犹太式成人礼

So that's three of our delicious homemade cupcakes.
就要三个美味的自制小蛋糕，对吧
Nope, can't. You touched them. Sorry, flu season, no health care.
别给我，你们都摸过了。抱歉，流感季节，我没医保
You realized I replaced that purell with K.Y., right?
知道你的净手液被我换成润滑油了吧
Max, please say you're kidding.
麦克斯，你是开玩笑的对吧
Of course, I'm kidding. I can't afford lube. I just use my tears.
废话，我逗你玩呢。我买不起润滑油，唯有以眼泪润滑
Max, seriously, don't mess with my hand sanitizer.
麦克斯，你可千万别乱搞我的净手液
I've already caught poverty this year and I refuse to catch the flu.
我今年已经被贫穷缠上了，我可不想再染上流感
I just have to keep cleaning my hands and not touch anyone.
我只能勤擦洗手液，避免任何肢体接触
Caroline, I have check from table ten.
卡洛琳，这是十号桌的账单
Okay, just place it right there. That's a big tip...
好，放这儿就行。小费给得真多啊...
You know, in Indonesia, you'd be married now.
在印尼，你们这样就得结婚了
I'm gonna get sick, I know it.
我感觉到我快生病了
You're fine.
你没事的
Fine? Han just unloaded into my mouth.
没事个屁，他把病菌全"喷射"进我嘴里了
Congratulations, you both finally got some action.
恭喜你们，终于"实干"上了
I can't afford to get sick and miss work. I need to get some antibiotics.
我可生不起病，也请不起病假。我需要钱买抗生素
You are poor now. Poor people don't just run out and buy antibiotics.
你是个穷人。穷人才不会没事就跑去买抗生素
We man up, grow a pair, stare germs in the face.
穷人就该硬起，死扛，跟病毒单挑
Like this French fry from that guy who couldn't stop coughing.
比如这根被不停咳嗽男吃过的薯条
Max, no, no--oh!
麦克斯，别啊，别
Booyah! And I haven't ever been sick or to a clinic.
姐牛吧！就算这样，我也没生过病或去过诊所
And, no, planned parenthood doesn't count.
对了，计划生育诊所除外
Well, well, well, she weebles and she wobbles, but she don't fall down.
哎哟妈呀，她颤颤悠悠，摇摇晃晃。但步履坚定，胸前不倒
Oh, Earl, you're so naughty and nice.
厄尔，你嘴又甜又会调戏人家
And I'll be checking you out twice.
那我再用眼神调戏你一回吧
Hey, Sophie, sit anywhere you like.
苏菲，随便坐啊
Oh, uh, let's see. Where is lighting that will make me look most attractive?
我看看。哪个位置的灯光能让我显得最明媚动人啊
What am I saying? I look good everywhere.
我说啥呢，我坐哪都是仪态万千
I am meeting man for first time that I met online. I wonder if he's here yet.
我要跟我的网友首次见面。不知道他到了没
Well unless you've been cruising singles who don't leave enough singles, I'd say no.
除非他是个单身，小费给得又抠门的男人，不然应该没到
You know, Max, if my date turned out to be big bust-- what, bigger than ours?
麦克斯，如果这场约会是大"凶"之...能比咱们"胸"吗
Then you come over and say that something suddenly came up and that I have to go, okay?
你记得过来说突然有急事，我得先走，知道吗
Oh, my gosh, this must be him.
天啊，肯定是他了
You must be Sophie Kuchenski. I'm Serguisz Bilowski.
你是苏菲·科臣斯基吧？我是瑟格特·比罗斯基
Wow, I love your dress, I love that!
我好喜欢你的连衣裙啊，真好看
Something came up and you have to go.
突然有事，你得走了
No, no this is perfect. Would you like to sit down?
不，不，这好得很。我们坐下吧
Just let me run to the little boys rooms first. Okay? Okay.
我得先去嘘嘘一下吧，可以吗？没问题
Who is that?
他是谁啊
That's Sophie's new boyfriend.
他是苏菲的新男朋友
I see, and where's his boyfriend?
那这个男的男朋友又在哪
Hello. Nice to see you again. I'm wearing my velour especially for you.
你好吗，很高兴再次见到你。我特意为你穿了我的丝绒服
And right now, it's the only thing soft about me.
我现在除了衣服，全身上下无一不硬
Please go away before my date comes back from the men's room.
趁我的对象还在厕所，你快滚吧
You have brought other man in here?
你还带男人来我地盘啦
Yes, I met him on Polish dating site. On polemeetpole.com
是啊，我们在波兰人交友网站认识的。波兰交友管道网
You didn't have to go online. You could meet my pole any time.
何须上网找呢？我的"管子"随时欢迎你
No, this will never happen. You're not my type.
不可能，你别做梦了。你不是我的型
Well, what is your type?
那你喜欢什么型
Wow, they have those automatic hand dryers that blow you.
里面有自动干手机帮你吹呢
I love being blown like that.
人家好喜欢被那样吹哦
Those look like two giant orange traffic cones. Are you trying to tell me not to park there?
你胸前犹如两个巨大的橘色交通锥。是要警告我"此处不能停"吗
This is a lady. Show her some respect.
她是个淑女。请你放尊重点
Sophie has new man in her life. I am so mad I cannot see straight.
苏菲居然找了个新男人。我气的两眼都要发直了
Well, I'm looking right at him and I don't see straight either.
我看着也觉得他的一点都不"直"
Max, I think I'm running a slight fever. Feel my forehead.
麦克斯，我好像有点发烧。感觉一下我额头
Look, you should have learned by now-- I don't feel anything.
你还不了解我吗，我感觉不到任何东西
Caroline, I've written down address of drug store in South Williamsburg that has a doctor on site.
卡洛琳，我把医生的地址写下了，他的诊所在南威廉斯堡的药局里
Here, I will pay for it. Unless it is cancer. Then I'm out.
给，医药费我出。可如果是癌症，我就不负责了
And, Max, here is check for table seven.
麦克斯，这是七号桌的账单
Booyah!
姐牛吧
How long is it gonna take to see a doctor?
看个医生是得等多久啊
I'm definitely getting something-- I'm pre-sick.
我绝对是生什么病了，现在是病发前期
I'm stage one pre-sick. I need penicillin.
我现在是初期的病发前期，我需要青霉素
I told you before, you have to man up and not give in to this sick stuff.
我跟你说过了，你得硬起，坚决跟病魔抗争到底
I'm not like you. I have actual things I feel.
我又不像你。我是个有感觉的人
Menachem Goldman. Menachem Goldman.
米那肯·古德曼。米那肯·古德曼
This must be the orthodox Jewish neighborhood.
这一带肯定是正统的犹太社区
Either that or we're in ZZ Top-ville.
不然就是ZZ托普村了
Max, have some respect.
麦克斯，放尊重点
Hey, I got nothing but respect. They basically invented southern rock.
我超级敬重的好不好。他们可是发明南方摇滚的乐团呢
I love the Jewish people.
我超喜欢犹太人
Whenever I felt sick before, I'd just pop over to the townhouse next door and visit Dr. Klein.
以前一觉得自己病了，我就跑到隔壁别墅，找克莱医生
So your love was contingent on pills? We're not that different.
所以谁有药丸你就爱谁啊。咱俩根本是一丘之貉嘛
Actually, the Kleins and I were very close. I was invited to many passover in their home.
其实以前我跟克莱一家关系很好。我多次被邀请去他们家过逾越节呢
In fact, they called me their honorary Jew.
他们以前还称我为"荣誉犹太人"呢
Rivka Shemshelewitz. Rivka Shemshelewitz.
里芙卡·尚舍罗威茨。里芙卡·尚舍罗威茨
Well, you're no Rivka Shemshelewitz.
人家的犹太名比你帅气多了
Mrs. Klein always said I had a bissel Jew.
克莱夫人总说我有"细尘"犹太血统呢
You had a Jewish vacuum cleaner?
你还有台犹太的"吸尘"器啊
No. Bissel. It's a Yiddish word. It means little.
不，是"细尘"啦。是意第绪语中少量的意思
And this one time I had a bissel flu and she brought me chicken soup every day.
有一次我得了细尘感冒，她就天天送鸡汤给我喝
So why don't you just give Dr. Klein a call?
那你直接打给克莱医生不得了
I did three times and no return.
我打了三次都没人回
I guess he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore because of my father's financial scandal.
他估计不想跟我沾上边了吧，我爸弄了这么大的财务丑闻
All those years I thought we were family. Guess not.
那么多年来，我以为我们亲如家人。原来只是我自作多情
I don't know, ignoring your needs and pretending you don't exist? Sounds like family to me.
不一定吧，有求必不应，视你如空气。我觉得这就是家人啊
Caroline Channing, Caroline Channing.
卡洛琳·钱宁，卡洛琳·钱宁
Finally. Let me do the talking.
终于啊。我来跟她说吧
I learned a lot of Hebrew from Mrs. Klein. These are my people.
我以前跟克莱夫人学了不少希伯来语呢。我跟他们是一国的
Hello, shalom, shana tova
您好，平安，新年快乐
Very good, you wanna squeeze in a couple more before sundown?
很好，要再多抖几个词直到太阳下山吗
Wow, you're as bad as me trying to be Irish at the blarney rose for a free beer.
你就跟我想装爱尔兰人跟人家骗啤酒一样逊
Yar, can I get me a cerveza?
喂，能给我来杯啤酒吗
What can I get you ladies, besides skirts that are more appropriate?
两位有什么需要吗，除了更端庄的裙子之外的？
Sorry, I didn't know it was an orthodox neighborhood.
抱歉，我们不知道这里是正统的犹太区
You know what, we could just tie our coats around our waists. Max?
这样吧，我们把外套绑腰上挡着吧。麦克斯
Oh, and look at the breasts on this one.
哎哟，看看这妞的大胸
Coat on or off? Make up your mind.
穿还是脱，赶快决定
No, Bubala, I'm just saying, with those big breasts and that gorgeous hair, it's like looking in a mirror.
宝贝，我只是说，这对大胸，加上这头秀发，我们简直是一个模子刻出来的
It's been a few years, but trust me, under this wig and smock, spitting image of you.
虽然老娘青春不在，但相信我，脱下假发和白大褂，咱俩一模一样啊
Here you go, Esther Rachael.
给，艾丝特·瑞荷
How else do you think I landed a handsome doctor like my Anshell?
不然你觉得我是怎么嫁得我老公安舍尔这样的英俊医生呢
Oh, doctor? Doctor? Doctor, if you could-- oh, oh, what is that Hebrew word for wait?
抱歉，医生。医生，医生，你可以...靠，希伯来语的"稍等"怎么说来着
You might wanna start peppering in some English.
你还是老老实实说英语吧
Now, Chava? Now you're telling me you're too sick to bake.
小妞，你现在才说。你现在才说你病重不能给我烤蛋糕了
I need 80 cupcakes. The Bar Mitzvah is tomorrow.
我需要80个小蛋糕呢。成♥人礼是明天呢
You're dead to me! See you next week.
给老娘死一边去，下周见吧
We could help. We can? Yeah, give me the card.
我们能帮你。我们能吗？可以啊，名片给我
Hi, I'm Max and my friend and I here have a cupcake business
你好，我是麦克斯，我们有个小蛋糕生意
and we'd be happy to bake as many cupcakes as you need for the bar mitzvah.
我们很乐意帮你做成♥人礼的小蛋糕，要多少都没问题
I mean, you need cake, we make cake. It's bashert.
你需要小蛋糕，我们会做小蛋糕。真是"命中注定"啊
Look, enough with the "it's a small Hebrew world after all."
够了，少来那套"有缘千里犹太牵"了
How does 250 sound?
收费250块如何
No way, 275. I have to bake all morning.
不行，要275块。我得忙活一早上呢
It's like looking in a mirror. They're kosher, right?
连性格都一模一样。是犹太洁食吧
Are they kosher? Look at me. Like looking in a mirror.
是不是犹太洁食，你看我。咱俩还需要多说吗
Good, I'll call you with the address.
很好，我会打电话告诉你们地址的
Esther Rachael, if I could talk to you husband about getting some antibiotics--
艾丝特·瑞荷，我能跟你丈夫谈买些抗生素的...
Sorry, sundown.
抱歉，日落了
Okay, I've got the kosher cookbook, salt, flour, sugar, new mixing bowls,
我买了犹太洁食食谱，盐，面粉，糖，新的搅拌碗
and I stopped at the goodwill and got us two appropriately sad schmatas to wear for tomorrow. Let's start.
还去了趟善心二手店，买了两件明天穿的端庄素色衣服。开工吧
Start? I'm already half done.
什么开工，我都做一半了
How could you be half done? You didn't have any kosher ingredients.
你怎么可能做完一半了。你又没有洁食用的材料
Oh, they'll never know, we'll just tell them they're kosher.
他们又吃不出来，我们说是洁食的就行了
Oh, my God, we can't do that.
天啊，不可以这样
Oh, my God, we just did.
天啊，已经这样了
They have to be kosher. Do you want God to smite us?
必须做成洁食才行。你就不怕遭天谴吗
What's he gonna do? Take away all my good luck and your fortune?
老天还能怎么惩罚我们？收回我的好运和你的亿万家财吗
You think all those things labeled low fat are low fat? It is just a sales gimmick.
难道写着低脂的食物真是低脂的吗？不过是销售把戏罢了
I had a low cal ice cream bar once that popped my top Jean button.
有次我吃了根低卡冰棒，我牛仔裤的扣子立马就给崩了
Kosher isn't a sales gimmick. It's thousands of years of tradition. We have to respect that.
犹太洁食不是销售把戏。是人家千年来的传统。我们得尊重人家啊
I don't respect anyone's tradition. That's kind of my tradition.
我从不尊重任何人的传统。这就是我的传统
Well maybe that's because you didn't grow up around a family.
也许是因为你成长过程中没有家人陪在身边吧
Hey, I grew up with a lot of families. The Manson family, the Jackson family, the Menendezes.
我成长过程中有无数家人好吗？曼森家，杰克森家，米南德兹家
Wait, is that Menendezes or Menen-di? Either way, they were like brothers to me.
等等，是念米南德兹还是米南戴兹？反正他们都待我如兄长
Max, we are doing these straight up kosher.
麦克斯，我们就老老实实做洁食吧
Fine. But return those new bowls, I don't need them.
好吧。你把新搅拌碗拿去退了吧，不需要
I can just dump the bacon bits out of this old one.
我把培根都捞出来就能接着用了
Max, please, let's just start the cupcakes over, drop them off, get me some antibiotics, come home, and put me to bed.
麦克斯，你就得重新做吧，明天交货，收钱，买抗生素，然后回家，让我上床养病
All right, I'll make them kosher.
行行行，我做成洁食就是了
I mean, it's the least you could do after you lied to that woman and let her think you were one of them.
这也是你欠人家的，谁让你骗了人家还让她误以为你是犹太人
Hey, I don't know who my father is. I could be half Jewish.
我又不知道我爹是谁。我很可能有一半犹太血统啊
Although it's more likely I'm half bartender who demanded my mom figure out a way to pay her tab.
不过我更可能是酒保的女儿，可能当年我妈被拐着"酒债肉偿"
Hey! Hello. Serguisz and I are on way up to my apartment.
你们好啊！你好啊！小瑟格正准备回我家
He's making me brunch.
他要做早午餐给我吃
Cornish hens splashed with my special sauce. I love special sauce, I love that!
童子鸡撒上我的独家酱料。我好爱独家酱料啊，爱死了
Yeah, and I stopped by because I was hoping you girls might have some spare cupcakes for dessert.
我来主要是想问你们有没有多余的小蛋糕给我们当点心
Only about 40 of them.
大概有40个吧
Oh, good! I'll go up and get started. Sophie, can I have you keys?
太好了！我先上楼开煮吧。苏菲，钥匙能给我吗
Oh, yeah. Cute place.
没问题。你家真有爱
Ah, I have keychain just like this.
哎呀，我也有一样的钥匙圈呢
We are birds of a feather. I love that!
我们真是心有灵犀啊。爱死了
See, girls. This is what I like about my new boyfriend. He loves so many things.
小妞们，看见没。我就爱我新男人这一点。他对什么东西都有爱
And vagina ain't one of them.
唯独对阴♥道无爱
Max! We don't know that. Sexuality is more fluid these days.
麦克斯！我们又不了解人家。这年头，性向本来就很随意
It's okay. He's big, big gay.
没事的，他就是个基爆的基佬
So... You know he's gay?
你知道他是基啊
Oh, know it? I prefer it. Yeah, my ex-husband was large male bully.
何止是知道。我特意找的。我前夫是个粗鲁的恶汉
Yeah, all rough sex and stains in shorts.
房事粗暴，满裆精斑
Now all I want is a man who will spoon me and stay soft.
我想要个只抱抱，不搞搞的男人
But what about sex?
那性生活怎么办
Oh, no one does me better than me.
男根虽好，我手更巧
That's the last of them. Look at us. I think we look very nice.
这里是最后一批了。瞧咱们这身。我觉得看起来挺不错的
Really? I think we look like the Olson twins.
是吗？我觉得看起来像奥尔森姐妹
Well hello, girls. You look very lovely.
你们好啊，女孩们。你们看起来真美
Mazel tov to the family. What a mitzvah to be part of this day. How bashert.
恭喜你们家。能来参与，我们深感荣幸。命运的巧合啊
Oh, we're still on that ride?
你还没抖够意第绪语吗
I'm sorry. It's just, I'm so happy to be in your warm and wonderful home.
真是抱歉。我只是很开心能来你温暖有爱的家
I was very close to my neighbors, the Kleins.
我以前跟我的邻居克莱一家很熟
In fact, they called me their honorary Jew.
他们还称我为荣誉犹太人呢
Stop now. This is like when you tell Earl you're practically black.
别说了。这就你对厄尔套近乎说自己是黑人一样窘
We'll just get our money and go.
我们收完钱就走
Take our money and go? What are we, barbarians? Stay and celebrate a little.
收完钱就走？我们又不是无礼的野蛮人？留下来一起庆祝吧
But, out here in the kitchen, away from the men. Sit, eat, come.
不过只许待在厨房，不准靠近男人。坐下，快吃，来嘛
Three of my favorite things to do.
我人生最爱的三件事
Good looks and funny. What a catch. Hadassa, hand me a spoon.
又美又幽默，不娶太可惜啊。哈达莎，拿个勺子过来
All 100% kosher and so gorgeous you could plotz.
百分百洁食，好吃到你昏倒
This one's seen some Streisand movies, yes? Wait until you taste my kugel.
她看太多芭芭拉·史翠珊的电影了吧。等吃过我的面再下定论吧
Oh, I love kugel. Tell me, Esther Rachael, are you Ashkenazi or Sephardic Jews?
我超爱犹太面。告诉我，艾丝特·瑞荷，你是阿什肯纳兹犹太人，还是塞法迪犹太人
Someone's been on the Internet.
有人专门上网做足功课哦
No way, this is a pasta and a dessert?
我靠，这是意大利面加甜点啊
Ooh, there he is. My only son. My little angel.
他来啦。我的独子，我的小天使
The Bar Mitzvah boy who, today, becomes a man.
今天成年礼的主角，从男孩变男人
Girls, this is Shmuley and his friend from next door, David.
姑娘们，这是史姆里，跟他的邻居朋友大卫
Say hello to the girls who made the cupcakes, boys.
孩子们，跟做小蛋糕的姑娘们问个好吧
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你们
Hadassa, Devorah, enough. Thank you, go. Enjoy the party. Have more kugel.
哈达莎，达沃拉，够了。谢谢你们，走吧。享受派对吧，多吃点面
I'll go ask my husband for your money.
我去跟我丈夫要你们的钱
See, this is what I love, Max. The family, the tradition.
麦克斯，我就喜欢这些。家庭，传统
The lasagna with the crazy raisins.
意大利面加超多葡萄干
And those two little boys, could they have been more precious?
还有那两个男孩，他们还能再可爱一点吗
Yo, yo, yo, what up cupcake bitches?
哟哟哟，干毛呢，小蛋糕骚妞们
I'm fixin' to marry me a biatch who bakes like this, son.
小爷我也要搞个像她们这样会烤会搞的淫♥娃当老婆
Uh, I don't know what's going on,
我不知道你们怎么了
but I'm pretty sure boys and girls aren't supposed to be socializing, right?
但是依照你们的传统，男女是不应该交谈的，对吗
Damn, sweetness, your lips are moving but your ass is doing all the talking.
哇靠，小美♥女，虽然你能说善道，但小王想的都是你的小翘臀啊
Uh... Is that Yiddish?
他是在说意第绪语吗
Oh, boys, there you are, come on. Say goodbye to the cupcake ladies.
你们俩在这啊，快过来。跟小蛋糕女士们说再见
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你们
Did that just happen or has my fever suddenly spiked?
是真有其事，还是我发烧到出现幻觉了
That's the first time I ever saw anyone acting all pimp who still had pimples.
我这辈子第一次见到脸上还在长痘的痞子
Yo, yo, yo!
哟哟哟
And they're back.
小痞子二度回归
What up, Shawties? What's crackalackin?
怎么样啊，小骚货们。在搞毛呢
Yo, today my boy became a mans.
今天我兄弟要成♥人啦
That's right. Got my bar mitzvah done, son. Preach!
没错。赶紧来"搞"个"成年"仪式吧。没错
So let's get to it.
赶紧开始吧
How much of my Mitzvah money is it gonna take for you to pop that top
要给多少"成年金"你才愿意脱掉上衣
and serve me up some super fine taytays?
让小王尝尝你的顶级人间"胸"器啊
Dude, there is not enough money in the-- how much are we talking? Max!
拜托，就算你给再多钱也...最多能给多少来着？麦克斯
Yo, don't get all jealous, vanilla cone.
别嫉妒她，小白妞
How about you turn around and make it pop for daddy?
转身把屁♥股翘起来，给小爷乐呵乐呵吧
How would you like it if I told your mother right on the other side of that door
你妈可就在隔壁哦，如果我告诉她你们多轻浮
how you boys were in here disrespecting us?
对我们有多不敬，会怎么样
How is you gonna say anything with your mouth full? Damn, son!
朕会用龙根堵住你这贱婢的嘴。绝啊，兄弟
Come in here, ma. This way.
妈，快过来，这边
Don't say anything to her. Let's just get our money and get out of here.
千万别告诉她。我们拿完钱就走
Max, she should know.
麦克斯，她该知道的
You wanna ruin their day and not get paid?
你想毁了人家的成年礼外加收不到钱吗
Just keep it to yourself for five minutes and we're gone.
再多忍五分钟，我们就能走人了
I want you to meet my mother, Hinda Fagel.
我想你们见见我母亲，辛妲·菲格
Ma, this is Max who made the kosher cupcakes.
妈，洁食小蛋糕就是这位麦克斯做的
And I'm Caroline.
我是卡洛琳
What did the shicksa say?
那女娃说什么呢
She said her name is Caroline.
她说她叫卡洛琳
Who cares what her name is? She looks like the people that stole my grandmother's good hutch.
谁管她叫什么呢？她长得就跟当年偷我奶奶储物箱的人一样
But look at this one. It's like looking in a mirror.
这个女娃就不一样了。长得跟我一样美
Oy, she's got a fever.
哎呀，她发烧呢
Oh, Max, oh honey, you're burning up.
麦克斯，宝贝，你在发烧呢
Oh, no way, I don't get sick. I get sick.
不可能，我从来不生病。我会生病哦
You're sick. You'll come, you'll lie down.
你生病了。跟我过来，好好躺着休息
Oh, I'm really fine. We'll just get our money and head home.
我真的没事。我们收了钱就回家了
Nonsense. You'll see my husband. The doctor.
胡说，留下来让我老公看看。医生老公哦
Stop, wait, where are you taking her? I'm the one who gets sick.
等等，你们带她去哪里呢？我才是会生病的那个呀
What did she say?
她说啥呢
She says she wants your hutch.
她说她也要偷你的储物箱
You poor baby. You have a fever of 102. Just have to rest, Bubala.
你个可怜的娃。你都烧到38.9度了。乖乖休息吧，亲爱的
I'm really fine. That towel thing feels awesome.
我真的没事。这毛巾也太舒服了吧
It's a cold compress, it'll bring your fever down.
这是冰枕，让你赶紧退烧
My husband should be in any minute.
我老公马上就来了
Thanks. I think it's only right to tell you,
谢谢，我应该老实告诉你
I don't know a lot about my background, so... I might not be Jewish.
我不太了解我的真实身世，我可能不是犹太人哦
Please, look at you. You could be my daughter.
傻孩子，瞧你的长相。如果我有女儿，肯定长你这样
I would have liked that. Always wanted a daughter.
那样该多好啊。我一直希望有个女儿
I always wanted a mother.
我也一直希望有个妈妈
Oh, did your mother die young? Sadly, no.
你母亲早逝吗？很遗憾，仍在世
Ooh, you need a kiss. Oh, good your soup is ready.
让我给你一个吻。太好了，你的汤来了
Ess a bissel, tatelleh.
喝"细尘"点吧，亲爱的
Bissel? I know bissel.
细尘？我懂"细尘"这词
Of course you do. You're Jewish.
你当然懂，你是犹太人嘛
Okay, I'm Jewish, what the hell.
是就是吧，其他都见鬼去
Oh, we don't believe in hell.
我们不相信有地狱
We don't? Awesome. Oh, thanks.
不信吗？太爽了。谢谢您
Call me bubby.
叫我嬷嬷
Thanks, bubby. No one's ever blown on my soup before.
谢谢，嬷嬷。从来没人帮我吹过汤
What's wrong with them?
那些人脑子有病吗
That's my boy, that's my boy, hey, Hey, ho. Oh, there he go!
瞧我兄弟，瞧我兄弟。厉害啊
That's what's up, hooker.
小爷就是这么牛逼，淫♥娃
First of all, you just scuffed his mother's freshly-waxed floor
首先，你刚把他妈妈刚打蜡的地板给磨掉了
and secondly, you may think throwing away your family traditions is cool now,
其次，你现在可能觉得无视家族传统很酷
but in life, bad things can happen.
但若干年后，报应会来的
And one day, when you find yourself penniless and sick, you'll need your nice Jewish family
某天，当你发现自己身无分文，疾病缠身时，你会想念你善良的犹太家人
and you'll call them three times and they won't answer the phone no matter how much you need antibiotics.
然而你电话打再多，他们也不会理你，才不管你病得多重多需要抗生素
Damn, boo, I stopped listening after you said freshly-waxed. Playa!
宝贝啊，你说到"刚除毛的..."小王就没在听了。妙啊
Max, I'm giving you some amoxicillin for you to take home.
麦克斯，我开了些阿莫西林，让你带回家吃
Now take it all, even when you start feeling better.
乖乖把药都吃完。好转了也得持续吃
Yes, Dr. Anshell.
是的，安舍尔医生
Look what I brought. Sweets for the sweets.
看我拿什么来了。给甜心们的甜点
Uh, wait, wait, wait, before you eat those, remember how I said I might not be Jewish?
稍等一下，吃之前我有话要说，我不是说我可能不是犹太人吗
Yes. Those might not be kosher.
是啊。它们也可能不是洁食
What are you saying?
你说什么呢
I'm saying they're not kosher.
那些不是洁食
What is she saying? Not kosher! What? Not kosher! Spit it out, ma! Spit it out!
她说啥呢？不是洁食！什么？不是洁食！妈，快吐出来，快吐出来
Just a minute, it tastes so good.
再等一下，这太好吃了
You like that? Stop. You like that? Stop it. You like that? S--that's it!
爽吗？停下。爽不爽？别撒了。爽死了吧？停...够了
Listen, hit me with one more dead president and you'll be six feet under with Biggie and Tupac.
听好，再把毛爷爷往老娘身上撒，老娘就把你们拖出去，跟其他死饶舌歌手埋一起
You understand me, Jew-Tang Clan?
听懂老娘的话没，假饶舌娃子
Skinny bitch came to play!
排骨淫♥娃想开战啦
What kind of girl brings non-kosher cupcakes into a kosher home?
什么样的人会做非洁食小蛋糕给洁食家庭啊
Not me-- I'm not that kind of girl.
不是我，我不是那样的人
Yeah, hi, I think I'm that kind of girl.
是我，我就是那样的人
Max, what are you talking about?
麦克斯，你说什么呢
I made sure every single one of those was up to a rabbi's high standard.
我确保了每一个小蛋糕都达到了超严厉的洁食标准
Yes, well, maybe my rabbi didn't have such high standards.
我的"超严厉"标准不够高，行了吧
I'm so sorry, I burned some and we were running late and I figured, four non-kosher out of 80. So close.
我很抱歉，我不小心烤糊了几个，时间又不够，我就想80个中混4个进去。不多嘛
Max, I told you how important all those traditions are to a Jewish family.
麦克斯，我跟你说过洁食传统对这些犹太家庭有多重要
Yes, you told me about tradition and family,
是啊，你跟我说过传统跟家庭
but none of that meant anything until I felt that cold compress.
但在冰枕敷到我头上前那些对我毫无意义
And she was nice enough to put it on my head and I felt what that feels like.
而且她还善良到亲手帮我敷上，我这才明白传统跟家庭的含义
And then bubby blew on my soup before she ate the non-kosher cupcake.
然后嬷嬷在吃非洁食小蛋糕前还帮我把汤吹凉了
Wait, bubby ate a non-kosher cupcake? It's a shanda!
什么，嬷嬷还吃了非洁食小蛋糕？家门不幸啊
It is a shanda.
的确是家门不幸
I'm hoping shanda means you're forgiven and we'll pay you anyway.
我希望这词是指你会原谅我，然后付我钱吗
We are not taking any money.
我们不会收任何费用
That's right, you're not taking anything.
那当然，你们半毛钱都别想拿
Except for this compress. Feel better.
但把这个冰枕拿走吧。早日康复
Now go, get out of my sight. And don't wear short skirts.
可以滚了，有多远滚多远。还有，别再穿短裙了
Esther Rachel, I wanna talk to you about your son Shmuley's behavior today.
艾丝特·瑞荷，我想跟你谈谈你儿子史姆里今天的一些事
What are you talking about? What did my Shmuley do?
你说什么呢？我的小史姆里干了什么好事
I'll tell you what he did. He became a man.
我告诉你吧。他今天长大成♥人了
That's all he did. Right, Caroline?
没其他的了。对吧，卡洛琳
I'll say he became a man.
的确是"成♥人"了啊
What are you talking about? Shmuley!
你什么意思呢？史姆里
Stay out of it, this is not our family.
别多管闲事了，这又不是我们的家
You and I don't have a family. They still do. Let the police tell her about him.
你跟我都是没家的人了。人家还有呢。以后会有警察去跟她说的
So about my Shmuley. What do you have to say?
我儿子怎么啦？你刚想说什么呢
Mazel tov, he's a wonderful, wonderful boy.
恭喜恭喜，他是个很好的少年
Oh, there you are. Shmuley, David, say goodbye to the cupcake girls.
你们来啦。史姆里，大卫，跟小蛋糕姑娘们说再见
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你们
Thank you. So I see no Max. She still out sick?
谢谢。麦克斯没来啊。她还病着呢
It's her first night back. She should be here any minute.
她今晚刚回来上班。她马上就会到了
Did you wanna order something or wait for your boyfriend?
你想点餐吗，还是等你男人呢
Oh, see, this is sad story.
我跟他悲剧收场了
Uh, he broke off with me to date other woman. And she had penis.
他跟我分手，找别的"女人"去了。那女人有鸡鸡呢
Yeah, I can't compete with that.
我哪赢得过"带把"的女人啊
Hi, Earl.
你好吗，厄尔
There she is, my long lost love. How you feeling, Max?
我失散已久的爱终于回来了。你身子怎么样了，麦克斯
I'm pretty good. Hey, bubby.
病好得差不多了。你好啊，嬷嬷
I brought you some chicken soup for taking care of me the last couple days.
我给你带了些鸡汤，感谢你近几日的照顾
I enjoyed being your bubby. I guess you were wrong, Max.
我很喜欢当你"嬷嬷"的感觉。我想你错了，麦克斯
You and I do have family--each other.
你和我还有家，我们就是彼此的家人
We're not family until we have to testify against each other in a manslaughter trial.
没上过法院，互相指控对方是杀人凶手前，我们当不了真正的家人
Here, eat this. I don't want you to catch what I just had.
来，吃吧。我不想你染上我的病
Not gonna happen, Max. I took your advice.
不可能的，麦克斯。我听了你的话
I manned up. I stared germs in the face.
硬起。跟病魔单挑
That's right, when you got sick, I got balls. Booyah!
没错，你生病，我生猛。姐牛吧
Like looking in a mirror.
简直跟我一模一样