麦克斯报税

Max. Do you have any gum? My breath tastes like someone else's breath.
麦克斯，你有口香糖吗？我的口气闻着像别人的口气
You're asking me if I have any gum?
你居然问我有没有口香糖
That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sluts.
就跟问新泽西有没有淫♥娃一样
Great. There were onions in my street meat.
谢了，我刚在街上买的肉里有洋葱
Listen to me. "Onions in my street meat."
你听啊，"街上买的肉里有洋葱"
Last year, I was taking meetings on wall street.
去年，我是华尔街开会的有钱人
This year, I'm eating meat from the street by a wall.
今年，我是靠墙吃从街上买的肉的穷人
Let's see. Phone, chapstick. A pill!
我找找啊，手机，润唇膏。药丸
Could be birth control, could be ecstasy. Waiting for a day off to find out. Why wait?
可能是避孕药，也可能是摇♥头♥丸。找天休息，一试便知。算了，等屁呀
If I start touching your hair in an hour, don't let me have sex with anyone.
如果一小时后我开始摸你的头发，千万要阻止我去摸别人的鸟
Max! Max, what's this? It's addressed to Max's homemade cupcakes.
麦克斯！麦克斯，这是什么？地址写的是麦克斯自制蛋糕店
Really? I thought that was just a thing I wrote the new pizza place info on.
是吗，我以为这只是我随手拿来写新批萨店信息的纸呢
It's a $200 check from that office party we did.
这是上次办公室聚会赚的那200块
Max's homemade cupcakes in type! No way, I've never been typed out before!
"麦克斯自制蛋糕店"还是印上去的呢！天啊，我这辈子还没收过支票
I've been cash, I've been sweaty 20s pushed into my palm, but I've never been typed!
我收过现金，我收过一堆手汗打湿的20块钱，但我从来没收过支票
We's all grown up! We's legit! Listen up, diner! I just hit the big time.
我们店进步了，我们店变合法了。听好了，吃货们，姐赚大钱了
No more serving up slop to you lowlifes.
再也不用给你们这些废柴端菜了
So everybody can suck it! My waitress days are over.
你们都吃屎去吧！姐的服务生涯就此终结
Can I get some more coffee? Sure.
能再给我来点咖啡吗？马上。
Earl, what are you doing? Employees are not allowed to drink diner liquor.
厄尔，你怎么能这样？员工可不能随便喝餐馆里的酒
Now, hold up, Han. It's April 16th. Do you know what day tomorrow is?
阿憨，别拦我，今天是4月16号。你知道明天是什么日子吗
Oh, of course. Happy Martin Luther King day. Enjoy a drink on me.
当然，马丁·路德·金日快乐。我请你喝一杯
It's not Martin Luther King day.
不是马丁·路德·金日啦
Black people are allowed to be excited about other days too, you know.
黑人也可以庆祝别的日子好不好
Is there a new Tyler Perry movie coming out?
泰勒·派瑞出新电影了吗
No, Kim Jong Il. It's tax day.
不是，金正日先生。是报税日
And I always treat myself to a Brandy when I do my taxes
而我习惯在核算税费的时候喝杯白兰地
because I need to be drunk when I see that refund amount.
因为我不忍在清醒的时候看到退税金额
Chicken breast, side of hot sauce.
鸡胸肉配辣酱
Breast? Hot sauce? Come on, it's right there.
胸，辣酱，拜托，淫起你的好湿句
Max, now that I have big love for Sophie,
麦克斯，我的爱都给苏菲了
I no longer say inappropriate sexual things to other women.
不会再对别的女人"淫"诗作对了
I save all my hot sauce for her breasts.
我的"辣酱"都留给她的大胸了
Love has made you a real old lady.
爱情让你变得婆婆妈妈的啊
Here you go, Brandy man. Enjoy.
给，白兰地男，好好享用
Max, you got a stamp? I wanna drop this off in the mail on my way home.
麦克斯，你有邮票吗？我想在回家时，顺便把这封信寄出去
I have one in my purse. I'll just get it.
我包包里有一张，这就去给你找
Max, he wants to file this year.
麦克斯，人家是想今年报税
He doesn't have time for the search party to go into your purse and return.
才没空等搜索小队钻进你的包包，把邮票救出来
Hey, it's a purse. It's supposed to be messy.
喂，包包本应乱糟糟
No, it's supposed to be a purse, not a retirement home for a pair of panties stuck to old lifesavers.
不，包包本应齐整整，而非一堆失禁老人穿过的内♥裤的养老院
I'm kinda off my meal now.
现在我吃不下了
I have a stamp right here, Earl. There, see? Order versus chaos.
我马上就能拿出邮票，厄尔。看见没，秩序对比混乱
Also known as OCD versus "Oh, here's a CD I forgot I had."
也是OCD对比"噢，我都忘了我有这张CD"
Would you prefer a flower, flag, or a love stamp?
邮票要什么图案，花，旗帜或心形
Ladies, I don't care which, I just wanna get these taxes in the mail before the deadline.
姑娘们，哪个都行，我只想在截止日期前把报税单寄出去
Earl, you do your own taxes?
厄尔，你自己报税吗？
I surely do. Proud to say I haven't missed a year since 1950
当然。我可以很自豪地说，从1950年开始从不间断
when I had my first job as Frank Sinatra's ball boy.
那时候我第一份工作是法兰克·辛纳屈的球童
Ball boy? Was he a good tennis player?
球童，他还是个网球好手吗
No, darling, he didn't play tennis. The job was washing his balls.
不，亲爱的，他不玩网球。那工作就是给他清洗蛋蛋
And that was good work for those times.
在那个年代，这可是一份好工作啊
Do you mind if I look over your 1040 to see if I can increase your return?
我可以看一下你的1040表吗，看看能不能多帮你报点退税
Do you, Wharton, do you.
请便，沃顿高材生，请便
Well, at first glance, I see you short-changed yourself on some deductions. There's 500 right there.
一眼看过去，我发现你忽略了几个税额扣除项目。这里就有500块
Why don't you sign this now, and I'll save you what I can and then drop it in the mail tomorrow?
你何不直接签个名字，我回去看看怎么弄，然后明天再帮你寄出去
Max, look at this. Blonde ambition here just saved me $500.
麦克斯，瞧瞧。野心金发妹刚帮我省500块呢
Really? That's pretty cool. Oh! There's another 100. No way, that's awesome.
真的吗，挺不错啊。这里还有100块。靠，厉害死了
Ding, ding, ding. It's like I won the slots without being surrounded by those pissed off ladies with emphysema.
叮，叮，叮。就像我玩老虎机赢钱，身边却没有围满嫉妒到气得肺气肿的女人
But how could you not know there was a cupcake check in your purse?
你怎么会不知道你包包里有一张蛋糕赚的支票呢
It just got mixed in.
无意间都塞进去了呗
And anyway, who still sends important stuff through the mail these days? What are we, pioneers?
话说现在哪还有人把重要的东西用信寄啊。我们又不是早期拓荒者
No, we're businesswomen, and we need to keep track of every penny.
不，我们是商人，得记下每一分钱
Hey, should we frame it and hang it on the wall?
是不是应该把它裱起来，然后挂在墙上啊
That way when we're two billionaire bitches who hate each other's guts,
这样等那天我们俩成了亿万富婊♥子互相恨透对方时
we can look at the check and remember.
可以看看那张支票，回想当年
Max, I'll never hate your guts.
麦克斯，我永远不会恨你
You don't know. Business pressure, you caught me sleeping with your husband, anger about your bad facelift.
这可不好说。生意压力，我跟你丈夫偷情，被你捉奸在床，整容整坏了，迁怒于我
Oh, honey, I will never have a bad facelift.
亲爱的，我永远不会整坏的
I've been collecting names of good doctors since I was 11,
我从11岁开始，就在收集好医生的名字
and I was terrified by my piano teacher whose nose was suddenly here.
因为当时我被我钢琴老师吓到，她的鼻子突然就跑到这里了
That's pretty cool of you to do Earl's taxes for him.
你帮厄尔报税的行为真酷
I'm happy to. After all, finance is my field of expertise.
我乐意帮忙。毕竟，金融是我擅长的领域嘛
Yeah, pretty cool. You know, all that stuff. Helpful hints and whatnot.
对，超酷的。我说了那么多有的没的。你应该懂吧
Cripes! What more do I have to do, Rouge my boobs and stand in a storefront window in Amsterdam?
天啊，还要我怎么暗示啊，像阿姆斯特丹的妓♥女那样，一♥丝♥不♥挂的站在橱窗里卖骚才够"明显"吗
Are you gonna help me with my taxes or not?
你到底帮不帮我报税呀
Max, I don't know if it's a good idea. I've seen your purse. I can only imagine your taxes.
麦克斯，我不知道这是否是个好主意。我见识过你的包包，你的税务更是可想而知
Can you let go of the purse? It's just a messy bag.
能不能不说包包了，不就乱了点吗
It's not like I lost your child in the outback.
我又没把你的孩子丢失在沙漠地带
It's symptomatic. Here, look at my purse.
我是以小见大，你看我的包
You know what, never mind. It's too late for a purse smackdown.
好了，你还是算了吧。现在批评我的包包太晚了
But for the record, even if you win now, my purse will kick your purse's ass.
况且，就算你说赢了我，我的包还是能把你的包打死
Later, after it spent two weeks learning your purse's schedule.
当然，等它先花两周了解你包包的行程
Organized, clean, perfect. Look. Just look at it. Look at it, Max. It won't bite.
有序，干净，完美，快看。快看呀。快看嘛，麦克斯，它不会咬人
Who are you, my mother's third boyfriend?
我妈的第三任男友才说这话
And truthfully, before I saw that check, I wasn't even going to file.
坦白说，在我看见那张支票之前，我没想过要报税
But now that our business is getting real, maybe I should start getting real about my finances.
但现在生意越来越像一回事，我才打算把我的财政状况当一回事
I mean, when we are two billionaire bitches,
等咱俩真的成了亿万富婊♥子
I don't want the government to swoop in and Wesley snipe us for back taxes.
我可不想政♥府半路杀出来，然后韦斯利为了税务而狙击咱俩
Okay, great. We'll do it tomorrow. And I promise, no more purse slams starting now.
好吧，那明天帮你。我保证，从现在开始我再也不批评你包包了
Who is that?
谁呀
CNN. They found a 34th Chilean miner in your purse.
新闻台，他们在你包包发现第34名智利矿工
Okay, okay! Starting now. Who is it?
好啦，好啦，从现在正式开始。谁呀
Kim Kardashian. No. I'm not Kim Kardashian. No, I work for a living.
金·卡戴珊。不，我不是金·卡戴珊啦。老娘不靠作秀圈钱
Hey, Sophie, you come down for your cupcake nightcap?
苏菲，你是下来吃睡前小蛋糕的吗
Yeah, thank you, Max. But tonight I'm going to take two.
对，谢啦，麦克斯。不过今晚我要吃两个
'Cause I'm getting ready to date and I wanna get back to my fighting weight.
因为我得为约会做准备，我得回到我的"战斗体重"
Sophie, what do you mean you're getting ready to date again?
苏菲，你说准备跟人约会是什么意思
Oh, well, there's some really cute new guys down at the Polish club.
在波兰酒吧那，有几个真心不错的新帅哥
And... oh, my gosh, one in particular is like a cross between Vin Diesel and Viggo Mortensen.
而且，老天，还有一个长得特别像范·迪塞尔和维戈·莫特森的混合版
Yeah, so rich and handsome you almost don't notice the wheelchair.
没错，又富又帅，让人都快忘了他还坐着轮椅
Hard to resist a man in New York who's got his own ride.
在纽约有"车"的男人实在难以抗拒啊
I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. Oh, then don't.
抱歉，我不是故意要打听。那就闭嘴
It's just what about you and Oleg? He thinks you two are a couple.
那你和奥列格算什么呀？他以为你俩是情侣呢
A couple? No, this is crazy talk.
情侣？不，这话也太扯了吧
I mean, yes, we have had some hot, dirty sex in a few kitchens and toilets, and...
没错，我们曾有过火♥辣淫秽的性♥爱，比如在厨房和厕所
On the floor of a sandwich shop in the subway.
在地铁站的三明治店地上
Plus twice we did it like dogs on the hallway stairs and on every smooth surface in my apartment.
还有两次是在走廊楼梯用狗狗式，以及在我公寓的每一平面
But I mean, come on. I mean, that's it. I'm a lady.
可拜托，仅此而已。我可是位淑女
Sophie, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but for Oleg, it's not just about sex.
苏菲，真不敢相信我会说这种话，但对奥列格来说，你们之间不只是性
He feels things for you. I know for a fact he's buying you a special gift. Tell her, Max.
他对你有爱意。我还知道他为你准备了份特殊的礼物。告诉她，麦克斯
Well, he mentioned something about a fur,
他是有提过是皮草类的啦
and tonight when he was talking about you he did use the word "love."
而且今晚当他说到你的时候，也的确用了"爱"这个词
Love? Come on, don't ruin my cupcake buzz. I mean, this man has no future.
爱？拜托，别破坏我的蛋糕雅兴。这个男人没有未来
Of course, he does have a giant penis. But no future.
虽然他有根"大鸟"。但没未来啊
I mean, I've worked hard to get where I am. I need a man who has a dream and a drive.
我辛苦打拼才获得今天的成就。我需要一个有梦想有冲劲的男人
And I can buy a big giant penis online for $47. Really? Add to cart.
而且电动"大鸟"在网上才卖47块钱。真的吗，马上加入购物车
Well, then you have to tell him you're not interested in going any further.
那你必须告诉他你没兴趣跟他走下去
Oh, all right, don't worry. I will.
好吧，别担心，我会的
Yeah, I mean, I need this man in my life like I need breast implants.
我是说，这个男人对我而言就跟隆胸一样
Which is like... Not at all, right?
就是...，根本没必要嘛，对吧
Here's another W-2, H&R blonde.
这有另一张W-2表，税务金发妞
Thank you. Max, you worked at a Mexican restaurant in long island city?
谢谢。麦克斯，你还在长岛的一家墨西哥餐馆工作过啦
Oh, my God, don't be so judgmental.
天啊，你别戴有色眼镜行不行
Mira, look! I just found a receipt for shoe insoles and double-stick tape. Work expense.
快看！我刚找到一张鞋垫和双面胶的收据。工作花销
Again, senorita, not a write-off.
再说一遍，小姐，这不能核销
Like when you asked if you could claim your pot dealer as an entertainment expense.
跟刚才你问能不能把买毒钱以娱乐花销退税一样
So I was wrong. We've all got our talents.
所以我错了嘛，我们都有各自的天赋
You're great at doing paperwork, and I'm great at baking and finding places to have sex at carnivals.
你擅长做文书工作，而我擅长烘培和在嘉年华找做♥爱的绝佳地点
Just add that to the pile I'm calling "evidence for your future audit."
把这个放进我命名为"你未来审计的证据"那一类
Not there, that's Earl's tax return. Can I see a copy of what you filed last year?
不是那里，那是厄尔的退税单。我能看一眼你去年的报税单吗
Ugh... I didn't file last year. Or the year before or any year ever.
我去年没报税。前年也没有，之前每一年都没有
Wait, you've never paid your taxes?
等等，你从来没纳过税吗
No, I've never filed my taxes. I've paid taxes. I see it on my check.
我只是从来没报过税。我纳过税啊，我在支票上有看到
$8 to the state, 15 in federal income, 6.23 to Fica, whoever that lucky bitch is.
8块给国家，15块给联邦收入，6.23块给"社宝"，那贱♥货真幸运。
Max, why didn't you tell me the severity of this last night?
麦克斯，你昨晚怎么不早说你这惨况啊
Um, maybe you haven't noticed, but I have issues around money.
你难道不知道，我对钱的事一窍不通吗
Every year, I say I'm going to file, and then I put it off and put it off
每一年，我都下决心要报税，然后拖延症病发，一直拖拖拖
until the day it's due, like today, and then I sit down with a 1040 and my W-2s,
拖到截止日期的那一天，比如今天，我就拿着1040表和W-2表坐下来
and right around the fourth question, I'm like, screw it!
回答到大概第四个问题，我就会心想，管它去死
I'm gonna watch old soul train clips on youtube before work.
还是趁上班前，看几段《灵魂列车》的视频吧
And then I feel like a loser until tax day is over.
直到报税日结束，一直觉得自己是废柴
And then I'm like, who cares? I'm awesome. I'll do them next year.
之后就想，管它去死，老娘最棒了。明年再好好报吧
So what you're telling me is your finances are as messy as your purse.
所以你的意思是你的财务跟你的包包一样乱吗
Careful now! Starting to get a little hot up in here.
小心你的用词！开始有点剑拔弩张啊
Fine, I don't care. I just want you to get your taxes done.
算了，随你便。我只希望你能好好报税
Now throw away all of your useless garbage into this trash can.
先把这些没用的"垃圾"资料扫进垃圾桶算了吧
You know what, I'm just gonna go to that pop-up tax place near the diner.
算了，我还是去餐馆附近的快速报税中心让人帮吧
And I'll throw my "useless garbage" in the dumpster on the way out.
然后顺路把我的"没用的垃圾"扔进垃圾堆
Wait, you're gonna spend like $100 to have someone do your taxes when I'm sitting right here.
你都有我这大师在这了，却打算花100块去请人帮你报税啊
The amount of money I'll spend down there is nothing compared to the amount of money
请人报税的那点钱跟我在与你核算税费时
I'd have to spend on weed to survive doing taxes with you.
为了要消气而买大♥麻的钱相比，便宜太多
Good afternoon, girls. Hello.
下午好，姑娘们。你们好
I hope Sophie and I's wild lovemaking didn't keep you up all night.
希望我们昨晚床战三百回合时没有吵到你们睡不着
We wanted to come down and show you the gift I just gave Sophie.
我们下来是想给你们看看我送苏菲的礼物
Yeah, look, girls. Look at my gift. It's got a leg.
对啊，瞧，姑娘们，瞧我的礼物。还有腿呢
Wow, I didn't think you two were the couple type.
我还以为你俩算不上情侣呢
We are going into Manhattan for fruit cocktail and champagne. Want to join? Hell, yeah!
我们准备去曼哈顿吃点什锦水果沙拉，喝点香槟了。想一起吗？好啊
No, Max, you're doing your taxes.
不行，麦克斯，你得报税
Oh. My mother says I can't come out. Have fun.
我妈不让我出去玩。你们好好玩吧
This means nothing!
这算不了什么！
I can't believe you're putting your financial future into the hands of a hipster tax place called "The Tax of Life."
我不敢相信你把你财政的未来交给一个名为"税收生活"的嬉皮士报税中心
You know how the old proverb goes.
俗语道
"You take the good, you take the bad. You take what's left, and there you have the tax of life."
"有好生活，有坏生活，而剩下的，就是税务生活
43! Number 43.
43！43号
And remember, if you need any help, I'm acquainted with your finances.
记住，如果你需要任何帮忙，我是最熟悉你财务的人
And I'm acquainted with your attitude. Don't say a word. I'm 43.
我也是最熟悉你态度的人。把嘴闭上吧。我是43号。
'Sup, 43? I'm Kyle. I'm your tax bro.
你好呀，43号。我是凯尔，你的报税兄弟
Hi, I'm Max and this is my mute friend Caroline.
我是麦克斯，她是我的哑巴朋友卡洛琳
I already started to fill out the 1040 and I have my W-2s from this year. Also some receipts.
我已经开始填1040表，这里我今年的W-2表。还有一些收据
Well, let's get started! Do you have a health savings account?
好咧，咱们开始吧。你有医疗储蓄账户吗
Definitely not. Oh, well, we can fudge that. I'll put you down for 500. Sounds good.
当然没有。没事，我们可以捏造一个。就把钱定在500块。可以
Fudge that? Fudge? I wasn't aware there was fudging in finance.
捏造医疗储蓄账户？我还真不知道原来财务是可以捏造的
Domestic production activities. Like condoms and stuff?
家庭生产活动。比如避孕套之类的吗
I guess. Talk about adjusted gross income, am I right? Am I right?
或许吧。咱们谈的是调整后的收入，对吧。对不对啊
Kyle, put me down for 250.
凯尔，这个定250块吧
250. Should I just put the cheese plate out for the IRS now?
250块。我该准备奶酪盘，恭候国税局大驾光临了吗
What about residential energy credits?
那居住能源退税呢
I bought some of those curly light bulbs once.
我买过几个节能灯泡
Oh, that's another 150 easily.
轻松搞定150块。
Sorry, Max, I can't stop myself. Money, finances... this is my thing.
抱歉，麦克斯，我实在忍不住了。钱，财务，我就是学这个的
If we were at a copper-plated jewelry sale, I'd let you take the wheel.
如果我们是要买铜镀金的首饰，我绝对放手让你处理
I can't sit back and watch you risk our financial future.
如果你要拿我们未来财务冒险，我就得管
You'll be dragging me into this with you and your tax bro. Excuse me, tax bro.
你和你的报税兄弟肯定会拖我下水的。闪开，报税兄弟
Oh, my God, you wanna claim a residential energy credit? You don't even have a 5695 up here.
天啊，你要申请居住能源退税？你连5695表格都没有
Hey, your mute friend's all over this.
你的哑巴朋友很懂行嘛
You should let her do your taxes. She's way better.
你应该让她帮你报税。她比我强多了
No, that's cool, Kyle. I'm not gonna do this.
没关系，凯尔，我放弃了
One more year won't kill me. I'll just spend this money on pot.
再拖一年又不会死。我还是拿这钱去买大♥麻吧
That's an entertainment expense, BTW
对了，这属于娱乐费用哦
Max, don't give up yet. Let me help.
麦克斯，别放弃嘛，让我帮你
Look, it's already 9:00. We ran out of time.
现在已经9点了，我们没时间了
At least take a form and file an extension. The post office is open till midnight.
你至少拿张表，申请延期报税。邮局开到半夜12点呢
Max, you know you wanna change your finances. It's a step. You're right. Good idea.
麦克斯，你想改善你的财务状况不是吗，你得迈出第一步。你说得对，好主意
They have extension forms at the post office.
邮局就有延期申请表
We can pick one up when I drop off Earl's return.
帮厄尔寄报税单时，顺便拿一张就行
What? It's not here. It's not in my purse.
怎么了？不见了。不在我的包包里
Last time I saw it, it was on the coffee table before you came in with all your tax stuff. It must still be there.
我最后一次看见它是在我们的茶几上，在你拿出你所有的税务凭据之前。肯定还在那儿
Uh, no, you made me throw all that stuff out.
不，你让我把桌子上的东西都扔了
You threw out a 75-year-old man's tax return?
你居然扔掉一个75岁老人的报税单
You threw some papers out too.
你也有份扔的好不好
This is so not like me. The only thing I've ever lost is my virginity. What are we gonna do?
这太不像我了。我这辈子只搞丢过我的童贞。我们该怎么办
No, it's okay. Relax. No big deal. We just have to go home and climb through the dumpster.
没事，放轻松，没什么大不了。我们回家，爬进垃圾桶里找就行
No, seriously, what are we gonna do?
不，说真的，我们该怎么办？
Well, let's get to it. My garbage ain't gonna find itself.
咱们开始吧。我的垃圾不会自己跑出来的
Max, I can't. If I go in there, I will literally be white trash.
麦克斯，我做不到。如果我进去了，那我就真的成了垃圾白人了
Look, you're the one who had to butt in and get all "Wharton" With Earl.
瞧，是你非要插手，跟厄尔显摆你是沃顿高材生
If you had left him alone, it would be at the post office safe and sound.
如果你撒手不管，那报税单早就平安抵达邮局了
Fine. But to be clear, if we find a baby in there, you're raising it on your own.
好吧。但先声明一点，如果在里面发现弃婴，你自己把他抚养长大
Hey, it's already off to a better start than I had. There's food everywhere.
拜托，这弃婴的命比我好太多了。这里全是食物
Oh, hell, no! It's Tuesday... trash pick up!
靠，今天周二，垃圾要被收走了
Better get in and out or we'll be on a garbage barge to Coney island.
快进快出，不然我们会被送上去康尼岛的垃圾船
Come on, I'll give you ten fingers.
快点，我托你上去
My shoes. My dignity. My shoes. My hands are touching a dumpster.
我的美鞋，我的尊严。我的美鞋。我的手居然放在垃圾箱上
All right, on the count of three, I'll push, you hoist yourself up.
好了，数到三，我往上一顶，你使劲一蹬
But really pull yourself up, or you won't make it.
但你得使劲把自己顶起来，不然你进不去
It's hell. I'm looking into hell. 1...2...3!
里面就是地狱，我正凝视着地狱。一，二，三
I wanted to scream, but it wouldn't come out.
我想大叫，却叫不出声
Okay, well, good luck. See ya. Max! I'm kidding!
随便你，祝你好运，回见。麦克斯！我开玩笑的啦
I'm coming around the back. I found a place to get a leg up.
我从那边进去，我发现一个可以踩的地方
Now? You just saw that now?
什么，你♥他♥妈现在才发现啊
Why'd you scream? You knew it was me.
你叫个屁呀，你明知道是我
That's the one I couldn't get out before.
这是刚才我叫不出来的那声
Oh, God, look at this mess. It's like looking for a dirty needle in a haystack, which I've done.
天啊，看看这乱的。如同要在大海捞一根用过的针，这事我试过了
Okay, start poking around. Look for familiar garbage.
好了，别闲着了，开始找眼熟的垃圾吧
"Familiar garbage"? I hate it in here. I wanna die.
"眼熟的垃圾"。我在里面痛不欲生，不如死了算了
It's not that bad. My mom and I once spent five hours in a dumpster
没那么糟糕。我和我妈有一次为了找她男友偷吃的证据
looking for proof that her boyfriend was cheating on her,
在垃圾堆里找了整整五个小时
and all we found was a scratch-off worth a $1.50 and a beach towel.
结果我们只发现一个中了1块5的刮刮乐和一条浴巾
And then, we used that $1.50 to take the towel to the laundromat.
然后我们用那1块5把浴巾拿到自助洗衣店洗干净
12 years later, you and I use that very towel to dry ourselves off after a shower.
12年后，我们每次洗完澡擦身子用的正是那条浴巾
Well, I'm standing on a stranger's cold sesame noodles with egg shells stuck to my ankles. You win, Max.
我现在站在陌生人的麻酱冷面上，脚踝处还有碎蛋壳。你赢了，麦克斯
What does that have to do with me?
这关我屁事呀
It means I'm officially standing in your purse.
这意味着我正式踏进了你的包包
How about more real garbage, less Caroline garbage? Caroline garbage?
何不多干实事，少点抱怨。谁抱怨了
You have been dumping on me all day.
你都跟我抱怨一天了
Me? What have I done? "Max, you didn't file...ever?"
我，我♥干嘛了？"麦克斯，你从没...，报过税吗"
I didn't say it like that. And you didn't file ever. Is that my fault?
我的语气才不那样呢。而且你的确从没报过税，这也能怪我吗
Yes! This is all your fault. Before I met you, I didn't even think about a future.
能，都怪你！在我认识你之前，我从来没想过未来会如何
Now I have a future, and I'm standing in a dumpster!
现在我不但有了未来，还站进了垃圾箱里
You are not the only one standing in a dumpster. And... get a new purse.
站进垃圾箱的，又不止你一个。另外，去买个新包吧
If you had been able to find a stupid stamp in that horrid thing,
要是你当时能在那可怕的包包里找出一张破邮票
I would've never even seen Earl's taxes and I wouldn't be standing in a dumpster.
我就不会看见厄尔的税单，更不会沦落到站进垃圾箱
Max, no, no, no! I will never, ever recover from that!
麦克斯，别，别，别！我心里会有阴影一辈子的
Red bulls? Red bulls? Are those our red bulls?
红牛罐，红牛罐，那些是我们喝的红牛吗
Where? Yes! Yes! That's my garbage! That's my garbage! Get over here!
哪里？没错，那是我的垃圾！那是我的垃圾，快过来
If we find it, we'll have enough time to shower and get to the post office.
如果现在找到，我们还有时间回去洗个澡，再去邮局
Earl's taxes! Earl's taxes!
厄尔的税单，厄尔的税单
Next! Next!
下一个！下一个！
This is unbelievable. Everyone trying to get their taxes filed by midnight.
真不可思议。大家都想赶在半夜前把自己的税单寄出去
Wow, I haven't seen this much last-minute licking since the cops raided that Thai massage parlor.
哇，自从上次警察突袭泰式按♥摩院后，我再也没见过这么多"舔"最后一口的人
I'll grab an extension form. You get in line.
我去拿一张延期申请表，你去排队
The line's longer than I expected. No, we have to file. She's nursing. Don't worry. We're fine.
这队伍比我想象中要长。不，我们一定得报税。他在吃奶。别担心，我们没事
I'm a bum. She's got a baby hanging off her nipple and her taxes are done.
我就是个懒蛋，人家还有个孩子在吸奶，可她的税都弄好了
Max, you can't compare yourself to other people. You'll do it your way.
麦克斯，别拿别人跟自己比。你有你的步调
And there's a blind guy. No eyes, taxes done.
那还有个瞎子。看都看不见，人家税也报好了
I guess he wasn't distracted by youtube clips.
可能人家不会被在♥线视频分心
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're filing an extension, and then you'll get them done.
别对自己这么苛刻。你申请了延期，之后就会报上了
You say I'm going to file, but will I? I say I'm going to clean out my purse, but do I?
你说我会补报税，可我真的会吗？我还说我要整理我的包包呢，可我做了吗
Sophie says she's gonna tell Oleg, but did she?
苏菲还说她会跟奥列格坦白，可她说了吗
An extension is just another excuse for me to put it off and create a bigger mess.
申请延期只是个让我推迟报税，然后把事情弄得越来越糟的借口
Hey, Max. What's up?
麦克斯，你好吗
Bob. Wow, what are you doing here?
鲍勃，你怎么在这儿
Oh, I just filed my taxes like everyone else. Bob had a good year. Ha.
就跟其他人一样，来报税呗。鲍勃今年盆满钵满啊
Who was that? My dealer.
那是谁？我的药头。
Forget the extension. If my pot dealer can file, I can file.
去他的延期。如果我的药头可以报税，那我也可以
We still have half an hour.
我们还有半个小时
Run home and get my W-2s while I stay in line and fill out the 1040.
我边排队边填1040表，你跑回家把我的W-2表拿过来
Maybe I should stay and fill it out, and you can run home.
要不我呆着这儿帮你填，你跑回家拿
No, I have to do this. Don't worry, if I get stumped, I'm surrounded by procrastinators.
不，我得亲力亲为。别担心，如果我不会填，我周围都是拖延症者
One of them will help... eventually. Okay, here's a pen.
总会有人...，帮我的。好的，那笔给你
I'm gonna go drop off Earl's return in the slot, and I'll be back as soon as I can. Okay.
我去把厄尔的报税单投进邮筒，然后我会尽快赶回来。好。
Uh, hi, can you hold my place while I get a tax form for this year?
你好，我去拿今年的报税单时，能帮我占一下位置吗
Oh, cutting it close. You're worse than me. Go, I got your back. And she's got your front.
时间掐得真紧，你比我还拖拉。快去，我帮你占着后面。前面被她占着
So I add up all these lines and put the total here?
我把所有项都加起来，然后在这里填个总数吗
Right. What about student loans?
没错。学生贷款呢
Yes, and I paid mine off this year.
对，我今年还清了
Then claim it. That interest is a huge write off. Put down $436 on line 33.
那记得报上。销掉那个利息可以省下一大笔钱呢。在33行写上436块
Post office is closing! No!
邮件要关门咯！别啊
My friend just texted me. She's almost here. Please, I have to file this year.
我朋友刚发短信给我，她马上就到。求你了，我今年必须得报税
Midnight is midnight! Boo!
时间到了就是到了！去死吧！
Oh, please, I have six children at home. This is nothing.
拜托，我家里还有6个孩子呢。你们吓唬谁啊
Here! I'm here, I'm here! What time is it? 30 seconds.
来了，我来了，我来了，几点了？还剩30秒
Make room, make room. Stapler, stapler.
借过，借过。订书机，订书机
10... Sign it! Sign your 1040! 9... Where?
十...签名，快把你的1040表签了！九...签哪里
8...7... 6... Fold! Fold, you bastard! 5...4... 3... 2... No stamp. What?
八，七，六...我在折，我在折了，你个混♥蛋！五，四，三，二，没邮票哦。什么
It's cool. I got ya, boo.
没关系，我帮你贴啦
I did it! I filed my taxes! Everybody can suck it!
我做到了，我把税报了！大家都吃屎去吧！