛丽
I can't help it.
我就是无法控制
It's my favorite time of year.
这是我一年中最爱的时期
Mine too. Yo.
我也是。喂
Disconnect before it's too late.
现在斩断还来得及
Don't be so cynical.
别这么愤世嫉俗嘛
Especially Christmas eve.
尤其在平安夜
It's an O'Brien family tradition.
这是我们奥勃良家族的传统
All seven of my sisters and brothers--
我们七兄妹齐聚一堂
we line up on the staircase in our brand-new Christmas PJs and have our picture taken.
我们穿着全新的圣诞睡衣，在楼梯那站成一排然后合影留念
Bitch is 30.
那贱♥人三十岁了
It's my father.
是我爸
Hi, daddy. You'll never guess where I am right now-- applying for a job at Santaworld.
老爸，你肯定猜不到我现在在哪，我在应征圣诞乐园的工作
No, it's not depressing at all.
不，一点儿也不凄惨啊
The man's in prison, and he thinks this is depressing.
连在牢的人都觉得这很凄惨
Oh. Are you sure?
你确定吗
It's really not that far.
其实也不是很远啦
Okay. If that's what you want.
好吧，如果你已经决定了
Call me on Thanksgiving. Love you.
记得在感恩节给我打电话，爱你哦
He thought about it and doesn't want me to come.
他想了想，还是不要我去了
He said he can't face having me see him in there.
他不想我看他在牢里的样子
You okay? Fine.
你没事吧？没事
Quiet, please, people. I have an announcement.
各位请安静，现在我来公布结果
Everyone in this corridor has been chosen to be an elf.
这走道里的所有人都成功入选成为精灵
Mazel.
真"恭喜"啊
Yay, we're elves.
好棒，我们是精灵了
Report to work at 3:00 A.M. the morning of Black Friday.
黑色星期五凌晨三点来报道
This is so exciting!
真让人兴奋不已
Okay, well... I'll see you both then. Okay, Mary.
那好，咱们到时候见啦。好的，玛丽
Great, 3:00 A.M.-- you, me, and definitely-a-Virgin-Mary.
很好，凌晨三点，你，我，和一个老处女玛丽
Good night. Get home safely.
晚安，平安回家哟
Maybe I should not have said that to homeless.
这句话貌似不应该跟无"家"可归的人说
That is it.
终于完事了
2:00 A.M.-- Freebie Thanksgiving dinner is now officially over.
免♥费的感恩节大餐在凌晨两点正式落下帷幕
According to my calculations,
根据我的计算
we served over 300 turkey dinners and only had two knife fights.
有三百个来吃火鸡的人，但只有两起动刀事故
Thank you, Caroline.
谢谢你，卡洛琳
This experience taught me that rich or poor, home or homeless, we are all the same.
这件事让我知道，无论是富人还是穷人，安居乐业或是无家可归，我们都一样
Wait. Where's my wallet?
慢着，我的钱包呢
They took my wallet, those dirty sons of--
他们偷走了我的钱包，那些肮脏的混...
Oh, here it is.
哦，原来在这儿
Yes, we are all the same.
的确，我们都一样
Well, I have two things to say.
我有两件事要说
First of all, I'm incredibly proud of us for spreading the spirit of Thanksgiving together.
首先，咱俩能一起传播感恩节精神，我为我们感到十分自豪
And secondly, someone left an adult diaper in this booth, and I am not dealing with that.
其次，有人扔了成人尿布在那，打死我都不会去善后的
What's with the sad face?
干嘛一副苦瓜脸
You saw the bathroom?
你看见厕所的惨况了吗
It's just--even though we fed the homeless,
就是...虽然请了无家可归的人吃饭
it doesn't feel like Thanksgiving without my father.
但少了我爸，感恩节还是变味了
But you made a lot of people happy here tonight, and you should feel pretty good about that.
但今晚你让这里的很多人开心，你该为这件事而感到满足
Yes, I do. Come on, elf.
是的，快点，小精灵
We better clear these tables.
赶紧收拾桌子
We have to be at Santaland in an hour.
我们得在一个小时内赶到圣诞乐园
Why you have to be there in the middle of the night?
为什么你们要大半夜去那里
Because it's Black Friday, and the doors open at 5:00 A.M.
因为今天是黑色星期五，清晨五点就开门了
Yeah, we want to be there right on time to see the first person trampled to death by UGGs.
对，我们想准时到那里看第一个被无数UGG踩踏至死的人
We have to work all night and then all day tomorrow.
我们已经忙一整晚了，明天还得忙一整天
How are we gonna do this?
我们哪有这么多精力
I got the answer right here.
山人自有妙计
Max, I'm not doing cocaine.
麦克斯，我可不嗑药
If we could afford cocaine, we could afford a mixer.
毒品都买得起，还买不起搅拌器吗
Nine-hour energy shots, aka elf juice.
坚挺九小时提神饮料，又名精灵果汁
I've never done these. Do they work?
我从来没喝过这个，管用吗
Millions of wired-off-their-asses college students can't be wrong.
成千上万大学生精力充沛的最佳选择
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
悠着点，悠着点
Did you just drink that whole thing?
你刚才把一整瓶都喝光了吗
Yeah, why?
对啊，怎么了
Nothing.
没事
I'm sure it's not too much.
应该不会过量才是
They suggest sipping it, but... Who are they?
这上面建议说小口喝，但...他们又算哪根葱啊
All right, we'd better go.
好了，我们快去收拾吧
We got to go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
我们得快，快快快快快
Oh, you should've sipped it.
你该小口喝的
How do I look?
我看起来怎么样
Because I kind of feel like I look like a North Pole dancer.
我觉得自己看起来像一个北极钢管舞娘
You actually look cute. You look good in red...
其实你看上去挺可爱的，红色衬你
And green-- red and green together.
绿色也是，红绿搭配相得益彰
You can pull off anything. You're so beautiful.
你可以驾驭一切，你太美了
I don't tell you that enough. Whoa!
我夸你太少了。够了
Whoa, slow down, speed racer.
够了，说慢点，极速快嘴
I know. I can't stop talking.
我知道，可我煞不住嘴
What was in that stuff you gave me?
你给我喝的东西里面含什么成分
I don't know. The ingredients are in Spanish.
我不知道，成分是用西班牙文标注的
Well, my corazon is beating muy rapido.
我的心现在跳得超级快
Okay, and why aren't you in your elf costume yet?
好啦，为什么你还不♥穿上精灵服
Because I was talking to those people over there,
因为我刚跟那边的人聊天
and there's a chance-- a slight chance, but a chance--
得知有机会，虽然机会渺茫，但有机会...
I could get moved to the strolling Christmas carolers.
被调到圣诞颂歌巡演组
I overheard their ethnic mix is short a token blond.
各种族得均匀，而他们还少个金发白人
And I'm blond, baby!
姐就是金发白人，宝贝儿
Forget it. You got me into the underbelly of the elf beast, and you are not bailing on me.
不许去，你拉我上了这艘精灵贼船，你不许抛下我
But those period costumes are so much prettier.
可那时期的衣服更漂亮
I will knock you from here to Rudolph's house if you abandon me.
如果你敢抛下我，老娘就把你打飞到北极去
We are in this together. Now go get your bells on.
我们要共同进退，快点把衣服穿上
Okay, I didn't want to tell you this because it's, well, gross, but the last elf
好吧，我本来不想告诉你的，因为很恶心，但我那身紧身衣
who had the tights they gave me, well, let's just say her little lady elf friend visited unexpectedly.
上一位穿它的精灵，就这么说吧，她的精灵大姨妈突然来访
Talk about a period costume.
还真有其他时期的衣服呢
You're right. It's disgusting.
是啊，超恶心啊
I can't do this anymore.
我做不来
I'm leaving. I don't want to do this anymore.
我要走了，我不想扮精灵了
I feel tired and wired at the same time.
我身心疲惫同时又焦躁不堪
This was an awful, awful, awful, awful, awful idea!
这个主意好糟糕，好糟糕，好糟糕，好糟糕
All right, calm down!
够了，冷静
Jeez, you're like a Christmas crack monkey.
老天，你就像只圣诞抽风猴子
Look, we are not going anywhere, okay?
听着，我们哪也不去，知道吗
You got me all elfed up, and now we need these jobs.
我衣服都穿好了，我们需要这份工作
So just go talk to someone and tell them why you need a new pair of tights.
所以去找个人说说，解释下你得换身新衣服的原因
I can't. It's embarrassing.
我做不到，太尴尬了
Look, either you ask her, or you rip out the crotch and risk showing six-year-olds your winter wonderland.
要么你去问她，要么你把裤裆撕开，或冒着露出冬日"阴"境给小朋友的风险
Now I'm sad.
我伤心了
You, the one with the dark hair,
你，深色头发的那个
I need you to come with me. Where?
你跟我来一下。去哪儿
And is there a drug test involved?
不会是去做药检吧
Change of plans. I need for you to be Mrs. Claus.
计划有变，我要你扮演圣诞老奶奶
The other one had to leave-- blamed menopause.
原来那个人拿更年期当借口跑了
Menopause, please.
拜托，更年期算什么
I had my uterus yanked out on my lunch hour, and I was back at my desk by 2:00.
我午饭时间去把子♥宫切掉，下午两点照样准时上班
Follow me... Unless, uh, you don't want that extra $2 an hour.
跟我来，除非你不想每个小时多挣两块钱
Oh, no. You are not leaving me here alone when I'm crashing on elf juice.
不行，精灵果汁把我搞成这样，你不能在这时候抛下我
If I can't be an old-timey singer, you can't be Mrs. Claus.
如果我不能扮演旧时的歌手，你也不能扮演圣诞奶奶
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm throwing you under the sled, sister.
但我决定背信弃义，对不起啦，姐们儿
That extra $2 an hour will bring us closer to the really good mixer.
每小时多那两块钱能让我们离上等的搅拌器又近一步
And the way my life is going, this might be my only chance to be married to a rich guy.
依照我生活的态势，这可能是我嫁给有钱人的唯一机会
I'd double-check those tights if I were you.
如果我是你，我会再三检查这身衣服
These tights suck.
这紧身衣太恶心了
Hi. Hi, elf.
你好呀，小精灵
I just got assigned to the front of the line with you.
我刚被分配来前线陪你
Oh, crap.
我靠
It's me, Mary. "Mary Christmas."
是我呀，玛丽。"圣诞玛丽"
You know, like my brother Patrick always says. Yeah, you said that.
我哥哥派翠克总这么说。你说过了
Look at how cute we look...Jingles!
我们看上去真有爱，叮铛作响
I just named you Jingles.
我刚帮你取了个名字叫"小叮铛"
Get it? 'Cause of all your bells.
懂吗，因为你身上的铃铛
Oh, listen... Ah, this is my number-one favorite Christmas song.
听着，这是我最喜欢的圣诞歌
What's your favorite Christmas song?
你最喜欢的圣诞歌是什么
Silent night. Get it? 'Cause I want you to be silent.
《平安夜》，懂吗，因为我想你闭嘴
What's the matter with you?
你怎么了
You're acting like an elfhole.
你就像个精灵混♥蛋
Oh, hello, children!
你们好，孩子们
Who's next to see my husband, Santa?
下一个轮到谁去见我丈夫，圣诞老人
I am so mad at you right now.
我现在很气你
Uh, hold on, children.
等一下，孩子们
Mrs. Claus is just having an issue with one of her elf employees.
圣诞老婆婆跟精灵员工之间出了点小问题
What are you doing? What's wrong with you?
你这是干嘛，你怎么了
You abandon me on Christmas the day after my father abandons me on Thanksgiving?
感恩节我爸抛弃我，隔天你就在圣诞节抛弃我
You have balls.
你胆子挺大啊
Christmas balls...
圣诞树挂球
Like on Santa's tree... Or a Hanukkah bush.
就是圣诞树上挂的，或光明节树
Look, I've got my own problems, okay?
各有各的烦心事，好吗
Santa is kind of hands-y.
圣诞老人有点毛手毛脚的
And you leave me here with this one when I'm coming down the bad side of nine-hour energy mountain?
当我开始从九小时鸡血澎湃的状态下开始走下坡时，你居然扔下我，独自忍受那女的
I don't know what's at the bottom, but so far, not the miracle on 34th Street I was hoping for.
我不知道坡底会是什么，不过应该不会是我盼望的《34街奇迹》
Well, elf-- Her name is Jingles.
听着，精灵，她叫小叮铛
One more word, Mary, seriously.
别逼我出手，玛丽，你再放个屁试试
Listen, Bipolar Express, you need to jingle all the way up that mountain,
听着，躁郁特快，你得一路铃儿响叮当地爬回坡上
because all these kids are looking at us.
因为所有的孩子在看着咱俩呢
Hello!
你们好呀
You got your list for Santa? Yep. Got it right here.
给圣诞老人的愿望清单写好了吗？嗯，写好了
Well, he's waiting for you, so go right ahead in.
他在等着你，快进去吧
Yay, let's go! Hi.
好耶，咱们走！你好
Oh, you look so pretty in your hat and your coat.
你真漂亮，帽子和大衣真配你
Thank you very much.
多谢夸奖
I used to have a coat like that.
我也有过像这样的大衣
But she gave it to a reindeer because he was very cold.
但她送给驯鹿了，因为不忍心看它受冷
Oh, you have your list for Santa?
给圣诞老人的愿望清单都写好啦
Let's see what you want.
看看你都想要什么
Ooh, a pretty doll... Had it.
漂亮的洋娃娃。有过
An easy-bake oven... Had it.
儿童简易烤箱。有过
A Barbie dream house. Oh, had that, too.
芭比娃娃的美梦洋房。也有过
Had all those things, and now I have nothing-- nothing to stick in my big hole. Okay.
这些我全拥有过，现在却一无所有，没东西来塞我的大洞。好了
Jingles, what are you doing? Tell them, Max.
小叮铛，你这是干嘛？告诉他们，麦克斯
No, no. I'm not Max. I'm Mrs. Claus-- Mrs. Beyonce Claus-- and I'm married to Santa.
不不，我不是麦克斯，我是圣诞老奶奶，碧昂丝版的圣诞老奶奶，圣诞老人是我的丈夫
No, tell them what you told me-- that it's all just stuff we buy to stick in our big holes.
不，把你跟我说的告诉他们，节日不过是通过买礼物来填满心中的大洞
I've been married for 50 years. I don't even think about holes anymore.
我们结婚五十年了，现在再也不想"洞"这档子事了
Why is she talking to children about holes?
她为什么在跟孩子们说"洞"事
I'll get her. Okay.
我来摆平。好吧
Caroline-- No, Max, you were right.
卡洛琳。不，麦克斯，你说得对
They should know the truth.
他们应该知道真相
Mrs. Claus, have a little, uh, elf control.
圣诞老奶奶，管好你的精灵
Jingles, come into my little house.
小叮铛，我们进屋说
No, Max. They should know.
不，麦克斯，他们应该知道的
There is no miracle on 34th Street, and it's not such a wonderful life.
34街根本没有奇迹，生活一点儿也不美好
If it were, I wouldn't be standing here in crotchless tights in the middle of Santaland,
如果生活美好，我就不会穿着开裆裤站在圣诞乐园的正中间
with a father in prison, too broke to buy a mixer.
爸爸也不会坐牢，也不会连搅拌器都买不起
Stop it, you're gonna ruin Christmas.
闭嘴，你会毁掉圣诞节的
Christmas is all about money.
圣诞节就是用钱堆砌起来的
If you want stuff from Santa, you got to buy it, because there is no--
如果你想收到圣诞老人的礼物，你就得掏腰包，因为这世上根本没有...
Merry Christmas!
圣诞快乐
Get her out of here now. And you, put your knees together!
快把她带走，还有你，把双腿给我并上
I hope I didn't ruin Christmas for all those sweet children.
希望我没有毁掉那些小朋友的圣诞节
No, you didn't.
不，你没有
All they saw was a crotchless elf freaking out.
他们看见的不过是个穿开裆裤的抓狂精灵
But "Mary Christmas" will never recover.
但"圣诞玛丽"估计一辈子都好不了了
They'll find her in her studio apartment in two weeks hung from the chimney with care.
两周内，他们会发现她在公寓慎重地吊死在烟囱上
Well, this is all kind of your fault.
这都怪你
You told me to come to the dark side.
是你让我弃明投暗的
I just told you to get in touch with your feelings.
我只是让你正视自己的感觉
I didn't think you'd turn into Darth Caroline.
我可没想到你会变身成"黑洛林"
Once I went there, I couldn't get back.
一旦黑化，就难以回头嘛
Yeah, and chugging that elf juice didn't help.
是啊，狂喝精灵果汁"没有"推波助澜
It wasn't just the drink.
不只是那饮料
Before those presents came crashing down on me, reality did.
在那些礼物让我崩溃前，现实早把我击垮了
I have no money and a father in prison who didn't even want to see me on Thanksgiving.
我身无分文，我那个坐牢的爸爸不愿意在感恩节见我
Yeah, well, there are a lot of people way worse off than you.
是啊，这世上还有很多比你更惨的人
Yes, your father's in prison,
没错，你爸是在坐牢
but at least you have one and you know where he is.
但至少你有爸爸，还知道他在哪儿
And you have a home and a job.
你有一个家，有一份工作
And you have a freaking horse.
你还他娘的有匹马
So...
所以...
Happy holidays. It is a wonderful life.
节日快乐，生活的确很美好
You're right. I am so lucky.
你说得对，我很幸运
Well, since right now is the closest to the Christmas spirit we're probably gonna get,
既然现在咱俩很可能是最有节日精神的时刻
Santa wanted me to give you your Christmas present now.
圣诞老人托我把你的圣诞礼物给你
It's our new mixer.
我们的新搅拌器
We're gonna old-school it.
我们得用传统方法了
Aw, you spooned me.
你送我个勺子
I feel bad. I didn't get you anything.
我觉得惭愧，没给你准备礼物
Max, you got me everything.
麦克斯，你给了我一切
Before you, I was living on a subway, and now look...
遇到你之前，我只能住在地铁里，你看现在...
I'm living near a subway.
我住在地铁附近
So did you buy this?
是你买的吗
No, it's from Santa.
不，圣诞老人送的
Jingles, did you steal this?
小叮铛，是你偷的吗
Yeah.
是
I grabbed it when they were throwing us out.
在他们扔咱们出去时，我趁乱拿的
Wow, Caroline Channing.
卡洛琳·钱宁
You keep this up, and you won't have to ask permission to visit your father in prison.
继续努力的话，想去监狱看你爸就再不用经过批准了
But I did give $2 of our cupcake-fund money to the Salvation Army Santa.
但我有从蛋糕基金里拿出两块钱给救世军的圣诞老人
So God bless us, everyone! It's a wonderful life!
上帝保佑我们大家，生活很美好
It's times like this I really miss Darth Caroline.
像这种时候，我就会超级想念"黑洛林"